Michel's List
by Athena1440
Summary: Blinded in a car accident, Kurt Hummel is convinced his life is over. Can a chance encounter with an old nemesis at the Lima Bean change his mind?
1. Chapter 1 Chance Encounter

**Pairing: **Sebastian Smythe and Kurt Hummel

**Rating:** M (It's going there so better be safe)

**Disclaimer:** We own nothing Glee related. Ryan Murphy is a genius.

**Reviews:** _Reviews are love!_Please share the love!

**Athena's Note:** Story is co-written with CeredwenFlame. Edited by redlizzie and Mercedies. Thanks for everything ladies.

If anyone else is interested in editing Michel's List or any other story, please let me know!

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**Michel's List**

**Chapter 1 -**Chance Encounter

After the accident, Kurt Hummel heard voices and whispers but saw nothing. The car crash that broke his leg, both arms and nearly killed him also robbed him of his eyesight, leaving him in darkness. Once he recovered the use of his limbs and after extensive physical therapy, he returned to Lima, OH, leaving the glamorous world of fashion behind. For the fifth time in his life, Kurt Hummel literally had everything he loved torn away from him. There was no use in the world of design for a blind designer. Though Isabelle and his co-workers put on a brave face and assured him he'd soon be back to work, Kurt was not optimistic.

The longer Kurt lived without his eyesight the more depressed and withdrawn he became. The depression allowed him to justify playing the helpless victim. He refused to learn to use a cane or read Braille. He barely ate on his own. Getting dressed was frustrating because he couldn't see any of his clothing. He had to get Carole to pick out his outfits and he had to remember what he owned from memory. It became so bad that Kurt refused to talk to any of his friends, and shut himself away in his room. Finn would come and feed him to make sure that he ate his food.

His family finally staged an intervention and forced him out of the house. It was either that or admit him to a psychiatric hospital. Burt would be damned if he let that happen. So, Finn armed Kurt with Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban on tape, his favorite Harry Potter book, and dropped him off at the Lima Bean where he ordered Kurt a coffee and forced the man to sit at a corner table. "I'll be back in an hour," he said to Kurt, "by then you should be finished with at least a few chapters of the book and the coffee. If you need the bathroom, just shout for Amy. She'll take you to the door. You can do this, Kurt. I know you can," Finn said kissing Kurt's forehead before leaving the coffee shop. So, there Kurt sat alone, surrounded by people, but alone in his own darkness. He had one ear-bud in, listening to the story while the other ear focused to the sounds of the Lima Bean.

Sebastian had heard of the accident. Kurt was still friends with several of the Warblers. Sebastian remained in contact with a couple of them, Jeff and Nick to be precise. Really he couldn't get rid of either of them, not that he tried to anymore. He valued their friendship. Of course, Jeff adored Kurt, so all Jeff could talk about for weeks was the tragedy that had befallen Kurt. He wasn't sure how to feel about the information. It brought back uncomfortable flashbacks of that horrid prank gone wrong where he'd nearly blinded Blaine. Nearly but nearly was not blind. He didn't hate Hummel, not like he'd once pretended to. Oh sure, he could quip with the best of them, but in all honesty the only reason he'd really done it was because Hummel gave back as good as he got. It was a refreshing change of pace to play against someone that had skills that were up to snuff.

Though Jeff talked about Kurt and the accident constantly, he never really spoke of the details behind the accident. In fact, no one was talking about the details. This only served to make Sebastian more curious. His curiosity led him to do a bit of research to see if Hummel's condition was permanent. He didn't care. Really, he didn't. He was just curious. From what Sebastian had read, it could go either way. The loss could be temporary or permanent and no amount of time was going to truly make a difference one way or the other. Either Kurt's body would eventually repair the damage and his sight would return or it wouldn't. It was, theoretically, as simple as that. He couldn't help but think that sucked a great deal. He'd heard of some of the things Kurt had been through in his life, mostly from Jeff. Hummel had had it pretty rough and this was just one more thing. So okay, maybe he felt bad for the guy, no one deserved to have that much shit happen to them.

He was back in the area helping Smythe Senior launch his private law firm, so he figured he would pay a visit to a few of his old haunts. He was clad in a nice pair of khaki pants, a casual dark green Polo shirt and loafers. He looked good! More importantly, he knew he looked good. He was, of course, a lawyer now and had become accustomed to dressing in three piece suits and this was often as casual as he got anymore. Going to the Lima Bean, he could have been dressed in jeans and a t-shirt and no one would have cared, but Sebastian had standards. Imagine his surprise when upon entering he saw none other than Kurt Hummel sitting in a corner seat. He walked to the counter, ordered a double espresso, and thought 'what the hell.'

As he approached, he took in the scene before him. As a lawyer he'd learned to pay attention to every last detail because one little thing could make or break a case. Kurt had his iPod in his lap, one ear-bud in his ear. He was dressed impeccably and Sebastian wondered for a moment how much it must gall Kurt to no longer be able to see his clothing. The old Sebastian would have delighted in that misery. The newer, more mature Sebastian felt sympathy. He slowly approached Kurt's table. "Well if it isn't Kurt Hummel. Who would have thought that we would both end up here on the same day? Though neither of us has lived in Lima for a number of years now," Sebastian commented only slightly teasing Kurt. He knew Kurt would recognize his voice, but he wondered how Kurt would react.

Kurt's finger tapped the screen of the iPod to pause it. The story was just getting to the good part, the part where Sirius Black meets Harry Potter for the first time. He pulled the ear-bud from his ear and let it fall into his lap as he tried to pinpoint the direction of the voice that had spoken to him, but that still often remained a relatively unsuccessful pursuit for him. He didn't need the direction of the voice to know the source, however. "Sebastian?" he asked a bit softer than he intended and his voice broke at the end from lack of use.

Every other one of his senses had gotten sharper and more pronounced especially his hearing. That's why Kurt had taken to whispering because he always felt like he was shouting rather than talking. Realizing that his arch nemesis from high school was seeing him in this broken state embarrassed Kurt and he felt his cheeks flame. "Wha...What are you doing here in Lima?" Kurt asked, his voice shaking at the beginning and at the end of the sentence. He forced himself to push through his discomfort as his brain flashed him images of how Sebastian looked back in high school. He couldn't help wonder, just for a moment, if Sebastian had changed at all since then.

The tell tale signs. Kurt couldn't turn his head towards Sebastian's face because, in the din of the coffee shop, he wasn't able to make out where Sebastian's voice was coming from. Sebastian watched the blush cross over Kurt's skin and figured it must be due to the fact that they were once rivals and Sebastian was seeing him in this weakened state. However, Sebastian didn't see it as weak, just different. His mother's father was blind and he got along just fine. In fact, his grandfather hated it when anyone assumed he couldn't do something for himself. It took his grandfather time and sometimes he had to ask for help, but he could do all sorts of things and most of them better than sighted people. For example, he could tell you how many steps it took to move in his environment or if a fruit was ripe just by its scent and sound.

Sebastian was purposely loud when he drew out the chair across from Kurt, to give him a clue of his location. "My father is opening his own law firm. He wanted to for a while, but he didn't have the time as States Attorney. Now that he's semi-retired he has time to devote to running a law firm. So, of course, my help was required to get it up and running," he chuckled. "I hope you don't mind I've joined you. The Lima Bean's more packed than it is on Valentine's Day," Sebastian commented giving Kurt a memory to fill the absence of sight. He said nothing else, didn't ask awkward questions. He just left things there...for now.

"It isn't entirely accurate what you said," Kurt blushed as he corrected Sebastian. "I've made Lima my home again," he touched a finger to his sunglasses. An awkward silence descended. When Kurt couldn't handle it anymore, he cleared his throat and commented, "I heard from Niff you were a lawyer now," using the conglomerate name of their two mutual friends.

Sebastian chuckled at the moniker for their friends. "Yes. Not all that long ago, I passed the Bar. They had a big party for me in Boston. I'm well-respected for someone so new to the business, but I still have a long way to go before I can make partner," he explained.

"Are you going to work for your father then? Or is this just a short visit to lend your assistance?" Kurt really didn't know why he was being so curious, but for the first time in months he felt like talking. He fiddled with the cord of his iPod as he tried to focus on Sebastian in front of him and not on all the external noise.

"Oh, God! No! My father and I would kill each other. Mother has expressly forbidden us to work in the same firm. That is not to say that I wouldn't be able to take over his firm some day, but he'll have to hand it over and never set foot in the building again or mother will kill us both," Sebastian laughed. "I'll be here for a couple weeks. There's the celebration and my father wants me to help get a few things set up. Which translates to free manual labor, but I don't mind. It will give me an excuse to have my mother cook some of my favorite dishes while I'm here."

Kurt knew there were plenty of blind people that were very independent, but still Kurt hated being one of them now. 'As if I'm not already a walking cliché,' he thought bitterly to himself, the easy state of feeling sorry for himself and his circumstances creeping back in like an old friend. He wondered what the Lima Bean looked like today, wondered if it was sunny outside. He wondered if Carole had dressed him in the right red silk shirt, wondered what Sebastian looked like, what he was wearing. Certainly the cologne he had on made him smell very good, a musky cederish smell that Kurt found incredibly tantalizing.

"I still can't believe how the Lima Bean hasn't changed at all. It's like I stepped back in time to Senior Year of High School. The tables look new, but they're still the same old style. The cushions on the chairs are still the same color stripes. Margo is still manning the counter with an iron fist apparently. There are some new faces, but other than that the place itself hasn't changed at all," Sebastian marveled. Of course, the increased level of detail was really only for Kurt's benefit.

"I see your style has improved. That's a great shade of red for you, just the right tone. It doesn't wash you out and it accents the red-lights in your hair," Sebastian complimented Kurt. "I'm so glad your Puerto Rican Pride Float days are behind you," he teased, but the teasing was light. It wasn't meant to cut, just to get a chuckle out of the sullen man across from him.

Kurt was thankful for the sunglasses he was wearing that hid the glistening in his eyes. It was like Sebastian had read his mind. Kurt wanted to laugh and cry and hug the man sitting in front of him all at the same time, which was a strange combination of feelings for someone that used to be his nemesis. "Thank you," he managed to strangle out and found his voice trembling more than usual.

Sebastian was far more perceptive than most people realized. It enabled him to go for the jugular in the past and enabled him to do so much more now. He caught the tone and figured out what he was being thanked for pretty easily. "No problem," he said simply, the smile evident in his voice.

"So, how are Niff doing?" Kurt asked after clearing his throat. He needed to change the subject so he didn't end up feeling like a complete idiot in front of Sebastian.

"Oh God. Annoying and cloyingly sweet as ever. Giving the world over cavities just from proximity alone," he said, rolling his eyes. "Both are doing well. They went through a rough patch recently, but they worked it out. I think you know that Jeffy is still working on his residency."

Kurt nodded and asked about Nick to keep up the conversation, even though he already knew the answer to the general information he was asking. He also had an inkling that Sebastian knew that he knew, but Kurt couldn't be sure without seeing Sebastian's face. Damn lack of eyesight! "Nick finished Harvard Law with you, right?"

"He did. We're even in the same firm together in New York. Good thing too, wouldn't want to be rivals with him. I mean yes, I could still end up against him, but at least if he's in the same firm, it's still a win for us. He's gotten quite scary I should warn you. You think I'm good at arguing. Nick gives me a damned good run for my money. Sometimes he beats me and I'm not even ashamed to admit it," Sebastian chuckled. The sound was infectious.

"I hear tell from a little birdie that there might be talk of wedding plans in the near future," Sebastian added. "Though Niff refused to tell me anything on the matter, they fear being teased for some ungodly reason. Personally, I hope they do get married. I mean they've been together since the sandbox. They'll never agree on a designer though," he commented offhandedly to test the waters a little.

Kurt smiled knowing that part was true. Nick's style was mute and understated and decidedly male while Jeff's was happy and flamboyant. Jeff would wear Hawaiian shirts in a multitude of colors every day if he could. Kurt suddenly felt an overwhelming sadness as he remembered, "they always talked about me planning their wedding."

Sebastian figured as much. He did something then that would likely shock Kurt for a number of reasons, but Sebastian was not devoid of empathy, he just usually ignored it. He reached across the table and slowly, giving Kurt time to pull away if he chose, took Kurt's hand in his own. "Then you will. You know Niff, Kurt. If they've decided that you're planning their wedding then they won't settle for anyone else. It will be you or they just won't get married," Sebastian teased, but there was truth in the words. If Jeff wanted Kurt to plan his wedding, then Jeff would never accept anyone else and because Nick loved Jeff to pieces he would give Jeff what he wanted.

Kurt wanted to say something but he heard someone clear their throat above him and from the sheer height and distance of the voice he knew it was Finn. "Am I interrupting something?" Finn asked. The tone of his voice held a mixture of relief and apprehension – Kurt was socializing but with someone totally unexpected. Apparently, Finn had not forgotten the picture incident from high school.

"Not at all, we were just catching up," Sebastian said politely, smiling as he looked up at Finn.

If Finn had been overprotective of Kurt before, he was ten-fold worse now. He eyed Sebastian warily before reluctantly holding out his hand to him. "Sebastian," he said inclining his head slightly. "Unfortunately, I have to tear your company away from you. It's time we were getting home. Mom's waiting with dinner," he whispered in Kurt's ear like it was a secret. Kurt was pretty sure at least Sebastian heard him if not half of the café. At least Finn was trying to be sensitive to this whole acute senses thing. "Say goodbye," Finn said to Kurt as he helped the smaller man to his feet.

"I understand. Well, I'm in town for a couple weeks. Perhaps we can run into each other at the Lima Bean again. We did both used to half live here, after all. It was good seeing you again, Kurt, and you too Finn," he said as he half stood from his seat and watched as Finn tried to be helpful, but was kind of oafish about it.

"Bye, Sebastian," Kurt said holding out his hand hesitantly in the direction that Finn had turned him, guessing that he was facing Sebastian. "Thank you so much for keeping me company," Kurt said politely, but it didn't escape Sebastian's notice that all the passion and fight that he so once adored in Kurt was now gone.

Sebastian took Kurt's hand in his and he couldn't help himself. It was more to mess with Finn than anything really, though he hoped Kurt wouldn't mind the gesture. He brought Kurt's hand to his lips and gently pressed a kiss to the back of it. "It's been a pleasure, Princess," purposely using the first word Kurt had ever spoken to him and one of his favorite nicknames for Kurt. He thought about calling Blaine to find out just what happened to the spitfire, but thought better of it. He would figure it out on his own, even if he had to engineer ways to run into Kurt for the next few weeks. Flames that once burned so brightly should never be allowed to fade to embers.


	2. Chapter 2 Her Name Is Reine

**Chapter 2** - Her Name Is Reine

The next time Kurt heard the voice, he was sitting in his father's shop. John Mellencamp was playing from the well worn CD as he listened to the clanking of the shop and the voices that surrounded him. Actually, he'd gotten much braver at getting out and trying new things since that first encounter with Sebastian at the Lima Bean. He wondered where the man was now and why he hadn't seen him since then. He also wondered, as he often did in the past couple of days, why he couldn't seem to stop thinking about Sebastian Smythe.

The problem with living in New York was that no one took care of his car while he was gone. They would run it every once in a while, but his beautiful, black Ford Mustang GT was in desperate need of a tune up. There were other shops he could have gone to but he was already on his way towards the Lima Bean, so he took his Mustang to Hummel Tire and Lube. He explained the situation to the person who greeted him.

"I'm afraid I've been out of the state for a while. I entrusted my baby to the care of my parents. Clearly, I was remiss in that judgment. I am hoping all she needs is a tune up, but if she needs anything else, by all means, please fix her. I don't get to drive her in New York. Having a car there is pretty much pointless, but I do drive her when I return home to see my family. I'd like to keep her in good condition," Sebastian explained.

Burt looked the man over and smiled to himself. Just the fact that this rich, well-dressed, New Yorker referred to his car as a women told Burt that he had a certain sort of special bond with his machine. Such people always seemed to worm their way into Burt's heart. He'd had several cars in his lifetime. Of course, all of them were women and all of them had been his babies. On another note, Burt's gaze flicked over the stranger and it struck him just how much Kurt would like this sort of man if Kurt could actually see him. The thought cast a shadow over Burt's mood. He quickly wiped it away and focused on the customer in front of him. "Of course, I'm the owner here and I'll take a look at her personally," Burt assured the young man at the desk. "I'll even have my son listen to the engine," he jerked his thumb toward the back, "he grew up hearing the noises cars make. He can tell what's wrong with a car without even seeing it."

Sebastian was polite and cordial and shook Burt's hand. He was good at this sort of thing, being a lawyer he had to be. "Thank you, Mr. Hummel. I wish I could return to Lima more often but my work doesn't allow me to. I would bring my car to New York, but I fear she wouldn't get driven much more there. The metro or my own two feet seem to be the fastest mode of transportation in the City itself. Your son? He wouldn't happen to be Kurt Hummel - would he?" Sebastian inquired. "I went to Dalton. We have some friends in common, specifically Jeff and Nick. I'm Sebastian, Sebastian Smythe," Bas introduced himself.

"Ah yes, Niff! That explains a lot actually," Burt smiled back at Sebastian.

"I'm sure having grown up around cars, Kurt's very adept at noticing the differences...A handy talent...I'm afraid my own skills are far more limited. I can change a tire if I must and I can keep the fluids at their proper levels, but I fear little more than that," Sebastian commented.

Burt looked pleased with the fact that Sebastian could do anything around his own vehicle but he was even more pleased when he heard that Sebastian shared some friends in common with Kurt. Maybe hearing a familiar voice would help his son forget his troubles for a while. "Well, would you like to come back and say hi to Kurt? I'm sure he'd love to talk to a friendly voice," Burt said careful not to use any sight related euphemisms. Burt was always very sensitive about his son's feelings, but also incredibly honest.

Sebastian smiled at Burt. "That would be nice. We didn't get to finish our conversation at the coffee shop the other day."

Burt led him back into the back of the shop and flicked off the CD player on his way past. The loss of music, even Mellencamp, caused Kurt to sit up and take notice. "Dad? Everything okay?" he asked into the suddenly quiet shop.

"Fine, son," Burt's voice travelled from above him as his dad's big hands came to rest on his shoulders. Kurt always felt safer when he felt his dad's presence close to him. "You have a visitor," Burt announced, and Kurt couldn't wait to hear who it was.

"Hey, Princess," Sebastian teased with a smile in his voice that even Burt noticed. "It seems that my car's decision to require a tune up was timely. I get familiar company while she gets fixed," he chuckled.

"I would love to take my car to New York, but well I'm sure you know how pointless owning a vehicle in that City is. My parents promised they would take care of my car, but they haven't been doing a very good job of it. I nearly reached the Lima Bean when she started making a noise. I might not know what it really is but I know it can't be good, so here I am," Sebastian explained. Today, he was in slacks and a pullover. "So, how has your day been going? Better than mine I hope."

Kurt couldn't help but smile when he heard Sebastian's voice. He didn't even realize he'd been missing the sound. "It's great, my day, that is," Kurt answered truthfully. He loved spending time with his dad. Just talking to his dad while Burt and Lu worked on cars and Teddy changed oil was amazing. Everything was perfect, well almost perfect. Mellencamp had been on loop all day. He told Sebastian this and it earned him another chuckle. "So, do I get anything if I can tell from the noises your car is making what needs to be fixed?" he asked Sebastian wanting to know that his efforts would be rewarded.

"That would entirely depend upon what you want as a reward. Identifying noises is not worth a Prada bag, but it might be worth coffee at the Lima Bean or you get to ask any question you want and I have to answer truthfully. Unless, you have something else in mind for a reward," Sebastian said teasingly.

"Questions seem acceptable," Kurt conceded as he asked Burt if he could take a spin around the block with Sebastian. Burt already knew the car would make it around the block and back to the shop, so he agreed almost instantly. "Do you mind?" Kurt asked and when Sebastian didn't seem to mind he allowed himself to be led to the car.

Sebastian was a little surprised that Kurt allowed him to lead, but to anyone that had any experience doing so, it was clear that this was not Sebastian's first rodeo. Any time he was in France, it was Sebastian that his grandfather preferred to have as a guide because Sebastian wasn't overt about it. He made it seem casual and effortless, as natural as breathing. Of course that was largely due to the fact that his grandfather had trained him to his own liking. Nonetheless, Sebastian was always glad to do it.

Before Kurt climbed into the car, he splayed his hands on the hood and felt along it to the bumper smiling. "She's a Mustang GT," he said in appreciation. "Does she have a name?"

He was impressed that by feel alone Kurt got the model right. "That's a free question there. I watched your hands. You didn't touch over the things that would easily tell you what she is," Sebastian commented. "Her name is Reine," he said with a distinct French accent on the name, "Reine as in a queen and not as in water falling from the sky."

"Reine," Kurt tested the word on his lips as he felt the side of the beautiful machine and finally found the door handle.

"You actually say her name properly. You've kept up with French. Haven't you?" Sebastian inquired.

Kurt nodded just before he found the passenger side door. Opening it cautiously, he climbed inside only to hear the door pushed closed behind him. Sebastian started the engine moments later and began to drive her down the street. He didn't get two feet when the car jerked forward and sputtered. On the first right turn, it did it again and Kurt was sure. Sebastian winced as his car jerked forward and the sound of his hand patting the dash could be heard. He mentally apologized to his poor car for how she'd been neglected in his absence.

A smile spread across Kurt's lips as Sebastian made two more right turns and pulled back into his dad's shop. The door opened immediately and he knew it was Burt waiting for them. "I think the injection sensor is shot," Kurt told his father as he cautiously undid his seatbelt and lowered his feet to the pavement.

"If your friend will take you down the street for a coke, I'll gladly check out his car for him," Burt said nonchalantly, but inwardly he prayed for Kurt to have some distraction from his current condition. "That is if it's alright with you," Burt said turning to Sebastian who materialized beside Kurt.

Sebastian was quick to come around the other side of the car, the sound of his shoes on the pavement signalling his arrival. He didn't just barge into Kurt's personal space but put himself close enough for Kurt to be aware that he was there, his arm easy enough to take hold of, just as his grandfather had taught him.

"I don't mind at all, Mr. Hummel, so long as Kurt doesn't mind a meerkat accompanying him," he said sincerely, then turned his attention to Kurt.

Kurt felt the warmth rising to his cheeks as he tried to focus on the direction of Sebastian's voice. "I don't mind," he managed to stammer and was surprised when he felt a hand on his forearm guiding his hand to Sebastian's elbow. Kurt took a hold of it a bit hesitantly, and they began to walk. Sebastian was describing their surroundings. Kurt marvelled at the change in the man beside him and wondered how it was Sebastian felt so comfortable around blind people. "Sebastian," he asked hesitantly. "Could I have my free question now?" he knew what he really needed to ask first, but maybe Sebastian was just kidding with the questions. Still, none of this explained why the man that had caused him such grief in high school was now being so nice to him.

It was easy to just describe everything. He even told Kurt what he was wearing and the labels, knowing Kurt would appreciate Sebastian's more quality filled wardrobe now that the popped collars were definitely gone. It took Sebastian back to spending time with his grandfather, memories of walking down by the river, detailing every little thing and how much joy it brought the older man. Those had been simpler times. "By all means, Princess, ask away," he encouraged and waited patiently for the question.

"How is it you know just what to do with me so that I don't feel like I'm completely helpless?" Kurt blushed asking the question and then feeling like he hadn't made himself perfectly clear. "I mean, how is it that you really see me?" Well, that didn't sound any better. He huffed in exasperation, feeling his face flame and pushed the sunglasses up his nose further to hide his embarrassment. Sebastian's voice sounded so sexy and playful, but most importantly it sounded familiar. Kurt needed a word, but the word eluded him at the moment. He did appreciate the fact that Sebastian's style of dress had drastically improved. He found that the labels fit Sebastian's style, manly but classy.

"My grandfather, on my mother's side, has been blind ever since I can remember. I suppose you could say he trained me. He didn't like people being overly fussy with him. He preferred to do things on his own. If he needed help, he asked for it. So, I learned to flow with him instead of standing against him, if that makes sense. Whenever the family gets together, he will always call me out of all the grandchildren to be his guide. I remember being fairly young and walking with him along the Seine. He asked me to tell him what I saw, and I would describe the world around us to the best of my ability. I remember the smile on his face. I still go back to France often enough that I keep in practice," Sebastian explained.

"You're still Kurt Hummel. I don't see a blind guy. I just see you. Even blind, you still have more fashion sense than the tri-state area combined, but you're not quite you. You seem a little faded and I'm going to guess that it's because you don't know how you fit in the world anymore. You're still getting used to the change, but you will find a way to fit in as you always did. When you do, I'm sure the results will be amazing," Sebastian finished, blushing a little and thankful for the fact that Kurt couldn't see him.

Kurt was taken aback by the outpour of emotion from Sebastian. Sebastian saw the look on Kurt's face. He wondered how many people had told him anything remotely like that. He really did need to smack Blaine upside the back of his no–longer-quite-so-gelled head because the man had screwed up in how he'd handled Kurt. Of course, Sebastian's comments back in high school hadn't helped and he knew it.

Kurt finally found the word that he associated with Sebastian's voice and the way it made him feel so at ease, that word was home. Sebastian's voice centered Kurt and made him feel at home with himself. "Thank you," Kurt barely managed to choke out as the swell of emotion from Sebastian's words overtook him. In that moment, Sebastian's phone rang.


	3. Chapter 3 Stand Up Again

**Chapter 3** - Stand Up Again

It was his dad. Kurt could hear his voice through the phone. His hearing had become sharper since the accident. Sebastian conversed with Burt and told him to go ahead and start on the car. Whatever she needed, his parents were paying, since it was their fault she was in this foul state in the first place. Burt told Sebastian that it would take some time and that there was no need to rush back. Sebastian assured him that he and Kurt were fine before hanging up.

"Dad?" Kurt asked Sebastian once he hung up the phone. He knew that Burt had called to notify Sebastian about what was wrong with the car and how much it would cost to fix it. Sebastian told him that he was right that it was the sensor. "I guess that means I get one more question," Kurt said hesitantly as they kept walking slowly. He thought about what he wanted to know about Sebastian. Really, there was so much he wanted to know, but perhaps he would start with something that was burning inside of him. The curiosity was nearly killing him. "Sebastian," Kurt said hesitantly, a tremor in his voice, "have you...have you changed a lot since high school? I mean how you used to look?"

"You don't have to use your question for that. I'll just answer that one because you should know and since you can't see for yourself, I'll try to do the best I can. Save your question for something more important or at least better than wanting to know how much I've changed," Sebastian informed him. "Well, I didn't get much taller. I'm 6'2" now. I'm still very active. Though it isn't lacrosse, I do what I can to maintain my physique. I'm a little broader across the shoulders. My upper body is about as toned as my lower body was from lacrosse. I've balanced out a bit, I suppose you could say. The CW hair is gone. I've gone with a much more classic and timeless haircut. Still just a bit of a coif to it, but nothing exaggerated. You can feel it if you like. Do you do that with people yet? My grandfather would do it with the family use his hands to be his eyes, to an extent. Ummm...What else? Oh…Still the same green eyes. Smirk's a little less bastard, a little truer, with earned confidence. I shaved this morning, so no stubble. Yep, still pretty much me, just a little older," Sebastian explained.

Kurt shook his head to let Sebastian know that he'd never actually tried to 'see' with his hands. After some deliberation, Kurt decided that maybe he should be brave and try this. After all, there were so many worse faces to 'see' for the first time than Sebastian's. He tried to swallow but found that his throat was completely dry. He stopped walking and turned to his right, in the direction he assumed Sebastian was standing. "You'd do that for me?" Kurt asked, suddenly feeling a bit overwhelmed by Sebastian's extreme kindness and patience up until that moment. Everything was a little overwhelming.

"Come on. There's a bench about six steps to your left. It'll be easier if we're sitting. Not that I'm much taller than you. I think I've only got three inches on you, but you won't have to worry about anything else and it should help you focus more. I don't mind. I do it for my grandfather every time I go back to visit. He's always curious to know how much I've changed," Sebastian explained. He guided Kurt to the bench and sat down. Taking Kurt's hands, Sebastian placed them on his face and closed his eyes in order to let Kurt 'see' him.

Kurt took a breath before he allowed his fingers to ghost over Sebastian's face, tracing his forehead, his eyes, the bridge of his nose, and his cheeks. His breath hitched when the pad of his thumb traced over Sebastian's lips. He could feel the smile on them and it was so amazing. It was literally like he could 'see' Sebastian manifest in front of his eyes, like he was painting a picture with his fingers. Why hadn't Kurt done this before? Suddenly, he had an urge to 'see' his father again. He knew what he was going to do when he got home tonight!

He found he was holding his breath. When he released it, he had no control over the words that followed. "You're perfect," his voice sounded breathless. "I don't remember you being this good-looking even when I pictured you in my head." It was out before Kurt could stop it. Shocked, Kurt's hand flew to his mouth clamping over it. His face turned bright red. 'Oh God, did I just say that out loud?' Kurt thought, horrified. He wished more than ever before that the ground would swallow him whole.

Sebastian stayed as still as he could. He understood the process because he'd done it with his grandfather. At least Kurt had something to reference. Sebastian's grandfather had never seen him with his own two eyes, just his hands. He was a little surprised by the words that flew out of Kurt's mouth, but said nothing. He just took it all in until Kurt started blushing. "Nothing to be embarrassed about Kurt, time has been kind to me. Nice to know that you find me attractive though, just saying, but you... you're stunning. Despite what I said in the past, you always have been, just so you're aware," he said sincerely.

"Your grandfather is lucky, Sebastian," Kurt said desperately trying to change the subject. He couldn't believe he just admitted to Sebastian that he had thought about him in the past. He also couldn't believe that Sebastian called him stunning. Him - Kurt Hummel! New resident cripple. On the one hand, it felt nice to hear the words. On the other, he was sure that Sebastian was saying them strictly to be polite. Kurt knew that even before the accident, when standing next to Blaine, Sam, Mike, Puck and even Finn, he was always considered the Baby Penguin. Even Artie Abrams had more game than Kurt. Something squeezed around Kurt's heart, a kind of sorrow. He didn't want Sebastian's pity. The look must have registered on his face because he felt Sebastian squeeze his hand as a form of comfort.

"You don't believe me. All this shook your confidence, tore the rug right out from under you and now you don't even know how to be you anymore...It's sad...You need to get off the pity train to nowhere and join the rest of us in reality. Denial Town is doing you no favors. I see the same stunning visage, but all the fire's gone out of it. So, you have to learn new ways of doing things, you have to make some changes, and sure it's scary, but you're not even fighting to get anything back. Where did the Kurt Hummel that used to verbally bitch slap me every chance he got go?" Sebastian asked, knowing this was likely going to spark off an argument, but maybe Kurt needed someone to set the fire ablaze again.

With every word that Sebastian uttered, Kurt felt the anger inside of him rise. How dare Sebastian make light of what was happening to him. He acted like Kurt could just pick up where he left off. Didn't he realize that without his sight Kurt Hummel couldn't do what he loved and that meant he wasn't Kurt Hummel. He'd lost everything. So what if he was throwing himself a pity party? He was entitled to mourn the life he'd lost. Wasn't he? Where did Sebastian get off? "Who do you think you are?" the words flew out of Kurt's mouth instantly. "You think just because we exchanged a few insults in high school you know anything about me? You have no idea what I've lost," Kurt said scooting back on the bench away from Sebastian until his back hit the arm rest on the opposite side.

"I don't think you realize what I've lost and I may never get it back," Kurt's voice was rising with each word he spoke, "so don't you dare tell me to get off of the pity train. I'll stay on it for as long as I like, and you know nothing about me." Kurt felt the tears sting at the corners of his eyes and he blinked them rapidly away. He'd be damned if he was going to cry in front of this self-proclaimed shrink of a meerkat. "Get lost, Sebastian," Kurt said angrily. "I don't think I can sit here with you anymore."

There it was. Good, the fire hadn't gone out completely. "Someone who knows you and this timid, shrinking violet is not you. You were a wild rose complete with thorns. You were vibrant and alive and interesting. I know what you've lost. I'm friends with Niff, remember? I know how far you'd gotten into the fashion world and now you're adrift. I get it, but what you're doing isn't going to help you get any closer to getting any of it back. You lost the world as you know it, but right here, you sparking off at me proves that you're still in there somewhere, Kurt. The fire lives! Let it burn again," Sebastian coaxed.

"When I heard what happened to you, I did research. I'm curious like that. I wanted to understand what happened especially since my grandfather is blind. He wasn't always, but the family doesn't talk about what happened. He's been blind for as long as I've been alive so maybe they're done talking about it. There's always going to be a chance that your body will finally figure out how to fix the damage and you might get your sight back or medicine might be able to fix it for you. There's a world of uncertainty because no one can tell you if or when, so it's "just deal with it". Learn this whole new way of living life because we have no more information to give you - right?" Sebastian asked.

"You can't see so you can't sketch designs anymore. You can't pick fabric colors. You can't cut and sew and make your visions come to life. Not with your own two hands, you can't. Though you could probably learn to sketch again but someone else would have to do everything else for you. You're scared and you hate it and you're wondering why the world threw this horrible thing at you. You want to rail at the universe and ask why you have to keep picking yourself back up off the ground. It isn't fair, but it's what you have to deal with. If my grandfather could do it back when there were even fewer options available for people who had lost their sight, then Kurt Hummel should be making this problem his bitch already. But, you're letting it own you. Maybe you're just not mad enough to fight it yet. There will come a time, Kurt, when you're either going to have to lay down and let the world make you its bitch, or you're going to pick yourself back up and learn to fly again," he said with conviction mixed with just the right amount of venom.

Kurt felt the anger rising inside of him, again. Who the hell did Sebastian think he was? He didn't know anything about Kurt's life. Everything that Kurt wanted he had to claw his way to get. Sure, he dreamt of Broadway at some point, but that was long ago. Even theatre and stage wasn't something that you could do without your sight. There were cues, costume changes, hell even falling off of the stage. It was so easy for Sebastian to talk, so easy for him to sit there and give advice and tell cute little anecdotal stories of his grandfather, but he didn't have to live Kurt's life.

"Okay," Kurt said as a deadly calm crept over him. Suddenly, he knew the right question to ask and with it he knew his role and it hadn't changed. As always, Kurt Hummel was there to make someone else feel better about themselves. "Here is my question. Why are you here exactly? I mean, you're Sebastian Smythe, for God's sake. We hated each other in high school, so what exactly are you doing sitting here spending your time with me? I'm sure I can't be the only swanky act in town. I'm sure you have far better places to be than here."

He watched Kurt get angry, and watched the life come back to the faded man. If nothing else, Sebastian could provide a spark. He was exceptional in that capacity. "I've evolved, Kurt. I'm not the same jackass you knew and loathed when we were in school. I didn't hate you, no matter how venomous your words became. My motivation was never hatred. If I had truly hated you, I wouldn't have even wasted my breath. I enjoyed the challenge you represented. I enjoyed the mental battle, the verbal game of chess we played. I merely performed my part to keep that fiery discourse going," Sebastian explained truthfully.


	4. Chapter 4 Michel's List

**Chapter 4** - Michel's List

Kurt wondered about the man sitting across from him. Was it possible that this man had matured so much since they had last seen each other? What had caused him to mature like this? Kurt didn't have time to wonder because Sebastian was speaking again and Kurt was listening.

"I was engaged. I'm sure Jeff didn't get around to mentioning it because not long after Michel and I got engaged, I lost him. He returned to France to visit his ailing grandmother and there was a mugging. He tried to protect the woman the man had accosted first and it cost him his life. Just one of many lessons I've been handed since high school," he said sombrely. "But, if you'll remember back then, I said - it's all fun and games until it's not. Well, I stopped playing around even back then, Kurt. I've tried to put my life back on track. I stopped sleeping around. I stopped being a jackass. Now, the only time I really use that rapier wit is either with friends who expect it or in the courtroom where it's more appropriate. I'll never be some prince charming and I wouldn't want to be, but I've refined what I was, learned that such things have their time and place. The rest of the time I just strive to be the best version of myself I can be."

"As for why I am here talking to you...Life's short and you never know when it's going to be your time. I fucked up back then. I treated you poorly. You and I probably could have been good friends if I hadn't been such an asshole. Seeing you in the Lima Bean the other day, I figured what the hell. Maybe I could do it better this time around. Maybe I could show you who I really am instead of who I always pretended to be. Then I saw you so faded and it's just such a shame. You're such a vibrant personality Kurt, and I understand you've been through a lot, but I just want to see you being yourself again, the same sassy diva that used to verbally bitch slap me at every opportunity. He was something else," Sebastian mused, his words getting quieter, a little more introspective, perhaps. "But more importantly, I'm here because I want to be here."

Kurt wanted to speak but Sebastian had robbed him of that power. Instead, he took off the sunglasses and wiped at the corners of his eyes. He couldn't believe he'd been so insensitive. "I'm so sorry to hear about Michel. That...I don't know how you survived that...I don't know what I would have done if anything like that happened to me," Kurt shook his head as he replaced his glasses back on his nose.

"It's okay... I mean, it hurts, but I'm still here. Michel wouldn't want me to stop living my life because he's gone. You would have liked him. I think. He was feisty like you, not as flamboyant, but feisty. He kept me in line. He was a "grab life with both hands and hold on for the wild ride" kind of guy. I have a list of things that we said we would do together. Whether I find someone to come with me or I have to do them on my own, I intend to do what I can. Just because he's gone, doesn't mean I can't do things. If I try to tell myself that, I can just hear his voice in my head and see what he would do. He would slap me upside the head for being an idiot and then tell me to stop with the emo bullshit, get myself together, get back out there, and live my damned life. I owe him to be happy. I owe him to live my life to the best of my ability because he's not here to keep me in line and make me. I have to do all those things we said we'd do so that, wherever he is now, he still gets to see me do them. That way he's never completely gone," Sebastian explained, his voice quiet but filled with emotion.

"You've been through a lot too, Kurt and I get it. You have to go through stages. Get through all of the emotions of an incident before you can move past it. If you're not careful, you can get so bogged down that you don't get ahead of it again. When you do that, you start living half a life, you start fading a little more each day until all you're doing is existing. I miss Michel, I miss him like hell. There are still days when it feels like I can't breathe from the pain but I'm not dead yet so I can't live like I'm already gone. I don't want to drown in my past. I want to see what the future holds because you never know. Sure, it might be hard, but it might turn out to be more amazing than you imagined, too. Just take things day by day, one step at a time, and it gets a little easier. Each step you take into the future, each day you live, a little more of the overwhelming pain fades."

"I feel like such an idiot. Can I make it up to you? Are you free sometime this week? We can go somewhere, anywhere, your choice. I won't even complain or feel sorry for myself. I promise," Kurt offered on impulse, but when Sebastian said nothing he thought he overstepped. Surely Sebastian would have better things to do than hang out with blind, useless, pathetic Kurt. "If you don't want to...I understand," he stammered quickly giving Sebastian an out, "you must be very busy."

"You don't have to make anything up to me, Kurt. I was being an ass to bring out your spark again because I know that always did it in the past. I just wanted to see you come back to life. Thank you for the sentiment, however. If you really do want to spend time with me and not just because you found out I lost my fiancé then maybe we can work something out," Sebastian answered honestly, leaning back against the bench, his arms across the back of it and maybe Kurt would feel the warmth of his hand, considering its probably close enough now.

Kurt thought for a minute, really thought about the person that was sitting across from him. He was so different from the boy that Kurt remembered, and he so desperately wanted to know more about the man. Aside from the fact that Sebastian was open and free with his emotions, Kurt could see that he also had a very positive outlook on life. Kurt realized that Sebastian didn't want his pity over Michel just like Kurt didn't want Sebastian's pity over his eyesight. There was a fear rising within him at the thought of Sebastian leaving. Maybe it was because everything he'd said to Kurt up until this moment had been true. Maybe it was because Sebastian was the first person to 'see' Kurt when Kurt was unable to 'see' anything positive in himself. Kurt was paralyzed with fear that the feeling of finally being able to breath, allowing himself to be passionate and angry would somehow be taken away from him. No, he couldn't let it! An idea began to materialize in Kurt's mind. Sebastian was right. He did need to start living, and what better way to do it than this? He just hoped that the idea wouldn't anger Sebastian too much. "What's one thing on Michael's list?" Kurt asked hesitantly.

Sebastian watched the various emotions play over Kurt's face. Becoming blind seems to have made Kurt less guarded in some aspects. Not seeing people looking at him must have erased some of what had made Kurt closed off way back when. It was his turn to be caught off guard when Kurt asked him for one thing on Michel's list. He thought hard on it. The list was pretty long and covered a lot of things. "There is a lot. Some of it is simple, silly stuff and some are places we said we would travel to - all around the world. He loved to travel and had been doing so since he was little. He caught the gypsy bug from his mother. She was a wandering spirit too," Sebastian began.

"Visit every museum we come across, that is on there. I mean just in New York alone there are several. Picnic under the stars. Touch the Pyramids in Egypt. Climb the Acropolis. Visit Stonehenge. Go horseback riding in the Scottish Highlands. Act like tourists in Paris, though we were both fluent and have been there enough to not need to be tourists. Visit the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Volunteer in a homeless shelter when we can. Go to the library. Pick a random book, on a random shelf. Check it out and read it - even if you don't like it - try. Drink Guinness at a Real Irish Pub. Pretend to be someone else for a day. Go to an amusement park and try to ride everything in one day. Go to the mall and try on the most ridiculous outfits just because we can. Go to an animal shelter and volunteer to play with the animals," he listed off some of the more interesting points on the list after pulling out his phone to check what was on it. "Do any of those sound interesting to you?" Sebastian inquired.

"I'm not sure. I need to sleep on it," Kurt admitted and that's just what he did because Kurt's dad called Sebastian in the next moment signalling that the car was done. By the time they reached the shop, they'd put their differences aside and parted ways as friends. Several days later Kurt found himself at the public library, trolling the shelves of books. He'd begun to use a cane. He'd practiced all weekend and was getting quite good at it. He wanted to say he chose a book completely at random, but he had to admit that he did make sure that he was in the fiction section when choosing said book. Blind guy - poetic license and all that. He'd also like to say that he had more class than to request that his dad give him Sebastian's phone number from the bill that Sebastian signed, but again that just wouldn't be true.

However, before he had the courage to call Sebastian he took out a tape recorder and made a list of his own. Later, he asked Carole very politely to type out the list for him and print out two copies. Michel, though he'd never met the guy, had inspired him. Michel was right. Kurt wasn't dead, and as the old adage stated - get busy living or get busy dying. Since it seemed like Kurt wasn't going to be dying anytime soon, he only really had one choice. Carole was so excited to be useful that she didn't even ask what the list was for until Kurt told her that it was sort of a healing list a Bucket List of Healing and that was just what he called it Kurt's Bucket List of Healing. After printing it out, he asked Carole to get a red pen and cross off Number 28 on both lists - Make my mother feel special and important. Carole literally burst into tears and made Kurt his favorite dish that night. Yep! Kurt could definitely see the merit in these lists.

He waited a few more days before calling Sebastian up on the phone. It had been a week since they'd seen each other. Of course, the other man was shocked. When he asked Kurt how Kurt obtained his phone number, Kurt simply answered, "Reine gave it to me." He asked Sebastian to meet him at the Lima park the next day under a tree. He wanted to share his list with Sebastian. It was time. Sebastian agreed to meet him and Kurt was in a tizzy all the rest of the afternoon trying to figure out what to wear.

Sebastian's days were spent helping his father, so yes, he was very surprised when he got a call from Kurt. He laughed when he heard where Kurt got his phone number from. "I'm impressed, Kurt. Didn't think you'd do something like that to get a number. I knew there was something I forgot the other day before we parted, but I was just so relieved that your father was able to fix her that trading numbers slipped my mind," he confessed.

Carole was fussing all day over Kurt and made extra sure that his outfit looked perfect - skinny black jeans, All-Star Red Sneakers, a simple red t-shirt and a leather jacket that he designed himself in his first year of design school. It was grey and suede and had that look of an old soldier uniform. Finn insisted on doing his hair and Kurt had a feeling it might look horrible, but he's adopted a whole new philosophy on life after his conversation with Sebastian. "You only live once," and Kurt was ready to live it to the fullest. Burt drove him to the park and wanted to walk Kurt, but Kurt adamantly refused. He was nervous, but he kissed his father goodbye and put himself on the path.

He knew this park like the back of his hand. He used to walk it eyes half closed while he played hide and go seek as a kid. It was only half cheating if you only half peeked. Besides, he wanted to show Sebastian his new cane. He picked a tree just several paces away from the fourth bench on the path. He knew he'd be able to feel the benches with his cane and then all he had to do was count. Sebastian was dressed in casual jeans and a black t-shirt. He wore black tennis shoes just in case because he didn't know what exactly Kurt had planned, but a park sounded casual. Sebastian showed up 15 minutes early to the appointed tree and sat down at the bench several feet to wait for Kurt.

One bench...'Good job, Kurt, breathe,' he thought to himself...Two benches...The book was tucked safely under his arm inside of it was the list...Three benches...Four benches...And his cane hit a foot sticking out on the fourth bench. "I'm so sorry," Kurt began to apologize, but then his acute nose caught just the slightest whiff of very expensive French cologne, he added, "Sebastian."

Color him surprised when he heard the tell-tale tap tap tap of a cane. He was very familiar with that sound. He'd spent many of his summers growing up with his Grandparents and though Sebastian would often guide his Grandfather, the man always had his cane with him as well. He was a very independent man and Sebastian always looked up to him.

He looked up and there was Kurt, fashionably fabulous as always and actually showing a bit of spark and independence. He couldn't help but smile. He was sitting on the bench because it had a clearer view of the walkway and he wasn't sure if Kurt was going to be accompanied or not. "The cologne gave me away. Didn't it?" he inquired with a chuckle. "I'm impressed, Kurt. Welcome back," Sebastian said with a grin that could be heard in his words. "So, what is the important thing you wish to share with me?" he inquired.


	5. Chapter 5 Horton Hears a Who

**Chapter 5** - Horton Hears a Who

"Shall I lead you to the tree or is the bench fine?" Kurt heard Sebastian inquire.

"The tree," he said immediately handing Sebastian the bag that was slung over the same arm that held the book. Sebastian opened the bag and found a blanket inside. "Can you lay that out for me?" Kurt asked hesitantly when he was certain that Sebastian had ample opportunity to open the bag and peek inside.

Sebastian took the bag and effortlessly guided Kurt to the tree. He thought about peeking in the bag, but merely pulled out the blanket and laid it out. "What's all this?" he inquired. "No, I haven't looked in the bag, this is your thing so I'll let you lead... just this once," he teased helping Kurt get situated on the blanket and returning the bag to him. "So?" he inquired, curious to know.

Kurt hesitated for a moment before opening the book and feeling around for the folded piece of paper inside. "I thought about what you said," he began, "about living my life to the fullest. I was so inspired by Michel's List that I made one of my own. I thought that maybe we could do some things together on both lists. That is...if you want to before you leave and if you have time," Kurt hesitated. "It would be a way for you to have some company on your adventure and it would be a way for me to have some courage on mine. What do you think? Would you...would you want to do something like that with me?"

Sebastian listened to Kurt watching him, studying the way he moved and the emotions that played across his face. He wondered idly if Kurt realized just how expressive his face was. He wouldn't tell him though, because if he did, Kurt might close that window and Sebastian kind of liked the view. "I think that's a wonderful idea. I'm glad that you're trying to take charge of your life again. Do you think you'll ever return to New York?" he inquired, curious to know.

"One step at a time," Kurt teased Sebastian. In truth, he was appreciative of everything Sebastian had done in the last week since they bumped into each other at the Lima Bean, but, at the same time, Kurt was still very scared to just rush into something as big as New York. Sure he'd decided to explore Lima, but that would take him some time. Wouldn't it? And, he wanted to enjoy the feeling of being positive around his family. Finn was soaking up his new attitude like a sponge hungry for water. He couldn't just take that away from him, right?

"So, what's on this list of yours, Kurt?" Sebastian's voice drew him out of his thoughts. He took out the list hesitantly and handed it to Sebastian. So far, he had 48 items on the list. 47 he corrected remembering that Carole had already crossed one off and put a date next to it. He blushed when he thought of some of the things on the list and thought of Sebastian reading it, but it was too late now. He held his breath waiting in anticipation.

Sebastian opened the piece of paper and smirked immediately when he saw the title **- Kurt's Super Sexy Bucket List of Healing** - In No Particular Order. He quickly composed himself and continued to read. Kurt was biting his lip waiting for Sebastian to say something about the list. He was getting very nervous because Sebastian was so quiet for such a long time. It felt like ages that Sebastian hadn't spoken. "Sebastian," Kurt rasped hesitantly, "please, say something."

Sebastian was quiet because he was reading the list. He was going over each line and mentally making note of the ones he would like to or could definitely help out with. At Kurt's pleading tone, he looked up. "Sorry, I was lost in reading. I like your list. You actually have a few things on your list that are on Michel's as well. I've modified the wording on a few points in Michel's list. It's still got everything exactly as he wrote it and when I read it, I can almost hear him in my head saying them, but when I took over the list I had to amend some of them," he said softly. Sebastian skimmed the list again and his heart caught when he read #48 - Find a way back to Blaine! He knew exactly why his heart leapt in his chest. Sebastian Smythe was jealous of Blaine Anderson! "What's with #48?" Sebastian asked unable to help himself.

Kurt blushed. He actually felt the heat rising on his cheeks. He knew that Sebastian was different than he had been in high school, but somehow telling him the intimate details of #48 just... He wasn't ready for that yet, but he didn't want to be rude or put Sebastian off. Also, he was certain that Sebastian wasn't aware of the tiny details of Kurt and Blaine's history. No one was. Initially, Kurt wasn't sure why he defended Blaine's character so fiercely, but as time passed he realized the simple truth. The moment Kurt Hummel saw Blaine Anderson on that staircase at Dalton he lost a piece of his soul. Blaine found that piece and now it wasn't fair to ask for it back. Even if he could ask, Kurt knew, deep down, that he had no wish to.

He thought about how to answer Sebastian's question. "Blaine and I...We've always just been so…Until we weren't," he said cryptically, "I know that's almost completely my fault. I just couldn't let him in again like I once did...I want...No, I need to find a way back to him," Kurt said, the passion in his voice unmistakable. He really did want to find a way - not just to forgive, but to let go of his anger, frustration and sadness where Blaine was concerned. Though he was hurting Blaine, he was also hurting himself. Anyway, Blaine was a different person now. Just like Kurt was a different person. That meant they could be better than they were before. Didn't it?

Sebastian listened to Kurt's words and they piqued his interest. He'd heard that the famous Klaine had broken up suddenly and brutally nearly six years ago now, but Niff never told him the reason and Sebastian never asked. Though, now in retrospect, with the inkling nearly killing him, he thought perhaps he should have. Taking a very quiet albeit very deep breath, Sebastian steeled himself before speaking, deciding to turn the conversation away from the tantalizing topic. "Makes sense, I used to be like that with Michel, even before we started dating, when we were just friends. He was the one person I knew I could tell anything to. I miss that. I definitely think you and Michel would have gotten along. Just from the fact you have a few bucket list items in common, and he would have loved dragging you shopping," Sebastian mused.

As Kurt listened to Sebastian talk about Michel something irrational twisted in his stomach and a thought filtered into his mind. Sure, Michel would have loved to take him shopping, but if he was still alive then Kurt wouldn't be sitting here with Sebastian. In the next moment, Kurt was glad that this was reality and horrified that he'd just appreciated Michel's death and supported Sebastian's sadness. What was happening to him? Why was he thinking like this - and about Sebastian Smythe, no less? He was so confused!

"Speaking of the list," Kurt said quickly clearing his throat and his thoughts in the process. "I thought we could do Number 30 in conjunction with one from Michael's list," he said handing Sebastian the book that he "randomly" picked from the library. He'd made the librarian promise not to tell him what book it was. It had to be a surprise for both of them. He knew it wasn't a very thick book, but he had no idea what it was. He'd ended up in the children's section of the library and he thought this would add some humor to Michael's list. He hoped wherever Michel was he wouldn't mind. He hoped Sebastian wouldn't mind either. Number 30, of course, was - Have a Picnic under the Tree in Mom's Favorite Park.

Sebastian was touched that Kurt had brought him to the spot that was special to his mother. He did know that Kurt lost his birth mother at a young age and that made the spot all the more special. "Thank you... for sharing your mother's special place with me," he said leaning in to whisper the words in Kurt's ear. Kurt felt Sebastian's breath ghost across his cheek and smelled Sebastian's mint toothpaste. His breath caught and all he could do was nod.

Kurt handed Sebastian the random book he checked out from the library. When Sebastian saw the book, he felt it must be kismet. The book wasn't random at all. In his hands Sebastian held a copy of Horton Hears a Who. Although he'd seen the brilliant Pixar movie (one of his guilty pleasures - Pixar), he was embarrassed to admit he'd never read the book.

When he heard Sebastian's hearty laugh he began to get worried. What? What could be so funny? "Bas," Kurt said desperately not even realizing in his panic that he'd shortened Sebastian's name. "Please tell me what's going on."

"Horton Hears a Who," Sebastian commented still chuckling. "That's the book you borrowed from the library?"

When he heard what book it was, he burst out laughing. In between gasps, he pointed out that his favorite lesson in Horton Hears a Who was that - a person was a person no matter how small or that every voice was important. He thought it was appropriate, of course, because Sebastian had reminded him of that again very recently. Losing his balance a bit on the blanket from his fit of giggles, Kurt reached out on instinct and felt his hand hit Sebastian's wrist. Under his fingertips, he felt Sebastian's pulse racing like a runaway train. "Bas?" he asked confused. There's that wretched nickname again. "Is everything okay?"

"I'm fine," Sebastian said sincerely, but his voice was somewhat hoarse and sounded alien to him. His heart was partially racing from the laughing and partially racing because when he was that close to Kurt, close enough to whisper in his ear, he was sorely tempted to help him cross #45 off his list, but he didn't want to overstep any boundaries. He wasn't sure how Kurt would feel about him just randomly kissing him so he refrained.

Kurt cleared his throat before continuing. "Carole made you sandwiches. They're actually her specialty being the mother of a gigantic, football player. I didn't know you could specialize in sandwich making, but apparently it's an art. Carole taught me that," now Kurt was rambling. "That's why there are 48 items on my list because Carole can make 48 different kinds of sandwiches. I've been counting. Sandwiches seem to be the thing we can talk about without Carole becoming too emotional and me becoming too depressed," he clarified for Sebastian and still he didn't know why he was rambling. "I thought you might read," Kurt said as he felt for the trunk of the tree.

"Don't you mean made us sandwiches? Surely you're going to eat them too, right?" Sebastian inquired. He thought Kurt's rambling was adorable and didn't call him on it because if he did then it would stop and he liked lively Kurt. Faded Kurt was someone he didn't want to see come back. "Considering the book isn't in Braille looks like I have no choice. Are you going to try to learn Braille or...no?" he inquired his voice free from judgment. "My grandfather started teaching me, but it's been so long since I've tried it I'm probably rusty."

"I'd like to learn Braille," Kurt admitted. "Maybe I should add that to my list. Would you do that for me?" he asked Sebastian politely. "Would you add it to both copies?" He handed Sebastian a pen and listened to the scratching noise of the pen and the shuffling of papers.

"There," Sebastian announced, "#49 Learn Braille. Only poor Carole," he said teasingly and when Kurt asked why Sebastian joked on, "she's going to have to learn to make another sandwich."

When their laughter died down, Kurt found a good spot against the tree and leaned against it. He felt Sebastian lean next to him. He heard Sebastian crack the pages of the book and begin to read. Kurt closed his eyes, even though he didn't need to. It was a reflex. Somewhere midway through the book Kurt's head ended up in Sebastian's lap and Bas was haphazardly running his hands through Kurt's hair like Kurt's mom used to do when he was little. Kurt didn't even care if his hair was being messed up. He was lying on his back, his face pointed towards the sky. He could feel the warmth of the sun's rays on his skin even though it was September and getting kind of chilly out. He listened to Sebastian's incredibly sexy voice reading the children's book and couldn't help think that in this moment a child would be nice because Sebastian would be a great father one day.

Kurt forgot about the passage of time for a moment, forgot about being blind and just - was - with Sebastian. He hadn't felt this relaxed for a long time, for longer than he could remember, and for much longer than he had been blind. He was surprised to find how much he enjoyed himself and wished that he could freeze the moment.

It was comfortable sitting here like this, the book propped up on one knee, his other leg straight out with Kurt's head on that thigh. He didn't really even realize he was carding his fingers through Kurt's hair. It wasn't really messed too badly. The tousled look suited Kurt. When he finished the book, he closed it and set it aside, stretching his other leg out and just relaxing back against the tree. This was nice, nicer than he'd been expecting. It had been a little over a year since he'd lost Michel and this was the first time he didn't mind being close to someone. He just relaxed, still running his fingers through Kurt's hair, enjoying the moment.

* * *

Items Crossed off of Lists in This Chapter:

ML #8: Go to a Library, roam the shelves, pick a random book and read it - even if you don't like it.

KL #28: Make my mother feel special and important. (Really he did this for Carole somewhere between Ch4 and Ch5 and he's just informing Sebastian of it.)

KL #30: Have a Picnic under the Tree in Mom's Favorite Park.


	6. Chapter 6 A Good Apple

**Chapter 6** - A Good Apple

Somewhere between Sebastian finishing the book and stretching himself out, but not demanding that Kurt shift his pose, Kurt felt his breath hitch. It was suddenly very, very hard to breathe and he couldn't remember the last time he felt like this but he knew the feeling acutely like time was standing still in reverence of this perfect moment. He didn't know why he felt the need to break the silence, but anymore of this sweet torture and he'd be begging Sebastian to kiss him right then and there and wouldn't that be embarrassing.

It was a nice moment. Sebastian hadn't shared a moment like this with another human being since Michel and that seemed like so long ago. That was the hardest part. Some days it seemed so fresh, like it just happened and other days, he couldn't believe how much time had passed since he'd last seen Michel, last been smacked playfully upside the head, last heard Michel call him Bastian.

"So, Finn won't be happy with you," Kurt said slowly, regretting immeasurably the disturbance he caused in their reverie. "It took him an hour this morning to do my hair until he was satisfied with it even though I kept assuring him that he could just take me to a barber tomorrow and shave it off," Kurt chuckled. "Can you actually believe he was so horrified that he actually cried at the suggestion? I mean the boy didn't even cry after," here Kurt had difficulty finishing, but finally summoned up the courage, "the accident."

"Finn can be as upset as he likes. I doubt he can do much to me, giant or not," Sebastian smirked almost involuntarily. "I do agree with him however that you shouldn't cut your hair that short. It's so soft. I hadn't even realized I was running my fingers through it but... it is very soft," Sebastian's voice hitched as he commented. He cleared his throat before continuing. "So, other than sandwiches, what is in our picnic lunch?"

Kurt screwed his face up as he tried to guess. "If Finn had any hand in making it, apple juice boxes and string cheese," Kurt said. "He has this perverted sense of humor and when I told him that this had to be the coolest picnic a child ever attended he went a bit wild. It's quite up his alley," Kurt confessed. "Dad even pitched in by making rice crispy treats, and he let me lick the spoon after," Kurt blushed first because he thought of other things that he'd like to lick on Sebastian and secondly because he'd actually admitted to still being a child. "Anyway," he said shaking his head and waving off the thought. "Would you look in there and tell me what our options are?"

Sebastian arched a brow at the blush and was glad Kurt couldn't see it because he was sure that would end the entertaining reactions he was getting to witness. "Looks like a couple of bottles of water. Some sandwiches with the crusts cut off, apple slices and rice krispie treats. By the way, I don't mind embracing my inner child every now and then. For example, finger painting is quite childish, but when you add different kinds of chocolate sauce as the paint and a different sort of canvas, it can be quite enjoyable." Though Sebastian was definitely over sharing, he couldn't really bring himself to care. "One of Michel's favorite things to do was go out after a fresh snowfall and make snow angels."

A very cold night with Jeff several winters ago flew into Kurt's head suddenly, and he couldn't stop himself from agreeing with Sebastian. "Caramel," he said remembering Jeff's kind of childlike delight and he was so, so glad that he stopped himself before he said anymore beyond that. Nick and Jeff had indeed gone through some very, very rough times. Nothing more than heavy foreplay was involved that night, but the before and after, the hot and heavy were his favorite memories of Jeff Sterling. He could feel the blush growing on his cheeks. "Thank you Sebastian," he said his voice a little choked. He'd forgotten that very good memory and Sebastian had just reminded him of it.

He arched a brow at that. "Why Kurt, I never knew you were so adventurous. I'm impressed." He wasn't even going to ask who it was with because that wasn't his main concern at the moment.

Kurt tried to ignore the comment by inquiring, "should we eat?"

"Yes, let's," Sebastian agreed, and he drew the food closer since Kurt didn't know where he'd put it as he'd been sorting through it. "Here, I'll put the food between us. Closest to the tree will be the sandwiches. Next will be the apple slices and last will be the rice crispy treats. I'll put a water next to you and mine on my other side so you won't have to worry about getting them confused," Sebastian described what he was doing as he did it.

Kurt felt around the blanket in front of him to get a feeling for the position of his food. He couldn't believe he was going to be that bold to actually eat in front of Sebastian, something that had become a huge fear and insecurity since his accident. He hated to think of how clumsy he was. Actually, at first, Carole and Burt had to feed him which made him feel that much more impotent. Somehow, however, Kurt felt that around Sebastian he had the courage to say anything, be anything, dream anything and that felt powerful.

Sebastian took a sandwich for himself and took a bite. "Okay, I have to agree. Carole makes a very good sandwich."

Kurt smiled as he bit into his own sandwich making a small sound of pleasure. He swallowed first and then offered. "This is my favorite. It's kind of simplistic just a ham, cheese, lettuce and tomato with mustard. I think we've started calling it the Kurt," he explained fondly. "If you're nice to her when you two finally meet maybe you'll have your own sandwich someday," he teased before taking another bite and wiping his lips with a napkin.

They ate their food in relative silence. Kurt was extremely focused on what he was doing. Once the food was finished, Sebastian tossed the wrappers in the trash. "So, what next?" he inquired.

Kurt shrugged not really sure. He hadn't really planned anything much farther than this. He reached inside the small pouch of the bag and drew out a pen. He'd had Carole make two copies of the list one for him and one for Sebastian. Sebastian still had the copy Kurt had given him earlier, so he reached inside his coat pocket and extracted his own copy handing it over in Sebastian's general direction along with the pen. "Could you please cross off #30 and put the date beside it on both of those?" Kurt asked politely.

He smiled taking the list and the pen from Kurt. "You want me to keep you on task don't you? Isn't this a switch? Wasn't it you putting me back in line once upon a time?" Sebastian teased. "I will gladly take up the task of keeping you from backsliding, Princess."

Kurt bristled a bit at the nickname. Leave it to Sebastian to try to ruin a perfect moment. Sebastian crossed off #30 on both lists but Kurt could hear the sound of the pen still scratching against the paper. His face screwed up in confusion. What was Sebastian up to? "Sebastian, you can't cheat," Kurt chastised teasingly. "If I haven't done something you can't cross it off of the list." What did Sebastian cross off? The curiosity was just killing Kurt.

After losing Michel, Sebastian had started living half a life. No matter how much he wanted to live and make up for Michel not being here, saying was much easier than doing. Running into Kurt that day at the Lima Bean had woken Sebastian back up from his haze, so, whether Kurt realized it or not, he had already changed someone's life for the better. Sebastian smiled and chuckled. "Whether you realized it or not, you did do something, so I crossed it off for you. If you can figure out which one I crossed off, I'll explain," Sebastian said as he handed Kurt's list back to him.

Kurt's eyebrows drew together a bit in confusion as he took the copy of the list that Sebastian handed to him. Running his hand over the list, he came to the first scratched out line and determined that it was about midway down the page so it must be #28 because there was #30 with just one line in between. Since he didn't put them in order, but just wrote them as they came to him he imagined #29 - celebrate 50 wedding anniversary - may take just a bit longer to accomplish. He continued to trail his fingers further down the page and found the last mark quite a bit of the ways down. The page ended soon after that and Kurt sort of kind of found it hard to swallow. He had been thinking about kissing Sebastian all day, but now he was just not sure which of the final few items Sebastian crossed off. He tried to feel the number's again where the grooves of the ink were a little higher on the page. 48...47...46? He screws up his face in confusion. "Bas, I think it's 46. Why did you cross off 46?"

"Despite my promises to Michel, despite my intentions to not fade away after losing him, I did. I was living half a life, walking around as if asleep, and I didn't even know it. Not until a blast from the past woke me back up. For the first time since Michel's death, I feel alive, almost like myself again. So, without even realizing it, you made my life better, Kurt, because you reminded me that I'm supposed to be living not just surviving," Sebastian said sincerely and that was about as sentimental as he wanted to get. It was hard enough thinking about Michel, but it was the truth and there it was.

Kurt felt his throat tighten. Was it really possible that he had made such an impact on Sebastian? He didn't really know what to say. "Thank you, Bas. I suppose we both helped each other really. You and Michel changed my life more than both of you will ever know. I'm so grateful for the chance to rekindle our acquaintance and build a friendship. To that end, would it be a terrible imposition to try to get together again while you're still in town? How long are you in town?" Kurt asked hesitantly not wanting to seem too presumptuous.

Yes, it was possible. He hadn't even realized how he hadn't really even tried to allow himself to heal and start getting back to his life after losing Michel, but seeing Kurt, seeing him blind and losing himself had been a kind of mirrored surface reflecting Sebastian's own problem back at him. By reaching out to Kurt and helping him, Sebastian had begun helping himself trudge out of the darkness once again.

"I think you're right. Seeing you - so fiery a spirit, so defeated was just a kick in the ass for me. As for Michel and I changing your life, I'll tell you what he would have said to me in response to that," he paused for effect. "Anytime," he said with a smile in his voice. "I'm still here for another week and maybe a little longer depending. Is there something you had in mind for what we could do?"

"I'd have to think on it. I actually need to hear the rest of Michel's List so that I know what I'm getting myself into," Kurt mused. "Would it be possible to hear the rest of it sometime soon?"

"Of course," Sebastian said giving it some thought. "I will make a recording of the list and send it to you so you can hear the entire thing. Also, I will make us two copies, as you did with your list, so that we can cross off the things we get done together. How does that sound?"

Kurt was smiling broadly in agreement to Sebastian's suggestion just as he remembered an important fact. "Oh my gosh, Sebastian, what time is it?" Kurt said. He was having such fun he'd forgotten about the time.

"About four o'clock - why?" Sebastian replied having forgotten about the time himself.

"My dad is supposed to be picking me up right about now. Could we catch up on the phone later and find a time that works for our next meeting?" Kurt asked hopefully. He didn't want Sebastian to think he was rude, but he knew how much his dad worried about him. Almost as soon as he said it, he wished it wasn't the case and found himself eagerly anticipating their next meeting.

"Well then, let's get this stuff all packed up and get you over to the parking lot," Sebastian said with a smile helping Kurt to his feet before returning the lunch containers and blanket back into the bag. "The book and Tupperware are all back in your bag. I shook the blanket out and folded it, it's on top," he informed Kurt as he handed him the bag back. Kurt felt Sebastian guide his hand to the crook of Sebastian's elbow. He took a hold of it and felt the pavement under his feet. They walked down the sidewalk slowly until they reached the parking lot where Burt was waiting. Sebastian shook hands with Burt and helped Kurt into the car.

Just before he shut the door Kurt settled on finishing up a perfect afternoon with, "thank you so much for today, Sebastian. I'll call you tomorrow to make plans." Sebastian accepted the thanks and shut the door behind Kurt. On the drive home, Burt didn't ask too many questions and simply allowed Kurt to talk. Kurt did telling his father about every little detail and even what was talked about. Well, most of what was talked about. Burt was overjoyed to see his son so excited. Sebastian Smythe was a good apple in his book.

* * *

Items Crossed off of Lists in this Chapter:

KL #46: Change someones life for the better.


	7. Chapter 7 The Lists

**Athena's Note:** Significant modifications have been made to Kurt's List.

**Chapter 7** - The Lists

In the next few days, Kurt managed to get very anxious when the only news he received from Sebastian was an email with an audio file entitled Michel's List. He remembered that Sebastian promised to make paper copies of the list as well and assumed that Sebastian would bring these to their next meeting. However, in the email, he mentioned nothing about their next meeting and that made Kurt very, very nervous indeed.

Finn helped him read his emails, so he asked Kurt if he wanted the file played immediately or if he would prefer it on his iPod. Since he wasn't sure what exactly was on Michel's list, Kurt immediately opted for the iPod. Despite what people thought, Kurt knew Finn was over-protective when it came to his baby brother. Kurt had been surprised to find that he could share some things with Carole that he could never share with Finn or Burt. After dinner, he immediately retreated upstairs to listen to Michel's List.

**_Michel's List (Now Sebastian's List)_**

1. Go to Las Vegas, into a casino with only $20, and try to leave with more than that.

2. Dance with maman at my wedding. = _Sebastian's voice faltered a bit._

3. Go to every museum I come across.

4. Fly in a Hot Air Balloon.

5. Picnic under the Stars.

6. Touch the Pyramids.

7. See the Northern Lights in person.

**8. Go to a Library, roam the shelves, pick a random book and read it - even if you don't like it. =**_Kurt smiled when he heard Sebastian mention that he did this with Kurt Hummel and then give the date and time down to the hours, minutes and seconds they'd been together._

9. Go carolling at Christmas.

10. Make it at least to base camp at Mt. Everest.

11. Climb the Acropolis.

12. Visit Stonehenge.

13. Go horseback riding through the Scottish Highlands.

14. Act like a tourist in Paris despite not being one.

15. Drink Guinness at a **_real_** Irish Pub.

16. Go to a carnival, win a stuffed animal and give it to any random little girl, with her parent's permission, just because.

17. Pretend to be someone else for a day.

18. Be a kid for a day. Go to an amusement park and try to ride everything in one day.

19. Volunteer at an animal shelter and try not to bring something home.

20. Go to the mall and try on the most ridiculous outfits you can make up just because you can.

**21. Fall in Love. = **_Sebastian's tight voice explained that this one was crossed off._

**22. Get Engaged.** = _And this one too._

23. Go on a romantic gondola ride in Venice.

24. Attend a real Venetian masquerade.

**25. Make love outside at least once. = **_When Sebastian mentioned this one was crossed off, Kurt found himself blushing a deep scarlet._

26. Take enough groceries to a cabin so that my lover and I do not have to leave until we decide to go home.

27. Get a bag of Hershey's kisses and start randomly 'kissing' people. (ie handing out the kisses, mind out of the gutter Bastian) = _At the sound of Sebastian saying his own name with a French accent Kurt perked up. Must be what Michel use to call him. He loved the way that Sebastian said it, however._

28. Learn another language.

29. Visit Tibet or Japan or both.

30. Go sky diving.

31. Take Bastian to Hawaii. (Take my boyfriend to Hawaii.)

**32. Play A Game of Chess in Central Park. **= _Sebastian mentioned that this one was done too and added that he won. Kurt could hear the smirk in his voice. Yep! Same old Sebastian Smythe, and yet not!_

33. Visit Ellis Island and the Statue of Liberty.

34. Take Bastian to at least one Broadway show, preferably more if I can manage it. (Take boyfriend to at least one Broadway show.)

35. Get married.

36. Hold my child in my arms.

**37. Teach Bastian to make Crème Brûlée** = _When Kurt heard this one was crossed off his ears perked up as well. Wasn't that one of the things on his own list? Learn to make the elusive Crème Brûlée._

38. Visit a Hollywood set and be an extra in a movie.

39. Take Bastian on a picnic at the vineyard and stomp grapes to make wine.

40. Make Bastian smile at least once per day. (Make my boyfriend smile at least once per day.)

41. Never go to bed angry.

42. Volunteer at a homeless shelter once, and make a resolution to make giving back a lifelong pursuit.

43. When I get a house of my own with a yard, plant a vegetable garden.

44. Get Bastian's mother to teach me how to make some of his favorite dishes.

**45. Put my family recipes into an actual book.** = _That one was crossed off too._

46. Make more time to visit my family and actually do so.

47. Make a difference in at least one person's life.

48. Visit the graves of loved ones at least once per year and bring flowers.

49. Teach my children respect for all ways of life.

50. Periodically go through clothes and donate what I don't wear. = _Really? Was Michel of the opinion that someone could have too many clothes? Shame, up to now he'd seemed to perfect!_

**51. Make Bastian serenade me at least once and get it on tape.** = _That one was crossed off as well. What song had Sebastian chosen? Kurt made a mental note to ask. Maybe Bas would let him listen to the song._

52. Get to see the Great Wall of China in person.

**53. Stop drinking so much soda.** = _And that one was crossed off._

**54. Start eating healthier.** = _That one as well._

55. Make sure the first and last words I say to Bastian every day are I love you.

56. Live life with no regrets.

Kurt was intrigued by the man that had managed to thaw the ice and breach the walls of Sebastian Smythe's heart. 'You must have been something else,' Kurt thought as he listened to the list over and over again. He wondered about this man that he would never ever know but who had made such an impact on his life. Really, it was Sebastian who had made the impact, but without Michel's love Sebastian would not be the person that he was today. In that way, Michel had also made a profound impact on Kurt's life. As his thoughts wandered, Kurt took out his own list running his fingers over it and reminding himself that he had only 46 items to go on his own list of healing having added learn Braille at Sebastian's suggestion.

**_Kurt's Super Sexy Bucket List of Healing_**

1. Make amends with my family and friends, but most especially the New Directions, who tried to be there for me after my accident.

2. Try all the ice cream flavors at Ted's Ice Cream Extravaganza.

3. Talk to Principal Abrams. Tell him I finally understand.

4. Caramel.

5. Plan Niff's wedding.

6. Touch the pyramids of Egypt, like Michel planned.

7. Meet Sebastian Smythe's grandfather who is an inspiration.

8. Dig up old skeletons, salt and burn them – Tina, Blaine, Sam.

9. Sing on Broadway next to the great Rachel Berry.

10. Pull off onto a deserted back road and dance under the stars bathed in the headlights of a cool sports car.

11. Have that perfect day in New York with Santana.

12. Skydive, bungee jump, hang-glide...whatever...all of them, one of them...something.

13. Meet Rachel Berry's children...That was a good one.

14. Dance at my high school reunion with David Karofsky to Dancing Queen.

15. Call my friend David first to apologize for ignoring him since the accident.

16. Say I Do to my soul-mate.

17. Take that cross country trip with Finn and my father.

18. Make the perfect, yet still elusive Crème Brûlée.

19. Introduce my mom, Elizabeth, to the love of my life.

20. Learn to live with someone.

21. Gavin…Uff that's a hard one.

22. Visit Stonehenge and feel its magic.

23. Make someone's dream come true.

24. Serenade my boyfriend without being drunk.

25. Meet Lady Gaga! How could that one only be 25?

26. Laugh until I cry.

27. Sing my mom's favorite lullaby to my baby.

**28. Make my mother feel special and important.**

29. Celebrate 50th Wedding Anniversary.

**30. Have a Picnic under the Tree in Mom's Favorite Park.**

31. Cheat death, if only for a moment.

32. Fight for my brother. Not sure in what capacity yet.

33. Have something, anything of significance named after me.

34. Make love to someone I love again.

35. Pretend to be someone else for a day.

36. Have the courage to call Tina and Mike and accept the responsibility of being a godfather.

37. Be half of the father that my father was to me.

38. Walk the Great Wall of China.

39. Steal the heart of a gorgeous man, or I'll settle for his breath.

40. Name a star after someone.

41. Finally, design that clothing line with Isabelle and Luke.

42. See that clothing line on a runway show.

43. Save a life - or several if possible, but I'll settle for one.

44. Find the courage to get up just one more time.

45. Get kissed by a gorgeous guy just because I made him laugh.

**46. Change someone's life for the better.**

47. Compose a song with Adam for his new album.

48. Find a way back to Blaine!

49. Learn to read Braille.

Michel's List, though wonderful, may be a bit more problematic to achieve blind. Kurt knew that many of the items on Michel's List he would never be able to help Sebastian with and that thought made him more than a little sad. He realized that as wonderful and as patient as Sebastian was Kurt could never expect him to stick around for any extended length of time. Especially if it was his goal to get Michel's List completed. He would want to travel to all those places and do all those things with someone that he could share them with. Kurt feared that he was no longer capable of doing this. The pang in his heart intensified. More than anything, Kurt wanted his eyesight back, so that he could have a chance to be the man to do those things with Sebastian.

To amplify his depression, aside from sending the list, Sebastian had not made contact with Kurt for four days. This really made Kurt worry. What if Sebastian had forgotten about him already? By the fourth day, Kurt was actually quite depressed, but was trying to play it cool. Even Finn noticed though and was pissed at Sebastian all over again.

"Maybe you should call him," Carole suggested on the fourth day at dinner because she just couldn't stand to see Kurt so sad and once Carole said it he remembered that was just what he was suppose to do. Then he felt like an idiot, but Carole had already dialled Sebastian's phone number and put the phone to his ear. "Just talk to him," she whispered in Kurt's ear and Kurt was so nervous that he nearly dropped the phone when he heard it ringing.

Finally, Sebastian's voice came over the phone saying hello. "Bas, it's Kurt," Kurt said knowing that he didn't need to tell Sebastian who it was - every phone had caller ID nowadays - but still he felt better doing it somehow. He waited for Sebastian to speak.

"I was starting to think that you didn't want to talk to me. I went over everything that happened and I didn't think I'd overstepped or misspoke. I thought about calling you but you said you would call me and I didn't want to come across wrong." Sebastian explained, though there was a slight teasing tone in his voice. He'd been busy helping his father get final details in order for the Smythe Law Firm. He stayed and managed the chaos while his father went and found more chaos to add to the mix. He really wished his father had thought this through better before he'd begun the process. Oh well! Que Sera Sera!

"I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. Here I was wondering why you didn't call me until Carole reminded me that I had said I'd call you. Please don't be mad, Sebastian," Kurt said quickly and he heard his voice catch.

Sebastian chuckled. "I'm not mad. Just means that we have to arrange two more outings, at least. I had to endure four days of my father's panicking that nothing is going to be ready when he wants to open the firm," Sebastian teased.

**"**I'm so glad that you aren't upset," Kurt replied honestly relieved that Sebastian was so patient with him. "I got Michel's List," Kurt said hesitantly. "I listened to it at least 20 times so far. I think I have it committed to memory," he admitted feeling himself blush. He only listened to the MP4 so much because he wanted to remember the list not to hear the sound of Bas's voice, right? "There are a couple of things I wanted to ask about," Kurt said honestly. Sebastian was curious, but Kurt pointed out that he was in the kitchen with Carole listening closely and maybe it was best to get clarification at their next meeting.

He knew that Carole had one ear open and as a mom her hearing was as sharp as a hawk's. There was no way he would escape the onslaught of questioning about Michel's List now. He sighed internally. He just had to ready himself and bite the bullet on that account. Remembering that he was supposed to be leading the conversation, he inquired, "What about tomorrow? I thought we could do #19 on Michel's List. There's an animal shelter not too far away from my house. I know it's a bit of a drive for you from Westerville, and if you're not up to it I understand," Kurt felt himself rambling, but he was just so nervous that Sebastian wouldn't like the idea.

"Kurt," he heard Sebastian gently cut in and immediately shut his mouth. He could hear Sebastian's smirk. "I'd love to go to the animal shelter with you tomorrow. What time works best?"

"Would 3:00 p.m. be too late?" Kurt asked hesitantly holding his breath.

"3:00 p.m. is fine," Sebastian couldn't hide the smile in his voice. It was so adorable that Kurt even thought it would be possible for Sebastian to refuse the invitation. Sebastian had practically been vibrating with anticipation for days. He was very patient when it came to something that he wanted. It was what made him so great at hatching schemes and what made him such a great lawyer, but the anticipation of seeing Kurt again was becoming unbearable. He would never admit that out loud though.

"Shall I meet you at the animal shelter or would you like to pick me up?" Kurt asked not wanting to sound presumptuous but also wanting the opportunity to give Finn a heads up if he needed to drive.

"Give your chauffeur the rest of this week off. Any outing we plan, I'll drive. It'll be one of my few chances to drive Reine before I have to go back," Sebastian commented. "What time shall I pick you up tomorrow?"

"2:30 should be fine," Kurt said thinking about it for a moment. He gave Sebastian his address and promptly ended the conversation, the anticipation of their adventure tomorrow lingering in the air.


	8. Chapter 8 Dressing for the Occasion

**Chapter 8** - Dressing for the Occasion

Today was a little different than when Kurt was getting ready for the park. For that, he had help from Carole and Finn, but today was Wednesday and his family was at work. Kurt really missed Finn in this moment. He could use his brother's help, but he couldn't be prouder that Finn had found his niche. Being the gym teacher, assistant coach, and Glee Club Director at McKinley kept Finn quite busy. In the next few moments, however, Kurt no longer felt that way about Finn because he realized that his brother had taken the opportunity to play a prank on him. Not funny, Finn.

The outfit was entirely too fancy for the animal shelter. Kurt felt panic rising within him, but it was too late to do anything about the situation. So, Kurt put on the clothes that were laid out, put a bit of gel in his hair, and finished off the ensemble with his favorite pair of Gucci sunglasses. Kurt was ready for Sebastian to arrive right on time. Carole set his alarm to go off at 2:00 p.m. and it beeped at 10 minute intervals, so he was counting. When his alarm chimed a fourth time Kurt started to get anxious.

Sebastian wore faded black, relaxed fit jeans, an almost equally faded black t-shirt, with his maroon Harvard hoodie, and a favorite pair of chucks. He knew they were going to be hanging out at an animal shelter and he wanted to be able to get on the ground or just play with the animals and not have to worry about his clothes. He pulled into the driveway at 2:40 p.m., traffic was murder, and was surprised to see that there are no other vehicles. He climbed out of Reine, made his way up the walk, and rang the doorbell.

Kurt reached the door relatively successfully and it only took him a couple of minutes to open it. Sebastian's breath caught in his throat at the sight of Kurt wearing skinny green corduroy pants, a mustard yellow silk shirt with ruffles on the ends of the sleeves and a tight brown suede vest. He looked stunning and entirely too over dressed for the animal shelter. Also, he looked like he was about to cry. "Bas?" he asked uncertainly.

"It's me, Princess," Sebastian tells him letting his eyes roam Kurt's frame. There were definite perks to Kurt being blind - one of which happened to be that he could not see the blatant desire written clear across Sebastian's face. Sebastian hooked his thumbs in the loops of his jeans and rocked back on his heels for a moment appreciating the sight in front of him.

"I'm so sorry," Kurt's next sentence was practically a sob. He composed himself a bit and ran the back of his hand over his nose sniffling a little. He looked so small and vulnerable. "Finn decided to play a prank on me," he managed to choke out. "I'm sure he thought I would find it funny, and it might be if I didn't feel so helpless to change it…I need help." There was such panic and anxiety in Kurt's eyes that all Sebastian wanted to do was hold him, but Sebastian Smythe was not on such terms with Kurt Hummel…yet. However, hiding his growing attraction for Kurt was becoming more and more difficult.

"Calm down, Kurt. You can either lead me to your room and I can try to find something more appropriate or we can make do with what you're in. It's an eye catching outfit. I really like the pants, but not exactly the best for what we have planned today," Sebastian said calmly.

Kurt was more than a bit panicked at the suggestion of Sebastian going into his room, but he didn't really have an option. He told himself to calm down and breathe, but that only seemed to make him more stressed. "Okay," Kurt squeaked nervously. "Could you help me change please?" Kurt couldn't believe he just said that, but it was out before he could stop himself. He was embarrassed. There could be multiple meanings to that sentence, and Sebastian was surely thinking very platonically about these meetings. Kurt was afraid it might be worse than that. That maybe Sebastian had taken Kurt on as a charity case. Sebastian probably wasn't even thinking twice about seeing Kurt's bedroom or rowing around in Kurt's stuff or even helping Kurt change, but Kurt was and that made him even more shy and nervous.

He watched Kurt, watched the panic flit over his features. "If you're not comfortable with the idea of me being in your room and helping you, we can just do something else today, but I am willing to help you. I just want you to know that," Sebastian said in an even tone. Yeah, he was trying really, really hard to not think about Kurt's room and his clothes and oh…the helping him get dressed thing…well undressed, maybe not so much the re-dressed part. Sebastian really, really needed to stop thinking that way fast before a cold shower became necessary to alleviate pressure.

"No," Kurt said a bit too quickly and loudly and then blushed. "It's just me Bas," he said honestly and then held out his hand. When Sebastian took his hand and squeezed it, Kurt squeezed back.

"Okay then," Sebastian said with a smile that colored his voice, "lead on."

Kurt would have to give Sebastian directions to his room if he wanted Bas to help him. Kurt was actually surprised that he'd managed so well with the cane because his room was upstairs, after all. There were steps involved in that. He found Sebastian's elbow easily enough and then gave directions to his room. Sebastian followed the directions and got them safely upstairs without any trouble.

"Now, where do you keep your jeans and t-shirts?" Sebastian inquired.

At the mention of where he kept his jeans, Kurt couldn't help but squeak nervously like a mouse. Kurt let go of Sebastian's elbow and felt his way to the edge of the bed sitting down on it and trying to force his voice to be even without much success. It came out a bit winded and breathy. "Jeans are hanging in the closet and my t-shirts are in the top drawer of my tall dresser," he told Sebastian. Sebastian walked to the closet and found a pair of jeans that looked like they would be more suited to playing with animals. Next, he retrieved a dark blue t-shirt from Kurt's top dresser drawer.

"Alright, I have a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of medium wash Levis that I'm guessing someone else must have bought for you considering the labels on the other jeans in your closet," he chuckled.

Kurt smiled instinctively. "They're Jeff's," he admitted. "Whenever we'd do anything messy he'd let me change into them and then eventually just left them in my closet," Kurt explained.

Sebastian grinned because that just sounded so like Jeff before asking. "What do you need me to do now? I mean I can just lay things out so you can pick them up and put them on and go back downstairs until you're sorted or...well... just tell me what you need."

Kurt took a breath. He could try to change himself, but he'd need a lot of time and if he sent Bas away and got into a snag they would be late for their outing. He hesitated, thinking for a moment about what to do, before coming to a decision. "Could you turn around maybe and let me try it myself and if I need help I'll let you know?"

"Sure I can do that. I'm going to go sit on the other side of your bed so that my back is to you - okay?" Sebastian asked. Kurt detected an undercurrent in Sebastian's voice. He was confused for a moment, but decided he must have imagined it. Sebastian moved around and sat down on the bed. He really needed to not think about Kurt undressing so close because that was going to be hard. No pun intended. Thank God Kurt wouldn't be able to see that reaction anyway.

Kurt started by slipping out of his vest. That was easy enough. Next, he undid the buttons on his shirt, but found the task more difficult because his hands were actually vibrating bundles of nerves. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, he was able to slip out of the shirt. Kurt next undid his belt and the shaking in his fingers increased. Slipping out of his shoes, he shrugged off his pants wishing not for the first time that he didn't wear such tight pants. He next grabbed the jeans from where Sebastian placed them and after several attempts managed to put them on and button them. However, when he reached for the t-shirt he couldn't find it.

'Shit,' he thought holding his breath for a moment and contemplating the situation. It wasn't just Sebastian. Kurt hated for people to see his body. He thought it was disgusting, pale and linear and too lean. Even when he was with Blaine or Gavin he still wanted to do so many things with the lights off. Now, knowing Sebastian was there and the lights were on, Kurt felt sick. He wanted to hurl or cry, but he couldn't do either. Finally, after several agonizing beats of his heart in his ears, Kurt had no choice but to ask for help. "Hey Sebastian," he said his voice sounding incredibly hoarse, "where's my shirt?"

Sebastian knew that it would take Kurt some time, but he was patient. He directed his gaze to a spot on the wall keeping Kurt out of his line of sight. When Kurt's voice finally reached him, he turned in Kurt's direction and his mouth went dry. Kurt was shirtless - pale and creamy - and damned if he wouldn't like to lap at all that cream. 'Bad mind, out of the gutter...' Sebastian thought. He busied himself instead retrieving Kurt's shirt. He was about to place the shirt into Kurt's hands, but he noticed how violently they were shaking. He sighed inwardly and chuckled. Kurt was irresistible. "Arms up," Sebastian commanded gently. If his tone dropped ever so slightly, that was not his fault - reflex. Right? Kurt complied and Sebastian slipped the shirt over Kurt's head and arms pulling it down purposefully so that his hands could skim along Kurt's sides. Once the shirt was on, he couldn't help but lean close enough to whisper in Kurt's ear, "you look stunning."

Kurt's breath hitched at the feel of Sebastian's fingers on his skin and Sebastian's breath ghosting over his ear. He whimpered and he knew Sebastian could feel it, but at least now he also knew that maybe Sebastian didn't just consider him as an old acquaintance, maybe Kurt could be something else to Sebastian, maybe they could be something else to each other. The thought both frightened and excited him. He didn't want Sebastian to back away, didn't want to be without Sebastian's warmth. He held his breath waiting for what seems like hours.

Sebastian felt the moment just as strongly as Kurt did. That was for sure, but he was torn between giving into that feeling and just keeping on as they had been because in less than a week Sebastian would be back in New York and Kurt would still be here in Lima. Kurt had enough hurt in his life. He didn't need more. Part of him wanted to step that last bit of distance closer and wrap his arms around Kurt and just hold him. Instead, Sebastian's hands gripped Kurt's shoulders and then moved down his arms because he found that he just needed to touch Kurt. He was still close enough to whisper words in Kurt's ear. "As much as I hate to say it, we should get going or we'll run out of time to play with the animals."

Kurt agreed with Sebastian, but his body betrayed him. He shivered at Sebastian's touch and let out another small whimper - definitely letting the other man know how long it had been since he'd been touched like this. "Thank you for your help," Kurt stammered out and he wanted to step back, but he couldn't. His hands involuntarily flew in front of him and landed on Sebastian's rock hard chest. His breath definitely hitched and his fingers couldn't help but flex over what he was touching. Another shudder ran through his body and no amount of bribery would ever get Kurt to step back. If Sebastian wanted to leave, he was going to have to do the work himself.

The whimpers, God the whimpers - it made him want to pick Kurt up and pin him to the pretty bed. He was being sorely tested here. Then those hands with the long, delicate fingers were pressed against his chest and fuck if that didn't make him want Kurt that much more. He bit his lower lip to keep a groan at bay. He covered Kurt's hands with his own relishing in the sensation for one heartbeat... two. After the third heartbeat, he took Kurt's hands in his own pulling Kurt flush against him. "Any other time, Princess, and I would be sorely tempted to do many, many wicked things to you, but we have plans and I respect you far too much to let you become just some fling. You matter Kurt," Sebastian confessed.


	9. Chapter 9 Max

**Chapter 9** - Max

Kurt enjoyed much of the ride in silence. Sebastian turned on the radio humming along to the music. Kurt found it very soothing. He marvelled at how differently the situation in his room had played out. Because of Sebastian's reputation as a playboy and a man-whore, he was actually surprised when Sebastian admitted that Kurt deserves better. Sebastian used every opportunity to remind Kurt that he was returning to New York in just a few short days and knowing that was really affecting Kurt. He appreciated what Sebastian was trying to do, prepare Kurt for his departure, but still the thought of it caused him pain. He didn't want Sebastian to go and he wondered what would happen to their newfound friendship when he left. He was certain that Sebastian would just forget about him. He probably had many other men just waiting to take Michel's place, many other man that didn't require quite so much babysitting and attention. The thought saddened Kurt.

Sebastian too was lost in his thoughts. He didn't like that Kurt was staying here in Lima. Lima wasn't where he belonged. It was like a cage - safe and familiar perhaps - but a cage nonetheless. When he looked over at Kurt, he was surprised to see the sadness painted on Kurt's face. "Why so sad?" Sebastian asked, his voice soft, his tone genuinely concerned.

Kurt thought about lying, but he didn't want to insult Sebastian's intelligence. However, he didn't want it to sound like he was expecting more of Bas than he was able to give. He settled on the simple truth by saying. "New York is so far away," he said and felt his heart skip a beat. Was it just him or had Sebastian nearly kissed him? He knew how desperately he wanted Sebastian to kiss him, but nothing had happened. Even though he was amazed by that fact and proud of Bas he was still a teeny bit disappointed. He'd been told often in his life – first by Blaine and then by Gavin. "_I don't want to hurt you Kurt. I respect you too much. You're the kind of guy that someone marries, Kurt._" For once, and definitely with Sebastian Smythe, he was expecting a different outcome, but perhaps it was not meant to be.

Sebastian nodded at that. "Miles and miles and yet... A distance made much closer by phone lines and internet connections, and when one is lucky enough to be affluent enough to make travel expenses seem insignificant, well, it's hardly that far at all," he mused with a smirk. "Let me guess, you're worried that this is all well and good for Lima and for this moment in time, but when I return to New York it will be as if this never happened - am I correct?" As usual, Sebastian had managed to read Kurt's thoughts.

"We came across each other at the Lima Bean for a reason, Kurt. I don't know what that reason is, but I am not going to let this go so easily. I'm not that kind of person. I'm very protective and possessive of the things and people I bring into my life. Once you're allowed in, you have to do something pretty heinous to be cast out and never acknowledged again. Regardless of where things go with this, with us, I'm here. You can always come back to New York, when you're ready," Sebastian commented.

Kurt didn't realize that he was holding his breath until Sebastian finished his speech. He was glad Sebastian said what he did. He nodded but was unable to find words to respond. Thank God that at the moment Sebastian pulled the car to a stop. Kurt assumed they had arrived at the animal shelter. Sebastian stepped out of the car and walked to Kurt's door, opening it and helping him out of Reine. "Are you ready for this?" Kurt heard Sebastian whisper in his ear and honestly he didn't know if he was ready or not, but he was willing to try. Mostly, he was afraid of stepping on something small and injuring it, but he knew that Sebastian would be close keeping a watchful eye and that definitely made Kurt feel more at ease.

"I'm ready," Kurt said decidedly as he found Sebastian's elbow and took a hold of it. He was amazed how much braver and bolder he felt with Sebastian guiding him. But, next week Sebastian wouldn't be there anymore and Kurt would have to step out of his shell even further and lead himself or risk the world closing in on him again.

It was easy to see that Kurt was overwhelmed but that was alright. He knew that all of this was going to be a lot for him to take in. Not only was there the whole aspect of Kurt dealing with being blind, but then he had to run into an old adversary who had evolved far past that. It was going to take time and Sebastian understood that.

"Shall we go in then?" Kurt heard Sebastian ask and all he could do was nod again. He squeezed Sebastian's arm in response and allowed Bas to lead him inside.

Sebastian greeted the women at the desk. He introduced himself and Kurt and explained that they were there to volunteer some time to help socialize some of the animals. Cats, dogs - it didn't really matter, it was more what the shelter needed. Besides, he knew how good animals could be for therapy. His grandfather had a seeing-eye dog until the dog passed away. More than anything though, Kurt just needed to get out there and start living again. Interact with the world around him more. In deference to Kurt's blindness, they were led to one of the rooms that were usually used when an animal was closer to being adopted, but it would help if they didn't need to chase a dog all around the yard since Kurt was blind.

Once the one woman left to get an animal that needed some playtime, Sebastian described the room to Kurt, and gave him a sense of where everything was located. He led Kurt to a chair and allowed him to sit down. The worker brought in a very lively terrier. "This is Max. He's four," the woman said, giving them a rundown of the dog's information. She then left them to play with the dog that seemed to be overjoyed to be out of his kennel. Max ran right over to Kurt, bouncing on his hind legs and putting his paws against Kurt's legs, trying to get attention. Sebastian couldn't help but chuckle. "I think he likes you."

Kurt opened up his palms at his chest and slowly moved them downward until his fingertips grazed the top of Max's head. The little dog got so excited that he started leaping up and down trying to touch Kurt's hand. Kurt quickly moved his hand lower, now that he had a feel for where Max was located. The little dog began to lap at his hand hungrily. Kurt stroked Max under the neck and the small terrier whined in pleasure. Kurt smiled and cooed to the little dog which soothed him some, but not enough to stop his energetic tail from wagging.

"He's something else," Kurt said as he suddenly felt the space around him shrink as Sebastian stepped closer. He could smell that damn, expensive cologne again and could almost picture Sebastian leaning over to stroke Max's back. There was something so very intimate about the scene that it made Kurt's stomach tighten with anticipation, but anticipation for what?

Sebastian watched the scene play out before him. "If you don't mind, maybe you should sit down on the floor. Max is a tiny thing compared to us two giants," he said. Kurt's imagination wasn't too far off. Sebastian had come closer and had leaned down to pet the dog, which had brought the sense of him and the scent of his cologne closer to Kurt. "I'll even join you two," Sebastian said moving to sit on the floor. As soon as he was at ground level, so to speak, Max turned and bounded into his lap, eager to kiss Sebastian's face and just get more attention. "You are a little bundle of energy, aren't you?" Sebastian laughed and Max barked as if to say, "why yes, yes I am."

Kurt eased himself from the chair to the floor and he heard Max's excited bark from a little further away. He could only assume that the little dog was now somewhere near where Sebastian sat down, so he tried to follow the noise crawling on his hands and knees to where he supposed it was coming from. Sure enough, the next time he stretched out his hand it landed on Sebastian's shoe. "Bas?" he asked and was surprised to hear how breathless his voice sounded. He didn't mean for it to sound like that. Those few short steps had felt like miles, but he'd done it. He'd actually tracked the direction of a sound precisely. He didn't have time to react however because a wet tongue licked up his chin across his lips and to his nose, a wet rough tongue that unfortunately didn't belong to Sebastian. Bad mind! Kurt sputtered as he sat back on his butt his arms full of Max again he tried to wipe off the doggy slobber with the back of his wrist.

Sebastian was ruffling Max's fur and the dog seemed to enjoy the slightly rougher petting, but Sebastian was watching Kurt as well. When Kurt got down to the floor and started crawling towards the sound of Max's barking, Sebastian's mind went to other, more interesting places where Kurt could be crawling. Shifting slightly, he banished such a thought from his mind. Tempting as the image of Kurt crawling across a bed to him was, this was hardly the time or place. When Kurt's hand found his shoe, Sebastian chuckled. "Found me," he announced. He tried to keep hold of Max, but he was distracted enough that the terrier got free and decided to give Kurt puppy kisses. Sebastian bit his lower lip to keep from laughing. "Lucky dog," he quipped, his amusement coloring his tone as he watched Kurt interact with Max and try to wipe the dog slobber off his face.

"I didn't even get a chance to ask. Why is the animal shelter on Michel's List? I assume he liked animals a lot," Kurt said a bit hesitantly. He didn't want to ruin the moment by making Sebastian sad, but he'd also discovered the more good memories that Sebastian remembered about Michel, the more he talked about him, the happier and at peace he sounded. Kurt liked the idea of helping Sebastian achieve peace. It gave him comfort as well.

"It was something Michel's mother started, actually. She used to take him to the shelter when he was little, as she volunteered there. As he got older, he took to volunteering at animal shelters and homeless shelters whenever he had the time to do so. He got to spend time with animals, when he was travelling too much to have one of his own and he got to help people who were down on their luck. He was just that kind of person. He had trouble getting me to go to homeless shelters at first. I didn't really feel comfortable, considering I'd never seen anything like that kind of life. I'm from a very affluent family, so that's a world more like a nightmare to me. Going together wasn't so bad. Making a difference feels good. I have to admit. But, I like volunteering at animal shelters far more. Animals are much better company than people, for the most part," he chuckled.

"Present company excluded, of course," Kurt said in a sassy tone as his hand flew to his chest and his face took on an expression of faux shock. Even if his lifeless eyes were covered by his Gucci glasses the rest of his face was expressive enough. He could hear Sebastian's laugh and he thought it was one of the most beautiful sounds he'd heard in a while. Kurt cleared his throat as the embarrassment hit him. He realized just how much like the old Kurt he'd sounded in that moment.

"I thought that went without saying," Sebastian teased back. He was glad to see Kurt coming back to life again. Hearing that sass, it was something that heartened him. Sure, Kurt was a little broken, but he seemed to be even more on the mend now and that was a good thing. That sass, that vibrant spark - that was what made Kurt so fascinating. It was what made Kurt...Kurt.

Kurt's voice disturbed Sebastian's musings. "Was he a cat person or a dog person?" Kurt asked. At the mention of cats, Max gave a disgruntled whine.

"Equal opportunity animal lover, so he used to argue. However, he preferred dogs - small dogs. He liked little dogs that could curl up on his lap without making his legs fall asleep. Little bark boxes that would greet him excitedly, their whole back ends wagging. Cats are so different. They are often far more selfish. I prefer cats - lower maintenance, self sufficient, and as happy to be pets as they are to be left alone," Sebastian elaborated. "As much as Michel would profess to love all animals equally, the smile that lit his face and made his eyes almost sparkle at the sight of a small dog gave him away every time," he added softly. He wasn't sad, but he was clearly remembering the way Michel would look.

Max settled down in Kurt's lap and as he stroked the small terrier's fur he remembered that there were several things from Michel's list that he wanted to ask Sebastian about. "Bas," he asked hesitantly and when he heard a soft acknowledgment he gained some courage and proceeded. "Could I ask you about Michel's List?" he said hesitantly.

"Of course you can, Kurt. You can ask me anything," Sebastian's voice sounded pleasant enough and definitely not like he was angry at Kurt for broaching the subject so Kurt plunged on.

"On the tape, you call yourself Bastian. Is that what Michel used to call you?" Kurt asked.

"Yes! There are a few reasons for that. It started out almost accidental... Mishearing things...But the more we got to know one another, the more it stuck. There is another reason, kind of silly, but if I share that one with you, it won't be where we have an audience. It's nothing dirty... it's just... let's just say, I'm selfish," Sebastian admitted.

Kurt cleared his throat before asking the next question. "Did you two really...in public?" Kurt said, not really able to complete the question and hoping that Sebastian would get the gist of what he was asking. When he realized he did ask he turned three shades redder, if that was possible. It was just that Kurt couldn't ever picture himself being that bold. He was glad that Michel had done the work for him on that one. In fact, Kurt was scared that he may never be able to cross some of the things he had on his own list, and they were pretty tame compared to Michel's, but then again Michel had been French.

He chuckled at that question. "We were in France - remember? There are nude beaches in France. It's not the same, it really isn't. Americans are such prudes, but where we did it, there wasn't another soul for miles - at least not any that were going to come close to where we were or care to find us in flagrante delicto," Sebastian explained with a chuckle.

Kurt's mind still wasn't able to fully process the information that Sebastian was giving him. Really all that his mind was processing at the moment was what Sebastian, well the Sebastian from high school, looked like sweaty and glistening lying on top of him as he pressed Kurt's body into the soft sand beneath him. He cleared his throat, but knew he was red as a tomato and there was no helping it. "Hey Bas, didn't Michel have on his list teach Bastian how to make Crème Brûlée?" Kurt finally managed to squeak out glad his mind was still partially there.

"I still remember the night Michel was teaching me," Sebastian admitted a tinge of sadness coloring his voice. "We must have made a dozen or so before I got it right. He was the picture of patience, just kept me going until I finally got it right. It was his favorite dessert. I made it for him with dinner the night before he went back to France that last time." Again, there was an undercurrent of sadness in Sebastian's words.

"He sounds amazing," Kurt said honestly because Michel truly did sound amazing. The thought of that worried Kurt because the more amazing that Michel became in his eyes the harder it was to hate his proclaimed guardian angel. It became nearly impossible to compete with him. If he couldn't be angry at Michel for being so perfect, than that only left being angry at himself for being so deficient. "Are you still close to his family? Was he an only child?" Kurt asked hesitantly not wanting to upset Sebastian.

At that moment, as if sensing the change in mood Max crawled from Kurt's arms where he'd begun to doze off and into Sebastian's lap nudging his hand and encouraging him to pet his soft fur. The act made Sebastian feel so much better, and he was yet again amazed how animals had such a profound sense for situations, if only people could learn something from them. Max's and Kurt's comfort gave him strength to open up a bit more and talk about Michel's family. "I still keep in contact with them. His mother still insists I call her mom. He has an older brother, Stefan, and a younger sister Amalie. Stef and I butt heads a lot. We're both stubborn, but Amalie is a darling. She is the little princess. She'll be fourteen this year. She was unplanned, but not unwanted," he explained.

Kurt nodded, listening and suddenly a thought filtered into his head and he asked Sebastian if he remembered to make a paper copy of Michel's List. When he heard the sound of paper crinkling, he smiled and informed Sebastian that they had to cross off an item from Michel's List. Sebastian put Max back into Kurt's lap for a moment and excused himself to search for a pen. Kurt strokes Max's soft fur and whispers to the small dog in his arms. "What do you think boy? Shall we cross off three items from our lists today?" Max barked to confirm that he liked the idea. "Me too," Kurt agreed that would make Kurt feel quite accomplished.


	10. Chapter 10 Lily

**Chapter 10** - Lily

Sebastian reached into the pocket of his jacket and drew out the folded piece of paper, the sound of the paper making Max suddenly interested and bringing his tail back to life. "You are making it very hard not to fall in love with you," Kurt said honestly and Max gave a bark. If Kurt could see, he would have known that Sebastian was standing in the doorway of the room watching him. At Kurt's last statement, he would have seen Sebastian shoot a funny, silly look of jealousy in Max's direction.

"Well, I do try," Sebastian quipped teasingly. He knew that Kurt was talking to the dog, unaware that he'd returned, but he couldn't resist.

Kurt hesitated for a moment still stroking Max. "Sebastian, what's going to happen to him?" Kurt asked seriously. "He's so small and he's all alone here," Kurt reasoned.

"He'll go back to his kennel until someone adopts him," Sebastian replied simply.

Kurt thought for a moment and a brilliant idea began to manifest itself. "I think I can help him," Kurt told Sebastian honestly.

"So, how do you propose to help Max, then?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"I know of a friend that is need of just such a dog," Kurt said his voice tinged with a hint of mystery. "I know this is a no-kill animal shelter, but some of these animals have been here for quite some time. I want to help Max," Kurt tried to find the right words and then grinned to himself, "blow this popsicle stand." Kurt suddenly knew how he was going to cross two more things off of his list and he vowed to come back to the animal shelter the very next week after Sebastian left for New York. The act of helping Max would take his mind off of the loss of Sebastian.

Sebastian wondered just what was going through Kurt's mind. He chuckled at Kurt's choice of words - "blow this popsicle stand". It was…cute. He didn't want to think about going to New York anymore than Kurt wanted to, but Sebastian's life wasn't here, his life was in New York and he couldn't put it off forever. He tried to push that thought from his mind, however. He wanted to be here in this moment and not off in the clouds.

Kurt ruffled Max's hair and kissed the top of his head. "Would you come over here and take Max? Have them return him to his kennel and if you want you can ask for a cat, but come and sit next to me afterwards so I can tell you what to cross off," Kurt said as he grinned mischievously and held out a squirming Max in his hands.

"Sure, I can take Max," he said, stooping down to pick up the energetic little dog. Max wiggled in his arms, but he was happily trying to lick Sebastian's face. "I'll be back, hopefully with a cat, and then we can talk..." His words trailed off, he'd caught the mischievous grin and he wondered what Kurt was up to.

Sebastian slipped out, handing Max back to the workers. He was handed a beautiful little Persian kitten. Her name was Lily and she was this tiny little ball of fluff. They found her abandoned in the rain and she didn't really meow so much as squeak. She had to be the most adorable thing Sebastian had ever laid eyes on. He returned to the room, Lily in hand.

"I have returned and I have with me, Lily - a tiny little ball of Persian fluff that was found abandoned in the rain," Sebastian said in a low whisper as he moved to sit right next to Kurt, so close that Kurt felt his body heat. He gently took Kurt's free hand and put the tiny kitten that was really not much bigger than the palm of his hand.

"Oh," Kurt felt himself exhale as his fingers ghosted over the tiny little ball. "My childhood hamster would have eaten her for lunch," he teased as he ran one finger very slowly over the kitten's body his fingers occasionally grazing Sebastian's in the process. Kurt didn't mind.

"I think she's adorable. She's got the second prettiest blue eyes I have ever seen," he felt Sebastian whisper in his ear and it sent a shiver down his spine and a blush to his cheeks. Sebastian quickly continued to describe the pale cream colored coat with the barest of coloring coming on to her points. Sebastian knew that all Persian kittens were born a solid color and the points came in later.

It didn't escape his notice how closely Sebastian was sitting, but Kurt knew how to play this game too. Granted he'd never played blind, but he hoped he still had a few aces up his sleeve. He turned his body into Sebastian's. As he stroked Lily, he leaned forward a bit. Kurt pretended to lose his balance and caught himself with his free hand by placing it right behind Sebastian near his very well-defined ass. Granted, Kurt hadn't seen Sebastian's ass in a while but he did have an imagination and it was vivid. He was leaning into Sebastian now as he feigned panic. "I'm so sorry," he lied very convincingly. "I lost my balance."

"By all means, feel free to... quote unquote lose your balance any time," Sebastian's teasing voice ghosted against his face eliciting a rosy blush.

"Are you implying, sir, that I did it on purpose?" Kurt said in faux vexation.

"And what are you going to do if I am?" Sebastian countered. He didn't mind their proximity, kind of liked it actually, but he wasn't going to say anything.

Kurt wanted to say more, but it was then that he felt something very tiny crawling up his left knee that now rested against Sebastian's right one. Well okay, maybe Kurt's leg was practically draped across Sebastian's but that was semantics. Wasn't it? Kurt squeaked in surprised and moved his head downwards on reflex even though he couldn't see. He lifted his head back up and mouthed to Sebastian in an exaggerated tone, "invasion!"

Lily was toddling her way along, trying to climb onto Kurt's 'lap' as it were. Sebastian laughed at the overdramatic invasion. "I think she likes you," Sebastian commented.

"Everyone likes me," was the automatic reply and Kurt didn't know what had gotten into him to feel so bold, but he always loved animals - they always relaxed him. "First Max and now Lily," he smiled. "It's nice to feel appreciated. Didn't you go looking for a pen?" Kurt asked Sebastian remembering that was why Sebastian had left in the first place. He reached down to his leg carefully and scooped Lily into the palm of his hand.

"Well, you're incredibly likeable," Sebastian chuckled. "Animals are great judges of character," he commented. "I did... and I did not forget the pen. I have it, don't you worry about that," he quipped. Lily looked up at Kurt and squeaked at him.

"Hey," Kurt exclaimed gleefully, "we speak the same language." He stroked Lily's back absently as he addressed Sebastian.

Sebastian laughed. "I don't think you squeak, Kurt," he shook his head.

"Thank you Sebastian," Kurt said honestly. "For being here and...for everything," Kurt admitted in a tight voice. To stop himself from thinking of their impending separation, Kurt replayed Michel's List over and over again in his head stroking Lily's fur in the process. The little cat meowed contentedly.

"Would you cross off #57 (ML#57: Make a difference in at least one person's life) for me on Michel's List?" Kurt asked a smile playing across his lips, "but put his name next to the date because as much as you've made a difference in my life you couldn't have been the person that you are today without him, so really he is the source and we are the river," Kurt said going into a Nietzsche moment.

Hearing Kurt's suggestion caused a swell of emotion to build up in Sebastian. Kurt Hummel was something else entirely in the way that he supported Sebastian talking about Michel in order to heal. "Thank you, Kurt," Sebastian said his voice barely above a whisper. He crossed off #57, writing in Michel's name and the date and making note of Kurt's words as well.

"I suppose we can cross off 19 too (ML#19: Volunteer at an animal shelter and try not to bring something home)," Kurt mused as he felt Lily attempting to pad out of his hand and explore her surroundings a bit. "I mean, it is why we came here in the first place," Kurt reasoned and he heard Sebastian scratching out 19 as well and putting in the date. "Don't forget to put in Max and Lily's names. They were our first shot at parenting," Kurt giggled and it was only afterwards that he realized what he said and blushed scarlet.

"Right...19. I was having so much fun I nearly forgot," Sebastian admitted as he watched Lily pad around and it was just cute. She was so tiny and it was like watching a toddler. She was not too stable on uneven surfaces and she kind of bumbled around a little. "Max and Lily. Check." He caught the words that Kurt spoke, and was glad Kurt couldn't see his reaction. He was so torn at those words, because that was one thing he and Michel had discussed. It hurt that that part of his life was at least on hold. "I know Michel's List says try to not go home with any animals, but I'm so torn right now. I just don't know how well Lily would do getting to New York," Sebastian admitted revealing a highly vulnerable side of himself especially in his tone of voice.

"You're right. It wouldn't be fair to her to take her now," Kurt reasoned. "You aren't even sure if your building will allow you pets," Kurt contemplated. "If you still want her after a while and she still hasn't found a farm where she can run free and chase mice and not turn into a snobby New York socialite, I'll bring her to you myself," Kurt said the words before he could stop himself. He couldn't help it - the tone of Sebastian's voice tugged at his heartstrings. It was only afterwards that he realized what he'd agreed to.

"She should not be on a farm. Lily deserves to be a pampered princess. She's too little now, even if I took the train it would probably be hard on her, but she's so tiny and adorable and... damn it," Sebastian muttered. He wasn't sure whether he was more upset at how much Lily had gotten under his skin or how vulnerable he sounded at the moment. It was when he heard that Kurt was willing to bring her to New York that Sebastian's spirits lifted. He looked down at the little kitten. "Would you really? So if a month from now, I decided that Lily should come home with me, you would really bring her?"

Kurt hesitated. A month was such a short time, but the sound of Sebastian's voice so hopeful, like a small child, trusting and vulnerable. "Yes," Kurt said simply and the yes sounded breathless. "One month," he said holding Lily against his heart with one hand and holding out the other for Sebastian to shake. "It's a deal."

He smiled at that. He took the hand. "One month then," he said with a grin, giving Kurt's hand a hearty shake. Lily nuzzled against Kurt's chest, squeaking at them both. He felt a connection to Lily - this little, tiny, helpless and adorable ball of fluff.

"You hear that," Kurt said bending his head slightly until he felt Lily's head nuzzle his jaw. "Papa's gonna send for you in a month, but you have to be really good until then," thinking about something Kurt brought up another realization. "I didn't negotiate the conditions of this drop," he said acting very serious. "Conditions are the epitome of any deal. Aren't they?"

Sebastian watched Kurt interact with Lily and they're just adorable. He laughed at the way Kurt worded things, but maybe he could make arrangements here with the shelter since she did still have some healing and growing to do before she could safely make a trip to New York. "Well then by all means, name your conditions, but realize there might be some negotiating to be done."

"I just want visitation rights. That's all," Kurt said. "I think it's adorable that you've fallen for Lily and I believe you're satisfying Michel's List for now by not taking her home, but if I'm going to bring her all the way to New York, I at least want to be able to see her from time to time. Would that be alright?"

He smiled, watching Kurt carefully, and he had a point, he wasn't taking Lily today, on the day that he volunteered, so that had to count for something - right? "Hmm I think that Lily wouldn't mind having two dads," Sebastian said casually watching Kurt to see his reaction to that phrase.

"Two dads? Oh...well...yes," Kurt stuttered as he stroked the back of his neck with his free hand. "I mean...that is..." he couldn't seem to get the words out and with every word he blushed harder. Finally, he huffed in exasperation and addressed Lily, "he did it on purpose Squeaks," Kurt whined. "He doesn't like me at all. See how he tortures me."

Sebastian couldn't help it...At the nervous reaction, which he really shouldn't have considering the comment Kurt himself had made earlier...Then the talking with Lily...Sebastian started laughing. It took him a few moments to regain his composure. "Of course not," Sebastian said seriously. "I've been spending time with you, delaying my return to New York as long as possible, just to torture you. I couldn't possibly like you," he quipped and the effect was lost because he was still snickering.

Kurt heard Sebastian's honest laugh and warmth curled in his stomach. This was his family. Right here - Sebastian and Lily - or at least it could be someday. "Bas," he said Sebastian's name so breathlessly that it almost felt like it was part of the breath, part of what he needed to sustain him. "Could we...that is...could we," Kurt was flustered that he couldn't ask and more importantly he was not sure he had a right to.

His attention was caught by the breathy way Kurt said his name, and then, there was this flustered stammering that had Sebastian arching a brow Kurt couldn't see. "Could we...what? You're going to have to ask, Kurt...I'm not a mind reader," Sebastian teased him.

"I...I mean...Kiss me," Kurt just blurted it out and he was so shocked that he asked in that way, but the moment was perfect. All he could think about was Sebastian and Lily and their home in New York, and Sebastian had called them dads. It was just so overwhelming for Kurt. Sebastian was insanely attractive. Kurt had made him laugh. He supposed that satisfied #45 on his list (KL#45: Get kissed by a gorgeous guy just because I made him laugh). More than anything, it would help Kurt be able to breathe again, so he desperately needed Sebastian to kiss him.

Sebastian said nothing. Instead, he carefully took into consideration where Lily was and got closer to Kurt in a way that wouldn't harm the kitten. His hand moved to cup Kurt's cheek, his thumb lightly moving against the soft skin. He leaned in, and pressed his lips to Kurt's. The kiss was soft and sweet. Just towards the end of it, before it broke, there was a hint of heat, just a taste of it, before Sebastian was pulling away. He remained silent, watching, waiting for Kurt's reaction.

"Oh God," Kurt's trembling fingertips flew to his lips and he found himself speechless. He felt like he couldn't breathe and all there was in this world was his heartbeat roaring in his ears. "That was our first kiss," he stated the obvious, but he didn't know what else to say. He was just amazed. He didn't realize that the word first implied there would be others. Sebastian Smythe had just kissed him and it was quite possibly a life altering kiss.

He was amused by Kurt's reaction. "Yes... it was. A good one - I hope," he commented but he didn't sound doubtful or worried, more teasing than anything. He took Lily from Kurt's lap. He brought her close and she nuzzled his neck. She squeaked at him. "Yes, I know Lily, he looks a little awestruck," Sebastian employed Kurt's tactics by telling Lily what he really wanted to tell Kurt. He pulled his cell phone out and took a quick picture, capturing the moment in a manner of speaking. He slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"It was breathtaking," Kurt admitted to Sebastian and he meant it. How he was going to survive in Lima without him, he didn't know, but Kurt Hummel was sure he was forever changed by Sebastian Smythe. Who would have thought it?

* * *

Items Crossed from Lists:

ML#57: Make a difference in at least one person's life.

ML#19: Volunteer at an animal shelter and try not to bring something home.

KL#45: Get kissed by a gorgeous guy just because I made him laugh.


	11. Chapter 11 Your Chariot Awaits

**Chapter 11** - Your Chariot Awaits

After the animal shelter and that adorable kiss, Sebastian decided to take Kurt out on the town to say goodbye properly. He planned the entire affair. His family was frequent patrons of La Chanterelle, the best French restaurant in Ohio. Sebastian was almost considered family by the restaurant owner. He managed to convince Kurt to allow him to pick out his attire for the evening ahead of time and assured him that he could ask Carole to describe it to him after Sebastian left. Sebastian selected Kurt's dark gray suit with a white dress shirt and a dark turquoise tie. Simple, but classic! Black dress shoes and after rummaging through Kurt's sock drawer he'd found a pair of black dress socks that had an argyle pattern in the same shade of turquoise.

He knew this was taking a lot of trust on Kurt's part, but Sebastian wanted to show Kurt that he could be trusted. His outfit was going to be a black suit, crisp white dress shirt and a dark turquoise tie that leaned towards more green than blue. They would be matching without matching - complementing. He had everything set up and maybe he was going a little overboard, but he wanted to leave a lasting impression on one Kurt Hummel. He needed to. He was going back to New York, but he had distinct hopes for the future. Although, he wasn't going to give them voice just yet.

Kurt was making his own surprise preparations for this special evening by contacting a very important branch of the national government to procure a specific parchment. Wednesday was the day they visited the animal shelter and Thursday Kurt got up early to complete his task on time. Finn, seeing how important the process was to Kurt, woke up early himself to help. Together, they managed to muddle through all the red tape and achieve the desired goal. Kurt had the parcel sent overnight to ensure it arrived before his dinner with Sebastian on Saturday. With great anticipation, Kurt waited for the arrival of the courier on Friday and was rewarded with Finn's excited bouncing up and down as he announced, "it's here...it's here...it's here!" So, Kurt's surprise was ready as well for their much awaited dinner Saturday evening.

Sebastian was dressed and primed. After stopping to put gas in Reine, who would be living at the Hummel home while he was in New York, he made his way to pick up Kurt. He was nervous. Cliché though it may be, there was a bouquet of one dozen frost fire roses sitting on the passenger seat complete with greenery and baby's breath. He had always loved frost fire roses with their white centers and fiery red edges. He figured it was a go big or go home kind of moment, and truthfully, Smythes only really know how to go big.

He pulled into the driveway and parked, taking the bouquet of flowers from the passenger seat and emerging. He made his way up the walk to the door, ringing the bell and waiting. A woman came to the door and opened it smiling brightly at the young man standing in the doorway with a dozen roses and a very expensive looking suit. "You must be Sebastian," she said brightly as she stepped aside. "Please come in. Kurt's almost ready. I'm Carole Hummel," the woman said holding out her hand to Sebastian. "Finn and Kurt's mom," she said as if she needed to clarify who she was.

Sebastian took Carole's offered hand and kissed the back of it. "A pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hummel," he said in a polite voice. He could be quite polite and refined when he was of a mind to be. As nervous as he was, he was trying to be patient because he knew that it wasn't exactly easy for Kurt.

Elsewhere, upstairs..."I'm so nervous," Kurt said as he smoothed his hands over his suit one more time. Finn was standing about a foot away watching his brother and waiting to see if Kurt would need any more help. They'd spent about an hour and a half getting Kurt ready. Finn was almost as nervous. "You look great," Finn reassured Kurt one more time taking one last appraising look.

"Thanks for the help, Finn," Kurt said almost in tears as he felt his brother's firm arms circle around him pulling him in for a hug and he didn't even care if his suit may or may not be getting rumpled. Well, maybe he didn't care too much.

"Wow," Burt's voice from the doorway broke up the moment. "You look incredible," Burt said approvingly and Kurt felt a little more relieved. "He doesn't look that bad either," Burt said a teasing tone in his voice, "I kind of peeked downstairs. Your mother's down there with him," Burt admitted. "You may want to put him out of his misery."

"Good idea," Kurt agreed as he grabbed his cane and Finn's elbow. Burt's heart warmed at the sight of his two sons working together to overcome this new obstacle that life had thrown at Kurt. He was so thankful for the family that had been put in his path, for his second chance at love with Carole, and Finn – providing another son for him and a brother for Kurt. At first, when they'd all started it was uncertain that they were going to make it as a family, but now no one was more in Kurt's corner than Finn. At the door, Burt squeezed his son's shoulder and drew Kurt against him for a tight embrace.

"I'm so proud you're mine," he whispered in Kurt's ear and now Kurt really was crying.

"Thank you very much," he grumbled a bit of sass in his voice. "You two have me in tears." From the swell of emotion coursing through him, Kurt felt like he was forgetting something.

"Boys," Carole's voice rang from downstairs, "don't keep Sebastian waiting all night." Kurt took one more deep breath and walked downstairs.

At Carole's teasing he chuckled. "We do have reservations and it will take a bit of time to get there," he affirmed, but there was an easily noticeable smile in his voice.

When Kurt came into view, Sebastian was caught off guard. Although he knew the suit would look good on Kurt, seeing it on him was a different story altogether. He stepped over to help Kurt with the last step, offering his arm in that casual way of his. He leaned in to speak in Kurt's ear. "You look stunning," Sebastian admitted sincerely. "And, I couldn't help but be a little cliché," he said in a more teasing tone. "One dozen frost fire roses," he said as he held the bouquet out to Kurt and then once more leaned in to speak so only Kurt could hear him. "They're my favorite."

Sebastian put the flowers in Kurt's free hand and Kurt pressed the bouquet to his nose and inhaled deeply. "They smell lovely," he said a bit breathlessly.

"They look lovely, too," Carole told him. "Want me to put them in water?" Kurt nodded, unable to speak at the moment. He allowed his fingers to ghost over the petals and the flowers studying the arrangement with his hands before he handed them over to her. A swell of emotions came over him and he took considerable comfort from Sebastian's proximity, though he didn't want to admit it even to himself.

"So where are you taking my little brother?" Finn said doing his best to be as intimidating as possible. Finn was still a little weary of Sebastian Smythe.

Sebastian took a bit of pride in rendering Kurt speechless. It was one of those things that didn't seem to happen very often. He would mark that down, but he didn't want to seem like the ass that Finn was expecting him to be. He also did not find Finn intimidating in the least. He gave the taller man a look that suggested that he was not impressed with the macho display. "One of my favorite restaurants, we're going to La Chanterelle," he said simply waiting for the reaction because it was only the best French restaurant in perhaps the entire state.

"Fancy," Carole said approvingly as Burt made a low whistling noise. "Why don't you ever take me there honey?" Carole asked teasingly.

Sebastian chuckled. "Well, perhaps I can put in a good word for you with Armand Duchamps and maybe you can jump the waiting list," he offered. Armand was the executive chef and owner of Le Chanterelle.

"Oh no," Kurt joked too, "you've started a riot. Shall we leave before it becomes full blown?"

"If you need anything," Finn said in his ear and Kurt knew the entire room heard him. Finn gave Kurt a pager and Kurt was to use it if he needed to. It was very sweet that Finn was so worried about him.

"Perhaps we should," Sebastian agreed. He pretended to ignore Finn's attempts at secrecy that failed rather blatantly but he understood the desire to protect Kurt. It was something he could appreciate so he just turned a blind eye.

"Have him home at a decent hour," Burt said, meaning to sound threatening, but in truth it came out more like a request. Burt was such a dichotomy - a gruff exterior hid a very sensitive, emotional soul. One that especially felt for how difficult his son's life had been so far and how difficult it was going to be if Kurt never regained his sight. He appreciated so much the effect that Sebastian seemed to have on Kurt and wasn't going to put a stop to it by being over-protective.

"I will try to not keep him out too late, travel time aside," Sebastian promised Burt as he shook hands with the man. "Don't worry Mr. Hummel. I'll take good care of Kurt. He matters," Sebastian said not knowing that he'd said exactly the words that Burt needed to hear. "Shall we?" he inquired to Kurt because they did still have about an hour drive ahead of them.

Kurt agreed and allowed himself to be lead to Reine. Sebastian opened the door for Kurt and helped him inside before going around to the driver's side and opening the door. Kurt heard Carole tell Sebastian to drive safe and Bas assured her that he would. Seconds later they were pulling out of the driveway and on their way to the restaurant. Kurt remained silent wringing his hands together nervously and trying to even out his heartbeat that was pounding in his chest. Finally, he felt like he should say something because the silence was intolerable. "Thank you for the roses," he said deciding that the flowers were a safe topic.

Sebastian found himself smiling. "You're welcome. I know it's cliché and somewhat unconventional - all things considered, but when I stopped at the florist they had just gotten a shipment in of frost fire roses and I couldn't help myself. There's just always been something about the pristine white ringed with deep red that's always appealed to me. I figured you would at least appreciate me sharing them with you for that reason alone," Sebastian admitted.

"I'm glad you're wearing the suit I picked out for you. I was worried that you would get Carole to pick something else out," he admitted and Kurt was surprised to detect hesitation in Sebastian's voice, but that was impossible! Why would Sebastian Smythe be hesitant? "And since I know you're dying to know," Sebastian said quickly diverting the hesitancy, "I'm wearing this season's latest black Armani suit with a white dress shirt and a greenish turquoise tie and black dress shoes."

Kurt was smiling now too because he could picture how perfect Sebastian looked in the clothing. "You little cheat," Kurt said teasing Sebastian, "you're not getting me to forget what you said first by blinding me with fashion. I'm on to you, Smythe," and when he heard a chuckle in the seat next to him he proceeded with confidence his voice suddenly growing serious. "Why wouldn't I wear what you picked out for me? You know that I trust you. Don't you?" Kurt's voice sounded husky even to him. 'What is wrong with me?' Kurt thought. 'I can't be falling for Sebastian Smythe.'

Sebastian chuckled at that. "Well, I know you trust me to not lead you into walls, but fashion is a very different thing with you. I know how much you love fashion and I doubt that's waned at all. In fact I'd dare to venture that you probably love it even more now than you did before. I figured that anything that was found in your closet was a safe enough bet and I did have the advantage of knowing where we were going. I could have just told Carole what kind of outfit to pick out for you, but I wanted to do it myself. So, do you have any burning questions you need answered before we get to the restaurant?" Sebastian inquired.

"You think I'm stunning," Kurt blurted out realizing he'd been lost in his thoughts. Not thinking about anything but Sebastian.

"Always have," Sebastian affirmed. "Attacking your attire was the best way to get you to fight with me. Oh, the lies I wove in those days just to get you to spark in my direction."

"I...," Kurt tried to cover his outburst, "why did you pick this place?"

"I've been going to this restaurant either with my parents or alone pretty much since it opened. Armand considers me another wayward son. I chose this place because I wanted our last meal together before I return to New York to be a memorable one. I've made the arrangements well in advance though I can line jump and usually do, but we'll be dining at the chef's table tonight. So, the only people you need to worry about are yourself, me and the executive chef and one waitress," Sebastian explained.

"Thank you Sebastian for doing all of this for me," Kurt said his voice very tight suddenly, "I feel really special." And, it was true. He did feel very special. The large lump in his throat grew. Sebastian had done all this for him, taken such care to prepare everything so that Kurt would feel as comfortable as possible. He'd even dressed Kurt in one of his very own designs, a favorite because it had been a first of his. The lump grew though because Sebastian mentioned returning to New York, mentioned this being their last meal together. It felt like a death sentence.


	12. Chapter 12 La Chanterelle

**Chapter 12** - La Chanterelle

"Marie, I see your father finally got wise and put you out front," Sebastian chuckled as he approached the front podium of the restaurant with Kurt on his arm. They arrived in one piece. Kurt never had any doubts. Sebastian was an excellent driver and especially careful when Kurt was in the car.

"Sebastian Smythe, I should have known. You have reservations, this time, do you not?" the French girl inquired.

"Of course, I do. I have a reservation for the Chef's table," Sebastian informed her adding a wink. Marie blushed scarlet. It seemed that Sebastian had pull with anyone who had eyes and apparently some that did not.

"Of course you do. I do not know how you manage this all the time, but I will not argue. Come on, I am sure you know the way, but father would be disappointed with me if I just left you on your own," Marie said merrily as she lead the way. Sebastian followed her, leading Kurt back to the private Chef's table located just off the kitchen. It was quiet, but there was a warm ambience that even Kurt would be able to feel. Once Marie departed, Sebastian proceeded to described in that same careful detail as he did everything else the room they were in and it began to manifest before Kurt's eyes.

Sebastian barely finished when another voice joined the conversation. "Sebastian, how good to see you again and I see you've brought someone. Is this someone special to you perhaps?" Kurt heard a thickly accented Frenchman's voice.

"Perhaps...Don't start, Armand," Sebastian chastised before speaking to Kurt. "Kurt, this is Armand Duchamps, executive chef and owner of La Chanterelle. Armand this is a dear friend - Kurt Hummel."

"Dear friend - eh? I think we both know better, Sebastian, but if you wish to try and deny such things with me, I suppose I shall allow it for now. Have you any idea what you wish to dine on this evening? You could go for any of our specials or, if you trust me, I could prepare something for you. I am well aware of Sebastian's allergies. Have you any food allergies, Monsieur Hummel?" Armand inquired. He spoke carefully and slowly so that Kurt would know where he was because he had been told in advance that Kurt was blind.

"I'm lucky in that regard Monsieur Armand," Kurt said in fluent French, "I do not have any allergies. As you can see, my condition makes it a bit difficult to be extremely picky. Not that I am when it comes to food, unlike clothing," Kurt informed the head chef. "Also, I tend to be more adventurous than people give me credit for, so I will gladly take the chef's specialty." Kurt added as an afterthought, "Sebastian has allergies?"

"He only has a small handful of them, mostly shellfish and then also capers and chestnuts, so thankfully nothing too terrible. He doesn't speak of them often, but it could have been worse, he could be like his mother and allergic to anything berry. Poor woman, and it was not always an allergy she had, the day she found out she could no longer have the tarts I make, she was beside herself, but we now make her chocolate tarts to make up for the strawberry ones she misses so much. Speaking of your mother, Sebastian, it has been months since she and your father have stopped by. What is keeping them away, eh?" Armand inquired.

"Father finally opened his own law firm. That's why they've been absent, and it's also why I've been back in town," Sebastian quickly filled Armand in on the specifics.

"I was wondering. I heard you were doing well in New York," Armand mused.

"Yes, I miss my quiet apartment. I'm about ready to throttle both mother and father, but you know how they can be," Sebastian chuckled.

"Oui, such passion those two, it is a wonder anyone can ever get anything done around them," Armand chuckled, "so two chef's choice then?"

"Yes, two chef's choice," Sebastian affirmed.

"Good. I shall return with a starter. I think French Onion soup, as it is one of your favorites, Sebastian," Armand declared.

"You spoil me, Armand," Sebastian said and Kurt caught the smile in Sebastian's voice.

"Well, someone has to," the older gentleman chuckled before departing. Though Sebastian had proved time and again how different he was from his high school self, this was a totally different dimension again. This was a side of Sebastian that was warm, friendly, and comfortable around people. It gave Kurt the opportunity to listen to facts that pertained to what Sebastian was like around his family and those always interested him. He was having a blast just sitting back and 'observing.'

"I swear that man has appointed himself my uncle or something, but God love him for it," Sebastian's voice cut into Kurt's thoughts and he realized he'd allowed them to drift. "Are you okay, Kurt?" Sebastian inquired.

"I'm not sure," Kurt answered honestly. "You just seem so...human," Kurt said not really knowing the exact word to use. Kurt desperately wanted to touch Sebastian just to make sure he was there. At that moment, Sebastian reached out and took Kurt's hand as if he'd read his thoughts. Kurt's breath hitched.

"Human as opposed to what - sex god?" Sebastian teased Kurt to lighten the mood and Kurt felt his heart flutter again. It was like Sebastian was reading his mind, and knew just what to say to calm Kurt down. "Sorry, couldn't resist," Sebastian admitted.

"I don't want to think about you going to New York tomorrow," Kurt said his voice tight with emotion. "I'm really scared to think about how I will get anywhere without you," Kurt admitted, "but then, I think about going back to New York and that's frightening as well. The city is so big and I'm still not ready," he admitted forlornly, "I'm not ready to see her again just as much as I'm not ready to leave my family, but I don't...I can't," Kurt felt a small, quiet sob escape his lips as he thought about the situation. "I don't want to think about you so far away." How the hell had he become attached to one human being so much in the span of two and a half weeks? And, who would have ever guessed that that human being would be Sebastian Smythe?

Kurt was going on about serious things and Sebastian listened. He stroke his thumb lightly over the back of Kurt's hand as he took in all of Kurt's words . Sebastian stood up and knelt in front of Kurt. "You are stronger than you realize, and it doesn't matter if it's a week or a month. When you are ready, you'll return to New York. You'll find that the City has missed you just as much as you've missed her. You belong in New York Kurt, not here in Lima, fading away in some safe little cage. You'll still have your family. You'll always have your family. Take your time and when you're ready, New York and I will be there waiting for you - okay?" Sebastian asked his voice soft and sincere. "Until then, brush up on your Braille, and I'll write you letters. We'll talk on the phone. It won't seem like I'm quite so far away. I'll be in New York, but I won't be gone. I'll just be waiting for you."

Kurt didn't really know what he was doing, but he squeezed Sebastian's hand and brought it to his lips. His other hand found the side of Sebastian's face and traced along it trying to commit it to memory. "It's not possible," he said breathlessly. "You're Sebastian Smythe and I'm Kurt Hummel. It's not possible," he mused, his fingers dancing a trail across the bridge of Sebastian's nose down over his lips and he knew that Sebastian was smiling.

"I'm just Bastian and you're just my Princess," Sebastian said to counter Kurt's words. It didn't need to be about their old rivalry. When Kurt's fingertips brushed over his lips, Sebastian couldn't help but kind of kiss them. Then, of course they had to be interrupted. Armand was smirking at Sebastian and Sebastian only gave him a look for having interrupted the moment. Kurt could smell the soup and it smelled delicious, but some part of him wasn't all that hungry for soup. "You have to try this. Armand, devil that he is, convinced grandmère to give him her recipe. He's blended it with his own, but the results...I would come back from New York just for the soup. If I didn't have a better reason," Sebastian said, hinting quietly that Kurt was the better reason. Once Armand left, Sebastian looked to Kurt. "Do you want to try and do this on your own or shall I feed you?" Sebastian inquired and there was a slightly sexy tone to those words that he just couldn't help.

Kurt swallowed at the sound of Sebastian's voice. It was positively sinful almost like Sebastian was asking if he should undress Kurt, but Kurt felt nervous about eating on his own especially in a place as nice as this. He was sure he was going to make a mess. "Can you help me?" he asked hesitantly and his voice was raspy and a full octave lower than usual. His throat felt like sandpaper and what he really wanted to do was tell Sebastian to undress him so he could feel those fingers against his skin or those lips on his own.

"Of course I'll help you, but I'm also going to be eating my soup, so I'll have to alternate because I'm not letting this soup get cold," Sebastian teased him. "Yes, it is that good!" Sebastian caught the tone and oh, did it make him want to do things to Kurt, but this was hardly the time or the place. He was sorely tempted to make that what they do after dinner, but he didn't want to just leave Kurt with that either. He wanted that to be special between them and damn it why did this have to be so difficult? Why did he have to return to New York tomorrow? "It's not really difficult to feed yourself though, you just go slower, but I really don't mind helping you. There's something almost... intimate about feeding someone." Again there was that seductive tone. Sebastian readied a spoonful, with just the right amount of onion, broth and bubbly cheese. "Here," he said simply, bringing the spoon to Kurt's lips.

Kurt opened his mouth and felt the hot, flavorful liquid slide down his throat and he had to fight hard to suppress the loud moan that almost escaped his lips. "God," he said, "that's better than...wow...that's amazing." A smile of contentment crossed his lips. "Thank you," he said finally, "I think I could try on my own." He'd been getting better at it. The trick was to always keep one hand on the side of the bowl or plate and keep the hands relatively close together. Finn or Carole would cut his meat for him and occasionally let him know when he still had food left on the plate. Kurt gave it a try and although it went slow he still managed to get through the soup and most of the main course on his own with only a bit of help from Sebastian.

Sebastian smiled knowing very well just what sound almost fell from Kurt's lips. He could tell just from the look on Kurt's face, but that was neither here nor there at the moment. "I told you. Best French Onion soup in the world," he commented. He allowed Kurt to take the reins, so to speak, and carefully kept track of things just in case, but he still enjoyed his own meal. The main course having been braised beef that was so tender it nearly melted in your mouth with baby potatoes in herb butter.

When Armand asked them if they wanted dessert, Kurt left it up to Sebastian. Knowing that Kurt could not see, Sebastian mouthed the words chocolate-covered strawberries. Armand's eyes light up and he grinned. He knew there was more going on here than just friends. If his adopted nephew wanted to impress his beau, then of course he was all too willing to help. Dessert came with a nice sweet dessert wine and a beautiful tray of strawberries, sinfully dripping with Belgian chocolate.

Sebastian passed on the wine as it was late in the meal and he was the designated driver. He wanted to be a responsible but he did let Armand bring Kurt a glass. He watched Kurt taste the sweet liquid and make a small sound of contentment. Sebastian suddenly wished more than anything that he was that glass of wine. To distract himself, he asked, "so what do you think of the meal so far?"

"Best food I think I've had...ever," Kurt laughed genuinely as he took another sip of his wine and set the glass down carefully keeping his fingers on the stem so he could find it later. "I'm still amazed that I haven't spilled anything yet, but the night is still young," he teased. "Thank you so much for this, Sebastian. This has been the best date I think I've ever had," and then Kurt's blush was back with a vengeance as he realized he had called it a date. "I mean..." he fumbled for the right words, but again came up short. He huffed in frustration instead. "I mean...thank you Mr. Smythe."

"Mr. Smythe? Ouch. All this hard work and I get called Mr. Smythe?" he asked with a light chuckle. He understood why Kurt felt awkward. "I'm glad you've enjoyed our date so far and don't feel bad for calling it such because really, let's be honest, from our picnic onward, we've had little dates. This is just a more formal one," Sebastian let Kurt in on the secret of the way that he viewed their outings and Kurt didn't miss Sebastian's words. His heart fluttered. Sebastian felt the same way. They were dating. "Come on, have dessert with me," Sebastian's words cut through his thoughts.

Now, Kurt was interested. "Dessert?" he asked. "What are we having for dessert?"

"You'll know what we're having in a moment," Sebastian chuckled and then teased, "patience is a virtue."

"Can I ask you something?" Kurt said suddenly dying to know the answer to his question. He didn't wait for Sebastian to give him permission for fear of losing his nerve. "Do you always try so hard with your dates?" Kurt wondered if this came naturally to Sebastian because the effort behind the execution, though flawless, was also plentiful. "Did you try so hard with Michel?" he winced internally the minute the words were out. He hated to ruin a happy moment by bringing Michel between them again.

"Oh, don't you recall, Kurt. I don't date. In fact there are only two men I've ever dated. Michel was one of them. You are the second," Sebastian's answer made Kurt's heart flutter harder. "I messed up a lot more with Michel, but he found my fumbling endearing. Of course, he was also the first person I'd ever honestly tried to date. At least there I had a reason to be inept. I am putting forth much more effort for you," Sebastian admitted and then added, "but to me, you're worth every bit of the effort."


	13. Chapter 13 Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

**Chapter 13** - Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

"We've already established that you trust me somewhat, but I'm going to ask you to trust me again. I'm going to feed you some of the dessert, so open your mouth," he said in a slightly suggestive tone. He picked up one of the chocolate-covered strawberries and put it between Kurt's lips.

Kurt bit down on the item between his lips and knew what it was in a second. His senses took over as his hand flew to his lips. The look on his face could only be described as one of pure pleasure. After he was done chewing, swallowing and recovering he tried to speak. "Oh my," Kurt said his breath catching. He suddenly had an image of Sebastian's chiselled chest displaying some of the ingredients of the dessert as Kurt licked them off. The blush on his cheeks increased tenfold.

Sebastian noticed the blush and decided to comment on it. "Do I want to know what thought has you turning scarlet?" he inquired

"Did you want some?" Kurt finally managed to speak, but his voice was very low and throaty. Even if he wanted to, he didn't think he could provide Sebastian with an answer to his question.

"Of course," Sebastian decided to give Kurt a break and allow him to change the subject. "Would you like to return the favor or, shall I partake on my own?" Sebastian inquired watching Kurt carefully. He could watch Kurt all day if given the opportunity, but he was also trying to commit this moment to memory for now because it was going to have to hold him over for an undetermined amount of time. It might take weeks or longer for Kurt to finally return to New York and if he didn't come to New York they wouldn't be face to face again until Sebastian returned to Ohio for Christmas. He really, really didn't want to wait that long.

"I..." Kurt fumbled for the right words. His thoughts only making him blush harder. He huffed in frustration as he dropped his hand to the plate picked up a strawberry with practiced ease and held it out towards Sebastian's voice, but then smiled a cocky grin. "On second thought," he said, "I'm not sure your cute, little, meerkat lips can handle this," he said as he turned his head up and lowered the second strawberry into his mouth. Once he'd chewed and swallowed, he wiped the juice from his lips, but the smug smile still remained.

"Oh, so that's how you want to play it then?" Sebastian said his voice tinged with shock and Kurt was satisfied. Sebastian liked this side of Kurt, the playful side. "I guess I won't share the rest with you then," he said as he audibly moved the plate away from Kurt's reach. "If you ask nicely I might be inclined to give you another," he said in a daringly playful sort of tone.

"That's okay," Kurt said not believing that he was being so bold, but in one fluid motion he stood up with his cane in one hand he felt his way to the side of Sebastian's chair. "I bet I could find another way to get my dessert," he said in a voice barely above a whisper. He dropped to both knees and reached out to steady himself, his hand landing squarely on Sebastian's chest. Kurt was now situated between Sebastian's legs. Kurt's fingers ghosted up Sebastian's jacket until they found his neck. He snaked his hand around it and lowered Sebastian's head closer to his. "Kiss me Mr. Smythe," he breathed against Sebastian's lips.

Of all things, he had not expected anything like this. Dear sweet God, Kurt was going to be the death of him. When had Kurt gotten into this kind of mood? Hell, this was making things more difficult than he'd been anticipating. He swallowed hard, but the vision of Kurt on his knees before him wasn't going to leave Sebastian any time soon. His mouth was dry and then, that tone. "Lily got your tongue," Kurt teased because a small part of him started to worry that maybe he'd crossed some line by being so bold. But then, Sebastian was kissing Kurt with all the passion that had been stirred to life, his fingertips sinking into Kurt's soft hair, pulling him firmly into the kiss.

That may have been a mistake because now Kurt wasn't really able to focus. How could he have been that bold with Sebastian? He was shocked with himself, and more than a little embarrassed. Sebastian helped him back into his chair and Kurt couldn't wait to start apologizing. "Bas, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," Kurt said as he covered his lips with a trembling hand. He had no idea what had gotten into him. "I didn't mean to be so forward," he acknowledged.

Sebastian chuckled and Kurt began to worry until Sebastian said, "by all means be that forward with me as often as you like. I liked seeing that fire in you, Kurt. It was very...maybe not venue appropriate...but I'll never argue if that's genuinely how you feel in a moment. Why don't we get the rest of these strawberries boxed up? I'll pay and say my goodbyes to Armand. Then, we can go somewhere else for a little while before I have to get you home so your father doesn't come hunt me down with a shotgun."

Kurt thought about the surprise he had prepared for Sebastian while Sebastian took care of things. He double-checked his inner coat pocket for the envelope. "What do you think about making a stop in Westerville Park? There's a good place to park under streetlights at the entrance of the park?" Kurt asked Sebastian.

Sebastian obliged by pulling the car into the Westerville Park parking area. When he came to a full stop, he told Kurt that they'd arrived. "What's this about Kurt?" Sebastian asked and Kurt detected hesitation in Sebastian's voice. His confidence faltered again slightly. After all, it had only been two and a half weeks since he'd opened himself up to the world of the living again. It was still difficult not being able to see people, not being able to read their facial expressions or their body language.

"Could we get out of the car?" Kurt asked hesitantly. He waited to hear Sebastian's car door open and then waited for Sebastian to walk around the car and open the door for him. His heart was hammering in his chest. Sebastian helped him out of Reine. They walked to the front of the car leaning on the hood.

Sebastian waited patiently as Kurt fumbled with the buttons of his jacket and reached inside the breast pocket. It wasn't exactly a warm, September night. In fact, it was a bit nippy and Sebastian could see Kurt shivering. He bounced from foot to foot and Sebastian almost had the urge to usher Kurt back into the warmth of the car, but something told him that this was important. Finally, Kurt handed him a yellow envelope with National Star Registry written on the front. Sebastian turned a questioning gaze to Kurt, but remembered that Kurt couldn't see him so he licked his lips, which were suddenly very dry. "What is this, Kurt?"

"Open it," Kurt said holding his breath. He waited with great anticipation hearing the envelope open and the contents being extracted. He gave Sebastian ample time to read the paper before interjecting. "I named a star. It's Number 40 on my list," he said slowly. "I named it after Michel. I wanted...I wanted you to be able to look up at the sky, no matter where you were, and know that there are two men in this Universe, no matter where they may be and no matter how far apart from you, that care about you very much," Kurt managed to say everything he wanted to say even though there were moments his voice shook, moments he wanted to say words other than the ones he said, but he still managed. He took a deep breath afterwards and waited for Sebastian to speak. When Sebastian didn't speak, Kurt became worried. "Say something...please," he didn't want to sound like he was begging, but he was. It was so hard not being able to see Sebastian's face, not being able to read what he was thinking.

"Kurt," Sebastian's voice was tight when he spoke and he found that he couldn't really say anything at the moment, so he opted for hauling Kurt into his embrace, pressing him close. If Kurt paid attention, he would notice the dampness on his cheek and the slight sniffle as Sebastian backed away. "Thank you," Sebastian's voice was steady. "Thank you so much. It means more than I can say. It's really one of the nicest things anyone has said or done for me since Michel's death, really." Then Sebastian's wheels were spinning as he remembered their two lists. "What do you say we check another item off of your list?" Sebastian asked his voice sounding husky.

"Alright," Kurt said hesitantly and Sebastian let him go, telling him to wait where he was. "Not like I can go far," Kurt commented a bit humorously and a bit sadly. Sebastian quickly turned Reine on again and turned on the headlights. Kurt felt that because his hand was resting on one of them and he felt the heat radiate from it. He waited, listening with anticipation. He then heard the radio and the beginning chords of How Do I Live sung by Trisha Yearwood. Over the last few days, Kurt had heard the song on the radio several times and began to associate it with their relationship. He wondered what was going on.

"Number 10, on your list," Sebastian startled him by appearing at his side and whispering in his ear. The act sent shivers of pleasure down Kurt's spine and warmed him right up. Kurt tried to remember what exactly Number 10 was and Sebastian helped him out again whispering it in his ear like it was a secret. "Pull off of a deserted back road and dance under the stars bathed in the headlights of a cool sports car. I know it's not a very deserted road, but there are few cars passing by here and I have the headlights on. I hope Reine will pass for a cool sports car," Sebastian said rambling a little and sounding adorable in the process, but Kurt wasn't going to tell him that just yet. "Dance with me Kurt?" It was half a request, half a command and, really, Kurt had difficulty refusing anything with Sebastian. Though, Kurt was very apprehensive about stepping on Sebastian's toes which he mentioned openly.

Sebastian pulled Kurt close, but gave enough distance so that Kurt could move easily. "It's just like a heartbeat, Kurt...just feel the music. Okay?" he was whispering, but there was just something so magic about the moment, so romantic that he didn't want to ruin it with loud sounds. They danced through the end of the song, and Sebastian couldn't resist the urge to press close to Kurt whispering intimately in his ear, "and you didn't even step on my toes once."

Kurt felt tears streaming down his cheeks as they danced. Sebastian didn't really know how much this song meant to Kurt and how much this moment meant to him. He still couldn't get over the fact that he was sharing it with Sebastian Smythe. When the music ended, Sebastian held Kurt close. Kurt's breath was short and his cheeks were moist and flushed, but he didn't care. "I wish I could see you now," he said his voice almost heartbroken, and he honestly did wish that he could see Sebastian.

He was moved more than he wanted to admit as well, and then Kurt said he wished he could see Sebastian. The heartbroken tone nearly killed him. He took Kurt's hands in his own and brought them up to his face. It was not the same, he knew it was not the same, but he hoped that it would help. He kissed Kurt's palms in turn before he gently placed them on his face so Kurt could 'see' him.

"Bas," Kurt said, the tears flowing harder. He traced his fingertips along Sebastian's forehead down his nose, across his cheeks to his chin and then his lips. He inhaled as the picture of Sebastian began to materialize in his mind. He was crying now because tomorrow Sebastian would leave and no matter what he said Kurt may never see him again and that was frightening. The knowledge that he felt more for Sebastian than he could express was daunting. "Kiss me, please," Kurt pleaded brokenly. He desperately needed Sebastian's touch.

Sebastian was misty eyed too. He didn't want to go back to New York - not without Kurt. He wished he could just whisk Kurt away, take him home with him, but he knew he couldn't. Kurt wasn't ready yet, but Kurt had agreed to bring him Lily in a month's time. Just one month... He could handle that - he hoped. He smiled when Kurt asked to be kissed and he leaned in claiming Kurt's lips. It was soft and sweet at first, but the passion quickly took over. Sebastian tried to convey everything he was feeling in that one kiss.

Kurt trembled against Sebastian's lips and leaned his body into Sebastian's reaching up on his tiptoes as he put everything he had into that kiss. "I'll miss you Sebastian, so much." He meant it too and they stay swaying like that in Reine's headlights for a moment longer.

It was such an intense moment. "I'll miss you too, so much, Kurt," Sebastian confessed and Kurt's heart fluttered a bit because this was after all Sebastian Smythe. With some difficulty, he pulled himself together. "But, in a month you'll be coming to visit, at least. You did promise to bring Lily after all," he reminded Kurt, "and a month really isn't that long. We'll call and keep in contact. You'll learn Braille while we're apart. Before you know it, I'll be there, waiting to meet you in New York."

"Bas," Kurt said before he leaned up and tried to guess where Sebastian's lips were and missed kissing his nose. "Oops," he laughed as he adjusted and laid a soft sensual kiss on Sebastian's lips.

Sebastian was just as emotional as Kurt was about this. He was just better at hiding it. Being a lawyer had some fringe benefits. He chuckled at the missed kiss, but then Kurt was really kissing him and all coherent thought flew from his mind. He wanted to revel in that sensuality, bring that moment fully to fruition, but he couldn't leave Kurt like that. If they went that far, he wouldn't be able to leave Kurt behind. It was better this way. It would mean more when they finally got to that point. With the way he was already feeling about Kurt, he wanted it to mean everything.

"Now take me home before I can change my mind about going," Kurt said.

"Your wish is my command," Sebastian answered him as he helped Kurt get settled in Reine. Once he was back behind the wheel and driving, Sebastian shared his feelings with Kurt. "I wish I didn't have to go back tomorrow."

"I wish you didn't have to go either," Kurt acknowledged, "but New York is calling and I have some things to finish here before joining you," Kurt said trying to sound brave.

"You're right. I know you're right. It doesn't make it any easier though. I never thought that I would feel this way again, Kurt. I thought Michel was it. He was taken away far too soon and I accepted that. Then, there you were at the Lima Bean and here we are. The connection we have... how fast it's come... but it's real... and I don't want this to be over," Sebastian confessed.

Kurt felt around the car until his hand fell on Sebastian's arm. He trailed it down to Sebastian's wrist, then his fingers. Once he ran the length of those fingertip to fingertip, he laced his fingers with Sebastian's. "It isn't over," he said with such conviction. He couldn't help but entertain the thought that it would never be over between them. Whatever this connection was, it felt so real. Kurt knew how crazy that sounded. Especially since they'd only actually started getting to know each other two weeks ago, but there it was. Sebastian had become Kurt's channel to the sighted world.

The ride was shorter than he thought it would be and not nearly long enough. Soon Sebastian was helping him out of the car and to the front door. "Goodbye...parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodbye till it be morrow," Kurt couldn't help quoting Shakespeare. The situation was almost perfectly inclined towards it.

"Parting is all we know of heaven and all we need of hell," Sebastian quoted Emily Dickinson in return.

"Are you sorry Bas? Sorry that Michel isn't here with you instead?" Kurt's voice hitched, but he couldn't help but ask. Michel had done so much for him, but the reality was Kurt was here and he wasn't.

"No. I'm not sorry. I'm grateful because I think Michel led me back to you. He always was too smart for my own good. I will always cherish the time I had with Michel and he will always have a special place in my heart, but that does not mean that I don't have room in my heart for someone who is just as special, different but just as special," Sebastian answered Kurt sincerely. More importantly, Kurt heard the honesty in his words.

"Don't forget me Bas," Kurt said squeezing Sebastian's hands before handing Sebastian his house key. Sebastian took Kurt's house keys and squeezed Kurt's hand in return.

"I could never forget you Kurt. You brought me back to life, and I'll still be talking to you. I might not be able to call every day, but I'll call as often as I can," Sebastian promised.

"What time is it?" Kurt asked having a feeling it was late, but somehow his money was on the fact that Burt and Finn were still up waiting for him.

"It is a little later than your father probably wanted you to get home, but early enough that he didn't send out a search party. Lights are on, so I expect you'll have one or two people sitting vigil, waiting for your return. I wish I didn't have to go," Sebastian repeated with conviction as if saying it again would delay the inevitable. He leaned down then and kissed Kurt once more chastely on the lips. "Goodnight Kurt... until we meet again."

Kurt was brave as he felt for the door handle and turned his back to Sebastian. It was a just a matter of seconds before Finn was standing in the doorway panting. Sebastian could see Burt a few feet away on the couch. "Thanks for bringing him home in one piece," Finn said holding out his hand to Sebastian who accepted it.

"My pleasure," Sebastian said as he took Finn's hand and shook it firmly.

"We'll be seeing you around, Sebastian," Burt said offering a small wave from the door and then Finn was helping Kurt up the step and into the house. He turned and put his hand up in a waving motion not able to say anything from the overwhelming emotion inside of him.

He nodded to Mr. Hummel. "I have to return to New York for work, but hopefully I'll be able to come back to visit before the holidays," he said with a smile. He turned his attention to Kurt picking up his hand and bringing it to his lips. Grazing it the same way he'd done at the Lima Bean two and a half weeks ago when they'd first run into each other. "I'll call you as soon as my flight lands," he promised. He offered Finn and Burt a wave before turning around and walking away.

* * *

Items Crossed Off of Lists:

KL#10: Pull off of a deserted back road and dance under the stars bathed in the headlights of a cool sports car.

KL#40: Name a star after someone.


	14. Chapter 14 Atonement

**Chapter 14** – Atonement

The idea of Sebastian getting on a plane and flying hundreds of miles away made that night one of the most restless that Kurt experienced. It also made him wallow in bed all morning, melancholy, until there was a knock at his door and Finn calling from the other side of the door, "Kurt, phone call!" Kurt had the urge to bury himself further under the blankets and ignore Finn, but he decided against it having promised himself that he wouldn't slip into depression just because Sebastian wasn't close by. Even though Kurt had grown quite fond of the Meerkat, his experience had taught him that living his life for someone else was not a good idea. The knowledge that Sebastian had somehow managed to worm his way into Kurt's heart frightened him. He pushed himself up on the bed and called to Finn to come in.

"It's Sebastian," Finn announced as he placed the phone into Kurt's hand. Kurt mouthed a 'thank you' to his brother and heard the door close signifying Finn's departure.

"Hi baby," Sebastian's warm voice floated over him, chasing away the cold that had settled in his chest as a result of his absence.

"Hi," Kurt said almost breathlessly. "I…I thought you were on the plane already," he said embarrassed to admit he had no idea what time it was as a result of his depressed state.

"I am," Sebastian said his voice equally breathless after hearing Kurt's voice. "I wanted to tell you that I…I'll miss you," Sebastian settled, afraid of the true words he wanted to speak.

"I miss you already," Kurt said before he was able to hold the words back. "I wanted you to know that was the best date I've ever been on, Sebastian. I'm so glad that of all the coffee joints, in all the towns in the entire world you walked back into mine."

Sebastian couldn't help but smile at the Casablanca reference. "Don't let yourself sink back into depression, Kurt," Sebastian's voice floated over him. "There's still so much you have to do and you can do without me. You can do anything you set your mind to, baby. Go out and conquer the world, and if you get even just a little sad remember Michel's star is shining down on both of us and so, we are always connected. I have to go now, Kurt. They're closing the cabin door. I'll call you when we land."

"Sebastian," Kurt called out desperately. There was a heartbeat pause in which it seemed like he was going to say something else before he settled on, "stay safe."

Sebastian called when he landed and every evening that they were apart telling Kurt that he was the last voice that Sebastian wanted to hear before falling asleep. However, Sebastian had been right, of course. There were so many things on Kurt's list that only he could complete himself.

After he hung up the phone with Sebastian, he found a brand new revival of energy within him. He first engaged Finn into helping him call an agency specializing in communication for the blind. The company dialed phone numbers for people, relayed messages, and helped the blind communicate via phone with the sighted world. The company also offered a service where they read out emails and even typed them up. Kurt's health insurance covered the cost. Isabelle was convinced that Kurt would regain his eyesight and had kept him on the company payroll as a consultant on sabbatical – one of the perks, continued health insurance coverage. Kurt was satisfied with this solution because finally he could tell Sebastian anything without having Carole, Burt, or Finn relay his messages. While there was still a live person on the other end somehow it made it easier to even hint at his feelings to a complete stranger.

Once he took care of the phone issue, he asked his dad to help him dig out all the Braille books he'd received as presents from his friends. The act brought about an emotional moment between father and son. Burt was torn. He was so glad for Sebastian and the positive influence he had on Kurt and he was glad to see that Kurt was actually living. However, Kurt attempting to read Braille and learn how to function on his own made Burt feel like he had back when his son first started kindergarten – proud but sad. Kurt was gaining his independence again and that meant he'd need Burt less and less again. Burt knew it was crazy, but somehow he felt like he was losing his son for the second time in his life. Also, Kurt's desire to learn to function without his sight also suggested that Kurt was beginning to believe in the possibility of never regaining it again. That idea frightened Burt more than he cared to admit because all the things Kurt really loved to do he needed his sight for. If Kurt couldn't do those things, which ones would take their place and who would his son become as a result of them. Really, one could say that Burt feared the unknown.

Kurt however pressed on. Cracking the Braille books immediately, he continued to examine his list for items which he could cross off. He decided to begin at the foundation – his friends and family. That meant making amends with the New Directions, but apologizing to those people he'd hurt most was more than a little daunting. So, Kurt began with the people he was sure would forgive him immediately and who wouldn't hold a grudge against him.

He called Brittany S. Pierce who, at the age of 25, was a cheerleader for the Dallas Cowboys. She was so overjoyed to hear Kurt's voice she squealed in his ear for a full minute. After calming down, she called him her unicorn and asked about his life. Kurt mentioned that he'd reconnected with someone recently who changed the way he viewed his condition. Britney shared her good news. She was engaged to a fellow Dallas Cowboys cheerleader. The wedding would be sometime the following spring and Kurt was expected to be there. Kurt felt the need to apologize to Brittany for completely withdrawing from the world. Brittany gave him one of her insightful one-liners and assured him that it was perfectly natural. She added that she would put something special in the mail for him. He promised that he would call soon to catch up on plans for the wedding. Before hanging up, Brittany asked him to check in on Artie and Santana for her. There was a hesitation in her voice and understandably so. Kurt assured her that he would indeed be making rounds on the rest of the New Directions and that he would call back with news. They said their goodbyes until next time.

Once he hung up the phone with Brittany he felt it was time to give Ms. Rachel Berry a call. Rachel and Santana were the only two friends that Kurt had managed not to alienate either by his words or by his withdrawal. It surprised him immensely how much Rachel understood his plight, but she was in New York and on Broadway and crazy busy. As much as Kurt missed her and she missed Kurt, time stood for no man or woman, and the two best friends were no exception.

Rachel cried when she heard Kurt's voice, and Kurt cried a little too. Then she proceeded to talk a mile a minute, filling him in on what was happening in New York. She talked about what it was like to be on her new show on Broadway. Surprisingly, Kurt felt nothing but happiness for her. They had finished NYADA together. Kurt graduated a year after Rachel at the age of 23, but that was because he started later. He had a wonderful voice and NYADA gave him formal training for that voice, but it was his work with Isabelle end of junior and senior year that had inspired him to move into the fashion world. Isabelle even funded a grant that allowed him to finish Fashion Design at NYU in 2.5 years, almost unheard of, while still interning at Vogue. Kurt couldn't help think about his path in life and how different it was from Rachel's now. Though they feared drifting apart, Rachel, Santana and Kurt had managed to stay thick as thieves, the Three Musketeers really. While talking to Rachel, Kurt decided he would call Santana.

Rachel spoke about missing Finn and asked about him. Kurt heard the maturity in Rachel's voice and could not help be proud of the woman Rachel had become. "Come back to New York," Rachel begged Kurt, "the City…she misses you," and then barely above a whisper, "I miss you too." Kurt didn't mention Sebastian and didn't mention the list. This conversation was about them, and he felt the importance of keeping it as such. Hanging up, he felt a bit emotionally exhausted. He decided he needed to replenish his energy before taking on Santana. He did have the agency send her a text, however. Knowing that Rachel would come home and regale Santana of their conversation, Santana would immediately feel wounded and jealous. The Latina felt more than most people, but like Sebastian had a difficulty expressing it. Kurt was always especially aware and careful of her feelings. The text read, 'just talked to Streisand. Need a day to recover. Send a time that works to catch up tomorrow. Love you, Twink."

Kurt soon received a text back that said, "I completely understand that feeling. She's been driving me crazy in your absence. 6 months have felt like 10 years. Come back. I need you – Auntie Tana." Than a few seconds later the answering service read him another text, "anytime tomorrow. I'll make time for you." Kurt smiled. He put down the phone ready to get down to business again. Only three days had gone by without Sebastian and he still had a lot to accomplish. He continued to learn Braille wanting to surprise Sebastian with his progress. Amending #1 on the list, he added all the names of the New Directions and crossed off Brittany, Rachel and Santana.

Late the next morning, Kurt called Santana. She was up to her elbows in exams. Not too long ago, Santana had made a surprising and life changing decision as well. During the time she was studying music and drama at TISH, Santana had an opportunity to join several extracurricular clubs. As a joke one day, in response to Kurt's comment that she was excellent at arguing and debating, that she should have gone into law, Santana joined the Law Club at NYU. There she discovered that what was made as a careless comment held so much truth. She began to be more and more interested in law. After finishing her Drama Degree with a minor in music, Santana took the LSATS and enrolled in the Law Program at NYU. It was literally a Legally Blond moment. She woke up one morning and said, "I think I'll go to Law School today."

Santana was thriving. Her favorite professor had asked her to do an internship the next spring semester in his law firm. She was only a freshman. Usually, he didn't ask students until they were at least sophomores, but he saw Santana's passion and drive and loved it. Santana joked that she hoped her life wasn't exactly like Legally Blond. She didn't want to have to go Lima Heights on her favorite professor. There was a gorgeous senior law student that Santana was insanely attracted to for, get this, her brain, but she was afraid that for now the girl didn't know she existed. Her name was Victoria and she was driven to succeed. Santana found it hot, and it spurred her own drive.

Lucy and Noah had been to visit her from Hollywood two weeks ago. Kurt was happy to know that they briefly inquired after him and she vaguely responded he was on the mend. It sounded uncaring perhaps, but in these situations, Santana and Kurt agreed. It was his business to tell people how he was doing, and when he was ready he would do so. Meanwhile, Santana was there for him. Kurt asked if she'd heard about Brittany's wedding. There was a pause. Brittany was undoubtedly Santana's soul mate. The fact that she was getting married was clearly affecting Santana, but the Latina said that it was important to support Brittany in this so it was what she intended to do. She left it at that and so did Kurt.

Kurt mostly listened to Santana talk. Once again, he didn't mention Sebastian. It wasn't that Sebastian was his dirty little secret, but Kurt just wasn't ready to tell everyone about him yet. He knew that Santana of all people wouldn't hold it against him. But it was Sebastian Smythe! Of all the New Directions, Kurt knew that Santana would have the most to say on the matter. If he was honest, maybe he wasn't ready to hear her opinions just yet. He made sure to tell her to keep an eye out for Rachel and that Rachel should keep an eye out for her. Hanging up with Santana left Kurt feeling both rejuvenated and introspective.

The next couple of days Kurt spent thinking about how life was short, and how one had to live it to the fullest. With those thoughts his mind turned to the original five – Artie, Mercedes, Tina, Rachel and himself. He felt like he owed all of them so much at this point in his life and with all of them he had reasons for atonement. So, that Saturday, a week after Sebastian left, over breakfast, Kurt asked Finn to come with him to the animal shelter so that he could once again visit Lily and Max. However, before the visit to the animal shelter, Kurt found the courage to make the next important phone call. After having Finn dial the number for him, Kurt sat on the bed hearing the phone ring and breathing deeply to calm his dancing nerves.

"Mike," Tina yelled from her comfortable place on the couch. At this point in her pregnancy, she was huge. Getting up and moving around was an effort. When her husband didn't respond, she sighed and waddled to the phone yelling at it, "coming, coming." Why she always left her iPhone lying around somewhere other than where she was sitting was still beyond her. She took a deep calming breath before answering. No sense in yelling at whoever was on the other line.

She looked down at her screen and froze - Kurtsie - flashed on her screen. Tina's hands began to shake and for a moment she couldn't bring herself to answer the phone. Her heart rate hammered and she felt her stomach come alive in response. He'd hurt her so much when he'd cut her out of his life, but then again there were times when she'd hurt him too. It seemed that something or someone was always challenging their right to a friendship. After this most recent incident, it left her thinking if it was too late for them. The accident had left the New Directions divided on their opinions and choosing sides. Tina knew there were risks in the side that she chose, but ultimately she had to follow her heart. She didn't know that the decision would cause Kurt to withdraw from her completely. The pain of that action still affected her.

Tina knew that her situation was always precarious because of her friendships. She was always straddling the fence, always trying to satisfy everyone. In important and highly stressful situations such as the accident that took Kurt's eyesight, straddling the fence was impossible. If forced, Tina would pick a side. Though in her previous experiences, it always meant someone lost.

High levels of stress generally weren't positive, but in Tina's current condition they were expressly forbidden by her doctor. That was exceedingly easy to say, but almost impossibly difficult to execute. Tina found, in the past couple of weeks, that the harder she tried, the more stressed out she became. This moment wasn't going to help, but it couldn't be stopped and Tina would be damned if she missed out talking to Kurt. She was determined like that. Once Tina Michelle Cohen-Chang-Chang wanted something, there was no stopping her.


	15. Chapter 15 Chang-Chang

**Chapter 15 -**Chang-Chang

Tina watched the phone ring one more time and pushed the green button putting the phone to her ear. "Hello?" Tina asked hesitantly.

"Teenie," Kurt said sounding equally hesitant his voice overwhelmed by emotion. To talk to Tina, to hear her voice, brought on emotions that Kurt had not been prepared for - happiness, fear, but also anger. Although he understood Tina's position, he didn't condone her choices when it came to the accident. Still, she was one of the original five, and one of his dearest friends. For the sake of their future, they needed to take a step forward. Tina hadn't taught Kurt a lot of Korean. He'd expressed interest but they'd never had the time to truly dedicate to him learning, but one of the few words he remembered how to say was I'm sorry. So, he proceeded to say it now.

Tina didn't want to cry but it was the damn hormones...no, she was just a crier. She loved Kurt and he'd broken her heart a bit, but hearing his voice apologizing in her language just brought the tears. Mike walked in just then. He saw his wife crying and ran to her side. "Tina baby," he knelt next to her, his hand flying to her stomach protectively. "Are you okay? Are the babies okay?" he asked hesitantly. They'd recently told people they were having twins. Kurt had been MIA for that news.

"I'm okay," Tina hiccupped pulling herself together and finding stability in her husband's beautiful brown eyes. "It's Kurt," she struggled to explain.

"Let me talk to him," Mike's tone was a firm and Tina looked a little worried, but when Mike gave her that stabilizing look, she handed the phone over.

"Kurt," Mike said his voice even and calm. "How are you?"

He heard her crying and he wanted to say more but when one of his girls started crying it always made him get misty. Damn it. Then, he heard Mike's voice.

"I think I might be almost myself again, Mike," he said softly.

"That's good to hear," Mike said as he guided his wife back to the chair and helped her sit down. He leaned down beside the chair stroking Tina's forearm. He had to admit he was having difficulty being firm with Kurt when Tina looked so adorably happy that he'd called. He smiled at Tina and held up a finger to indicate he needed a word with Kurt alone. When he caught panic, he mouthed 'trust me' and gave her that reassuring look. He stepped into the other room to speak to him man to man.

"I know," Mike said when he clicked the door shut behind him. "I know better than anyone else what's between you and Tina, except for maybe the two of you but now Kurt I'm really going to need you to be the bigger man. Please. I'm asking you as a father now. For the sake of my children, put this behind you, just until they come. Tina can't handle this kind of stress, Kurt. It's not good for the babies."

Kurt was fully ready and prepared for a lot of words to be said but the plural on their offspring was not one of them. "Wait a minute," he said, "wait just a minute…babies?"

"Twins," Mike beamed. "We're having twins Kurt. I know...I know how upset you are with her, but she's never changed her mind. She still wants you to be the godfather and she still wants Rachel to be the godmother. Please Kurt," Mike begged.

Kurt took a moment to step back outside of the situation. He'd always been good at that. He thought about what was best for not just Tina, but the babies…plural. "Wow…Twins," he said in awe.

"Twins," Mike said in equal awe still not able to believe it himself. There was a notable amount of fear in Mike's voice that Kurt's ears picked up on. Ever since the accident, he'd become accustomed to hearing people's emotions.

"How is Teenie doing?" Kurt asked. "Mike," Kurt hesitated his voice vibrating with emotion and unshed tears, "I was so afraid I had burnt bridges. I didn't even realize how bad I'd been. Not until I came out of it, was pulled out of it. Thank you for being so understanding."

"Kurt, you're going to be my children's godfather. Some of us have to be adults," Mike half joked. "I'm just sorry it always seems to be me and you." That phrase was filled with meaning. "For now though, if you could do this for me Kurt, if you could be in my corner, I would owe you so much," Mike said his voice wavering in the end. Kurt could do nothing, but agree with Mike's logic. This was neither the time nor to place to have those important discussions.

"I'm with you, Mike," Kurt told him honestly and for the first time in the months since the accident Mike found that he could breathe again.

"And, I'm with you," he said in return. The words caused tears to come to Kurt's eyes. This bridge had been a gift he wasn't expecting. Mike, in the meantime, had come back into the living room to find his wife staring at him anxiously, her gaze filled with hope. "Tina's collected herself," he informed Kurt. "She's reaching for the phone. Come back to New York soon, Kurt. We miss having you close. New York misses you. You definitely better be here for the birth of these kids." Kurt promised Mike without hesitation that he would be there to for the birth of his godchildren, and Mike finally handed over the phone to Tina thinking for the first time in a long time that maybe everything would be alright.

"Kurtsie," Tina said her voice sounding very small and vulnerable. "Please, don't stop talking to me again. I don't think that I can survive it. Please," she begged sobbing into the phone and the tears are falling again. "I'm so sorry for my warped, messed up choices. I'm sorry Kurt. Please don't leave me again I can't handle it. I love you so much, Kurtsie. Please don't be mad at me."

"I won't Teenie. I swear I won't. I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. Don't...please don't cry. I love you Teenie. You were just doing what you thought was right. I'm sorry I couldn't see that. I'm so sorry Teenie. I'm scared that I want to be a godfather, but I'm ready to give it my absolute best shot, if you'll still have me. I'm ready to step into the light again. I hope you'll let me," Kurt rambled on quickly between the falling tears, overcome by emotion.

"You'll come back to New York for the birth?" Tina asked hesitantly.

"I'll be there for the birth, if you want me there. Hell and high water couldn't keep me away. It is the godfather's duty isn't it?" he promised slipping into the conversation that he was accepting her offer.

"I asked Rachel to be the godmother. I still can't believe she and I have become so close since we moved to New York...and did you say you'd be the godfather...Oh Kurt," Tina said smiling and hiccupping and crying and laughing all at the same time. "I'm so happy right now. Did...did Mike tell you we're expecting two?"

He then focused on the news that Tina was having twins. "Twins, Teenie - I can't believe you're having twins. I'm sure Rachel is pleased to be the godmother."

"We want to call the boy Yong Kurt Chang and the girl Yun Rachel Chang," Tina said hesitantly. If Rachel's reaction to Tina's daughter being named after her was any indication, she had a good feeling that Kurt would be okay with it. "In Korean Yong means Dragon and Yun means Melody," Tina told Kurt.

"Tina," Kurt said a bit breathlessly. "Its…it's too much," he said his heart constricting at the thought that after everything Tina would still want to name her child after him.

"You're my best friend Kurt, and my children's godfather. I want him to have a strong name, a name that means something, that stands for a fighter. I can't think of a better name to give him than Kurt. I missed you so much. It was always part of the plan to pay homage to the children's godparents," she explained hiccupping again. "Please just be gracious and accept this gift. It's the least you could do to repay me," she teased him. Kurt did feel the guilt of what he'd done, so he had no choice but to accept Tina's gift mumbling his thanks in a voice thick with feeling, and then Tina was talking again.

"Mike's been teasing me about hyphenating my name to Chang-Chang and then giving our children that name. It's like something out of Grease. Remember when he came back my senior year to direct the musical? We were broken up then," Tina mused. "It was the worst time in my life, Kurt. That was when…" she didn't need to finish the sentence they both knew what time period she was referring to and what happened during her senior year. Tina shook her head to clear it and plowed onward, "but then we got back together in college. I'm so in love with him. I'm never letting him go if I can help it," she smiled and sighed contentedly as her gaze fell on her gorgeous husband preparing food in the kitchen. "He takes such good care of me," she admitted softly knowing Mike could hear her and feeling his blush already.

"You guys are an inspiration," Kurt said suddenly thinking of Sebastian and missing him greatly. He decided to lighten the mood by teasing Tina. "Don't you dare let that man coerce you into hyphenation. That's ridiculous. Your surname is Chang…K.I.S.S." Kurt said using one of their old acronyms and he was glad to see it paying off because Tina was laughing into the phone again.

"What about the color of the room, Kurt. We've only got the one nursery and we're both stumped. We keep arguing between blue and pink. We can't just cut the room in half and paint one half blue and one half pink," Tina said sounding very serious about a subject that shouldn't be so serious.

"Why don't you go with a nice green. That's gender neutral, and it's rather soothing if done in a pastel. Then you can add Asian elements like Bamboo that nods to their heritage without it having to be garish and cartoonish," Kurt suggested immediately able to picture the room in his mind. He realized almost instantaneously what he'd done. Not only had he designed their nursery, but he'd done so in one sentence and without even asking. He was about to apologize when Tina's voice cut him off.

"Oh Kurt, that's perfect, and it's Mike's favorite color. I don't know why we didn't think of it earlier. Would doing the trim in dark purple be too much? That would be elements of both of us in the style and I know what you're always saying about not being afraid to use bold colors. Purple is my favorite color," she reminded Kurt as if he could forget anything about Tina Cohen Chang.

"What's perfect?" Kurt heard Mike call from the kitchen and listened as Tina relayed the information. He didn't even have time to tell her that a purple border seemed like a marvelous idea.

Tina voice came back through the phone a second later and announced, "I'm sending Mike to buy the green paint tomorrow."

Kurt heard Mike's groan before the Carnegie hall dancer called out, "tell him if he has enough energy to advise on paint colors he should have enough energy to help me paint," Mike teased. "Does he want to help with the cribs too?"

"If he really trusts a blind man to paint, you have bigger things to worry about than paint color," Kurt found himself laughing easily and as the laughter and the conversation continued he felt a heavy load being lifted from his shoulders.

Kurt could have talked to Tina for the entire day, but soon Finn was coming into the room and asking if Kurt still wanted to go to the animal shelter. Tina must have overheard Finn because she inquired about it and that's when Kurt laid out for her his plan for Max and Artie. He asked Tina's input because who knew someone better and more intimately than the people that dated them. Kurt believed this at his core. Regardless of whether people changed on the outside or not at the core they remained quite the same. Though Artie and Tina had a period of estrangement, they'd managed to reconnect in college when Mike and Tina were on hiatus. For a while, Artie had been vying for his spot as Tina's best male friend. Kurt had no choice but to admit that as far as friends go, Artie had been a much better friend to Tina than Kurt had.

Kurt had been too wrapped up in Vogue and NYADA, too wrapped up in New York, but Artie had been there when Tina needed him not just for Mike but for everything else as well. She'd been there for him too. That was at least what she was relaying to Kurt in a gentle manner which gave Kurt another cause to apologize for. Tina waved off the apology and told Kurt that she wasn't telling him this to hurt him. That wasn't her intention at all, but simply to shed light on their relationship as it currently stood and what they could do to make it better in the future.

As for Artie, she was sure that he loved dogs obsessively, but she reminded Kurt that he also had a lot of insecurities of being able to take care of another living creature being that he was stranded in a wheelchair. His last girlfriend had really done a number on his self-esteem which wasn't always 100% in the first place. Tina despised the woman with a vengeance. However, before she could start her rant Kurt cut her off gently telling her that he had to go see a dog about a man. Tina laughed at the joke and sent her love to Finn and Kurt's family. Kurt promised to call back again next week and every week after so that they could catch up on all the missed time.

He didn't mention Sebastian to Tina either. He began to wonder if it was a pattern, but only for a moment. He rationalized the action with the fact that he'd talked to Tina for nearly an hour, kept Finn waiting, and maybe a small part of him wanted to keep this between him and Sebastian a secret for just a little while longer. He wasn't being selfish. Right? He just wanted to keep Sebastian his luscious little secret for just a while longer. It wasn't at all because he was apprehensive about how his friends would react. No! Couldn't be! Could it? Because if Finn's reaction toward Sebastian was any indication, Kurt found that maybe he had a lot to worry about.

Kurt hung up the phone and sat in silence for just a minute before a realization came to him. Tears of joy started freshly from his eyes as he realized he could cross of two more items from his list. He called to Finn and asked him to help with the process. Finn inquired which numbers they were crossing off. Kurt whispered quietly, "#36 (Have the courage to call Tina and Mike and accept the responsibility of being a godfather) and #33 on my list."

Finn read it out loud, "have something, anything of significance named after me." He looked at Kurt questioningly for a full minute before remembering Kurt couldn't see him. "I don't understand," he admitted carefully. Kurt then explained that Tina wanted to name her son after Kurt.

Finn was smiling immediately and embraced Kurt happily. "This is great news," he felt like he'd been remiss in calling Mike and catching up with his old football teammate. "I'm so happy you decided to accept the offer," Finn told him genuinely and put all the feelings he had toward the situation behind the words.

The moment was briefer than Kurt anticipated because Finn was suddenly ushering him out of the house and into the car. About 45 minutes later, they found themselves at the animal shelter with Kurt requesting time with Max. The dog was more adorable and playful than Kurt remembered. While they played around with Max, Kurt asked Finn what he thought about Max for Artie. Finn was a little surprised at the idea. It took him a minute, again, to realize that Kurt couldn't see his reaction so he told Kurt that he was surprised.

Kurt explained his reasoning to Finn. It wasn't just Artie's love of dogs it was his generous personality. Artie was direct. Often that directness was perceived as him being rude. Even when they were in high school, Artie was isolated at times even from the Glee Club because of the chair. Kurt hadn't understood that until the accident. Though it was hard, Kurt didn't blame himself for not understanding. You have to experience a handicap on your own to fully understand that isolation. Kurt did, however, blame himself for the way he'd treated Artie and the words he'd spoken to the man who understood Kurt's plight perhaps better than anyone else. Yes! Artie was a generous, kind soul and often he didn't have anyone to share that generosity with. Kurt was sure that Artie would love Max immediately.

Finn was convinced after hearing Kurt's reasoning, but unfortunately it wasn't enough just to convince Finn. Kurt also had to convince the animal shelter of his intentions. That took pages and pages of paperwork and Finn whining how much his hand hurt from all the writing. Tina was called and Brittany as well to assist with Artie's personal information that the Hudson-Hummel boys lacked. It seemed to take hours for them to fill out the relevant paperwork on Max. There were exit papers and wavers and contingencies if they had to bring Max back to the pound. Kurt didn't really want to consider that possibility even though it was very real.

After everything was finalized, Kurt spent some time with Lily. The young lady updated him on Lily's progress and Kurt was glad to hear that Lily was growing so well. He would be able to tell Sebastian the good news when they talked again that night. He also found it amusing that Lily was not terribly fond of Finn. That could have something to do with his monstrous size. Because of her malnutrition early on in life, there was a good chance that Lily would stay relatively small for the rest of her life. The sense of proportion between herself and Finn must have made her very nervous indeed.

Max came home with them that evening. He melted Carole's heart instantly, and helped remind Burt of why he never allowed his son to have a dog while growing up. Burt Hummel couldn't stop sneezing for the entire night. That decided Kurt's next destination tomorrow. He had no choice but to face the halls of McKinley and the wrath of Principal Abrams, but was he ready?

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

KL#33: Have something, anything of significance named after me.

KL#36: Have the courage to call Tina and Mike and accept the responsibility of being a godfather.


	16. Chapter 16 Hamhock and Wheels

**Chapter 16** – Hamhock and Wheels

It was Friday. After the rough night that Burt had, he actually considered calling in sick to work, but then he realized he would have to be around Max. So, he opted to go into work. Finn was already at McKinley High School. He had to be there for six Classes of Physical Education over the span of four grades as well as being the assistant football coach and Glee Club Director. Thank God that Coach Beist was so supportive of Glee Club and the arts that she let Finn take two afternoons a week off to coach Glee Club. Coach Sylvester was still there and she still butted heads often with Finn though she didn't relish it as much as when Will Schuester was around. Finn had asked how Kurt would get Max to the school. Kurt informed him that Carole would come home from work a little earlier today and drop them off at the end of the day.

When his cell phone chimed at twelve noon, Kurt picked it up and speed dialed the phone service. A friendly girl answered the phone and asked Kurt what she could do for him. Kurt hesitated for a moment. Why was making amends proving to be so difficult? He wished that he could just fast forward through it all and be good with everyone again or have them cast him out. Whatever the outcome, it was worse than this limbo in his relationships making the first step toward each of his friends felt like pulling steel needles out of his cheeks. "Are you there sir?" he heard the girl ask.

"Yes…sorry," Kurt apologized. "Could you please call David Karofsky for me?" he asked politely.

"Of course sir," the girl said. There was a click and then the phone was ringing. Kurt held his breath and waited. There was a moment when he almost prayed that his friend wouldn't pick up the phone that he would leave him in the dark, where he still felt like he so often belonged.

He was pulled out of his musing by a familiar, rough, yet gentle voice. "Kurt? Are you alright?"

Concern! Kurt felt the tears begin to stream down his cheeks as he choked back a sob that ended up coming out as half a squeak and half a hiccup. "No, I'm not Hamhock," he wailed into the phone.

"Hold on just a sec," David said and Kurt heard him shuffle around and then a click. At first he thought David hung up on him and that made him cry harder, but then David's voice came back on the phone. "Had to give us some privacy," he explained and Kurt realized he'd walked out of ear shot of his other employees and that was just the door closing behind him. He began to sob harder.

David was beside himself. It had been months since he'd heard from Kurt. Months! He literally thought that Kurt hated him. He'd heard about the accident. Tried to be there for Kurt, but Kurt wouldn't let anyone in. Finally, after numerous unreturned phone calls, all David could do was give his good friend some space and have faith that this wasn't the end of their friendship. "Fancy…baby…shh," David soothed over the phone. "Don't cry," he begged in a breathless whisper. "Don't cry. It's going to be okay," David promised.

"I'm so sorry, Dave," Kurt sobbed. "I'm so very sorry."

"You were scared and hurt, and you thought you were alone," David said gently, "but you're not alone Kurt. There are so many people who love you and accept you for who you are," David said using the line that Kurt had used on him in the hospital after his suicide attempt. "An adorable, gay, crazy, blind, dancing, drama queen," David teased.

Kurt couldn't help but let out a strangled laugh through the tears. "I love you, David," he admitted freely.

"I love you too Fancy," David said his voice becoming more gentle. "You never really lost me, you know?" he said honestly. "Whatever we missed we can catch up on," David promised. "Just not now, okay? The boss put me in charge of my first big project and I really want to prove myself."

"Congrats David," Kurt said suddenly perking up. "That's tremendous."

"Thanks," David said honestly. He hesitated for a moment and Kurt got worried. "Kurt…I think I met someone," David said very quietly.

"David," Kurt said breathlessly because really David Karofsky's name was all that was required with that kind of news. "I don't want to steal your thunder…" Kurt hesitate deciding that David may be the first one he could say this too without having to give the whole story right then and there. He also realized how fortunate it was to have such a variety of friends.

"You, too?" David asked surprised. When Kurt affirmed the question, David said without preamble. "You tell me about yours and I'll tell you about mine," he was genuinely happy for Kurt.

"Of course," Kurt said smiling through the tears that still flowed down his cheeks.

"Till later then, Fancy," David said a bit breathlessly too. "Oh and Kurt…come back to New York. This city just isn't the same without you."

They said their goodbyes and hung up the phone. Kurt spent another full five minutes crying like a baby from joy at the prospect that he hadn't lost David as a friend. What was more important, he had a phone date with David to talk about Sebastian and this new guy David had met. The prospect excited and thrilled him. Not just because David was finally getting the life he deserved, but also because Kurt was finally starting to plan for the future. With or without his eyesight, Kurt had a phone conversation scheduled in the near future.

Carole showed up promptly at 3:30 p.m. as promised and helped load Max into his carrier. She helped Kurt into the car and quite quickly they were off to McKinley High School. Finn waited for them out front. Kurt took out the list from his pocket and handed it to Carole along with a pen. "Could you cross of Number 15 (Call my friend David first and apologize for ignoring him since the accident.)?"

When Carole heard that he'd crossed off Number 15 from the list, she squealed happily and pulled Kurt into a tight hug. "I'm so proud of you, Kurt," she said genuinely and honestly proud of her son.

"Thanks," he said sharing a moment with his mom. "I think I'm starting to be proud of me, too."

Finn was knocking on the passenger's side window. Kurt turned his head in the direction of the knock and stuck out his tongue. Finn opened the door seconds later. "Oh, because that's mature," he said rolling his eyes. When Carole gave him an exasperated look, Finn realized that Kurt couldn't see the eye roll. He wagged his eyebrows at his mom and stuck out his tongue to mimic Kurt's. She in turn rolled her eyes and gestured for them to get a move on. Finn helped him out of the car and then grabbed the carrier with Max in it. "Let's walk him real quick," Finn suggested.

"Good idea," Kurt agreed handing over the leash. Knowing how excited Max could be, that was definitely a good idea. They let Max out of the carrier and walked him around a bit. When Finn was satisfied, he put Max back into the carrier and escorted the two of them through the nearly empty halls of McKinley down the familiar path to the Principal's Office. Even Blind Kurt had a feeling, most of the time where they were. Finn confirmed it by describing things to him. Kurt didn't need his eyes to find his way to the Principal's Office. He could have done it blind – no pun intended. "Finn," Kurt said breathlessly.

"Yeah Bro?" Finn asked his voice a bit distant. It was clear that he was lost in his own thoughts.

"Why do I feel like people are staring at us?" Kurt asked slowly.

"Because people are staring at us," Finn deadpanned. Leave it to Finn to state everything without preamble. Kurt made an 'o' face and Finn elaborated by saying. "Just think of it as high school. Some things never change."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Kurt admitted just as they made it to the door of the Administration Office.

"I told him I wanted to talk to him after work," Finn said quickly and the statement jacked up Kurt's anticipation tenfold. When Kurt's face adopted a confused questioning look Finn added. "I didn't want him to leave early. Right…well…we're here so no turning back now," Finn said and before Kurt could even reply Finn was knocking on the door. Kurt held his breath again. He was doing that a lot lately. He knew that Artie would be able to see them through the glass doors. Kurt wouldn't blame his old friend for throwing him out straight away. "Someone to see you," Finn's cheerful voice cut into his thoughts. The tension in the room was so thick that someone could have cut it with a knife. He didn't need to see to know that a look of pain and anger had settled upon Artie's features. Kurt steeled himself.

Artie sat at the desk, frustrated. Sure it was the end of the day on Friday and the last bell had rung but he still had a bunch of papers to go through. The football players were at it again torturing the Glee kids and Artie was always fighting a battle for respect not only because he was in a wheelchair but because he was a former outcast, a former Gleek. On top of all of that, Finn had asked to speak to him after work and Artie could only imagine it had something to do with him straddling the fence as the Assistant Coach and the Glee Club Director.

He couldn't have been more mistaken! He heard a knock on his door looked up and nearly dropped his coffee. There in the doorway stood none other than Kurt Hummel led by Finn Hudson. Artie's mind suddenly flashed back to the past, to Glee when things were simpler. He'd tried to be there for Kurt after the accident, tried to be a good friend, but Kurt had pushed him away. He'd tried to understand, but in the end he couldn't deny how hurt he was. It seemed that, just as Quinn Fabray had done, Kurt Hummel underestimated his disability thinking that Artie could never understand.

That was one thing Kurt regretted most of all - how he'd pushed everyone away after the accident. However, he'd been so hurt, so angry, so lost that he couldn't react any other way. He was deeply sorry for how he'd acted and reacted - his friends had only wanted to be there for him. He'd gone down the spiral into depression, doubt and self-pity until a certain meerkat had dragged him back out again - initially kicking and screaming. It was time to set right what had become so wrong.

"I'm good Finn, thank you." Kurt said as his brother guided him into the office.

"Just bring him to the choir room when you guys are done," Finn said shooting Artie an apologetic look, but not allowing him a chance to argue with being left alone with Kurt. Finn guided Kurt to one of the chairs in front of Artie's desk helping him sit down and setting the crate with Max down beside Kurt. The small dog had becomes so exhausted from wagging his tail, barking in the car and then the walk and the new scenery in the halls that he'd curled up into a ball at the back of the crate and was napping. Finn whispered into Kurt's ear where he'd set Max and then made himself scarce.

Kurt found it difficult to breathe. He knew what he wanted to say, but saying it was the difficult part. An uncomfortable silence descended for a moment. Artie cleared his throat like he was going to say something and that spurred Kurt into action. "Artie, I'm so sorry for how I behaved after the accident. You tried to be a good friend and I shoved you away. I was just so hurt and so lost and so angry at myself and at the world that I couldn't deal with what happened. I don't know if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, but I'm here now. I'm here to apologize and to maybe start back on the path to becoming friends again - if you'll let me." Kurt made the apology in a single breath, heart hammering in his ears the entire time.

Artie listened to Kurt. His heart went out to Kurt because he remembered well what it had felt like after his accident. Knowing he would never walk again made him more than a bit angry at the world. The difference was that he was eight and Kurt was an adult. Artie knew how hard it was to rejoin the world of the living when the universe pulled everything out from under you. He'd wanted to make it easier for Quinn and for Kurt, but neither one of them had let him. Worse, they'd acted superior to Artie as if they were saying that they would walk again or see again and Artie was somehow damaged for life and therefore not in their league. Just thinking about it made him angry. He wanted to say something about it, wanted to tell Kurt how wrong it was, wanted to bitch and vent. Just as he opened his mouth to do so, he heard a tiny yelp from the crate that Finn had set near Kurt's chair and the noise made the words in his throat die away.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

KL#15: Call my friend David first and apologize for ignoring him since the accident.


	17. Chapter 17 Man's Best Friend

**Chapter 17** – Man's Best Friend

Artie looked at Kurt and the carrier on the floor. He could hear a small yelp coming from it and he was somewhat interested, but first he had to address what stood between them. "How could you tell me that I was just like everyone else?" Artie said quietly remembering Kurt's words like they were spoken just a few seconds ago. "Why would you ever think that I don't want you to get better?" he shook his head. "You thought it and Lucy thought it too."

Kurt wanted to argue with Artie to tell him that it wasn't true, but he couldn't. He couldn't because he had spoken those words and believed them, at the time. Now, all he could do was be ashamed of his actions. "Kurt," Artie's voice came again after a few minutes of silence in which Kurt could hear Artie's irregular breathing because it was so quiet in the room. That was how Kurt knew Artie was crying and he couldn't feel worse for being the cause of it.

"I never…I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, Kurt, least of all my friends. Lucy, I can understand. She's always been a little self-absorbed, but you…how could you tell me that I wanted you to be blind so that I wouldn't feel so alone in my disability? You know what it's like to be an outcast better than any of my other friend's Kurt. You know what it feels like to be mocked and ridiculed." Tears were really streaming down Artie's face now, but he didn't wipe them away.

When he looked at Kurt, he could see tears trickling out from under Kurt's designer glasses. "It was us, Kurt," Artie said quietly. "It was us first - you, me, Rachel, Mercedes and Tina. We built this city…You never considered that I didn't pity you or sympathize. I was empathizing with you. If I couldn't understand, then who could? Yeah, I would like my legs back, but that doesn't mean I'll begrudge you the return of your sight. I wanted to let you know that I really understood you, and you tossed it in my face. So, what are you doing here now?"

Kurt took a deep breath, collecting himself before he spoke. "It wasn't you, Artie. I know everyone always says that…it's not you it's me, but in this case it really was me! I pushed everyone away - I tried to push my dad, Carole and Finn away too. It was a very, very dark time for me. I regret what I said in pain and fear. Waking up and not being able to see anything, to have the very foundation of my entire world ripped out from under me, I couldn't handle it. I didn't deal with it...at all. I lashed out at everyone who said a kind word or tried to support me. I wanted to wallow in my misery. I let the darkness drag me down, Artie. I became not just blind but deaf and dumb to the world around me."

"You weren't the only person I hurt, Artie, but of all the people I hurt I know now I hurt you the most because you woke up without your legs Artie - also terrified, also angry. You had your world ripped out from under you, but the difference between us is that I was an adult, capable of adult emotion while you were just a child. However, I feel like even then you behaved better than me. I'm ashamed, Artie. More ashamed than I can tell you, and I am begging you," Kurt said his voice wavering, "I am begging you, brother in arms, please…please forgive me." Kurt choked out before he let his throat tighten and the tears fell freely and silently.

Many minutes later that seemed like hours to Kurt, Artie spoke. "I forgive you." The words were barely whispered. Kurt's head turned in the direction that Artie's voice was coming from. "I forgive you, Kurt," Artie said a little more firmly. "Now, forgive yourself for everything," he said sounding once again like the voice of authority and reason. "Or I'll put you in detention," Artie teased. Max barked his agreement to remind them that he was still there and both men had neglected him for far too long. "That's a very small dog to be a Seeing Eye Dog," Artie said as he wheeled himself across from Kurt's chair and a little to the right where the crate was sitting. He tried to bend over to see better into the crate, but he couldn't bend far enough.

Kurt couldn't help but laugh at that. "He's not for me. He's for you. His name is Max. I was helping a friend volunteer at the local animal shelter and this little guy made a big impression on me. He loves to be a lap dog and he's just so happy. When I met Max, knowing that he would have to go back to his kennel, it made me so sad. I knew immediately who would appreciate a dog like Max…you."

"Oh," Artie said surprised as he stuck a finger through the crate and Max licked it excitedly pounding his tail against the wall. "Oh, Kurt," Artie hesitated. "I can't believe you remembered the conversation we had about dogs…that must have been what - freshman year?" Artie couldn't help but be amazed.

Kurt chuckled. "Seems like several lifetimes ago," he admitted and was pleased to hear Artie grunt in agreement. "I think that Max lives up to most of the criteria you mentioned," Kurt said. "He is the friendliest dog in the world, Artie," Kurt promised, his voice sounding a little breathless. He didn't realize how invested he was in this moment. How much he wanted Artie and Max to like each other.

Artie bent down and put his hand next to the crate and Max stuck his nose to it sniffing loudly. Artie smiled. Only his best friends knew what a soft spot he had for dogs. His family had a dog when he was little – Peanut, but after the accident Peanut went to live with Artie's grandmother because his parents were too busy caring for him. Peanut grew old and died with Artie's grandmother and though she took good care of him Artie, in his child mind, never really forgave himself for being the cause of Peanut having to leave him. "Kurt Hummel," Artie said and found his voice a bit tight. He cleared his throat quickly. "If this is a way for you to get back into my good graces..." his voice trailed off.

"No, not to get back into your good graces... just a way to say that I am so very sorry... and to prove to you that the Kurt Hummel you once called friend is still in here. He was just buried under a lot of shit for a while," Kurt said and he found he was holding his breath with anticipation for Artie and Max.

"That's good," Artie said smiling. "Because if you were trying to get back in my good graces, this would definitely be a cheap shot," Artie paused dramatically, but before Kurt could argue at all he put in smiling, "a cheap, but effective shot...As much as I appreciate the gesture, I think you of all people would understand why I can't take him..."

Though Artie's parents had on the one hand encouraged Artie to live as if he didn't have a disability on the other they frequently reminded him of what he couldn't do. Perhaps to assuage the unnecessary guilt they felt over his circumstances and the role they played in placing him there. Taking care of a dog, taking care of anyone, even himself was one of the points his mother and him always argued over. Artie understood. She was really just afraid of not being needed anymore. She was also afraid of who would love her son; truly love him with his condition. Tina, Brittany, and Charity had helped with that, but they hadn't lasted.

His mother's worries for Artie were assuaged seeing him forging relationship and friendships. However, Artie's own worries and fears were not. His mother's and father's words to him as a child still echoed in his mind. The rational, adult side of him understood that they'd said it because they were advised by doctors to say it, to prepare Artie for his life. However, the child in him wanted them to pretend, to hope with him. When his parents gave away Peanut and then told Artie that he may never be able to live on his own or care for anyone else, they had unconsciously given Artie a complex. They'd sown the seeds of doubt. All was well until Artie gave this doubt a voice. It was then that he began to believe it himself. Max wouldn't be just a dog. He would be proof that someday Artie could get married and have children, and if anything happened to his wife, god forbid, that he would be able to care for those children on his own. Fears which he had never voiced to a living soul before.

Artie was far away in his thoughts when Kurt's voice broke through his musings squashing Artie's doubts. "Actually, Arthur, you can keep him," Artie winced at the use of his whole name. "The lady at the shelter researched it all for me. I'd have done it myself but that requires Finn to be my eyes and you know how easily distracted he gets," Kurt smiled as he spoke fondly about his brother. "Speaking of Finn, he still has the bag of information that the lady at the shelter provided. Detailed information on all you will need to know to take care of Max," Kurt promised trying to assuage his friend's fears.

"Also, you should know that Max is a really good listener and a bonus, already housebroken," Kurt chuckled. "All he needs is someone to love him and you can do that. Don't sell yourself short just because you're stuck in that chair, Artie. You can do everything normal people can do. Besides, Max barely requires any additional work at all. He's so little," Kurt faux sniffled here for dramatic effect. "You know I would take Max. I really would, but my dad is deathly allergic, as all of us had the misfortune of discovering with Max's brief one day stay at our house, so that only leaves you, Arthur. You wouldn't break his poor little heart and send him back to that cold, lonely kennel - would you? "

"Cheap shot," Artie called out pointing at Kurt. Knowing that Finn closed the door behind him, rather than give a response, Kurt opened the carrier and let Max out. Max was so excited to be free from his cage that he took several bounding circles around the room and then several more, sniffing everything before getting to Artie's chair. He sniffed all around that curiously, wagging his tail and hitting the wheels in the process. Artie sat very still, barely breathing. He knew it was ridiculous, but he felt somehow like this little creature was testing his competence and he found, to his surprise, that he desperately wanted to pass. Finally, after what seemed like forever, Max stood in front of Artie's chair looking up at him and wagging his tail expectantly. When Artie made no move to comply with his demands, Max barked. Artie held out his hands in response and Max took a leaping bound into them. Artie was startled for a moment, but he wrapped his arms around Max.

"Looks like I pass," he teased and then told Kurt with what had just happened. Kurt found that he released a breath at Artie's words. He smiled as he listened, but between sentences Artie was spitting and mumbling sometimes.

"What's happening?" Kurt laughed unable to figure it out.

"He's climbed up my chest and is licking my face," Artie said holding Max a bit away from his face and chuckling unable to contain the glee he was suddenly feeling. "Good boy, Max," he said slowly. Max's whole body was vibrating from excitement. Artie caught himself cooing to Max. "You really think I can do this, Kurt?" Artie said hesitantly his anger for Kurt long forgotten.

"I know you can Artie," Kurt said his voice filled with certainty. "If you'll let me, I'd like to come walk Max with you at the park on the weekends. If that would be alright with you," Kurt said. He knew it would be a start. They just started putting together their friendship again. They were not okay yet, by any stretch of the imagination, but Kurt was going to work on making them okay.

"We would love that very much. Wouldn't we Max?" Artie said and Kurt could hear the smile in his voice. Kurt couldn't help but feel triumphant for helping Max and helping Artie. He smiled. For the first time in a long time, Kurt honestly felt that everything would be alright.

That night before he fell asleep, Kurt asked his father to help him cross off #3 from his list. When he regaled Carole and Burt with his adventures for the day, Carole suggested he also cross off #43 as well. "Seems to me that you at least saved Max's life," Carole rationalized, "but I know that time will show you saved Artie's as well and perhaps maybe you are on your way to saving your own." Kurt couldn't argue with great logic so Burt crossed off #43 as well.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

KL#3: Talk to Principal Abrams. Tell him I finally understand.

KL#43: Save a life - or several if possible, but I'll settle for one.


	18. Chapter 18 Across the Wire

**Disclaimer: **Richard Woolsey is borrowed from Raising the Bar!

**Chapter 18** – Across the Wire

Two weeks had passed since Sebastian left for New York. Kurt was happy and satisfied with everything he'd done, but he desperately wanted to share it with Sebastian. Kurt missed Sebastian so much, but he had no ownership over Sebastian or his actions. He didn't want to impose anything on Sebastian, especially obligations, and he was deathly afraid that Sebastian had forgotten about him, too afraid to call Bas himself, so he simply waited. After the celebration, Burt, Carole and Finn put on at home for Kurt's triumph with Max and Artie, he went to his room feeling a little somber.

Finn appeared in the doorway moments later hands folded across his chest regarding his brother's sad expression. Again, he caught himself angry at Sebastian Smythe, which seemed to be a common occurrence. He couldn't help it. Of all of Kurt's boyfriends, not that Sebastian was Kurt's boyfriend, Finn reminded himself, Finn still loved Blaine best. Maybe that also had something to do with the fact that Blaine and Finn were friends apart from Blaine's relationship with Kurt. Sebastian still didn't sit completely right with Finn.

"You miss him," Finn finally spoke and Kurt jumped a little in surprise. Finn shuffled into the room a bit awkwardly and sat on the corner of Kurt's bed covering both of Kurt's hands with one of his. Kurt was wringing his hands together and the action caused him to still suddenly. He didn't know if he should try to deny Finn's statement, but how could he. His feelings must be so clearly painted on his face that even his brother couldn't miss them.

"It's okay, Kurt," Finn said gently. "I miss her every day." There was a haunting sound to Finn's words and something so very human. Finn regarded his brother with his heart clenching. It cut him so deep that Kurt couldn't see him, that those unearthly blue eyes stared off into nothing. He choked back a swell of emotion, but couldn't hold back the words barely whispered. "I'm so sorry, Kurt."

From the tone of his voice, Kurt could tell that his brother meant about the accident, but there was something deeper hanging beneath the surface. "Finn Hudson, are you crying for me?" Kurt teased in a light voice then a little more quietly, shyly, "I wish I could see you now." Finn was so shocked at the admission. His brother had never asked to 'see' him before. At first it had made Finn grateful, he wasn't the most touchy feely kind of person. There certainly wasn't a graceful bone in his body. He didn't want to hurt Kurt or startle him or do something stupid. Lately, they'd been spending a lot of time together. Finn would say something and Kurt's hand would jerk out to feel his brother but then pull back suddenly. Afterward, there would be a fleeting look of sadness that crossed Kurt's face. It cut Finn deeply.

In response to Kurt's statement, Finn boldly reached out his hand and took Kurt's to guide it to his face. Kurt was visibly shocked. His hand trembled a little. "Finn, I…I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable," Kurt stuttered over his words.

"You're my brother, Kurt. It's impossible for you not to make me feel uncomfortable…I mean…isn't it like in your job description," Finn teased.

Kurt choked back a snicker and tried to look serious, but failed. "Close your eyes. I don't want to poke you," Kurt told him and when Finn obeyed, Kurt traced his trembling fingertips in a feather light touch across Finn's face. When he came to the corners of Finn's lips Kurt felt them tug into a smile. Finn opened his eyes in that instant. "There you are," Kurt said almost in awe. "I…I almost forgot…" he let the sentence trail off catching himself before continuing.

Finn noticed as well. "Kurt," his brother's voice sounded almost like it was pleading. "Tell me what you were going to say." Kurt shook his head tears at the corners of his eyes again. "It's okay," Finn said. "This is a judgment free zone and I promise I will not be uncomfortable or embarrassed."

It was like Finn was reading his mind tonight and Kurt felt a swell of pride at just how perceptive his brother had become. Of course, he wasn't going to tell Finn that just yet. It would only serve to inflate Finn's ego. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I wanted to say that I almost forgot how handsome you are Finn Hudson," Kurt said slowly then more quietly, "you were, after all, my first real crush."

Finn grabbed Kurt's hands in his and Kurt was a bit shocked thinking he overstepped, but then Finn was pulling forward and pulling him forward, wrapping Kurt's small frame against his large one. "I love you, Kurt Hummel," he whispered in Kurt's ear. "Words, at one point in my life, that I never imagined I would say to you," Finn admitted honestly, "but you aren't just my brother. You are the bravest man I know, and I am so honored right now to be in your presence. You can 'see' me anytime you want or if you need to reach out and touch me, I'm here. And Kurt, please don't worry. He will call," Finn said. "There's no way he could forget you, Kurt. You are unforgettable."

As if on cue, Kurt's phone on the nightstand rang. Finn picked it up and smiled. "Speak of the devil," he grinned handing Kurt the phone. "I'll just leave you to it then," he said, answering the phone, putting it to Kurt's ear and placing a kiss on Kurt's forehead before leaving the room and closing the door behind him.

The fortnight after he returned to New York was an absolute nightmare for Sebastian. Almost immediately, he was pulled into what could be described as the case of the year, if not the next decade. There was talk of the case going all the way to the Supreme Court. It was all hands on deck at Woolsey, Peterson and Moore that week and Sebastian literally didn't have a moment to himself. He felt blessed to have had the opportunity to shower and eat, never mind sleeping.

As a former Warbler, Richard Woolsey had taken Sebastian and Nick under his wing and was mentoring them. It was quite an honor but also quite a lot of pressure. Though Richard was the youngest person to ever make partner at the firm, the firm did also belong to his father. Sebastian knew a thing or two about living in the shadow of a brilliant man. Richard was trying to prove himself and, in turn, Nick and Sebastian were trying desperately to help him do that - which involved reading, research, discussion and more reading into the wee hours of the morning only to get a few hours of sleep and do it all again the next day.

So, here was Friday night with an entire weekend of work looming before him. He'd just taken a shower and grabbed a bite to eat. He wanted to call Kurt right away, but figured smelling terrible and being crabby because he was hungry probably wasn't the best plan. He staved off his hunger to hear Kurt's voice for another hour as he took care of a few things. He lay down in his bed at 9:00 p.m. nearly completely spent. Just thinking about falling asleep to the sound of Kurt's voice sent a shiver down Sebastian's spine, but what exactly was he feeling? Oh yes – pleasure! He missed Kurt so fucking much this week. He dialed Kurt's phone number and waited with anticipation.

"Hello?" Kurt said hesitantly and a little breathlessly. It'd been days, but it felt like years since they last spoke. He was a little apprehensive now that Sebastian had two weeks in New York and let the real world back in. Maybe he'd changed his mind about small town Lima and the blind charity case.

"Hey," Sebastian said softly and Kurt could hear Sebastian's smile.

"I'm so sorry I haven't called sooner. I got dragged into what has to be the worst nightmare deposition I've seen to date. By the time I leave the office it is far too late to call you…I've been practically sleeping at the damned office. It's... it's been hell, Kurt," he sighed heavily feeling relief at finally having someone to share the week's events with. It didn't last long however because Sebastian felt the need to apologize.

"I'm sorry... every spare second I've had, my mind has drifted to you... if I could have gotten away at any reasonable or sane time I would have called. I swear, Kurt. I would have...I think this is my penance for being back in Ohio so long. I've missed you," Sebastian was rambling and sounding flustered and it was the most adorable sound Kurt had heard in a long time. The last three words might have gotten a little lost in the shuffle, but he was just... it'd been so stressful and he really honestly and truly didn't have a moment of time in which to call Kurt until now.

"You missed me?" Kurt said a bit disbelievingly and suddenly he ached for Sebastian's closeness. "I...I missed you too Sebastian." He fought the sob that threatened to escape because he only just realized what a brave face he was putting on. It killed him not to talk to Sebastian, but worse not to talk about Sebastian. He tried to spare his friends for now. It was about making amends with them and not about Sebastian.

"Tell me all about what you've been up to. I want to hear all about how you've been staying busy. I'll spare you the details of the nightmare that is this case. Let's just say that my boss, Richard Jr., brought both Nick and I onto the case. It's a big one, Kurt. It could go all the way to the Supreme Court, but we're up to our necks in quicksand. There's little to no precedence for the case and right now we just have theories on how to win. So you know...no pressure." He sighed. "So please...please tell me something happy."

"Oh," Kurt said feeling both awful that Sebastian had such a difficult week, that it wasn't yet over, and that he had nothing as glamorous or mind blowing to share with Bas. "I just...I..." he got very quiet. What was he thinking? Sebastian was this amazing up and coming lawyer. At any moment, in any one of these really busy weeks, Sebastian could meet a gorgeous man - a man that wasn't blind and that could do all the things on Michel's List. Sebastian had single-handedly saved the firm thousands of dollars or was trying to at least. Kurt had saved a dog and learned half of the letters in the Braille alphabet and grumbled about it the entire time. "It's...it's nothing," he said feeling suddenly very self-conscious. How dare he think his life was difficult compared to what Sebastian was telling him? His life was a walk in the park.

He sighed. "Kurt... don't distance yourself... please. It's bad enough I'm in New York and you're in Lima. Whatever you're thinking, please don't. I would give anything to not have to be up to my eyeballs in research and case files. It is not nearly as glamorous as it sounds. Trust me. It's a migraine-inducing battle with endless paperwork. I'm going to die from paper cuts," Sebastian teased trying to lighten the mood and make Kurt laugh. "So please, tell me what you've been doing since I've returned to hell."

"Okay," Kurt said hesitantly, "but I promise you, it isn't at all interesting or life altering. I've been learning Braille. I'm halfway through the alphabet and I have the first half down pat. I talked to a few friends."

"Nonsense Kurt, you're putting your life back together. You're trying to learn things to help deal with your current condition, and you're reaching out to your friends to let them back in your life. I would hardly call that nothing. It's interesting because I don't know where any of them are in life now. It can be life altering for you because if you're anything like I am when hurt, you tend to withdraw, but I remember how close you all seemed. I'm sure you're happier now that you're back in contact."

Kurt listened to Sebastian and with each word Bas spoke Kurt felt his cheeks grow hotter and hotter. Sebastian was proud of him, and Kurt was proud of Sebastian. Oh my! That was a new development. He was silent not sure about how to process that revelation. When Sebastian cleared his throat, Kurt launched into conversation again. "Don't know if you remember David Karofsky, but I spoke to him recently. Mentioned you," Kurt admitted. He didn't add that he didn't tell David who Sebastian was. He wasn't sure why exactly, but he knew that that sort of information would hurt Sebastian and that wasn't his aim right now.

"How is Cubby?" Sebastian inquired with a chuckle. "Why does he find it so amusing that you and I are spending time together?"

"Cubby's good," Kurt said feigning frustration with the nickname. "He finds it amusing because he says he met someone too. He wants to trade stories. We made a phone date."

"What? He never bitched about me calling him that," Sebastian mused.

"That's because he was too stunned by your sexiness to speak," Kurt shot back, and upon realizing what he said blushed crimson.

"You…you think I'm sexy?" Sebastian faux stuttered.

"Pulling complements are we, Bas?" Kurt found himself snarking, "so unlike you."

"Actually, so like me," Sebastian quipped back before bursting out laughing and Kurt waited several seconds enjoying the sound before joining in. Once their fit of giggles died down, Sebastian commented, "well good for D-a-v-i-d." He drew out the name on purpose. "If you're allowed, I hope you'll tell me about it. Cubby, deserves to be happy."

"I'm sure David won't have too many issues with me sharing at least the bones of the news with you," Kurt said a smile still playing out on his lips. They'd just bantered like they hadn't since high school. Even if it was in fun, Kurt was glad to see that they were still capable of it and that it was still very much amusing.

"My biggest triumph though came today when I got called into the principal's office," Kurt told Sebastian in a teasing tone of voice.

"Oh? How did you end up getting called to the principal's office?" Sebastian teased back.

"I actually volunteered to go. You remember Artie Abrams? He's..." Kurt never would have hesitated about Artie's disability before but now it was so much more real to him. "He's in a wheelchair," Kurt said quietly almost reverently.

"Wheels, yeah I remember Artie," Sebastian mused, thinking back to the kid in the wheelchair with the glasses and sweater vests.

"Anyway, he's the Principal at McKinley and today he became a daddy as well. I found Max a home, Bas," Kurt said a little breathlessly. "I really, really did it. I saved a life."

"Congratulations Kurt. How does Max like his new daddy?" Sebastian asked and Kurt could hear the joy and pride in Sebastian's voice.

"It was love at first sight," Kurt gushed, grinning at the pun he just made. "Well at least Artie tells me it was because I couldn't see anything," another joke he was on fire tonight. "Max was so happy Bas, and we're going on a walk together this Saturday. Max, Artie and I. Oh...and dad's deathly allergic to Max…Poor dad. Max was only over a day and he was coughing up a storm," Kurt chuckled at the memory. "Bas...I...I miss you."

"I'm glad you're in such good spirits... and I'm glad Artie and Max got along. Shame your dad was allergic...I miss you too Kurt, so much," Sebastian admitted.

Kurt's heart leapt at hearing those words. He wanted to say more to keep Sebastian talking, but he didn't know what to say. "I'm sorry your week was so terrible Bas, but I'm so proud of you. You inspire me to be the best that I can be. I'm so glad you came back into my life...I just want you to know that."

Sebastian couldn't help but smile when he heard that. "Thanks. I think I needed to hear that, and I'm glad you're the one that said it. Sometimes it's a thankless job - being a good lawyer. I mean you hear them call us sharks and all kinds of other names, but not all of us are heartless assholes. I know I get paid well to do this job, but sometimes it feels like it sucks the soul out of you - the hard cases, at least. So, thanks for helping keep my soul where it belongs," Sebastian whispered the last bit softly.

"Bas...I..." Kurt knew what he wanted to say, but he couldn't. It was just too soon. It scared him too much to be feeling it so clearly in this moment. Kurt settled for, "I wish I could kiss you and make all the bad this week go away."

"I wish you were here. I wish I could hold you in my arms and breathe in that vanilla Kurt scent and just stay like that... and let you kiss the bad day away...I wish you were here so much." There was such conviction in Sebastian's voice as if infusing his words with passion would make them come to life.


	19. Chapter 19 How To Save A Life

**Chapter 19** – How To Save a Life

He awoke to the sunshine streaming into the window, but it wasn't the light but rather the knowledge that the bed was empty that woke him. He stirred and sat up just in time to catch his bedmate tying the laces of his tennis shoes. David felt a pang in his gut. It wasn't like this behavior was out of the ordinary, but lately it had started to wear on him. He discovered it made him feel cheap. He disliked the feeling intensely. "Going somewhere?" David asked as he pushed himself into a sitting position. The forgotten blanket slipped around his waist and revealed his broad chest peppered with fine curly black hairs.

He didn't know what he was doing sometimes. Some moments everything felt so right and so easy and giving in was the best thing ever. Then, there were times where the guilt just reared up and threatened to choke him. He remembered every moment with David – their first kiss, their first time – all of which he initiated. David was so careful with him, so patient. That alone fed the guilt in him. He didn't deserve it, couldn't handle it. The more he began to doubt and question, the more the panic and worry that he was going to end up hurting David came bubbling up. He couldn't always quell it either.

This morning he awoke with David's arm draped across him and he felt so comfortable for a heartbeat, so content, and it scared him. He had only ever felt that level of comfort and peace with one other soul and look how badly he'd screwed that up. He had to get out. He had to leave before he had a panic attack or did something stupid. He just had to. He wasn't trying to be rude, but this was just too much and he couldn't deal with it this morning.

Of course, leave it to David to wake up as he was trying to escape. His heart raced, his throat was tight, and he was feeling jittery and nervous as the panic attack tried to surge up inside his blood. "Just... need some air," he said in a strained tone.

The knife in David's gut twisted just a little with the lie. His expression told of the awareness of it.

He felt horrible for trying to leave before David woke up. He didn't want to be that guy, but at the same time he felt like he couldn't be there. He didn't know what to do with himself anymore. It felt like any progress he made was one step forward and four steps back.

David nodded slowly his gaze fixed on the man before him. He looked so much like a deer in headlights. David had often thought about what this was and where it was going. If he thought about it long enough, it began to resemble a complex puzzle in which every piece that was laid brought a fuller picture to the story at hand, the story that was them, and somehow it made sense to David. It was all very logical.

Granted, David had never really had a real boyfriend before. Even this...whatever it was…was on his bedmate's terms, but then again David had never felt this way before. Not about anyone. Not even about Kurt. Feeling so much scared him. Having it taken away scared him even more. He wanted so desperately to give voice to his feelings, but he was afraid if he did that it would send his bedmate running. More than anything he was afraid that he would never really be enough when compared to those that had come before him.

"What's really the issue here?" David said studying the man who stood at the foot of the bed rocking on his heels and playing with the frayed sleeves of David's old hoodie that was two sizes too big on him. When the man didn't speak, David gave the elephant in the room a voice. "This is about Kurt."

"No…no," he quickly tried to deny it. Was it about Kurt? He didn't know. Yes, and no and yes again. It all came back to that with them - didn't it? He was well aware of David's history with Kurt. Though nothing had ever come of it, he knew how David felt. He could even understand it - all too well. He couldn't help but feel he was being compared to that beautiful man and in his own eyes he came up short, every single time.

He had nowhere near the beauty or talent or fire. How could he even hope to compare? Then there were the complications of his heart and mind. His past was catching up to him. He often caught himself wondering if he was just a place holder for David, just a convenient body to make the nights warmer and less lonely. The thought was like a bullet to his heart. He looked up into those tolerant, kind blue eyes. "Maybe," he whispered a little breathlessly, so, yeah, maybe it was a little about Kurt…Okay, a lot about Kurt!

He couldn't help the doubt that reared up with how reserved David was about whatever this was between them. Not that he wanted to be swept off his feet, per se, but a more solid, more real validation than quiet nights of lust that gave way to doubt-filled mornings would be nice. Maybe it wasn't David. Maybe he himself was the problem. He just didn't know anymore.

"What are we to each other?" he finally blurted out, not really even fully aware he'd asked the question.

David let out a small mirthless laugh. "You're asking me?" unable to hide the accusatory tone in his voice. "I haven't got a clue what we are. Maybe I shouldn't have told you that Kurt called me. I've just always tried to be honest with you," David hesitated. "Look...I can't help Kurt's actions...Are you going to punish me for them? For him calling me instead…instead," David couldn't finish the sentence.

And, that was a larger part of the problem right there - neither of them knew what they were. He sighed heavily running a hand through his messed up bed head.

"You're right... I know you're right...I just...it hurts okay? I can't help it. I've tried to make it stop but it won't. Everything hurts...and the pain just makes me question everything...and then all the negative builds up...I nearly had a panic attack this morning. I feel so out of control, David...so lost and I don't want to doubt or question but...it's there and I can't make it go away. I'm sorry," he rambled out quickly hanging his head with shame and regret over the admission. His emotions were always clearly visible - he couldn't hide them for shit. "I'm not trying to punish you... I'm trying to punish myself," he admitted barely above a whisper.

"You...you had a panic attack," David could barely strangle out the words, "because you woke up next to me?" How many times had they woken up next to each other? It still wasn't enough!

"What did you think was going to happen after I talked to Kurt?" there was more than a little anger in David's voice now. Did this gorgeous man really think so little of himself? Did he really think that one conversation with one of his best friend would suddenly send David into Kurt's arms? The idea that such thoughts were flowing through his lover's mind unnerved David. It made him dread and feel defeated. No matter what he did or how much he tried to be there, it still wasn't enough.

"I want to be there for you," David admitted as he scooted to the edge of the bed holding the blanket in place, "but I'm finding it difficult." He wanted the man to know how much all of this meant to him. He didn't want to let his lover go, but lately he was beginning to feel that the history between them was just too great an obstacle to overcome. What was worse, he was sure that he was the only one risking his heart. He'd fallen hard for the forbidden fruit and now there was nothing to be done about it.

He shrugged. "I don't know... sometimes I think I'm so broken... I feel so broken, David... and you deserve better than broken…You're too good for me, Dave. You never call me on my shit," he sighed. Especially since he didn't know if he would ever be put back together again. His words trailed off, his hand running again through his hair. Then it returned back to worrying the edge of the cuff of the hoodie. He liked this hoodie, liked how big it was on him. It was Dave's and every time he wore it he felt like he was getting a hug from Dave, but sometimes hugs alone were not enough.

"Why don't you ever let me decide for myself what it is that I need?" David said frustrated as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You have to admit that I have **_let_** you set the pace. Haven't I? I've never pushed or forced or asked anything of you. I don't call you on it because if I did, you'd bolt. That's your style," David deadpanned as he ran a hand in front of him, "case and point!"

The tears started then. It was all that he ever did. Everything he touched turned to dust and brought him to tears. Every relationship he had - be it friends or family or something far more intimate and cherished... he broke it, shattered it without even trying. He tried so hard to keep it safe and to guard it, only to have it slip from his fingers and break into a million pieces to join his heart there in the shadows and ashes of everything he might have been.

He had battled depression for years, and recently it seemed the war was no longer going in his favor. He winced and flinched as David yelled at him. "Yes... you let me... and I don't know why. I'm the worst person ever... everything I touch breaks or breaks me," he whimpered sobbing.

"Don't cry," David nearly yelled. He couldn't stand it when the man cried. David was patient and he was supportive. Who better to understand deep-seeded depression than David Karofsky. It didn't bother him that his lover was insecure or depressed, that could be healed with love. What bothered David is that his lover continued to refuse David's help. "Do you really think that I'm just passing the time here? Is that what you think this is to me? What is this for you, just lust?"

"I don't know... I'm sorry... I'm sorry I keep hurting you, David. I don't want to... it's the last thing I want..." he cried harder now, looking up, tears shining in his eyes and leaving trails down his cheeks. "No... God no, David, that's not what... I'm trying so hard... I... If this was just lust for me, I couldn't be here. I'm not that guy, but all that we ever do is end up here, and I don't know where I stand with you... and I don't dare let myself hope that you...that you feel what I feel because I don't deserve it - not after everything."

God, this was so messed up! How did this man drag such emotion from him? Rage and hopelessness, patience and love all rolled into one moment. David stood up and wrapped the sheet around his body toga style before closing the distance between them. "Don't cry Lamb," David whispered as he reached to wipe the tears off of his lover's cheek. "Please baby...I didn't mean to make you cry," David said as he pulled the shorter man forward into his arms wrapping him tight in his embrace. "You haven't broken me...so it can't be true that you break everyone and everything. Now can it?" David said. Damn he was using his second degree – Psychology - like no one's business this morning. "Though you artists are prone to be drama queens," he teased kissing the man's forehead.

"Everything will be okay," David promised. "Just...just stop running away from me," David said as he pulled away a bit. "I like chasing you, but I have to admit I don't have your stamina for evasion," David teased a smirk tugging on his lips. "Would you like to tell me how you feel?" David coaxed.

"I'm not running from you, David. Never you...I…I think I'm running from myself," he admitted with a heavy sigh. Of course, with everything that had happened to and because of him, wasn't that at least a little understandable? He cuddled closer to David, wrapping his arms around him. He didn't want to give in to the psychology stuff. He hated it, but at the same time..."I just... I really care about you David... I do... but I get scared because the last time I really cared for someone I hurt him so badly and there's nothing I can ever do to make that right again. I'm so scared of hurting you. You have to admit the potential is in me," he reasoned his voice slightly muffled due to how he was cuddling David.

"We all make stupid mistakes," David said. "You're talking to the king of stupid choices, remember? Maybe some of the choices you made in the last year were not your finest, but that doesn't mean you can't change or learn or grow from them. Everyone deserves a second chance." Kurt taught him that, and David would be damned if he didn't pay it forward. "I'm not going to break so easily. Try bending me a bit and see how flexible we are together," David said wisely.

He wanted to tell David those three words - he really did, but he was so fearful to speak them. Every time he had said them to someone it seemed to doom everything. "I'm trying. I know it doesn't always seem like it, but after...the accident...I just...it's so much harder. The depression is back and the old methods to control it aren't working. I hate it so much. I hate being so happy only to have the depression rear up and take the happiness away. I just don't want to lose you, David...I don't...I'm so scared of losing you. The very idea hurts - so much."

"Would it help you to know that I'm falling for you?" David said gently. Those big, wide eyes snapped up to his and made his heart stop beating for a moment. David bent down slowly and grazed those beautiful full lips and his heart fluttered back to life.

His breath caught when David said that he was falling for him. He had feared that David wouldn't care for him that much. He feared so much that he was simply convenient for David. He had never allowed himself to dare to hope that David would return his feelings. To hear that David was falling for him healed a few of the small wounds to his heart and soul.

"I'm always here to listen to whatever you have to say. Even though it hurts me to see you so depressed and sad, I know it is a part of something you have to go through, and you'll come out the other side stronger. Trust me. If I don't know then who does," David said alluding to his suicide attempt. Though it was more than 8 years ago now, sometimes the memory seemed so fresh, like it was yesterday.

David had a point - of all the people they knew, David had battled with and nearly lost against depression. Something he couldn't put into words. He had been so low he didn't leave his room for days. He had thought about ending it, but he had never been able to muster the courage to do so. He just fell apart and that was it.

"I hope you'll let me be there when you do come out the other side," David said very quietly, "because I know you're worth it." At these words, a more positive emotion overtook him and inspired him to tears. He clung more fiercely to David then kissed him soundly. "I would like that... very much," he said with a small smile.

"Me too," David confessed as he squeezed the other man's hand. "Now, if you're sure you need to go. Would you at least like a grilled cheese sandwich for the road?" David said knowing it was the other man's favorite. "I know how you forget to eat."

He sighed. He didn't want to go now, but now was exactly when he should get moving if he had any hope of making it back to his place and rehearsal on time. He brightened up at the offer of a grilled cheese sandwich. Sure it was childish, but there was also a reason why it was called comfort food. "Yes please," he accepted the offer with a tiny smile. Maybe they were going to be alright after all.


	20. Chapter 20 The Big Apple

**Disclaimer:** Luke Snyder and Reid Oliver belong to As the World Turns.

**Chapter 20** – The Big Apple

Two weeks flew by in a hurry. Highlights included receiving a package from Brittany. When Finn opened the package, he found a well-worn, once white unicorn. He described the unicorn to Kurt and Kurt's emotions got the better of him. He did cry, more than a little. Brittany has sent Horny along with a note – _To My Unicorn, so you know you are never alone, I am sending Horny to keep you company until we can be together again. – Britts_. Kurt called Brittany right away and thanked her for the incredibly moving gesture. He also had good news to report to her. Artie and Max were getting along swimmingly. In fact, the next day he had a walk scheduled with them.

Several days after an amusing walk with Artie and Max, that could in itself be the punch line to an amazing joke, David called Kurt for a chat. They talked about everything from David's work to Kurt's condition and finally made it around to men. Before they started that conversation, David made an interesting request could they talk about their men without mentioning names. Kurt felt relieved! He so wanted to talk about Sebastian with someone, but he knew the first impressions Sebastian had left on the New Directions and David. Kurt would defend to the death Sebastian's right to have a second chance, but maybe a defense wasn't necessary, maybe talking about him while keeping his identity a secret would help build a new image in his friends' minds.

Kurt wasn't sure who gushed more about their man - David or himself, but he was certain about one thing - neither was really sure of where the relationship stood yet. "As far as I'm concerned I'm in," David was saying to Kurt.

"Me too," Kurt agreed, "but I can understand how it would be difficult. Life doesn't get any simpler as you get older. Does it?" Indeed it did not.

"Kurt, I don't want to push you away again," David hesitated, "believe me that's the last thing that I want, but I do want to speak to you about your condition." David finally managed to get up enough courage to broach the topic. Kurt was surprised that after nearly half a year of complete and total darkness, he was ready to listen. "I've read a lot about the blind," David said blushing at the admission. "There's a specialist here in New York, Dr. Reid Oliver, arguably the best in the world. I…I think he could help you, Kurt," David said honestly. "What's even better is that he's conducting a study and he needs participants which means that your surgery would be paid for by a grant. After hours of being on hold, I managed to finally get through to him and describe your condition."

"Actually, he's one of us," David said a bit sheepishly still not able to say 'gay' quite yet. "His fiancée is apparently very rich and very prominent, a Mr. Luke Snyder. He says he knows you and is a big fan of your work."

"Oh my gosh - Luke," Kurt exclaimed excitedly. There was someone else he hadn't spoken to in months. When he made the list he knew he had to talk to Isabelle about the line, but he also had to talk to Luke. Luke wasn't classically trained in fashion. He was more self-taught and he had such a passion for it. His passion was more than a little infectious. It had inspired Kurt to collaborate with him on his first show. Luke had been his eyes and ears at galas that Kurt did not attend and on the streets of New York. David's voice cut into his musings.

"Anyway, both Reid and Luke were shocked to find out it was you and they've insisted on helping. Dr. Jeff Sterling is just starting his first rotation under Dr. Oliver. I believe Jeff's a former Warbler and you guys are still close, right? It's really hard for me to follow all these connections," David admitted. "Suffice it to say that the world is small and you have angels on your shoulder looking out for your well-being. Anyway, Reid insists on seeing you and letting him run tests when next you're in New York. He seems pretty cocky," David admitted, "but then again if he is the best…please, Kurt."

Kurt was a little overwhelmed, to say the least, at the outpour of concern toward him. He had been certain the world would just quietly forget about Kurt Hummel, but it appeared that he was sorely mistaken. That fact alone made his heart swell with happiness. He still had friends that loved and cared about him. He told David that actually he was planning a trip to New York in a week and that he would be happy to meet with Reid.

At the end of their conversation, he transferred David to his answering service to provide Reid's contact information. Before hanging up, David requested that Kurt set aside some time to meet with him during his visit to New York. Originally, Kurt had only planned to stay for a long weekend, but he supposed if Sebastian didn't object he could extend that to a weeklong stay. He figured while Sebastian was at work he could spend some time with David, Mike, Santana, Tina, Rachel and Niff. He could even squeeze in a visit with Dr. Oliver.

Kurt spent the entire day worrying about what Sebastian would say to the suggestion for no reason. Sebastian couldn't be more overjoyed at the idea of having Kurt stay longer. He actually seemed surprised, in a good way, that Kurt was bringing up the subject of the visit. "What will you do while I'm at work Monday through Thursday?" Sebastian asked. He was already planning to take Friday off to spend some time with Kurt.

Niff was throwing a Halloween party that he'd just received an invitation to. He let Kurt know this and asked if he might be interested. Sebastian already knew that Niff would flip if he showed up at the party with Kurt Hummel on his arm. Because he always felt braver with Sebastian beside him, Kurt agreed to give it serious consideration and an 80% guarantee.

The week flew by quite quickly with Burt and Finn doing their best to convince Kurt to change his mind about the visit - each having their own concerns. Neither one thought that Kurt was ready to brave New York City again alone and blind. Kurt patiently explained that he would never be alone and listed the schedule he'd set up with his friends. Though they had differing concerns on where they thought Kurt's visit would turn sour, on one point they completely agreed. Neither one of them trusted Kurt spending a week in New York City alone with Sebastian in his apartment. Carole was the voice of reason reminding Burt of how much he approved of Sebastian's actions up to date and tempering Finn's still existent frustrations with the former Warbler.

Despite his objections, Finn assisted with all the paperwork necessary to prepare Lily for the big trip. She was still so tiny and her cat carrier was so small that Kurt was able to take it on the plane with him as a carry-on. Carole helped him pack his outfits and label them with Braille tags. Kurt had gotten rather good with reading simple words. He came up with short-hand codes for his outfits so he knew exactly what he should wear and at what time. He wondered if Sebastian would find the system impressive. Lily spent the last four nights before the plane trip with the Hummel's and charmed the entire family. He had to pry her away from his father and Finn. Dad even took her to the shop with him and she seemed to enjoy the atmosphere. He wondered how Sebastian would react when he told him.

When the day came for Kurt to board the plane, he was surprised to find that he no longer felt helpless and hopeless. Sebastian had helped him regain his confidence and minimize his feelings of insecurity. Carole, Finn and Burt saw Kurt and Lily off at the airport. Finn gave Lily ¼ of the tiny sedative pill to calm her. She was so small, however, that the pill made her completely pass out which helped a lot. Burt and Finn put on a tough guy front while Carole actually got misty eyed. Kurt was so thankful in that moment for his wonderful family. He was given an escort to help him pass through the checkpoint and guide him to the gate. Boarding went as smooth as it possibly could and as he got settled in his seat, he called his answering service requesting them to send texts to his family, friends and especially Sebastian letting them know he made it on the plane safely.

Kurt actually didn't mind layovers, but Sebastian had insisted on paying for a direct flight in first class. Kurt didn't even want to know how indebted to Sebastian he was for that. Kurt and Lily slept the entire plane ride and it was actually the wheels of the plane touching down that woke Kurt from his sleep. He immediately called his answering service again and had them send another mass text that he'd landed safely. He waited for the rest of the passengers to deplane and then his escort arrived to help him off the plane.

With his shoulder bag on one shoulder, he held the carrier in that same hand as hooked his other hand through the elbow of the very nice girl, Amy, that led him through the terminal and chatted the entire time. As they neared the baggage claim, Kurt became more and more nervous. Was this a good idea? What was he doing? He wasn't ready for this. What if Sebastian forgot to show up? What if he did show up? The thought of seeing Sebastian again breathed new life into the butterflies in his stomach. Oh God, he wasn't ready for this!

Was it wrong of him to be counting down the days to when Kurt was supposed to be bringing Lily to New York? He hoped not. Maybe it was wrong that he was slightly more excited to see Kurt again than he was to see Lily, but Lily would be living with him, Lily would be staying while Kurt would be returning to Lima. So in Sebastian's mind, his excitement was justified. He had made up his guest room, fresh sheets, cleaned his apartment. He had picked up things for Lily as well. Organic cat food, a cute little cat bed, a collar, food and water dish, scratching post, catnip toys and other things to make his apartment more cat-friendly. He'd also taken steps to make sure that anything that wasn't safe for Lily to get into was secured as well.

Sebastian hired his usual driver. It didn't make sense for him to own a car in New York when he rode the Metro most of the time, but this was a special occasion and he didn't want to take Kurt and Lily on the Metro. He made note of the time Kurt's flight was supposed to arrive and was there a full hour early. He made a nuisance of himself at Starbucks in the airport, pacing and checking the clock. Finally, he heard that Kurt's flight had arrived. He made his way over to the baggage claim. He was clad in simple black trousers and a white button-down dress shirt. His tie left at home, dress shoes on his feet. He looked rakishly handsome with his hair artfully tousled. He saw Kurt long before the girl helping Kurt out saw him. He grinned to himself and made his way over to Kurt. He put a finger to his lips in signal her not to say a word. She grinned and nodded.

"So who are we looking for today?" Amy asked playfully. What Kurt didn't know was that her eyes were focused on Sebastian and she herself was blushing at how good Sebastian looked. The wink he sent her way when she asked the question definitely didn't help.

Kurt's breath hitched and his face flamed red as he thought of Sebastian. "A friend," he said his voice catching. Amy prodded him to describe this friend and as Kurt described Sebastian quietly both Bas and Amy had the pleasure of watching the myriad of happy emotions playing out on Kurt's expressive face.

"What would you give me if I found him for you?" Amy asked again her voice sounding very serious.

"Anything," Kurt said breathlessly and it took all of Sebastian's willpower not to close the distance between them.

"Would you kiss him hello for me?" she asked winking at Sebastian who looked a little shocked at her forwardness. He wanted to stop the charade and argue the point, but Kurt's breathless 'yes' stopped him short.

"Good. Because I think he wants to kiss you, too," Amy whispered in Kurt's ear and then stepped to the side.

Kurt's hand that was around her elbow dropped to his side and suddenly he felt like a trapeze flyer hanging in mid air waiting for someone to catch him. A feeling of excitement and panic coursed through him as he held his breath. Then…then a body was stepping into his personal space and an arm was snaking around his waist drawing him forward. Kurt's hand instinctively flew out and trembling fingertips brushed against soft cotton beneath which he felt a hammering heartbeat. Kurt inhaled deeply and registered the rich, expensive, French cologne. He would have liked to say that the fact made him relax, but it wasn't true. It only heightened his already attuned other senses.

"Hello, Princess," Sebastian said breathlessly. Kurt could feel Sebastian's warm breath against his lips and the smell of peppermint.

"Hello," he choked out. The moment felt like a dream, like something out of the movies.

"Je voudrais t'embrasser maintenant," Sebastian said. Kurt was mesmerized by the moment and couldn't do anything but nod. Slowly, as if Kurt was made of porcelain Sebastian bent his head and grazed Kurt's lips with a feather soft touch. Though he wanted to do more, he was aware of his surroundings and Kurt's condition as well. He didn't want to add to Kurt's feelings of being overwhelmed. He was surprised however when Kurt pushed slightly forward and applied more pressure to the kiss. He responded briefly by capturing Kurt's bottom lip between his own and pulled on it just slightly while holding Kurt fast against him. 'Finally.' Sebastian thought and after weeks he felt whole again!


	21. Chapter 21 Overwhelmed

**Chapter 21** – Overwhelmed

After that heart-stopping kiss, everything for Kurt seemed like a whirlwind. Sebastian thanked Amy and then retrieved his baggage. He took Lily's carrier and led them both out to the car to take them back to his apartment. On the way, Sebastian described everything in as much detail as he could without being boring. He tried to bring New York to life for Kurt. How much he loved both the city and how much he cared for Kurt was revealed by the effort he put into his descriptions. He didn't really even realize the car had stopped outside of his building until the driver cleared his throat.

He apologized to the driver and tipped him well. He then retrieved the luggage and carrier. The doorman helped them to the elevator. Sebastian introduced Kurt to everyone in the building letting Kurt try to familiarize himself with the people from the sound of their voices. He described the lobby of the rather posh building. They made it to Sebastian's floor rather easily and to the apartment door. Once the door was shut behind them, Sebastian opened the carrier and set it on the floor letting Lily out. "Welcome home, Lily," he said softly kissing her forehead and getting a kitten lick as payment. He set her down and she was off to explore. Then, he slowly led Kurt around the apartment and described the layout, the decor and the view of Central Park.

Kurt stretched his hand out and his fingers grazed glass. He knew that Sebastian had him standing across from the bay windows overlooking Central Park. He could sense the other man standing behind him. He imagined everything Sebastian had said. It wasn't difficult. He had a good imagination, but somehow it wasn't the same. Kurt was quiet just standing there breathing and letting the feelings wash over him.

Sebastian watched Kurt and knew it was bittersweet for him. The last time Kurt had been here, he could see. He couldn't imagine what that must be like, but Kurt was alive and he was here and the future could hold almost anything. Still... "Are you glad to be here, Kurt?" Sebastian asked softly, just a touch of vulnerability in his voice.

"So glad," Kurt answered immediately his voice breathless. "Thank you Sebastian," he said and he wasn't sure what he was thanking Sebastian for...this...New York...everything.

Sebastian relaxed at his words and when Kurt thanked him, Sebastian replied without preamble, "any time."

"Bas?" Kurt said, a bit vulnerable too. He was not sure what he wanted, but suddenly he was feeling very shy.

"Yes?" Sebastian inquired at Kurt's questioning tone. He didn't know what was going on, but hopefully Kurt wouldn't make him work too hard to figure it out.

"This...me...I don't want to be trouble to you. I love that you invited me. I just...You've been too good to me, Sebastian Smythe, and the best surprise of all is that I never expected it. I never expected you," Kurt admitted.

He touched Kurt's shoulder, his hand a warm gentle presence there. "I wouldn't have done it if I didn't want to, Kurt, but I'm kind of glad you never expected me. I didn't really expect you either, you know. Nice to know it's mutual."

"Bas?" Kurt said again softly. "Don't stand so far away," Kurt replied vulnerable again. He was in a strange place. The first strange place since he'd been blind, other than the hospital. He knew it sounded childish, but he just had to feel Sebastian close to him.

Sebastian smiled and stepped close enough for Kurt to be able to feel his body heat. "That better?" he asked.

Kurt loved that he could use his condition to feign ignorance and innocence. When Sebastian asked if that was better, he shook his head no. "Still too far away," he said breathing slowly as he closed his useless eyes.

It took Sebastian a bit, but he got it then. Chuckling, he stepped close, wrapping his arms around Kurt. "Is that better?" he asked softly, his lips against Kurt's left ear. He wasn't going to begrudge him closeness, not when he was enjoying it so much himself.

Kurt nodded slowly. He leaned against Sebastian and the words began to pour about the books he'd been listening to and the music he'd heard and how Artie wanted him to sing for Glee Club. Sebastian answered with hms and chuckles and squeezed Kurt closer to him when he was happy or concerned or agreed with what Kurt was saying.

He just held Kurt and listened. He could really get used to this. He liked Kurt being this close and liked having him here in the apartment even more. He interjected with snippets of the things going on in his life and the busy world of law.

"So... are you hungry or thirsty or tired or anything? I mean here you are safe and sound in New York. What would you like to do now?" Sebastian whispered in Kurt's ear when the other man finally fell silent.

"I could eat," Kurt blushed as he answered because he'd been talking for what felt like forever. In response to his reply, there came a squeak below him and Kurt jerked a bit in Sebastian's arms squeaking himself in surprise. "See," he said a bit defensively at Sebastian, "Lily and I do speak the same language."

He chuckled as Lily squeaked for attention. "You squeak adorably - I noticed," he teased. Sebastian leaned down and pick up the little kitten. "Did you feel left out, Lily?" he asked and she squeak meowed back at him. "Sorry little one," he said softly. He stepped close to Kurt again, so that Kurt could tell where he and Lily are. Kurt reached out his fingers to try to find Lily, but he was afraid he might poke her or hurt her so he drew his fingers back a bit.

"What would you like?" Sebastian inquired. "I can order in or I can make something - kitchen's stocked."

"Um...There's a pretty good pizzeria near Central Park…Angelo's, and I think they deliver. Pineapple and ham," he said blushing. He knew his food choices were a bit weird.

"I know Angelo's. Half pineapple ham... half just pepperoni," Sebastian commented and Kurt nodded in agreement. That was more than fair.

"I'd like to pet Lily, but I don't want to hurt her," Kurt admitted.

Sebastian noticed Kurt's hesitance and was about to help him out when Lily leaned forward to lick his fingers before he could draw back. She squeaked again when they got out of reach and kept squeak meowing at Kurt.

"Think you can find her with all that squeaking?" Sebastian asked finding the interaction between the two highly amusing.

Kurt smiled and reached out again. This time Lily licked his fingers and nudged her head under them. He scratched behind her ears smiling. "I think she found me," he said. "Do you want me to hold her while you call for pizza?" he asked stroking down Lily's small body as she meowed and purred with pleasure. "Seems you like that don't you, Princess?" he asked and Lily squeaked in response.

He smiled as he watched Kurt and Lily interact. The kitten seemed to know Kurt's limitations and worked around them. "Seems like she does indeed," he said as he handed the little fur-ball over. He guided Kurt to the couch and then made his way to the phone to call for pizza. Once it was ordered, he returned with two bottles of water and sat next to them on the couch. "35 minutes till food. I brought you a bottle of water, figured you might appreciate it. I've got beer, wine, iced tea and Sprite too if you want something else," he commented.

"I always thought when I had my kids I'd be running around after them," Kurt mused not meaning to get deep or vocal about such a touchy subject but there it was. It just came out. He smiled then a bit sadly. He was thinking about that a lot lately. Maybe he would have to give up on that dream or on the dream of having someone that would be patient enough to have children with a blind man. Scratch that. A man, a gay, family man, who wanted children with a blind cripple. Did not exist! Sadness washed over Kurt's face. There was another of his dreams dying right then and there. How many more of them would Kurt have to give up because of this? He stroked Lily for a moment and lived with the grief. He'd found it was much better to let it pass through him then to internalize it. He thought about Dr. Oliver. Who knew? Maybe the man would have some answers for Kurt. "Water's fine?" he forced a smile.

Sebastian heard the sadness in Kurt's voice. "You'll find a way, Kurt. You want something badly enough you'll get it. It's something I've always admired about you," he commented, but didn't elaborate. He placed the bottle into Kurt's hand. "If there are fears or worries or anything you want to talk about Kurt you know you can tell me - right?" Sebastian asked. "I know we weren't close but I feel closer to you now... and I just... I want to be there for you in any way that I can."

"You are here," Kurt said his smile pulling into a happier one. "I do feel close to you Sebastian," Kurt admitted. "I never expected that I'd find someone I could share all this with, all my fears with without them feeling threatened. I guess I haven't been with the most secure men," he said softly. He took a sip of the water. Lily was padding across his leg now and kept sliding down the wrong end. Kurt lowered his hand to catch her a bit and nudge her back onto his knee. "What about you, Sebastian? What's in your future?"

"I have a pretty good life going. I know where I am. I know kind of where things might go. Unless I royally fuck something up, I've got nothing to be uncertain about. I did the fearful thing. I was a mess when Michel and I first started dating, but he helped me get over that. His dying put things into perspective for me. Life's short... shorter for some than for others. I know my own power, my limits. Can't help but be more confident because of it. Never had much use for personal weakness, but as a Smythe that's kind of a given," he admitted. "Hopefully, become a kick-ass lawyer and eventually make partner. Then maybe open up my own firm someday or take over dad's. Help raise up the next generation of lawyers. Maybe finish the list," he said shrugging his shoulders. "What about you? Ideal situation...What's your future?" Sebastian inquired changing the subject.

Kurt wanted to say that he didn't have one. It was true. All the doors of his desires were closed now. Every last one of them and even though Sebastian was patient enough to open small ones the reality still remained that big ones were impossible to open. Instead, however, he opted for. "I'm not sure." It was true. He'd been thinking of possibilities as a blind person and all of them would involve finding new dreams. What if he never regained his vision? He thought about it. "Maybe I'll be lucky to finish my list," he said slowly. "You know when I made it I told myself I would reach for the impossible with no limitations. I didn't realize then that those were the dreams of my heart," he admitted. 'And how much it will hurt to give them up,' he thought.

He set Lily on the cushion between them and suffered her glares for a moment before choosing to ignore them with great difficulty. He took Kurt's hand in his. "Kurt, I know that you're still adjusting to this life, but even if I have to bring my grandfather to the States to teach you, I will show you that you can still have a life. Maybe not everything in the way you expected, but it doesn't mean it can't be better than just good. My grandfather never allows his being blind to limit him. He makes adjustments and sure there are things he just can't do but there's so much more that he can do that he has done. So, please keep an open mind. Okay? I'll help you with your list and you'll help me with mine. Right?" Sebastian asked.

Kurt turned his head away from Sebastian's voice, so he couldn't see the emotions playing out across his face. He nodded his head yes, but he didn't believe it. He knew more than anything he wanted to see his children's faces. 'You aren't going to have children anymore,' the voice in his head reminded him. 'So what does it matter what you can see and what you can't.' "I'll help you with your list," Kurt finally answered Sebastian taking a deep breath before turning his head back. "For as long as you let me."

There was a knock at the door then and the pizza arrived. Good. Kurt couldn't stand this level of emotion much longer. He was self-deprecating for six months now reminding himself of what he couldn't have. If he could see, he'd be at a fashion show now or he'd be sitting across from Isabelle. Something he intended to do anyway this week, but it wouldn't be the same.

They ate their pizza and by the time they finished, Kurt was joking around with Sebastian again. Bas even opened red wine and Lily got into the pepperoni. Little Princess had to be in the middle of everything. "Hey, get out of that!" Sebastian chided the little squeaker when she ended up half on his plate trying to get pepperoni. "She's made an invasion attempt on my plate seeking pepperoni," he explained to Kurt and Kurt could hear the laughter in his voice.

When Sebastian was cleaning up and Kurt was sitting on the sofa, he dared to ask. "So, what now?"


	22. Chapter 22 The Art of Fair Trade

**Chapter 22** – The Art of Fair Trade

"What about a movie?" Kurt hesitated.

"Movies are fine. I've a collection of a variety of things... Disney and Pixar among them..." Kurt's eyebrow twitched and he looked like he was going to say something so Sebastian added playfully, "don't judge me."

"And would you mind letting me change and brush my teeth? I have this thing about spending the weekend in my pajamas. I once tried it and fell in love with it. Granted, I may have been ten at the time, but I'm not admitting to anything having to do with my age," he waited for Sebastian to judge him in return. Lily climbed up onto his lap and she was squeaking her approval of Kurt's fashion choice.

"Why don't we both get into pajamas? We'll be more comfortable that way. Just let me grab some from my room and I'll leave you to it in there after I get you set up anyway," he commented with a smile that translated to his voice.

"So, if Finn was honest you don't need to help me at all," Kurt grinned. "Well except maybe to tell me where we put my bag." So, Sebastian led Kurt to his bag and then Kurt opened it using his fingers to brush along the Braille tags until he found what he thought was his flannel pajama pants and a black t-shirt. He held them up to Sebastian triumphantly. "Impressed?" he asked, but Sebastian was snickering and he had a feeling Finn was responsible. Kurt would find out momentarily that his pajamas were in fact pink with white kittens on them. Really, in Finn's defense he just wanted Lily to feel loved too.

"I don't think Finn was honest," he commented. "The pajamas are pink with white kittens on them," Sebastian explained. "Adorable but something tells me not what you thought they were. You can change into that or I can loan you something less... Lily-fied," Sebastian was unable to suppress the snicker that passed from his lips.

Kurt groaned. "Oh God, who knows what the rest of my wardrobe looks like. From now on you're helping me change," Kurt said without thinking what he was saying. Only after it was out he was blushing scarlet. "I mean..." Kurt sighed a bit frustrated with his lack of articulation. "Is my shirt at least black?" he asked afraid to hear the answer.

"The shirt is indeed black though it has a kitten on the front of it," Sebastian commented. "Dalton sweatpants and a Harvard t-shirt are yours if you want them," he commented. "We can always get you something if the rest of what he's packed is questionable. That is if you trust me to take you shopping."

"I think I can stick with the kitten pajamas," Kurt said bravely. He was not a Hummel for nothing and Hummels didn't back down from a challenge. "I figure it may be amusing for you," he laughed. Sebastian left him then to change and Kurt slipped into the PJ's quickly. Thankfully they were his size and rather comfy. He walked out into the living room when he was done using his cane. He was pretty proud and very thankful that despite the bumps Sebastian let him do it on his own. He stood in the entryway holding his arms out. "Ruffles, he actually bought a shirt that has ruffles on the collar," Kurt rolled his eyes. Sebastian couldn't help himself. He took a picture then and quickly texted it to Finn. Low? Perhaps, but Sebastian was a dude after all and could appreciate a good prank. Besides, something told him he needed to draw closer to Finn – for the future.

"I hate to say it but I'm almost certain that came out of the women's section," Sebastian commended appreciating the humor and irony in the situation considering how often he'd commented on Kurt's choice and style of clothing being overly feminine. "The offer of a t-shirt and sweat pants still stands." Sebastian himself was dressed in black sweatpants and an old Dalton shirt. "You don't look very comfortable in that shirt," he offered as sympathetically as possible. "How about I rescue you from the ruffles? I have a black t-shirt you can wear that won't clash with the pants."

Kurt hesitated and then a smirk crept onto his lips. "There's only one shirt I would trade this one for," he said his voice sounding a little too innocent as he fiddled with the hem of his very girly, ruffled t-shirt.

He arched a brow at this. "What shirt is that?" he inquired. He could play this game. He was curious enough and that smirk on Kurt's lips was tempting.

"The one you're wearing," Kurt was surprised at how even and bold his voice sounded. He could be that. He could be bold, couldn't he?

"Well, well, well...Color me surprised. Didn't think you had it in you. My shirt, hmm? I hope you know I won't be donning the one you take off," Sebastian teased. "So, what do I get if I give you my Dalton shirt?" he inquired.

"Oh," Kurt hadn't thought that far. He hadn't even considered that if Sebastian took off his shirt he wouldn't be wearing anything under it. Though Kurt wouldn't be able to see that, he had a great imagination and right now just imaging Sebastian shirtless was causing him to blush red. "Um...what do you want for your shirt?" he asked a little less confidently. He wasn't sure he could deliver on just any request.

He could see the wheels turning. "Hmm, it's just a shirt. Granted it's the one I am currently wearing, so there should be some compensation." Sebastian was drawing out his words clearly playing with Kurt, but he couldn't help himself. The wheels turning, the blush and sudden uncertainty brought out his playful side again. "How about a kiss? I think that's fair."

"A kiss," Kurt repeated after Sebastian considering the proposition. "Okay," he decided. "A kiss for your shirt," he said holding out his hand to Sebastian to shake. He was still standing in the entryway dressed in the ridiculous pajamas.

He moved closer and shook Kurt's hand firmly. Then, he removed the shirt and turned it right side out again placing it in Kurt's outstretched hand. "You have my shirt," Sebastian said and the smirk evident in his tone.

"Oh," Kurt was a bit shocked. "I suppose I owe you a kiss then," Kurt said and suddenly his heart was hammering in his chest because Sebastian was standing close enough for Kurt to feel his body heat. Sebastian, in nothing but black sweatpants, was standing close enough for Kurt to feel his body heat.

"You do," he affirmed taking the cane from Kurt's hand, folding it and setting it on the nearby table before stepping into Kurt's personal space to make it easier for the blind man to find him. He was nearly pressed against Kurt. Only a very small space was left between them.

Kurt felt the invasion and put his hands up on instinct. Big mistake! His fingertips touched the rock hard muscles of Sebastian's upper abdominals. His breath hitched in surprise. Sebastian looked good, great, but Kurt had never imagined…this. He was robbed of speech. His brows knitted together and he looked a bit panicked and alarmed. His fingers were now perfectly still afraid to move, but just above them he could feel Sebastian's heart racing. He knew Sebastian's eyes were boring into him trying to find his soul.

Oh, that was unexpected. He liked the sense of Kurt's hand upon his chest. He liked the hitched breath and the way Kurt stilled, but this wasn't accomplishing anything. "Problem?" Sebastian asked softly, his tone almost playful.

"Yeah, the Thing called, he wants his costume back," Kurt couldn't believe he had the courage to tease Sebastian.

"Funny... very funny, I could just take my shirt back you know," Sebastian commented his hand moving to cover the t-shirt in Kurt's hand.

Kurt's paralysis was then broken and he let his fingers dance along Sebastian's torso his cheeks flaming hotter and hotter with each inch that he touched. "Sebastian Smythe," he did sound like a breathless girl then.

Sebastian had to bite his lower lip as Kurt's fingertips trail along his torso. "Kurt..." he finally managed a gasped whisper in a strangled voice.

Kurt stopped suddenly. "I'm sorry I didn't ask," he blushed. "I just...it's becoming a bad habit now," he admitted. Kurt's fingers were still on either side of Sebastian's belly button. "I...If you want your shirt back, I can just keep the one I have, as penance," Kurt said, his voice shaking.

"Well you still haven't held up your end of the bargain, Kurt. No kiss…Then you're stuck with the ruffled girly shirt that Finn packed for you," he commented, still keeping contact with Kurt. He was not really intending to take the shirt back, but Kurt didn't know that. "I'm waiting."

Kurt hesitated for a moment and let his fingers trail back up Sebastian's chest until his left hand found what it was looking for. Sebastian's heart was like a runaway train. Kurt took a tiny step forward closing the distance between them. He bent his head to find his left hand and then removed it to touch his lips against Sebastian's heart. He pulled close wrapping his hands around Sebastian's waist and resting his ear where his lips had just been a second ago. "Your kiss, Mr. Smythe," he whispered, listening to Sebastian's hammering heart.

It was kind of touching, but not what Sebastian wanted. Still, he hadn't said a kiss on the lips. He'd just said a kiss. "Tricky. I guess I'll have to keep an eye on you." Sebastian took his hand away, leaving the shirt in Kurt's hands. "Guess I need to go find another shirt to put on," he commented.

"Wait Bas," Kurt said still holding tight to Sebastian's waist. "Kiss me first," Kurt said turning his head in the direction of Sebastian's voice.

He arched a brow at that, but leaned down and kissed Kurt. Not some trickery, kissed him on the lips. He wanted to so he did, and a bit of how much he'd missed Kurt and how glad he was that Kurt was here probably seeped into the kiss.

Kurt clung to Sebastian and put everything he had into the kiss too. It was slow and passionate, and it told Sebastian how much Kurt's missed him too. He whimpered in Sebastian's arms breathless again. When Sebastian broke the kiss and leaned his forehead against Kurt's, Lily reminded the two lovers of her presence. She was upset that Sebastian and Kurt were ignoring her for so long.

God...He could have kept kissing Kurt. Well, except for that pesky need to breathe. He let Lily squeak at them for a moment while he collected himself. He stooped and picked her up. "Here you take her. I'm going to find another shirt," he informed Kurt. He returned momentarily wearing a Harvard t-shirt. "Shall I take over so you can switch out of that frilly thing?" Sebastian inquired.

Kurt nodded and held Lily out to Sebastian. "My cane?" he motioned, and when Sebastian retrieved it he made his way to the bedroom to change on his own. Once inside he closed the door a bit and leaned against it trying to catch his breath. "This is Sebastian Smythe we're talking about," he whispered to the empty space, "but where the hell did he learn to kiss like that?"

Then, keeping his cane between his legs, he changed shirts and found his way back out into the room. He heard the TV on. Sebastian had chosen Wall-E and that brought a smile to Kurt's face. "Cute," he said walking slowly toward the couch tapping his cane as he went. Kurt somehow got comfortable between Sebastian's legs his back leaning against Sebastian's chest and Lily in his hand. As the movie continued, Sebastian's soft voice explaining the scenes and the lack of dialogue lulled Kurt into a peaceful trance. He closed his eyes. It was pointless to keep them open. He drifted off to sleep halfway into the movie leaning against Sebastian, his breath coming softly. Sebastian looked down mid-sentence to find that Kurt had fallen fast asleep.

Lily padded out of his hand, unsatisfied with the lack of attention. She crossed Kurt's chest to sit on his shoulder which was pressed against Sebastian's forearm. She meowed at Sebastian demanding attention. That's when Kurt stirred. The credits were just rolling. Sebastian rubbed under Lily's chin to appease her and took her off of Kurt's shoulder setting her safely in a groove of the couch between his chest and his knee where she couldn't get crushed. He then lightly ran a hand through Kurt's hair and felt Kurt stirring. "Nice nap?" he asked softly.

"The best," Kurt said snuggling close to Sebastian. "Thank you for letting me nap. What time is it?" Kurt asked curiously as his hand dropped and he felt Lily hiding in between Sebastian's torso and his knee. "Hi Lily," Kurt said happily. She purred and nuzzled Kurt licking the tips of his fingers. "Why was she upset?" Kurt asked his voice free from judgment. If anything, he was curious.

"She seemed rather mad at you, Daddy. You should have seen the glare you were getting. You fell asleep and stopped paying attention to her," Sebastian explained. It was amusing. "Quarter to Ten," he said after straining to check the clock, he was at an odd angle after all, tucked into the corner of the couch with Kurt and a kitten using him as a pillow.

"Did you want to watch another movie?" Kurt asked. His heart was hammering really fast and he was not sure why because he just woke up and he should be at peace. However, he was being held by Sebastian Smythe in his very posh apartment in New York. It was all just a bit overwhelming.


	23. Chapter 23 Rocky Horror

**Chapter 23** – Rocky Horror

"It is completely up to you if you want to watch another movie. Though you do realize, you'll have to let me up for that," Sebastian teased Kurt and was rewarded by the pretty pink blush that crept up on Kurt's cheeks.

"Did I squish you? I'm sorry?" Kurt said and he wanted to get up quickly but he also didn't want to harm Lily in the process. "Can you make sure Lily's okay and I'll let you up?" Kurt asked, feeling sorry that he had to do so.

"You didn't squish me, Kurt." Sebastian's soft whisper in his ear sent shivers down Kurt's spine. Could this be any more intimate? Kurt felt Sebastian shift and then he announced, "I've got the little squeaker, you're safe." Kurt then extricated himself from Sebastian and rose slowly. Once Kurt got up, Sebastian slipped off the couch.

"What movie do you want to watch? Suggest a few. If I don't have it, I'll list some of what I do have. I've got a pretty extensive collection," Sebastian explained.

"Something sweet or funny. No horror movies please," Kurt said from the couch his voice sounding a bit uncertain and vulnerable. "Horror movies give me nightmare," Kurt revealed. He hadn't listened to one since he'd gone blind, but he imagined it was even more terrifying listening to the sounds and being trapped in the darkness of your own mind.

Sebastian held Lily and took her on a small adventure to the DVD collection. "Hmmm…Something funny…Something funny," Sebastian mumbled to Lily. "Ah ha," he said triumphantly finding what he was looking for he took out Wall-E and inserted the new movie all one handed as Lily rested against his chest meowing in approval. He grabbed the remote control and adjusted the beginning of the movie keeping it on mute so as not to give away his movie choice. "Want anything to drink before Lily and I return to the couch?" Sebastian inquired.

Kurt's mouth was dry and he knew it was because he was thinking about how he was draped all over Sebastian. "Water would be nice," he said hesitantly then added, "thank you."

"Water it is," Sebastian said as he retrieved two bottles from the fridge. Balancing both under one arm and Lily in the other, he made his way back to the couch wincing against the cold of the bottles on his skin. He set Lily down on the coffee table first and then one bottle. She meowed in protest. He quickly put the second bottle into Kurt's hand before picking Lily up again. "I can see she'll be a handfull. Started protesting the minute I set her down. I had two cold water bottles in my hand and needed to make sure she would be okay, so I set her down on the coffee table first and she didn't like it," Sebastian chuckled. "She'll be fine while you're home, but I don't know what she'll do when you leave. I don't know what both of us will do," Sebastian admitted quietly.

He listened for Sebastian's return and then a bottle was placed in his hand. He uncapped the bottle and took a sip and then another before replacing the cap and holding the bottle out to Sebastian. Sebastian took it from Kurt and set it on the coffee table. Kurt sat there perched on the edge of the couch hands folded in his lap and he really did look like a porcelain angel. When Sebastian made the comment that he didn't know what he would do without Kurt, Kurt's cheeks flamed red. He wanted to say it back, but the power of speech seemed to have been stolen from him. He waited. What happened now?

Sebastian and Lily got situated on the couch again, much as they had been before. "Are you going to lean back or what?" Sebastian asked. "If I'd have minded it, I wouldn't have let it go the first time," he added trying to assuage Kurt's apprehensions. It worked. Kurt snuggled up to Sebastian. Once Kurt was re-settled, Sebastian turned the new movie on. The music started. "Michael Renny was ill the day the Earth Stood Still..."

Kurt snuggled into Sebastian his fingers trailing against the fabric of Sebastian's t-shirt as he listened to the start of the movie. He smiled when he heard the opening line. "Rocky Horror Picture Show!" he commented. "How appropriate for the week before All Hallows Eve," he voiced his approval.

Sebastian was sort of serving as an armrest. His long body was in a sitting position against one arm of the couch. One leg on the ground, the other against the back of the couch. Kurt head was lying on Sebastian's chest. Kurt's ear was pressed to the spot over Sebastian's heart. His left hand was dancing along Sebastian's chest and his right was kind of half tucked around Sebastian. The rest of his body was stretched out on the couch. May sound uncomfortable, but Kurt was surprised how they just fit, surprised and maybe a little scared.

"Well it fit your criteria. It's funny and it isn't exactly a horror movie," he chuckled and if he was humming along and mumbling callbacks under his breath - well...Who was going to notice? "I didn't even think about the timing," he commented. He really hadn't. Of course, his mind flickered back to sophomore year at Harvard when he'd gotten roped into helping put on RHPS, but that was neither here nor there. He was a little surprised at the way Kurt snuggled up to him, but he was certainly not going to complain. It was oddly comfortable, and they did seem to fit. Lily curled up right in front of Kurt on the bit of couch space by Sebastian's knee that was not propped on the couch.

"New Directions put this on Sophomore Year of High School," Kurt said remembering. "It was something else. Of course, we only did it because Will was trying to win Emma. No one really had an opportunity to see it because Sue Sylvester insisted it wasn't proper, but we had a blast doing it. I never realized how much fun we had because Mr. Shue dared to break some rules," Kurt mused in a down period in the movie. "You seem to know the movie well, though," Kurt said softly noticing Sebastian was humming and talking. Kurt's hand had a mind of its own and it was now running up and down the length of Sebastian's torso again and again slowly, languidly. He found it interesting that Sebastian's heart was beating faster and faster.

"I can't imagine you guys doing that. You all seemed too sweet and innocent for Rocky Horror," he teased.

"Hey, at least ND didn't have a stick up its ass like the Warblers," Kurt teased right back. "And no one can say that they nearly single-handedly brought down their school's Glee Club like you can." More barbs, but Kurt couldn't help it. His voice was snarky, high school Kurt and it surprised even him. He considered apologizing for a fraction of a second.

"Well, I have to give you that. I tried to get the Warblers to be more fun, but they were just too tied up in tradition," Sebastian scoffed, ignoring the barbs. "Aside from watching it, I've been dragged to actually be part of the cast that does the show in front of the movie," he commented offhandedly and hoped Kurt would not inquire further. Probably wouldn't be lucky enough for that, but he was hoping. "It's kind of fun. Isn't it? A little lewd, a lot suggestive, but overall just fun," Sebastian commented and yeah he was a little distracted by Kurt's trailing fingertips, but he couldn't bring himself to ask Kurt to stop. "So, who were you cast as?" he inquired.

"I was Riff Raff," Kurt said and his voice sounded a little sad, a little put out.

"Interesting choice," is all the further Sebastian commented on that - though Riff Raff did have the highest vocals which was probably what had made them cast Kurt in that role. "Higher vocals... Shame though, I bet you would have rocked Frank's outfit."

"Do you think I had a choice? Most of the time, I took what they threw at me. It's really frustrating to have to defend that you're a man all the time, to explain why you prefer being with the girls," Kurt said his voice filled with melancholy.

"I'm sorry you had to endure that, Kurt. They had a genuine countertenor in their midst and wasted him...Idiots!" Sebastian commented sincerely the passion evident in his voice.

"Thanks for saying what you did about Frank," Kurt said honestly.

"It's the truth. I really should refrain from imagining you in the costume though," Sebastian muttered the last part under his breath before clearing his throat. It was best to not think about Kurt in a corset and start getting turned on.

Kurt was interested to hear that Sebastian had time for such things in Harvard. "Oh wow...I would have paid good money to see you in Rocky Horror," he smirked and he meant it too. "What did you play? Details please," on this he was very nosy.

"Ah... well... I played Brad, but most of the time I ended up being the only one the cast wanted to see in the tiny, gold shorts," he commented almost under his breath as if he was embarrassed by the fact. "So, Creature or Rocky depending on which name you want to go by."

Kurt detected the embarrassment in Sebastian's voice. "You have a beautiful body, Bas," Kurt said honestly. "I can see why people would want to appreciate it, but I'm sure it isn't fair when you feel yourself being objectified and can do little to stop it. You are so much more than just your body, however. You have such a bright mind, a sharp wit, but most of all - a surprisingly kind heart," Kurt said quietly feeling the blush creeping on his cheeks, but Sebastian did need to hear the words and, more importantly, believe them.

Sebastian stilled under Kurt, his breathing becoming almost nonexistent, his heart hammering madly in his chest, the movie forgotten. In response to Kurt's words, Sebastian pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead and felt the vibration of Kurt's body on top of his. For the first time in a long time, Sebastian felt a pit in his stomach. He knew this feeling and knew it well, but it was impossible after less than two months. Wasn't it? He tried to shake the feeling off. He just cared for Kurt, appreciated his fighting spirit. That was all this was. Sebastian told himself firmly. Now, if he could just bring himself to believe it.

The credits on the movie rolled and they were kind of laying like that for what seemed like a good long while. Sebastian's fingers began to draw circles on Kurt's back, and Kurt felt a bit envious of Lily for being able to purr openly. He closed his useless eyes and his breath slowed considerably. He was beginning to nod off. He hadn't felt this kind of peace in a very long time.

Sebastian kind of nodded off too. It was comfortable lying like this with Kurt. He hadn't felt this comfortable with another person in a really long time. He wasn't really sure how long they just stayed like that on the couch before Sebastian realized that they hadn't really discussed sleeping arrangements. Sebastian had no idea how his relationship with Kurt would play out, nor could he yet vocalize what he felt for Kurt. However, he did know that he didn't want to let go of Kurt. More than anything he wanted to stay snuggled close, but he would rather do it in the bedroom. Sebastian inhaled deeply before opening his mouth to speak. Sleeping arrangements would have to be discussed.


	24. Chapter 24 Harbinger of Destiny

**Chapter 24** – Harbinger of Destiny

After much hesitation, Kurt relented and fell asleep deliciously wrapped in Sebastian's arms. Kurt fell into a deep sleep and was awakened by sunlight streaming in through a window. Panic overtook him and he shielded his eyes from the onslaught. Wait a minute. Kurt shielded his eyes. He tried to sit up, but a weight was now covering him. His eyes flew open again. Blurred at first by the light, he forced them to focus as the image of a strikingly handsome, smiling face came into view. Honey colored skin, high cheekbones, full lips, dark opal eyes framed by a head of curly hair. "_Enfin, tu es éveillé, mon amour_," a rich, sexy voice teased. By all accounts, Kurt should be petrified, but there was something oddly calming and familiar about the whole situation.

"_Bonjour, mon coeur_," Kurt said his lips pulling into a smile. "I feel like it has been forever since I've seen you," and though the voice was his, the words feel as if they were given to Kurt by someone else. The man's lips pulled into a genuine smile that brightened his face and made him that much more attractive, if it was possible. He bent down and kissed Kurt's neck just below his ear. Again, Kurt should be petrified, but he felt nothing but comfort and safety. "This is a dream," he said to the man who just smiled at him enigmatically.

Kurt was more than confused by this dream, but if it was a dream he wasn't going to waste the fact that he could see. He could cry from joy that the gift had been given and sadness that it would be taken away later. For now, the scene before his eyes was shifting and changing.

He felt his chest heaving. He felt the rage pulsing through him like some living thing, his nostrils flared and his pupils dilated. He was staring at the floor where a broken plate lay at his feet. The knuckles of his hands were turning white from how hard he was squeezing them into fists. His gaze darted upwards and he caught sight of his reflection in a mirror. 'No,' Kurt thought as he raised a hand to caress a familiar cheek. It wasn't possible. His gaze met the enigmatic man's again. "It isn't a dream," Kurt said. "It's a memory."

Again, Kurt received no answer, instead the scene continued. The man arched a brow at him and said the words that confirmed Kurt's suspicions. "I'm not going anywhere, Bastian. I think your bark - it is worse than your bite. You don't scare me."

"My name is Sebastian," Kurt said the borrowed words again.

The man's lips quirked into a playful smirk, "I think Bastian suits you better," he teased.

The argument which Kurt was now privy to had been rather epic. Throughout all of it, the man remained somewhat amused, which had only pissed Sebastian off all the more, but the man was patient and hardly ruffled by the gruffness Sebastian put forth. Sebastian had been stubborn in the beginning. Wounded and wary of anyone getting close to his heart, Sebastian was all snark and sass. This man knew it all. This man knew everything. The question lay on the tip of Kurt's tongue. He was just about to ask it when the scene shifted again.

Kurt found himself strolling along the Seine in Paris on a warm summer evening. He knew it was the Seine from pictures he'd seen of it, but he'd never been there. He was shocked to find how real it felt, how this memory that didn't belong to him felt like a part of him. Was such a thing even possible? The man was walking in front of him with one of those professional cameras taking pictures of everything. Every so often he would turn and take shots of Kurt. Kurt felt Sebastian's aggravation at having his picture taken. However, he knew that Sebastian put up with it because of the warmth he felt for the other man. Through Sebastian's emotions, Kurt felt it too.

It was then that he knew without a shadow of a doubt. The question had become obsolete. He felt a kinship with the man. The man was clearly an artist and that part of him sometimes offended the lawyer in Sebastian. "What's the point of all this? There are thousands of photos taken of this place at this time of year, at all times of year. What makes yours so special?" Kurt inquired in a biting tone unable to quell Sebastian's frustration that now coursed through him.

"Silly Bastian! It matters not how many have come before. What matters more are the moments captured now. The world is both the same and different through every photographer's lens," the man explained patiently. Kurt felt the man's patience aggravated Sebastian to no end. He got the sudden urge to rile the man, frustrate him and get a rise out of him, but somehow Kurt knew that the desire was impossible to achieve. They stopped in the middle of the bridge overlooking the Seine. The man took out a moleskin notebook and scribbled in it. Kurt was desperate to know what but refrained from asking.

Several more brief scenes flashed by. All the while the man was scribbling in that notebook. The scenes were filled snarky arguments. Every time the man masterfully and playfully twisted Sebastian's snark back around until the argument was no longer an argument. He took the venom and turned it into water.

The notebook returned and Kurt could bare it no longer. Luckily, neither could Sebastian. He called the man out on it and was rewarded with the moleskin notebook. He began to read and felt his heart lodge in his throat as he realized what he was looking at. It was a list, but not just any list. It was THE list! The list branded on Kurt's soul, the list that had saved his life, but that wasn't possible. Was it? Kurt ran his fingers across the page reading each point that had now become so much a part of him. "Michel?" Kurt uttered the word as his blue, blue eyes locked with the dark opal ones. The man smiled enigmatically, and Kurt began to sink into the depths of those eyes.

Michel was showing him his and Sebastian's relationship from the beginning. Sebastian started off the wounded, angry, snarky boy that Kurt knew, but this moment, this moment felt like it changed everything between them. He felt it deep in his soul - Sebastian Smythe had changed. Did Michel know the gift he'd given Kurt?

"_Je t'aime_," the words slipped through Kurt's lips easily. Though Kurt spoke the words as Sebastian, he understood that he also meant them as Kurt Hummel. His eyes locked with Michel's willing him to see passed the shell of his exterior, to see Kurt.  
Michel seemed caught in this loop with Kurt unable to break out of it, unable to give Kurt any answers about why they were both there in the first place. Despite all of that, Kurt needed Michel to know what he meant to him, how he'd changed his life.

Kurt then realized the importance of this moment. It was the first moment in Sebastian Smythe's life that he'd ever said those words to a man. Those were the words that changed Sebastian Smythe from a boy into a man. "I don't want to be your friend," Kurt found himself saying, "I want..._Je veux vous appartenir_."

Lessons... It was all about lessons. Memories shared - the past was being used to guide the future. Kurt wouldn't know it - not yet. He would come to understand soon enough, however. There was much that needed to be shown and there were rules Michel had to follow otherwise nothing would come of his efforts. This was harder than he'd believed it would be, harder than he ever imagined because he found himself liking Kurt and perhaps understanding that his purpose on Earth had always been to serve as a guide. Such a realization was difficult for any being to come to grips with. Most of all, however, there was the understanding that Sebastian no longer belonged to him and that he actually approved of the man who dared to stand where he stood.

The scenes that flickered by slowly start to show the evolution of Sebastian from the snark filled, arrogant bastard he was in high school to the evolved, caring, stubbornly passionate man he had become. Each scene was one step further from the past and closer to the future. It was easy to see how Michel's patience and own brand of stubbornness had helped Sebastian shift.

Michel never stood for any of Sebastian's shit. He was playful and witty and patient and kept Sebastian on his toes. He was there for Sebastian, helped him through the tough times, and stood by him when he felt like the world was out to get him. Annoyance and curiosity had shifted to friendship then had shifted to love.

Kurt didn't understand at first just how wounded the Sebastian he'd known in high school was. The pressure put on Sebastian by his father. How he felt like no matter what he did it was never enough, how he'd started to rebel just to get some kind of attention, even if it was negative. He'd turned to hurting himself just to feel something, hurting himself by having those meaningless 20 minute relationships, throwing himself around like he didn't care. It was the biggest lie Sebastian had ever told the world - that he didn't care.

Sebastian had one of the biggest hearts, was one of the most passionate and caring people Michel had ever known. But starting with Sebastian's father, the world had hurt Sebastian so many times over that he began to hone that snarky defense and pursue those meaningless flings to distance himself from the pain. He had tried to convince himself that he didn't need love. He wouldn't allow himself to want it, but the passionate artist had slowly begun to work his way past those walls and defenses, had come to finally meet the man behind the walls and snarky mask, and then brought that man out in the open for the entire world to see.

Michel smiled when Sebastian said '_je t'aime_.' He knew how big the moment was, how much it cost Sebastian to say the words, to allow himself to feel them, to mean them.

"_Je t'aime, Bastian. Je t'aime_," Michel returned the words freely, selflessly.

The scene shifted again. Kurt and Michel were in the kitchen making Crème Brûlée. Kurt, as Sebastian, was messing up an awful lot, but Michel was extremely patient and actually eating half of the desserts that didn't turn out the way they should. "You'll get a stomach ache," Kurt said looking at Michel affectionately. "Dang, I can't get this," Kurt said. Flaming the dessert was proving to be a challenge.

He was surprised when Michel stepped behind him and guided his hand. As Sebastian, Kurt was taller. Michel was more his height, maybe a bit shorter than he was. Michel's hands were covering Kurt's and he was showing him how to flame his favorite dessert, patiently.

Kurt felt something inside of him shift and before he could stop himself he was barely whispering the words. "_Épousez-moi, mon amour. M'épouser_?"

Michel smiled at those words. Yes, it was kind of bittersweet going back through these memories. He was gone from the world and Sebastian was no longer his, but these moments, even now, they meant so much to him. Sebastian meant the world to him, which was part of the reason he was helping Kurt now. He would always love Sebastian, but he had long ago promised Sebastian things and even now, beyond that world, he was doing what he could to uphold those promises, even if he had to do so through dreams and for Kurt not himself.

Then Sebastian was asking him that question. His heart stopped in his chest and then swelled. He felt overwhelmed again with the emotion of the memory. "_Oui, mon cœur, oui, je vous épouserai_," he said overwhelmed. That evening they cross off Number 22 from Michel's List.

The scene was changing again. They were in the kitchen together enjoying wine and dinner that Sebastian cooked. He'd also made Crème Brûlée. Something in Kurt's stomach didn't feel right. This felt like goodbye, but why? His heart was hammering in his chest. However, Michel had shown him the real Sebastian. The one that Bas worked so hard to hide from the world because he was so afraid of getting hurt, but Kurt wouldn't let that happen. Not now. He'd make sure that Sebastian got the life that he deserved even if Michel was gone. The thought made him a little sad, knowing that most likely he was not the one to share in that life with Sebastian.

They danced to sweet romantic songs. Michel held him close. Kurt could feel Michel's heart hammering against his. The scene in front of him was changing, fading. "This is goodbye," Kurt was telling Michel. "This is the last time that you saw Sebastian. Isn't it?" Michel was just looking at him, holding him close and swaying with him. "Answer me, damn it!" Kurt demanded and surprised himself by the force of his own words. "Why are you showing me this? What's the point?" he asked, frantic to understand.

That was the last dinner, the last time that he and Sebastian were face to face. Sebastian's ring was on his finger. This was their last night before Michel got on that fateful flight. The dinner had been so amazing. Sebastian had made Crème Brûlée - all by himself. There were so many other things that Michel was so proud of Sebastian for, and that he had gone through all this effort for him, had made him feel so special, so loved.

They danced and they spoke sweet words and precious sentiments. Sebastian showed his true heart here in this moment. Yes, it was goodbye, but Kurt was only half correct. It was the last time Michel was alive when he saw Sebastian. Michel couldn't answer Kurt, however. It didn't matter how desperately he wanted to. Rules were rules. Michel wanted to pull Kurt from Sebastian's form and spell out all the lessons for him, but that was not the way this works. He could not break the rules. Michel did what he could however and leveled the full power of his dark, tumultuous eyes on Kurt. This look, this look was for Kurt and Kurt alone.

The next scene Kurt watched from several paces away as himself. Michel stood beside him, a pained expression on his face. It was a cold, windy, foggy day. Sebastian was alone in a cemetery, kneeling before a grave his hand on the gravestone, tears streaming down his cheeks. "What am I supposed to do without you, Michel? How am I supposed to live now? I feel so lost and I miss you so much. I feel like I'll never be alright again. How can I live without my heart, Michel? It's not fair," Sebastian's voice sounded so torn, hurt and angry. Sebastian felt cheated. The man he loved was so cruelly torn from him. Bastian was broken and Michel could not be there to fix him.

Kurt watched the scene play out in front of him. His heart broke at the sight of Sebastian so sad. He loved Sebastian all the more for the person he'd become. Kurt believed now more than ever that Sebastian deserved all the best, and he was even more uncertain that he could give him that. Kurt was moved by the fact that Sebastian felt so much and so deeply. He wanted Sebastian's happiness as much as Michel did. "In this we're the same," he said to Michel, "we want what's best for him and while I'm here you were obviously the best choice. If I could, Michel, I would trade places with you, but I'm certain that Sebastian will find the love he deserves. I'll make sure that he's happy. I promise."

He wished he could tell Kurt Hummel that he was already more than worthy of Sebastian. That being blind did not matter. That it was Kurt Hummel's heart and soul that made him worthy, but there were rules, damn rules. Then Kurt was speaking foolish words and he couldn't have them, he couldn't bear them.

The scene shifted one last time, Sebastian and the rest of it falling away. Now, it was just Kurt and Michel standing in the middle of a pool of light against a backdrop of black. Michel shook his head at Kurt, fixing him with a stern look. A look that said 'do not wish to trade places with me.' Moments later the look softened. Michel wanted to say, "you idiot, he's already found someone – you," but he couldn't. Instead, he put a hand on Kurt's shoulder.

"Soon," was all he said, fixing Kurt with a meaningful look and then leaned in to kiss each cheek in that familiar French way. The act was meant to show that there was no animosity, to show that he accepted Kurt, and to help Kurt remember the dream because it was so very important. Moments after Michel kissed Kurt's right cheek, the scene faded all together as Kurt woke with Michel's name on his lips.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

ML#22: Get Engaged


	25. Chapter 25 Decisions

**Chapter 25** - Decisions

The dream shook something inside of Kurt free, a fear he had not yet been able to give voice to, the idea that he would have to say goodbye to his dreams and in turn say goodbye to Sebastian. Thus far Sebastian's patience had known no limits, but how long would that continue? Certainly not indefinitely and Kurt couldn't stand the idea that one day Sebastian would be sorry for spending so much time with a cripple, or worse with Kurt, The Cripple. Michel had smoothed Sebastian's rough interior, but in Kurt's mind, and not as deeply as he believed, still lurked the image of that boy in high school, the one who had little patience for Kurt. Kurt didn't think his heart could take seeing that boy again. In fact, he didn't think his heart could take one more massive blow, and he was only 25 years old, but a quarter of his life gone and three more quarters left to go.

Despite the lovely and relaxing Sunday he and Sebastian shared, mostly lounging on the couch watching movies, listening to old records, swapping stories, and cuddling, Kurt's mind was somewhere else. The few times Sebastian inquired, Kurt tried to deflect the questions, but he felt the tension in the air rising. He knew Sebastian felt him building walls around himself, but for now, until he spoke to Dr. Oliver, he had to build the walls for self-preservation. He couldn't let anyone in, least of all Sebastian. While Sebastian was grabbing a shower, Kurt had the phone service send David a text that read, "I need to speak to Reid ASAP."

Twenty or so minutes passed and Kurt's phone buzzed in his hand. Sebastian was still in the shower. The nice girl on the other line read him the response from David. "I'll pick you up tomorrow morning at 9:30 a.m. in the lobby, text me the address of your building." Kurt relayed the address to the girl and David responded that he received it. Just then Kurt heard the bathroom door open and he quickly ended the call.

He heard Sebastian walk into his bedroom. Moments later he felt Sebastian's presence in the room. It was confirmed when Sebastian spoke. "So what will you do all by your lonesome here tomorrow while I'm at work?" Sebastian inquired and Kurt could hear that he was trying to keep the tension from his voice, but he wasn't entirely successful. "Are you sure you don't want me to take a vacation day?"

"Sebastian," Kurt said trying his best not to sound annoyed. "I'll be fine. I'll just visit with some friends, Rachel probably," Kurt quickly added not wanting to close himself off completely to Sebastian. It wasn't entirely a lie. He would probably see Rachel at some point, if not tomorrow, than certainly Tuesday. "Besides, you have that big case that you and Nick are working on for Richard. You can't just take off whenever you want," Kurt tried to reason with Sebastian.

Sebastian accepted his answer, but there was a distance to his reply that killed Kurt. Kurt desperately wanted to reach out to Sebastian to tell him that he just needed a little bit of time to himself. 'Was this how it would be if he was in a relationship with Sebastian?' Kurt wondered. 'Would he never have any time to himself? Would Sebastian have to know every single thought and emotion inside of him the moment he was aware of them?' The answers to those questions frightened Kurt. It wasn't that he was an especially secretive person, but everyone deserved a small measure of privacy. Didn't they?

Elsewhere, on the other side of town, "shouldn't you be going to sleep? I thought you had to wake up early?" David's "boyfriend" commented as he pulled the blanket up over his drawn up knees and cradled his cup of tea in his hand. He was comfy in this position on David's couch, David's oversized sweatshirt finding a home against his small body.

"I'm taking the day off," David said cryptically as he finished drying the dishes and setting them in their place.

He couldn't help the curiosity those words piqued within him. He regarded David with his head cocked slightly to one side. "Why are you taking the day off?" he inquired.

"Got some things I need to take care of," David said focusing on tidying up. He could tell that this didn't satisfy the smaller man, but it was the best he could offer.

The doubt crept up inside him. It wasn't something he could entirely control. He had been working on it, he had been trying and he was making progress, but progress didn't mean he wasn't still insecure. "What do you need to take care of that you have to take off work for it? I mean, couldn't you have gotten it done this weekend?" he inquired, his voice a little snippy, but he was worried. He cared about David so much, and the worry just snuck up on him sometimes.

"Baby," David said as he walked to the couch and leaned over to capture his lover's lips. "You know you're my number one. Do you know how expensive it is to require a doctor to work on the weekends expressly to see you?" David teased. It wasn't entirely a lie. He was going to see a doctor. "Before you panic, I'm not dying," David teased capturing those lips again to keep the man from worrying them between his teeth.

He returned the kiss and was soothed by it. He wanted to be obstinate about it, but when David mentioned doctor, he figured it must be time for that yearly thing. He really should have been keeping better track of that. Unfortunately, with his own life having been crazy, he was lucky to keep track of his own appointments much less anyone else's. "You better not be dying...or...I'll find a way to bring you back and...I don't know…I'll have to think of some creative kind of punishment after I resurrect you," he mumbled sounding adorably petulant. He had kind of lost his touch with comebacks, but then again he was sorely out of practice. It had been a long time since anyone had given him adequate reason to have any.

"Fine, go to your doctor's appointment. I'll try not to worry. I've got a busy day tomorrow anyway. Ms. Swanson's begged me to fit her in for a lesson last minute. She's auditioning for Rent in two days," he paused as if he remembered something. "I was planning on maybe singing at Callbacks tomorrow night. I've been working a few things out and I think...I think I'm ready to let it go, musically anyway. So um...If you want to stop by, I should be there by like seven...I think."

So, both David and Kurt slept snuggled next to the men they were falling in love with. Morning rolled around and David was up early, sneaking out of bed careful not to disturb the Sleeping Beauty next to him. Kurt had to lie in bed and wait for Sebastian to leave for work, pretending he was asleep when, in fact, he hadn't slept most of the night. He was restless and kept waking up over and over again. He was anxious to hear what Reid had to say, very anxious. Finally, Sebastian left for the day dropping a kiss on Kurt's forehead on his way out.

Kurt snapped to work quickly. Grabbing his cane, he found the clothes he'd planned to wear and managed to slip into them. He wore a comfortable pair of yoga pants and a blue cotton shirt with loose wide sleeves that resembled something out of the middle ages. The outfit was functional and fast, just in case he needed to change out of it for tests. He didn't know how this was going to go, but he had prepared for every eventuality.

He brushed his hair and teeth and found his jacket. He didn't risk making coffee or eating. That took time even if Sebastian had labeled Tupperware dishes. Kurt still didn't have the courage to cook on his own, not even pasta. Even though he knew plenty of blind people did it, granted most of the time with special dishes. He also didn't have the courage to shower on his own. He and Sebastian didn't go over where anything in the shower was located. Sebastian had left him a copy of the house key on the counter. Locking the door was an interesting process but he managed it as well as taking the elevator down to the lobby with the help of a very nice old woman who pushed the buttons for him. So, here he was sitting on the posh, leather seating in the lobby waiting for David to arrive with 10 minutes to spare, according to the alarm clock on his phone.

David walked in a few minutes early that morning and wasn't surprised at all to see Kurt already waiting there. His breath caught and a look of sorrow, easily readable by the passersby in the lobby, crossed over his face. It was the first time that he was seeing Kurt blind, and it was affecting David something fierce. Not knowing David was watching him, Kurt just sat there hands folded in his lap, his useless eyes pointed forward not focusing on anything. Occasionally, when there was a sound to draw Kurt's attention, his head would turn toward it.

David allowed himself a moment to process his sorrow. It was part of the training he was learning in psychology. It was important to acknowledge feelings in order to move past them. Finally, after seconds that felt like hours, David walked forward to where Kurt was sitting. He knelt down next to Kurt and covered Kurt's slight, pale hands with his own big, rough ones. "Hi beautiful," David whispered a bit breathlessly in Kurt's ear before dropping a kiss on Kurt's cheek, "looking gorgeous as ever," but the sadness was apparent in David's voice.

He felt someone approach but, of course, the lobby did have a few people meandering about. He couldn't be certain as to who approached him. Then he felt those large hands cover his own. Oddly, he was comforted by it. It had to be David! It helped that he was expecting David to arrive to pick him up, but then the voice confirmed it. He blushed at David's words. If only he felt gorgeous. It was hard to feel that way when he hadn't seen his own reflection in so long. "Hello, David," he said softly. He caught the sadness in David's voice. He didn't want to acknowledge it, however. He knew what the cause of it was. Kurt turned his head down a little at a loss for words. He finally managed to say, "It's been a while, but thank you for coming."

"Here," David said putting his sunglasses into Kurt's hand. "I know you're not supposed to hide behind them, and you have no reason to, Kurt. You're gorgeous no matter what the circumstance because of who you are on the inside, but maybe these can be your shield as we brave New York on our way to the hospital. First, however, can we stop for coffee and a muffin at your favorite coffee shop? You know, the one you showed me on our first outing to welcome me to New York. I was so excited this morning I forgot to eat." He knew Kurt hadn't eaten either because at the mention of food Kurt's stomach growled.

He was moved by the gesture. He felt the sunglasses that David put into his hand. He wished he didn't need them. He wished he could feel confident enough to go without them. He hadn't brought his with him only because Finn had said that he couldn't find them. "They're yours," David said. "I mean they're the ones that you bought me when you made me over."

Kurt smiled remembering that week. It had been a wonderful week. "Thank you," he said again. He settled the glasses on his face. "I was too nervous to eat, but you're right. I should have something in my stomach. No need to give Reid anything to yell at me for," he smiled. Kurt rose to his feet then, his cane out, immediately tapping into David. "Sorry, I thought I had it enough to the side," Kurt said blushing. He had gotten much better at it, but there was always room for improvement. "It feels like forever since I'd last been to that shop." Kurt admitted.

"Excellent," David said as he stepped up beside Kurt just like he'd read about in books and offered Kurt his arm. "Allow me to escort you then, good sir," David said all chivalry and gallantry. He was surprised when Kurt took his arm and allowed David to lead. It made David quite nervous since he'd never done anything like it before, but Kurt was patient and David walked slowly.

David sat Kurt down in the coffee shop and brought him his order and they slipped into an easy conversation. It was almost like old times. They were soon laughing and teasing each other talking about New York, David's work, Kurt's recovery, anything to keep Kurt's mind from stressing over the appointment that they were on their way to. The breakfast ended all too soon and it was time to face the music.


	26. Chapter 26 Diagnosis

**Chapter 26** – Diagnosis

David ordered a cab as the hospital was a good walk away. At check in, David asked for Reid's office and gave his name and the nurse smiled at him sympathetically and led the way to Reid's door. She even knocked and introduced their entrance. David led Kurt carefully into the office. Reid waved for David to push the door closed behind him. David, with Kurt still holding onto his arm, pushed the door closed and it clicked as it locked into place.

It felt like a long time since he'd last been around Reid, and maybe it was. The voice was familiar and that familiarity was a comfort. Kurt was still nervous, but excited as well. This could very well be the first step towards regaining his sight, and that was something he dared not even hope for, but somewhere in the crevices of his soul Kurt found himself hoping. He wanted to see again so much and for so many reasons. For now, however, he forced down all that excitement and tried to focus on the moment at hand.

Reid was out of his chair instantaneously and crossing over to where they stood. "Kurt," he said, adding a small nod in David's direction. "It's good to see you again." Though his tone was clinical and his words short and succinct, Kurt could tell Reid was glad to see him. He could tell because Reid took Kurt's outstretched hand and squeezed it between the both of his, running the pad of his thumb over the top of Kurt's hand. It was a gesture meant to say 'we'll fix this' and it was the most emotion anyone could professionally expect from Dr. Reid Oliver. He was good. The best in his field but that required a certain sort of emotional detachment. Reid couldn't allow his emotions to cloud his judgment when he was cutting into someone. He had to be detached. He had to be for his own sanity and the good of his patients.

He smiled at the sound of Reid's voice. He was soothed by that one point of familiar contact that Reid allowed himself. "It's good to be seen," Kurt chuckled, maybe a little of his nerves betrayed themselves. He tried, of course, to deflect. It was good to 'see' Reid again - oh those damned words. "How have you been, Reid?" Kurt inquired, trying to make small talk and delay the more nerve wracking portion of this just a little bit longer. "And, how is Luke?" he asked, not wanting to forget his good friend. He was closer to Luke than he was to Reid, but you really couldn't know Luke without meeting Reid eventually. It would be good to touch base just for a moment before getting down to business.

"Luke's good," Reid said. "He can't wait to see you. On pins and needles he is to have you see him as well. I'm under strict instructions to fix his cash cow," Reid teased.

"I'm glad." Kurt said with a genuine smile. He liked Luke a great deal, after all. "I'm sure he is. I never did get to see him in that jacket he had me design for him, not beyond the final fitting," Kurt mused.

"Of course," Reid chuckled. "I should have known it was a Kurt Hummel original. I have trouble getting him out of that," Reid said and there was slight innuendo in his words. Hey, he was only human, after all. To deflect the slip up, Reid said quickly, "I have to tell you, you have a very persistent friend, Kurt." He dropped Kurt's hand to offer a hand to David who gave it a firm handshake.

"It would seem that most of my friends are quite persistent," Kurt chuckled. It had been proven true. After all, look at how many of his friends had forgiven him already for being a complete ass after his accident.

"Are you ready for this, Kurt?" Reid inquired.

"As ready as I will ever be," Kurt affirmed.

David helped Kurt into a chair and Reid explained the process to Kurt step by step. He was going to have an ophthalmologist verify the responsiveness of Kurt's pupils after he took an MRI of Kurt's brain. The scan would allow him to see inside Kurt's brain while the exam would verify that Kurt's eyes recognized stimuli the way they should. Reid would then take some time to analyze the results and he should be able to tell Kurt at least something in just a few short hours. Kurt listened, his hands folded neatly in his lap. The more Reid explained, the more nervous Kurt became. He hid it fairly well. At least he thought he was hiding it fairly well. He couldn't deny how he felt, however. It was going to be a long drawn out process, but Kurt was ready.

When Kurt acknowledged that he understood what he was being told, Reid helped Kurt find the line on the consent form and Kurt signed it as David witnessed. He then recorded a verbal consent from Kurt. After the formalities were satisfied, it was time to begin. The MRI scan was not pleasant. Though Kurt couldn't see, being told to lie as still as he could inside this machine was proving to be more difficult then Kurt had anticipated. He had never been claustrophobic before. Maybe it was because he couldn't see, maybe it was because he felt so isolated, or any number of other things, but he certainly was feeling a little claustrophobic.

His hands were clenched at his sides, had been since this thing started, and he could feel his short nails biting into his palms. He tried to focus on that sensation. He tried to focus on anything but where he was and what he could sense but not see. His nervousness only exacerbated the problem. Reid must have realized that he was having difficulties because he soon heard Reid's voice say that he only had to lie still a minute longer.

When he was finally pulled from the MRI machine, he was trembling faintly. If he'd had to stay in there much longer, he probably would have started having a panic attack. He hated feeling that way but the not knowing what was going on around him was even harder inside that little machine. He could sense the proximity of the walls around him and it just…It wasn't pleasant. He must have been white as a sheet because he soon heard David's voice.

"You okay?" David inquired putting his arms around a trembling Kurt.

"Just, felt a little claustrophobic at the end there," Kurt admitted.

"You should have told me you were claustrophobic, Kurt," Reid chided. "I told you to push the button I gave you and just talk. The microphone is there for a reason," Reid reminded him gently.

"That was the first time I've ever felt that way before, Reid. I didn't know I would," Kurt explained.

"What do you think caused it?" Reid inquired.

"I could kind of sense how close the walls were around me. I guess not being able to see them just made it that much worse. I'm okay now though," Kurt assured his friends.

"If we have to do another MRI in the future, I'll schedule the open MRI," Reid noted. David squeezed Kurt's shoulders in comfort.

"I think I'd appreciate that, thank you," Kurt said as he finally began to calm down.

Reid and David were patient waiting for Kurt to calm down before Reid had David escort Kurt to the ophthalmologist while he checked on his other patients. The ophthalmologist was friendly and patient. He put small pads on Kurt's temples and shined lights of varying intensity into Kurt's eyes measuring Kurt's brain waves in the process. He watched Kurt's pupils respond to the light even though they couldn't see it, narrowing to account for varying brightness. Kurt tried to refrain from fidgeting while in the chair at the ophthalmologist but he was getting more anxious, not the bad kind this time. He just wanted to know what was going on. Was his condition permanent? If it was, how would he deal with that? He wouldn't really have a choice then and there would be so many decisions to make. He tried to not let his mind get away from him. However, aside from the odd random question the eye doctor might need answered, he had nothing else to do but stay in that chair and think.

"That's excellent, Kurt," Dr. Henson announced finally satisfied with Kurt's answers and the conclusions he'd drawn. "I need to have Dr. Oliver verify my findings, but I think I can say with a reasonable degree of certainty that the ball is now in his court. In other words, your eyes are responsive to a stimulus which indicates that you're not permanently blind. Your condition, at least from an ocular standpoint, is reversible."

Kurt tried to contain his excitement. After all, just because his blindness wasn't ocular in nature didn't mean it was reversible. It did give him hope however. "Thank you, Dr. Henson," Kurt said and the excitement slipped out just a little despite his best attempts to contain it and maintain neutrality. Now, he just had to wait and see what Reid had to say.

Reid sent David and Kurt to go get some lunch from the cafeteria. Despite what they heard about hospital food it wasn't that bad. Once he'd consulted and analyzed the results carefully, he was able to deliver the news to Kurt, and he kept it as simple as possible. "Your condition is completely reversible, Kurt," Dr. Oliver announced when they were all sitting in his office after lunch. David took Kurt's hand, laced his fingers with Kurt's and squeezed in comfort. "The surgery is not without risks, but just by having me perform it, you minimize those risks drastically," Reid said confidently unable to completely hide his God complex. The cockiness was annoying most of the time in the real world and alienated Reid from a lot of people, but in the operating room it was necessary and actually quite desired.

"It's reversible?" Kurt gasped in shock. "It's completely reversible?" he repeated, bouncing in his seat. This was surely too good to be true. He had David's hand in a death grip now, trying to contain some of his excitement. He didn't have to be blind for the rest of his life. He would be able to see again, and he would be able to design things for Niff's wedding. He could be the man that Sebastian deserved. He was getting ahead of himself. He knew he was getting ahead of himself, but he couldn't seem to help it. It was just that he'd feared that the results would be a lie, that, despite Dr. Henson's findings, Reid would find something on the MRI that would negate all that. Finally, Kurt tuned back into the conversation. Oh right…risks.

"Okay, tell me what the risks are, Reid. I need all the information if I'm going to even be able to consider doing this," Kurt said as calmly as he could manage.

"Kurt," Reid said trying hard to keep the emotion from his voice, but in that one word he failed miserably. "Brace yourself," Reid said and David's grip on Kurt's hand tightened. "By all accounts your eyesight should have returned on its own, but the way you hit your head during the collision caused a blood clot in your brain. The clot is small, but it's located in a difficult spot to reach. If even one mistake is made, it could leave you a vegetable or cause your brain to swell against your skull and kill you. Such a slip up is irreversible and could happen at any moment. Even if everything goes seemingly okay, the brain is still a very mysterious organ. No one can fully predict its mystery. Only 15 of these surgeries have been performed successfully to date thanks to robotic systems like the Da Vinci. 7 of those surgeries have been performed by me. I'm the best, Kurt," Reid said confidently there isn't a trace of fear in his voice, "but even with the best I can only guarantee the surgery will be a complete success by 50%."

Kurt then asked the question that Reid feared most. "How many of such surgeries have been attempted?" Kurt inquired his voice tight.

"32 such surgeries since the invention of new technology," Reid admitted. He wasn't going to mention the failed attempts before the new technology. Even with tools they now had at hand, doctors had only been able to save 50% of their patients. "Before you ask," Reid said, "I've performed 16 such surgeries in total. 5 of the patients slipped into a coma and never woke up. This is what I mean when I say the surgery is risky because of the placement of the clot. Do you understand everything I've told you so far, Kurt?" Reid asked a bit worried because Kurt was suddenly looking very pale.

The information was all too much. All this hope and now it felt like it was slipping through his fingers like so much sand. Reid could remove the clot, but one wrong move and he could either be brain dead, in a coma or really dead. God, those options all sucked. He hated to hear it. He hated to face the facts and reality, but he had meant what he'd said - if he was going to even think about doing this, he needed to know. "I'm going to need to think about this, Reid." Kurt said in a strained tone. He swallowed thickly. "I understand all too well everything you've told me so far. While my condition is curable, curing it could very well kill me. I need some air, some air and some time to think about this and then I'll get back to you. Is there a time limit on this, Reid? Is there a closing window of opportunity I need to be aware of?" Kurt inquired. He was even paler now and he really needed to get out of the office, but just because he felt like he might be sick didn't mean he was going to do a half-ass job of finding out the information he needed to know.

"The longer you wait, Kurt, the more likely it is that the clot could move or even burst. No one can really say how much time you have to think about this, but at the same time, you need to think about this and not rush into it. It could be the last decision you ever make in your life, and you want to make sure you make it without any regrets," Reid said honestly, "because regrets are the seeds of failure in this, Kurt, and we can't afford to fail. You're too important to too many people," at Reid's words David couldn't wait anymore he stood from his seat and walked around Kurt's chair to wrap his arms around the smaller man holding on tight. "Choose wisely," Reid counseled.

Kurt froze at those words, going stock still in his seat and turning whiter than a ghost. "So... I basically have a ticking time bomb in my head?" he asked, nearly choking on the words. God, this was getting worse. He felt faint. He forced himself to pay attention to the rest of what Reid was saying just in case there was anything good in those words that might take away some of this overwhelming feeling. When David hugged him, Kurt clung to him, the tears finally falling. He really needed to talk to his dad, but he couldn't do so around Reid or David and he didn't really want to have that conversation over the phone. At least he could give Burt a head's up. If nothing else, hearing his dad's voice would help him feel better.

"I'll think about this and I'll make sure that I'm certain. I'll try to do it in a timely fashion, but I have to talk to my father and I won't do that to him over the phone. I'm here for the rest of the week and then I'm going back to Lima. After I've spoken to dad, I'll let you know what I decide." Kurt managed to choke out in a strained, but calmer tone once he composed himself once again.

"Kurt, I can do this," Reid said confidently. "I won't fail. I won't allow myself to fail. I need you to know that. I also need you to know that you're loved and protected and you aren't alone in this," at Reid's words David squeezed his shoulders tighter letting Kurt cling to him. "I...can...do...this," Reid punctuated every word wanting Kurt to understand.


	27. Chapter 27 Blackbird

**Chapter 27** - Blackbird

David and Kurt said goodbye to Reid and while David went to check Kurt out he suggested that maybe Kurt would like to call his father and at least let him know the appointment was over and they had a lot to talk about in person. David left Kurt in an empty waiting room. Kurt had the phone service call his dad. He felt so fragile in that moment. He felt like a little kid again, a little kid who had a nightmare and wanted nothing more than to have his dad hug him and tell him it was going to be okay. Sure, he had hope, but it was a hope that the flip side of scared him shitless. He waited for his dad to pick up pacing as much as he could with his cane in the small space, but he couldn't just sit there. He was too... too much of everything right now to stay still. He heard the phone pick up.

"Daddy?" Kurt inquired and that right there would tell Burt so much. Kurt hadn't called Burt daddy in a really long time and it only ever really came out when Kurt was scared or overwhelmed or really, really sick.

"Buddy?" Burt said his voice a bit panicked. He forced the panic down, forced himself to be calm, but all he wanted was to be there with his son in New York. Damn it! He shouldn't have let Kurt go there alone, go to the doctor alone. "I'm here buddy," Burt said gently. "You okay?" And, then a pause. Silence. "Breathe for me buddy. Daddy's here. Breathe okay. Everything is going to be fine," Burt's voice was soothing but firm. "Do you need me to come to New York, Kurt?"

"No... No I'll be okay, and I'll be home soon enough anyway," he paused, trying to compose himself, trying to calm down hearing his dad's voice helped so much. "I talked to Dr. Reid Oliver dad. You and I are going to have a lot to talk about when I come home. After the talk with the doctor, I needed to hear your voice. It was a lot of information to take in and I'm going to have some choices to make. Some of it was just a little hard to hear is all," Kurt explained as best he could, trying to soothe some of his father's worries all the while wanting to fall apart and sob it all to his father, but he was stronger than that. He could wait until he got back to Lima, maybe.

"I know this is tough for you, bud, but you're my champion and we've been through so much together you and I. We beat a heart attack, prostate cancer, your accident and we'll beat this no matter what it is. I'm always here for you, Kurt. You know that right? You'll always be my brave, beautiful, baby boy, and I couldn't be prouder of you," Burt said into the phone feeling tears streaming down his eyes, but he made no move to wipe them away.

"We did. You're right. We beat all that and we'll get through this too. I just wasn't prepared to hear all the stuff that the doctor talked about. It caught me off guard and even having David here. He's not you Dad. He's my friend. I'm glad he was able to bring me. I'm glad he stayed with me through the whole thing, but...he's not you," Kurt sighed. "I'll be okay dad. Really, I promise. If I'm not okay, I'll make Sebastian take me to the airport and I'll come home early. I was just overwhelmed, but it helped so much just hearing your voice. Hearing you remind me of everything we've gotten through together."

"Oh Kurt...Your mom and I are hugging you right now, buddy," Burt said his voice tight. "Carole and Finn too," he laughed a bit at the faces Finn was making. "They're here with me and we can't wait for you to come back home," Burt said. "We'll see you in just a few days. Okay?" Burt asked.

"We'll talk when I get home, dad," Kurt said tears falling silently down his own cheeks.

"You bet we will, buddy," Burt said his voice strained with emotion. When Kurt said goodbye, Burt hung up and allowed himself a moment to cry for his son and the terribly hard life he'd endured thus far.

Kurt closed the phone and sank into one of the waiting room chairs. He let the tears fall. God he wished he was home in Lima. He wished his dad was here. Hearing his father's voice had helped, but the brave face was only going to last so long. He had to let the tears fall, let the fear work through him then school it away. Sebastian couldn't know. David had an idea, but David would also keep it to himself. No one else could know right now. For a few long heartbeats, Kurt allowed himself to give in to the fear and how overwhelmed he felt. He really didn't want this to be the end of his life. There was so much that he hadn't done. There was so much that he wanted to do.

David walked into the room and saw Kurt sitting in a chair large tears streaming down his cheeks as he cried silently. David's heart broke for his friend, and he crossed the room in an instant pulling Kurt into his embrace. It was kind of awkward like that with Kurt sitting and David standing, bending down to hug Kurt, so he sank to his knees and Kurt actually sank to the floor beside him allowing David to collect Kurt into an embrace as the smaller boy cried. "Shh," David soothed the boy, "shh Kurt." It was all that David could say. He couldn't say everything would be alright when there was a 50% chance that it wouldn't. He couldn't promise Kurt that he would get through it when he wasn't sure that Kurt would. All he could do was hold Kurt and let him know that someone else felt the depth of his pain.

Finding out that his blindness was caused by a clot in his brain was so scary. Knowing that the clot could move or rupture, knowing that he could die even if he didn't go through with the surgery, that there was a real possibility that he wouldn't live to get to do everything he wanted to do, that was so hard. Why did life keep doing this to him? Hadn't he lost and suffered enough in his life. He'd lost his mother when he was 9. He was bullied for so many years. He'd nearly lost his father not once but twice. Then, the accident! So much had happened. How many more hardships would he be forced to endure? He gave in to the overwhelming nature of it all for just a moment longer.

As the sobs subsided and were replaced by tremors, David was finally able to start breathing again. "Kurt, you were there for me once when I made a terrible choice," David spoke softly. "I know what you're going to say, the same thing you've said every time I talk about this, you weren't really there for me. You just tried to put a bandage on our relationship after the…after. You can't even promise me that it wasn't out of guilt, but I know Kurt, I know," David said passionately. "You've brought so many good things in my life, and I can't promise you tomorrow, but I can promise you the rest of this day, one perfect day to just let go for a while. Will you come with me Kurt? Will you come with me and let it all go?" David asked and there was hope in his voice that he could not disguise.

Kurt heard David's words and there was reason in them. It was true. He didn't have any guarantees for tomorrow, but then again no one really did. How he spent the here and now was then of cardinal importance. "Alright David," Kurt conceded. "I'm yours for the rest of the day if you'll just let me send a quick text." Kurt then called the service and gave them Sebastian's phone number that he had purposefully memorized by heart, so that people wouldn't have to know who he was calling. Kurt still wasn't ready to tell the world about Sebastian. He left a succinct message. 'Still with friends. Be back later in the evening. Expect me around 9:00 p.m.' He hung up the phone and asked David for the time. It was already 4:30 p.m.

David took him to dinner at this little bistro that happened to be very close to Callbacks. They sat and talked and laughed. David was amazed at how patiently and slowly Kurt ate his food asking David for help in cutting if he needed it, but, for the most part, Kurt was doing well on his own. Somewhere in the middle of dinner Kurt broached the subject of what had inspired him to come out of his shell and learn to live as a blind person. Without giving the particulars about Sebastian, as they'd promised each other they wouldn't, Kurt spoke about Michel and the List. "It was a Bucket List to complete and heal in the process, but now I fear that it may be my real Bucket List," Kurt admitted, "and what I'm most scared of is the things I won't get to finish on it."

It was those words that spurred something inside of David and he began to hatch a plan in his mind. What if he could get the New Directions together to help Kurt finish as much of the list as possible? Maybe it sounded like a crazy idea, but David knew a place where he could start. "Kurt," he said hesitantly as he touched Kurt's hand. "There's one more stop I want to take you tonight before I bring you back home," David said slowly. "Would…would you trust me to keep your heart safe?"

Kurt found the words were asked in such a funny manner, but if he gave it thought the answer was yes. He did trust David with his heart and his emotions. "Lead the way," Kurt said as they finished up dinner. It was right around 6:30 p.m. and if they took a leisurely pace they would just make it to Callbacks on time.

Walking through those doors, David felt a knot in his stomach. He realized what a terrible risk he was taking. He wasn't playing cards with just his own heart. Oh no, David held three hearts in his hand now and the thought almost made him sick. Despite the unease he felt at the outcome, David knew in his soul that this was the right move. He led Kurt to a stool where they would not be visible from the stage, close to the door if they needed to make a quick getaway. "David," Kurt teased. "You bring me to a bar?" but, as if on cue, before David could answer the show began.

He sat at the piano under the light on the small stage his heart hammering in his chest. He didn't really need to speak. He could just sing and that would suffice, but after how far he'd come, he felt like some words were necessary. "Hi guys," he said letting his fingers fly across the opening cords of the melody. "This song is for a boy who changed my life, a boy I met on a staircase what seems like a hundred lifetimes ago."

The moment that voice spoke it turned Kurt's heart into a speeding train his face held a look of panic, his back sagged weekly against David's chest, and those big burly arms wrapped around his frame as lips came close to his ear. "Forgive me…Please," David begged and there was so much pain and passion in his voice that Kurt found it very easy to comply. "He can't see you by the way," David added. "You're behind the curtain – literally and metaphorically. I just…I need you to know something that only ever translates for him when he sings," David tried to explain, and then everything ceased to exist as that voice carried Kurt away.

He let his fingers and his voice do the talking then. "Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise."

_"Stop acting so high and righteous Kurt," he yelled slumping further into the passenger seat of his car. "We're nothing to each other anymore. What I do to myself is none of your business." _

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these sunken eyes and learn to see." Here the voice broke with pain and the last word was sung with a sob. A deep breath and then, "all your life, you were only waiting for this moment to be free."

Kurt's memories washed over him, memories that came unbidden. _"You're so fucking selfish, Blaine. If you didn't need me, then why did you call me at two in the morning or is that all I'm good for a lay and a ride."_

"Blackbird fly, blackbird fly, into the light of the dark black night. Blackbird fly, blackbird fly, into the light of the dark black night."

The emotions that were coursing through him were tearing at his soul. He wouldn't survive this. He couldn't survive. He was dying slowly with each word that he sang. He didn't deserve to be forgiven. He didn't deserve…anything. The tears were apparent in his voice and damn it! Kurt Hummel had him crying again in this bar, in front of strangers, just like he always did. The only difference was that this time, this time when he needed Kurt to hear this most, Kurt wasn't there.

However, the memories of that night were with him, surrounding him and eating away at his soul – getting drunk, arguing with Kurt, the terrible things they'd screamed at each other, Kurt being distracted, running a red light, the truck that tore into the driver's side of the car, opening his eyes and being pinned inside an upside down car, Kurt beside him bleeding from his chest and his head unresponsive.

His fingers made the piano sound like it was crying. He felt like that - like weeping, like screaming, like throwing something, but all he could do was press down on those ivory keys and sink his pain into the music. This was more than just a song with these words he was setting Kurt Hummel free from the all the pain that he'd inflicted on him since that faithful day they met on the Dalton staircase. He was setting Kurt Hummel free, wherever the boy may be at this minute.

"Blackbird singing in the dead of night, take these broken wings and learn to fly. All your life, you were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to arise. You were only waiting for this moment to be…_free_."


	28. Chapter 28 Saturated With Emotion

**Chapter 28**- Saturated With Emotion

As the last cords of the song played, David escorted Kurt out of Callbacks and onto the street. Kurt was vibrating with unexpressed emotions and David felt like the biggest ass. "I'm so sorry Kurt," David said his voice almost a sob. "I'm so, so sorry." He had not intended to cause Kurt distress.

Kurt swallowed thickly. His heart was hammering in his chest and his mind was racing, so many feelings assaulted him all at once. Flashes from the accident and what led up to it, but also memories from another time and place. Only he'd been the one singing Blackbird then. There were so many emotions and he didn't know how to sort them all out. "That song has a lot of meaning for us, for Blaine and me. I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that you didn't know what he would be singing. Even if you had, you don't know the history of that song. Do you?" Kurt said in a soft tone. He was still sorting through all the emotion that hearing Blaine singing Blackbird had brought up within him.

"I know," David said his own voice tight. "It's the song you sang that made him fall in love with you. The song that made him say - Oh there you are. I've been waiting for you forever. - But, I didn't know that he would be singing it...No."

"Did I tell that story so many times that I've forgotten whom I've told it to?" he inquired.

"God no," David said the panic in him starting to rise. "Blaine..." David began to say but could not finish. "Kurt...please. There's so much that I need to say to you, but...not here. Could we get a cab, please?"

"Okay..." Kurt was confused. He could hear the panic in David's voice but he didn't understand the reasoning. "Find us a cab and then please explain to me why you sound like you're about to have a panic attack."

David found them a cab and once he'd given the driver directions back to Sebastian's building, he took a breath and collapsed in his seat not sure how to begin. However, there were things between them that needed to be said. "Kurt...I'm sorry I chose this for you," David admitted, "but if I'm honest with myself I didn't just do it for you. Before I say anything you have to know," David's voice sounded broken, "that I weighed every scenario, every one. Ultimately, I put the two of you before myself. I...I chose you first Kurt."

David ran a hand over his short cropped hair. "God, all mighty," he said as he gazed up at the ceiling of the cab. Then not really talking to anyone in particular. "Why is this so hard? I guess I want you to know how much you mean to me and that I never planned on this happening, not ever, and that I'm so sorry. I think losing you again would break me Kurt, but despite all that I put you first because I believe in order to build a bridge you must start laying bricks somewhere."

Kurt listened to Dave's rambling words and wasn't feeling any more clear on what was going on. He was sure he was missing things that might have been made more clear if he could see body language and facial expressions. It was one major thing that frustrated him about being blind. It was frustrating in so many ways, but that was the biggest. He couldn't rely on the non verbal cues to suss out situations. He felt even more at a loss than he might have otherwise.

"Please calm down David. I'm not following your words. You're not losing me. I'm not going anywhere. I came out of the funk and back to the real world and yes, there's risks ahead, but I'm here. You just rambled out a lot of words and I'm not sure what I'm supposed to make of them so...clarify - please?"

"I'm in love with him," David's voice cut through the air like a knife - quiet and decisive - speaking the words aloud shocked even him. He just dropped a bombshell into the cab, words that David Karofsky had never spoken before, ever, about a man. "...and I love you," he said. "You're my best friend Kurt. I know I may not be yours, and that's okay with me..." David's voice trailed off.

"I'm sure if you could see you'd have decked me for saying it out loud and you'd have every right to, but as fucked up and messed up and damaged as it is and he is, I do, I love Blaine Anderson. You're the first person I've ever admitted that to out loud. Seems a bit backwards, but of all the people in our life I feel like I need your blessing the most," then David was done speaking and apparently done breathing as he waited for Kurt to answer.

Oh, well then that made a lot more sense. He had various puzzle pieces. He'd thought that was what they added up to, but to have confirmation of it made him feel a lot better. He turned towards the sound of David's voice and reached out until he found David's shoulder. "I may have guessed that before now. I mean I was with Blaine for three years. Some of the things you've mentioned about your beau were just too familiar to me I suppose. I'm not mad at you David. I'm happy for you - both of you. It's a little odd, I'll admit but if you two are happy together then I'm happy you found each other," Kurt said diplomatically. Of course, he was still processing the information. It had been a very eventful day so there was a lot to process.

David grabbed Kurt's hand and pressed his lips to Kurt's palm. "Do you mean that Kurt?" David asked his voice trembling as he ran the pad of his thumb over Kurt's hand. "I mean...I know we may not make it and I've broken every single rule in the bro code, but I promise you I'll treat him right and I'll make him happy, and he makes me feel so, so needed and important and excited all at the same time," David's voice now dripped with sap as he talked about Blaine. He squeezed Kurt's hand gently trying to make him understand through touch that he meant what he said, he meant every word.

"Our lives are so very, very connected Kurt. You were so many firsts for me," David admitted. "He was so many firsts for you. I know how hard it is, but I won't give up easily I'll fight for him for as long as it makes sense...and I'll fight by your side as well Kurt. I promise. You're such a big part of my heart Kurt."

Kurt was a little overwhelmed with the information, but it was good information at least. He chuckled lightly. "Blaine can have that effect on you, if you let him. Things aren't right between Blaine and I, they haven't been since that horrible day, but, no matter how I feel about things David, part of me is always going to love him."

"I know," David whispered. "That's what scares me. I'm always scared that I'm being measured with you and I'm always falling short."

Kurt sighed heavily. "You two are too much alike, you know that. You're worried that he's comparing you to me. If I know Blaine, he's worried that he'll hurt you like he hurt me. But, he knows you're not me, David - and not just for the obvious reasons. If Blaine is with you now, it's because he sees the man you've become and he's fallen for that man. It won't be easy though, especially not while Blaine still blames himself for so much," Kurt began to explain.

"You're going to need to fight for him David. You might even have to fight him in some ways. He is at times his own worst enemy. When he gets spooked he always tries to run. You either have to learn to be patient and wait for him to come back, learn to cut him off before he gets too far and wrangle him back in, or chase him. He's like us, David. He's been hurt by so many people. You'll have to be strong for him. But, if you love him, how could I be mad at you David? I'm really happy for you. I really do mean it," Kurt affirmed.

"Thankfully I've never much subscribed to the bro code, and in this situation I hardly think it applies. Besides I think you and I both know that you cannot help who your heart wants. Fight for him, love him and be happy that will make me happy. You're a big part of my life too, David, even if I don't say it."

"We're here," the cab driver announced and David paid the cab and helped Kurt out of it walking him into the lobby.

Once in the lobby and before David could say anything, Kurt began to speak. "David, hearing Blaine sing Blackbird, it has made one thing clear for me. I need to talk to him. We need to work out whatever we need to work out. I need to do it before the surgery. No - I need to do it before I go back to Lima," Kurt's tone was contemplative.

He was thinking about a lot of things, his mind racing. Yes, he still needed to talk with his father and he was still quite scared, but he was already leaning towards going through with the surgery. The idea of living with a ticking time bomb in his head was not a comforting one. Something would have to be done. He'd have to start by finishing as much of the Bucket List as possible. "Will you help me David?" Kurt asked. "Will you help me talk to Blaine?"

David agreed immediately and told Kurt to find a time that worked for him in the next couple of days and David would make it happen. The conviction in David's voice told Kurt that the deal was as good as done. "Do you need me to help you upstairs?" David asked.

"I think I'm okay. Just get me over to the elevators and press 13 for me and I should be able to manage just fine," Kurt said with a smile. Before they parted company, Kurt hugged David and thanked him again for helping him, thanked him for...everything.

Thanks to David, Kurt knew he was alone in the elevator and the ride was a straight shot up. When the door dinged, Kurt turned left and tapping his cane he went down to the end of the hallway until he ran into Sebastian's door. Standing before it, he felt relief as he realized he was still wearing David's sunglasses. That at least would afford him some protection from his own emotions. He knocked on the door and waited for Sebastian to let him in. That was the easier route. If that didn't work, Kurt would have an adventure with the keys.

Sebastian knew that Kurt was going to hang out with friends. Kurt had assured him that he could go to work and he would manage fine, but he was still unsettled. Something had happened that had Kurt pulling away. Sebastian didn't know what it was. Maybe it was just Kurt being overwhelmed about being back in New York. Sebastian kept trying to tell himself that. Maybe he was being worried for nothing, yet he still couldn't make the worry abate completely. So, once he arrived home from work, he tried to distract himself. Kurt's message was not nearly as detailed as he would have liked, but he tried to not be an ass about it - even mentally.

Kurt had friends here in New York, people who had known him longer and cared about him longer, people that had far more right to Kurt's time than Sebastian did. He could rationalize it. He could logic his way through it all. He knew the logistics and that was all fine - except it wasn't. No matter what he tried to tell himself, the worry, the fear that Kurt would finally clue in, wise up, turn tail, run and never look back was still there. He didn't want to have it, but all of his life he'd fought that monster. His relationship with his father was better now, but his rampant fears of inadequacy stemmed from there. Until Michel, he'd never really been with anyone for any real length of time. He was on his way to becoming a kick ass lawyer, but he wanted so much more out of life than just that.

He'd been foolish, perhaps. He hadn't meant to fall for Kurt, but he had. They got on really well. There was a connection between them. They kissed and they talked and things seemed like they could be great, but Kurt was pulling away and the doubt was creeping in. The longer Sebastian sat there in his beautiful apartment alone, the more that doubt bubbled up inside him. Movies and music and Lily couldn't keep him distracted long enough.

Sebastian found himself looking at the clock, wondering when Kurt would be coming home. Wait, that was not right! As comfortable as having Kurt there was, he mustn't allow himself to get too cozy with that idea. Kurt was staying with him, not living with him. Sadly! He ran a hand through his hair and tried to focus on something else when the knock came at the door.

Sebastian was on his feet and at the door almost before he fully realized he'd moved. He opened the door, saw Kurt standing there, and felt relieved and nervous all at once. Sebastian didn't like the combination, he didn't like it one bit. He hated that he'd fallen so hard and fast that he'd been reduced to this puddle of nerves. Heartbeats passed. Heartbeats that felt like lifetimes before Sebastian finally spoke.


	29. Chapter 29 The Elusive Crème Brûlée

**Chapter 29 – **The Elusive Crème Brûlée

"You're back," Sebastian said, unable to keep the smile out of his voice, seeing Kurt standing there stole his breath. Kurt was back, he'd come back to Sebastian. "Did you have a fun day out with your friends?" he inquired. He flowed into action, guiding Kurt into the apartment, closing and locking the door behind him and then letting Kurt do whatever he was going to do next.

Here it was. Kurt Hummel the master actor. Just hearing Sebastian's voice caused Kurt to want to be weak to lean against Sebastian and need him, but Michel stopped him. Michel helped him build a wall of strength…And David. He remembered David's words in that moment. He had no guarantees on tomorrow, but then again no one did. He had to live now as he'd lived most of his life, appreciating the present, letting go of the pain of the past. This was not difficult for Kurt to do. What was difficult, however, was not planning too far ahead in the future. The List, he had to try to finish as much of the List as he could now and there was one thing Kurt knew for certain. He wanted Sebastian beside him as he finished it, but that was going to take finesse, smoothing things over with Bas.

Sebastian was sharp. Kurt knew that. He knew that Sebastian already must feel like Kurt was holding something back from him, so now Kurt had to be concerned with letting Sebastian know how happy and appreciative he was for this time they had together. "I had a blast," Kurt said as he backed up until his back hit the door using it for support, he leaned against it and worried his bottom lip.

How could he get Sebastian to come to him? Most times they'd had any physical contact it had taken Kurt hours to feel safe, secure and to let go of being so self-conscious, in order to initiate something. Just thinking about the way Sebastian looked in high school brought a blush to Kurt's cheeks. Letting his imagination roam free after his fingers had danced up and down Sebastian's body made his reactions tenfold worse. There was no way for Kurt to appear sexy, smooth, or confident in front of Sebastian. The best he could hope for was adorably clumsy.

Sebastian watched Kurt carefully. He wasn't one hundred percent sure on how to proceed in this. He knew how he wanted to handle things, but also knew that with Kurt he just couldn't handle things in that manner. He watched as Kurt leaned against the door. The way Kurt worried his bottom lip just made Sebastian want to press close and kiss Kurt soundly, claiming those lips. Kurt's gaze was hidden behind the sunglasses, so after a moment of thought, Sebastian acted.

He closed the distance between them and put his hands on Kurt's shoulders. "I'm glad you had fun," he said simply. He leaned in then, his lips brushing against Kurt's ear. "I missed you." He said and pressed a soft kiss to Kurt's lips, soft enough that Kurt could pull away if he wanted to, but he lingered in case Kurt didn't.

Kurt pushed against Sebastian's lips with his own as he wound his arms around Sebastian's neck and pressed close. God, just to be near this man made him feel so lucky. Lucky that Sebastian had pulled him out of the darkness, had given him the courage to even consider going to see Reid Oliver. It didn't really matter what tomorrow brought because for now he was here and Sebastian was holding him. Kurt couldn't help himself. He let his tongue flick out and run across Sebastian's lips. He wanted all of a sudden to memorize everything about this moment - the sounds, the smells, and the taste of Sebastian. It was all intoxicating.

He was comforted by Kurt's closeness, by how Kurt chose to press closer. Whatever else was going on at least this was still okay. He could handle this. He could be patient, wait for Kurt to tell him whatever it was in his own time, so long as Kurt didn't completely shut him out. So, he took comfort in Kurt returning the kiss. Kurt taking the initiative to deepen the kiss or hint at it deepening was even better. Sebastian parted his lips and allowed his tongue to meet Kurt's, to dance with it. A soft moan fell from his lips, he couldn't help it. The way Kurt tasted, the way it felt to be close to this man just did things to him.

Kurt only broke the kiss because he needed to breathe, and when he did he left his forehead pressed against Sebastian's. "I'm sorry I've been distant," Kurt said honestly. "Being here, in New York...I can't help but think about my future. It is overwhelming, and I know...I know you're here for me Sebastian. I've yet to discover how this happened exactly. You being Sebastian Smythe and me being Kurt Hummel, but it did and I wouldn't trade it. I wouldn't trade you for anything," Kurt knew it wasn't everything, but at least it was something and he hoped it would bring Sebastian some comfort.

"I know this has to be overwhelming for you. I can't imagine what you must be going through. I want to be here for you. I want to help you through it Kurt, but I guess you're just not used to letting me be there for you just yet. I guess that aspect of things will just take time," Sebastian's words trailed off. "We didn't have the best track record and I know that. I was an ass and an idiot, but I am here. I'm glad you wouldn't trade it. I'm glad you wouldn't trade me because I'm rather quite happy to have you in my life Kurt," he said sincerely, smiling. The words helped a lot. He still didn't know what was going on with Kurt, but at least Kurt was giving him this. He would work with it and they would figure it out as they went along.

He sometimes had to remind himself that though they'd known of each other for years that they didn't really know each other. This was a learning process for both of them. Despite how quickly the bond between them had forged itself and grown, he had to remember that this was new and hadn't been around since they'd first met in high school. It was difficult though at times because it felt so comfortable, so right that it was hard to believe this bond was so new. He would have to keep trying to remember this as they went on.

"So, what shall we do with the rest of our evening?" Sebastian inquired with a smile in his voice, still not pulling away from Kurt.

"I've been thinking about the List," Kurt said because that part wasn't a lie, "and I've been thinking that we should try to cross off one more number from the List. Would...Would that be alright?" Kurt asked hesitantly.

Though Kurt could not see it, Sebastian smiled. "I think that's a great idea. What number were you thinking of crossing off?" he inquired still remaining close.

Kurt put pressure on Sebastian's neck and drew the man's head down a bit. Letting the fingers of one hand 'see' Sebastian's face, he found Sebastian's lips and then proceeded to kiss them again. What a difference finding out you're a ticking time bomb made. It was like every single moment seemed all that much more precious. "You had to ask that question," Kurt teased accusingly. "There are so many choices, but..." Kurt bit his lip suddenly shy. "I wouldn't mind tasting something sweet," he admitted barely above a whisper.

It was a little different, Kurt taking initiative, but Sebastian liked it. He was happy that Kurt was finding more confidence in himself despite being blind. It was a good sign. He stayed still as Kurt's hand searched his face. Then they were kissing again. He enjoyed the kiss - thoroughly. It was soft and sweet, but it was still quite good. "Something sweet?" Sebastian questioned. His mind searched the file of their combined lists and he wondered what Kurt could mean. There were a few options, a few that made Sebastian's pants feel a bit tighter.

"Which sweet thing would you like to taste the most then?" Sebastian asked his voice a little horse due to his thoughts. He was almost sure as to what it was Kurt was getting at, but he wanted to be certain.

"Are you up for cooking?" Kurt asked. "I know that Crème Brûlée is a bit difficult, but I thought we could have an adventure. There's no one I would dare try it with being blind, but you," Kurt elaborated and his voice was so honest it left Sebastian in no doubt.

Sebastian pondered that for a moment maybe two. "I could be convinced to," he said in a playful tone. "I think I have all the things we need to make it. I'll check before we actually start, but are you sure that's what you want to make tonight? I'm more than happy to oblige just want to be sure."

"Did you have another idea?" Kurt asked open to suggestions. "I mean I like kissing you," he admitted blushing.

"Oh, I have many ideas but perhaps another night," Sebastian chuckled. "I do enjoy kissing you as well. Of course just because we're cooking doesn't mean we have to stop doing that."

"First, I'd like to climb out of my coat and shoes though," Kurt consented, and is rewarded with Sebastian helping him out of his coat. He sat down on the floor and pulled off his converse boots as Sebastian hung up his coat. "Help me up," Kurt demanded holding out his hands and fluttering them a bit. Sebastian obliged helping Kurt up and into his arms. Before letting Kurt go, he claimed Kurt's lips in a kiss riddled with passion and promise. He looked over Kurt's outfit of the black yoga pants and loose, sky blue shirt that had a medieval-age feel to it and brought out the color of Kurt's eyes. He grunted in approval. "What?" Kurt questioned.

"I think your clothes will do for making this. If you are alright with the possibility of getting them dirty," Sebastian commented.

"I think I'm alright with that," Kurt assured him.

It was cute, this odd domesticity. He liked it. He liked having Kurt here. He led Kurt towards the kitchen and proceeded to check to make sure that he had everything they would need to make Crème Brûlée. Sure, Kurt was blind and this was not going to be some easy task, but he believed that Kurt could at least help with the process and it would give them an excuse to have dessert without dinner. He could almost see Michel chuckling and shaking his head. Okay, so maybe it was going to be a disaster, but at least they could have this disaster together.

He had all the ingredients and even some condiments in case Kurt wanted something more than the traditional dessert. He had stocked his pantry pretty well in preparation for Kurt's arrival. Sebastian set everything out on the counter and then changed into a pair of comfortable sweat pants and an old shirt he didn't care about just in case things got messy. Once that side of things was ready, he brought Kurt into the kitchen.

At first it was Kurt just talking with him while he started measuring everything out and explaining the process to Kurt, but then it came time to start adding everything to the big mixing bowl and so he led Kurt to stand almost in front of him and began handing him the smaller bowls guiding Kurt's hands to the big mixing bowl. The process was quite intimate.

It was affecting Sebastian too, but he focused on the task at hand or at least he tried to. It helped that this was a little bittersweet for him. The last time he made Crème Brûlée was for Michel before he left for France. The twinge of pain kept him from reacting inappropriately to their proximity at least.

"I never thought I would ever be using a mixing bowl again," Kurt admitted just now realizing how much he missed being in the kitchen. It was one of the places that had relaxed him in the past.

He guided Kurt's hand to stir the custard. He couldn't imagine how hard it must be for Kurt. "Well, any time you want to cook again, let me know and I'll do what I can to help you. You might not be able to do everything on your own, but it's not so bad cooking with someone. Is it?" he inquired.

Kurt detected the sadness in Sebastian's voice. "Are you alright, baby?" he asked not even realizing he'd called Sebastian baby. "If this is a trial...you don't have to humor me...honest, but I like cooking with you," Kurt said misunderstanding the heaviness in Sebastian's voice.

He took a breath and released it slowly. "I haven't made this since before Michel left for France," he explained softly. "It is not to humor you, Kurt. I wanted to do it. I wouldn't have bothered otherwise, not even to help you check something off your list," he assured Kurt, but it was true - Sebastian did nothing that he did not want to do. "I must admit I could get used to this myself," he said placing a light kiss to Kurt's shoulder.

Kurt's breath caught as Sebastian's body pressed against his. Bas's hands were practically on top of his own as he helped Kurt add ingredients into the bowl. "How's the consistency?" he whispered trying hard to keep his voice even and relaxed, but Sebastian's nearness was making it extremely difficult to do so.

"Almost perfect. You could touch it, feel the consistency, but I don't know how practical that would be in the long run," Sebastian chuckled.

"Not that practical...maybe I could," Kurt hesitated. "It smells really good...Could I taste it?" he asked. "That way my tongue could feel the consistency for me and my fingers wouldn't have to ruin the dessert," Kurt reasoned. Did he realize how husky his voice sounded?

Sebastian bit his lower lip when Kurt's tone became suggestive. He knew Kurt didn't realize he was doing it, but that just made it worse not better. Sebastian dipped his pointer finger into the custard and then brought it close to Kurt's lips. "Taste," he said simply.

Kurt opened his mouth and was shocked to find the sweet substance delivered on the tip of Sebastian's finger. He wasn't expecting it so his lips closed around Sebastian's finger and his tongue flicked out to lick the substance. He tried to fight the moan from escaping his lips, but wasn't successful. It was positively sinful!

Sebastian had to bite down harder on his lower lip to keep from reacting to the moan that fell from Kurt's lips. Dear God...So tempting, but so not what was on the menu. He had to behave. Kurt was only here in New York for a limited amount of time and Sebastian was going to behave if it killed him. However, if Kurt kept moaning like that, behaving would prove to be a difficult business. "I take it... that you like it?" he inquired his voice betraying his affectation.


	30. Chapter 30 Food Fight

**Chapter 30 - **Food Fight

Kurt nodded unable to form the words necessary, but he did detect something in Sebastian's voice. "Do I...Do I have something on my face?" he asked confused. "Is everything okay Bastian?"

He swallowed hard. "No you're fine. Nothing on your face..." he said in a neutral tone though mischief was writing itself across his features. "Yes, everything is fine. Absolutely...peachy," he chuckled.

"Peachy?" Kurt mouthed. "Who says..." but he was cut off by a goopy finger being dragged across his cheek.

A look of shock crossed his features and before he could answer he heard an entirely too innocent "oops" fly from Sebastian's lips.

"Bas," he chided, "what's gotten into you?" He reached up to feel his cheek and got a bit of the custard on his finger. He put his finger into his mouth and sucked. It wasn't bad, not bad at all. Once he was sure his finger was clean, he asked naively and politely, "could you help me clean this off?"

What had gotten into him? Kurt moaned like that and had the nerve to ask what had gotten into Sebastian? Well, they may have to somewhat behave but being completely good just wasn't Sebastian's style. "Perhaps it's the company," he teased. At the request, mischief lit Sebastian's eyes. He leaned in and licked the remaining custard off of Kurt's cheek. "Is that better?" he inquired his tone playful.

Not being able to see was really a detriment in many ways. It was hard to pick up on unspoken body language, but finally Kurt understood what Sebastian was trying to do. He put on a very serious almost angry face. He shook his head no. No, it wasn't better. He wanted to return the favor to Sebastian. He let his fingertips trail across the table until he felt the base of the bowl, up the bowl, and into the custard. He scooped up a bit on his fingers felt the texture before turning his hand in the general direction of Sebastian and flicking the custard. "There," he said stubbornly not even knowing where it landed, but satisfied that at least he'd tried to level the playing field. "Now I'm better."

It actually hit Sebastian's shirt, not his face. "Food fight? Now, Hummel - really?" Sebastian teased. "You missed, by the way. It landed on my shirt," he laughed. "Nice try though," he dipped his fingers in more of the custard and ran his hand across Kurt's other cheek.

"You should take that bowl and pour it over your head, Smythe," Kurt growled, "and then you should have the common decency to look ashamed for picking on a blind man." He crossed his hands over his chest waiting for Sebastian's next reaction.

"Ohhh come on, I'm pressed pretty close, and you found the custard fairly well on your own to fling it at me playing the blind card now is hardly fun, Kurt, especially since I know you prefer that I treat you no differently than I would were you not blind. Nice try though," he commented as he leaned in to lick the custard from Kurt's cheek. "Besides, it is your fault for moaning like that. A man can only withstand so much. You know? And, as much as I want to be good, we both know that's just not me," he commented in a low sultry voice that sent shivers up Kurt's spine.

Kurt grinned when Sebastian leaned in to lick, his hands wrapped around the front of Sebastian's t-shirt and pull Sebastian flush against him. He literally felt with his body as he stood on his toes. Kurt ran his body across Sebastian's feeling until they were almost the same height. He closed his eyes and leaned forward. Okay...so he missed a bit and caught Sebastian's bottom lip with his top. He adjusted after the first press and aligned the kiss running his hand simultaneously up Sebastian's chest to wrap around his neck. "I can always play the blind card," Kurt whispered against Sebastian's lips. "I owe you so much Sebastian Smythe. You're the man who gave me my life back. You are the one who saw the real me. Thank you."

Oh, that was a nice change of pace. Not helping at all in any way with behaving, but you know what? Behaving was for other people, Sebastian not so much. He enjoyed the kiss moaning softly into it because buttons were being pushed damn it. He was trying to be respectful but there was attraction between them and sometimes it was not so easy. "Any time," he said breathlessly. He made no attempt to move or distance himself from Kurt. He hesitated only for a moment before leaning in and claiming Kurt's lips in a searing kiss.

Kurt smiled into the kiss. He let one hand trail across the table to the bowl while Sebastian was kissing him and from the way Sebastian was kissing him he guesses that he didn't notice. Good. Because Kurt's fingers found the custard again and smearing the tips of all of them he brought his hand to Sebastian's face, mid kiss, and let it run over his cheek. He stepped back breaking the kiss and rocking on his heels looking satisfied. His face was wearing its patented bitch smirk. "You were saying Smythe?" he teased. "God you're so predictable a little bit of lip action and I've got you wrapped around my little finger."

"I should have seen that coming. You're right and you're a good kisser, but come on now, Kurt. Be nice! I cleaned the custard off when I smeared it across your cheek. You should only be so kind as to return the favor," Sebastian teased. He stayed close so that Kurt knew where he was.

"Alright," Kurt agreed his voice shaking a bit. He felt for Sebastian's jaw first with his fingertips and then brought his lips to his hand kissing across Sebastian's jaw and up until his lips touch custard. He flicked his tongue out then and tasted it staying close. Why did this taste so much better against Sebastian's skin? He ran his tongue the length of Sebastian's cheek stepping back a bit afterwards and licking his lips. "Not bad," Kurt said, "but I must say you add nothing to the flavor of this," he lied.

"Liar," Sebastian breathed. He watched Kurt his pulse racing just slightly. He really needed to pull back and stop this, but he also really didn't want to. That touch...God...This...This was maybe a bad idea. Why? Sebastian was throwing every intention of being good and not crossing boundaries right out the window.

Kurt's hand was still near the bowl he repeated the process by taking custard on his fingertips and this time flicking his wrist so that it landed randomly. He smirked then. "It's not nice to call people names Smythe," Kurt teased, "what makes you think I'm lying?" Again he dipped his hand in the bowl and again he flicked the stuff on his fingertips in Sebastian's direction. "People that call people names need to be punished," Kurt said sounding very serious.

"It's not a name. It's the truth if you didn't enjoy that at all you wouldn't have done it," he commented. "You keep this up and you're going to be the one getting punished, Kurt," Sebastian warned playfully. He took some of the custard smearing a line of it down Kurt's neck.

"Smythe," Kurt jerked back a bit at the sudden cold, but then he recovered and stepped forward. Oh...a bit too far and into Sebastian's personal space...oh my. There was no backing down now. Hummels didn't back down. "Clean it up now," Kurt growled crossing his arms over his chest.

Sebastian smirked. God he loved that spark in Kurt. "Mmm...Gladly," he purred, leaning in to slowly, so very slowly lick the custard from Kurt's neck. If he passed over the spot a few times, it was just to make sure he'd gotten all the custard.

"Bas," Kurt gasped as he clung to Sebastian. Not because he was trying to be sexy or egg Sebastian on, but because he was legitimately feeling light headed. Sebastian was making him feel light headed. This would not do at all. Kurt found the bowl again, but this time he laid his hand flat into the custard as Sebastian was licking his neck. He took that sticky, sweet hand and ran it through Sebastian's gorgeous silky hair. Low blow? Maybe, but then again Kurt had a significant disadvantage. As he smeared the custard through Sebastian's hair, he whispered sensually into his ear, "yield Smythe. You're out of your league."

He liked that sound, he liked Kurt clinging to him, but then he felt the betrayal...and eww. Custard in hair - really? But, two could play at this game. One hand grasped the front of Kurt's shirt to keep him close, the other dipped into the custard and he returned the favor smearing it all through Kurt's hair. "Never," he playfully growled. What remaining custard was on his fingertips, he dotted across Kurt's cheeks and down the bridge of his nose. Then he let go and stepped away from Kurt.

"Well you're not licking my hair...you...you camel," Kurt said in faux rage. "How...how could you? My beautiful hair," Kurt was definitely getting into this role now.

"Didn't intend on it, but turnabout is fair play. You smeared it in my hair. You shouldn't have dished it out of if you couldn't take it, Kurt," he teased.

"What am I suppose to do now?" he asked hands crossed over his chest looking rather comical with the clown custard face Sebastian painted on. Sebastian resisted the urge to snicker. He grabbed his phone off the counter and took a picture of Kurt standing there with his arms across his chest bedecked with custard. He then set the phone away out of trouble again.

A very good idea popped into his head. It was brilliant really. There was no way the tables would turn against him with this idea. "Bas," he said biting his lower lip sounding innocent, "I...I think I need to clean this off."

Oh...Hell. "Yeah I could use a shower myself. There's still enough custard to make one or two Crème Brûlées. I'll put it in the refrigerator. That was fun though...I think," he chuckled. He picked up the bowl and put it in the refrigerator. No more ammunition for either of them.

Kurt knew then that it wasn't making the perfect elusive Crème Brûlée. It wasn't completing anything perfectly. It was completing it with Sebastian that mattered. This definitely warranted crossing off this item from his list because even though they may make the dessert again it would never be this spontaneously sweet again. It would be different, sure, but it was Sebastian's sense for adventure and desire to satisfy Kurt's inner child that had made this moment possible. That was what made Sebastian Smythe so special in the first place. "So, shall I lead you to the shower then, Princess?" Sebastian's inquiry pulled Kurt out of his reverie.

He nodded but then he heard a meowing under his feet. "Bas," he said, "what's Lily doing?" He felt bad that in this little game of theirs they'd forgotten the tiny kitten. Clearly she wasn't happy with them. Or was she? He felt the little fur bundle vibrating next to his leg and he was curious.

He laughed. "She's helping clean up the mess you made, custard flinger," he chuckled. "Probably shouldn't let her have too much of it though I doubt it's good for kitties," Sebastian leaned down and scooped her up. "Enough custard Lily, don't want you getting sick," he chided and she squeaked at him in protest. "Yes, I know it's yummy, but it's not good for kitties. Sorry, sweetheart, you're going to have to go in the guest room until your daddies get everything cleaned up," he commented as he moved to put her in the guest room and closed the door.

As Sebastian took Lily away, Kurt took a moment to process the fact that Sebastian had called them Lily's daddies. The sentence elicited a warm reaction in Kurt. That sounded too good. The idea of it being possible to even share something like that with Sebastian gave him hope. Was it possible that he could have this surgery, come out with his sight, and have the life he always wanted? Perhaps, even to share that life with Sebastian? No! Kurt couldn't get ahead of himself like that. He couldn't allow himself to hope that much because every time he started to hope the Universe came and bitch slapped him.

* * *

Items Completed On The List:

KL#18: Make the perfect, yet still elusive Crème Brûlée.


	31. Chapter 31 Catching My Breath

**Chapter 31** – Catching My Breath

"She is not happy about that development," Sebastian announced pulling Kurt from his own treacherous thoughts as he walked back into the kitchen.

"Okay lets make this quick then, so that we can help Lily get use to her new place," Kurt said logically.

"I think she's already realized she is mistress of all she surveys, but she won't be happy about being locked in the guestroom, so yeah, we should try to make this quick. Cleaning the kitchen is pointless while we're still practically dripping custard," he laughed.

"Help me to the restroom, Bas," he requested. He was more than a little shocked when the next moment he was being lifted into Sebastian's arms and carried through the apartment. What had gotten into Sebastian Smythe?

"Gladly," Sebastian said in a mischievous tone as he took the opportunity to pick Kurt up. "What you said make it quick... it's faster and less messy if I carry you," Sebastian commented trying to sound logical. After all, it was all about practicality. Right? Loving the feel of Kurt in his arms had nothing to do with the gesture. Nope. Not at all. He took Kurt into the master bath. "So, if I set everything up for you are you going to be okay? I…I could help you," Sebastian put statement hesitantly out there. In that moment, Sebastian's voice sounded so vulnerable.

"You mean shower together?" Kurt squeaked. He blushed furiously considering the option. "If you set this up, I think I can manage," Kurt said his voice suddenly sounding lower and raspier. He waited for Sebastian to get everything ready standing in exactly the spot where Sebastian put him down pondering the feel of Sebastian's strong arms on his body as he carried him to the bathroom like Kurt weighed nothing at all. He was falling so hard for Sebastian. This was indeed a problematic predicament.

"Okay...Just don't use up all the hot water, Princess. You're the reason I have custard in my hair you know," Sebastian teased. He waited for the water to heat up to a favorable temperature. "Closest to the back wall is the axe body wash, then the shampoo. It is two in one...Just fyi. Hope your hair can stand it for a night," he teased. "I don't really have a lot of products in the shower, just the two, so it shouldn't be too confusing. Um...There's a washcloth to the left of the body wash. There's a towel hanging from the outside of the shower door. I'll leave you to it and I'll try to keep from dripping custard everywhere."

Kurt listened to this man that he was falling in love with patiently tell him where everything in his bathroom was located. A feeling came over him. What if this was a last time? Kurt couldn't help feeling like this after talking to Reid today. Finally, he understood Blaine's words completely. Kurt was having an 'Oh there you are. I've been waiting for you forever.' moment. There was this really gentle smile on Kurt's lips that Bas was missing because he was running around the bathroom. There was something so incredibly domestic and comfortable about the scene. Kurt was aware of everything, the smells, the sounds, but most especially Sebastian. So, when Bas walked past him to the door, Kurt caught his wrist and gave it a gentle tug.

The moment Sebastian looked at Kurt he knew the mood had changed. Sebastian was surprised when Kurt caught his wrist. He stalled as he was tugged to stop. He looked to Kurt and the look on Kurt's face was...Well that definitely stopped him.

Kurt steeled himself. "I changed my mind," he said and the next words out of his mouth were perhaps the biggest pun of all, "I can't do this without you. Is...Is it too late, to change my mind, that is?"

His mouth went dry when Kurt said he'd changed his mind. It took him several rapid heartbeats to make his mouth form words. "Not too late," he managed to say. "Are...Are you sure, Kurt? Because we don't have to do this, I can just go back to the kitchen and wait for you to be done," Sebastian reasoned as he tried to be diplomatic, but it was clear by his tone that he didn't really want to go back to the kitchen and wait.

"Don't go," Kurt said slowly, barely above a whisper. He laced his fingers with Sebastian's and used Sebastian's arm like an anchor to step closer to Sebastian until their bodies were pressed together again. This time his arms traveled around Sebastian's waist and wrapped tight as he drew as close as possible to Sebastian. "You're my eyes Bastian," Kurt said the words before he could stop himself. The gesture was sweet and innocent not at all meant to be sexual. "I don't want you to go...stay."

Well fuck! Sebastian was more aware than ever that he had to do the right thing here, but he wasn't really sure what that was anymore. He decided that the right course of action was letting Kurt decide what they were going to do. If this is where Kurt wanted to go, than Sebastian felt that he had neither the will nor the strength to deny the request. "Okay," he said barely above a whisper. "Okay, Kurt. I'll stay."

Kurt nodded and then proceeded to strip down to his boxers before he could change his mind. Several moments later, he was standing in front of Sebastian hugging his arms over his chest in a protective gesture worrying his bottom lip. In the past, when others had seen his body like this, there had been so many comments, most of them not completely positive, all of them causing Kurt to be self conscious in this moment about his pale skin and ill defined chest.

He'd kept the lights off with Blaine and Adam and watched Gavin's indifferent expressions only Jeff had been nice about it calling Kurt his snowflake, but all of that paled in comparison to this moment. What had he been thinking? What did he expect Sebastian to lie to him? God he felt ugly and inadequate. "Bas," he choked out finally because Sebastian hadn't said anything. "Is it too much for you? I mean...I know I'm not much to look at...I...I can shower by myself. It's okay," he stammered suddenly feeling like he was making Sebastian do what he didn't want to do.

He was struck silent the moment Kurt stepped back and started to divest himself of clothing. His mouth was completely dry and holy hell. Did Kurt have any idea how hot that looked? Probably not! Then he watched as Kurt shifted into a self-conscious pose. He was left blinking in shock at Kurt's self-deprecating words. He stepped close, hands gently moving Kurt's folded arms out of the way. "I'm sorry that the people who have seen this before didn't appreciate the sight," Sebastian said softly, his tone gentle. "You're not some ripped Adonis, true, but you are an angel carved of alabaster. Regardless of what others, who were clearly not worth your time or effort though, I think you're gorgeous, and if you insist on protesting I'm going to have to silence you," Sebastian said in a playful tone.

"That's really sweet of you to say Bas," Kurt said feeling the blush creep up on his cheeks, "but I...I don't look like Blaine and I'm sure I don't look anywhere as good as Michel did." He knew it, in fact, but that wasn't something he could mention to Sebastian right now. "It's okay though," he rushed on. "I'm okay with just being me." The minute he said it he realized it was true and what was beautiful was that Sebastian helped him get there. "Is it alright if we keep these on?" he said running a finger across the band of his boxers hesitantly unaware of just how sexy the gesture or the question was, for what could be sexier than maintaining some mystery in this moment?

"Who cares if you look like them? You're not them. You are you. Honestly, I think you're perfect the way you are." Sebastian had difficulty keeping his voice sounding even especially with Kurt running a finger across the waistband of his boxers. Dear God, Kurt Hummel was going to be the death of him. Did he really not have any idea how sexy he was in that minute? "Sure," he said his voice sounding choked. "Of course we can keep a little mystery in this equation. Better get in the shower though. Hot water only lasts so long."

"Strip first Smythe," Kurt grinned rocking back on his heels and listening to the rustling of clothes. Once Sebastian had stripped Kurt felt his way to the entrance of the shower pushing the door open he stepped in slowly and waited for Sebastian to follow, the hot water already pelting on his creamy skin felt amazing. He heard Sebastian enter and close the door behind him. "Can you hand me the shampoo please?" Kurt said turning in the general direction of Sebastian and standing under the water letting it wash out the stickiness in his hair.

"Since I smeared the custard in your hair, I'll be nice," Sebastian commented pouring some shampoo into his own hand and then proceeding to gently work it through Kurt's hair until he'd gotten all of the custard out.

Almost the moment Sebastian's long nimble fingers started soaping the cream out of his hair, Kurt's lips parted and he couldn't contain the moan that escaped. Actually, it sounded somewhere between a moan and a groan as his hands darted out to find Sebastian's body landing on his stomach. Kurt let them move outward appreciating the muscles below the pads of his fingers very much. He let his hands rest on Sebastian's hips as he pulled at them slightly. Bas took a tiny step toward Kurt, and suddenly he was in Kurt's space. Kurt was allowed to explore, now. He ghosted fingers across Sebastian's chest appreciating a lot what he 'saw'. "You're perfect,' Kurt said breathlessly.

Oh that moan, God what he would...No...No... That was a line they hadn't come to yet, let alone crossed. Fuck…Back to trying to behave. He really hated that. Then Kurt's hands were on him and dear fucking God that just upped the difficulty level another several notches. He bit his lower lip as Kurt's hands trailed over his chest and stomach. Sebastian swallowed hard. "Well thank you for thinking so," he finally managed to say his voice laced with raw emotion.

Kurt reached up and covered Sebastian's hands with his helping Bas wash out his hair. "Stay close," Kurt said breathlessly. "I've never done this before," he admitted. "Can you hand me some soap?" he asked holding out his hand palm up and waits for Sebastian to comply. When he felt the cool gel in his hand, he turned his back to Sebastian. "Could you get my back please?" There was nothing sexual about the way he asked the question, just purely logistics at the moment. Though earlier when he was touching Sebastian, there was definite flirtation on his part.

"I can do that," he said softly. He didn't really want to go very far anyway. As torturous, in some ways, as being close to Kurt was, he wasn't about to put unnecessary distance between them right now. He poured some of the body wash into Kurt's hand and then compiles, his touch was firm but gentle as he washed Kurt's back. God this was intimate. If his touch took on a more sensual tone, it was really because Sebastian couldn't help himself. He was hopelessly attracted to Kurt.

He let himself enjoy Sebastian's hand on him for a little longer than was necessary. "Let me return the favor," he finally said. "I mean I don't know if I'd be any good at the hair, but definitely I can do your back as you get the rest," he was shouting a bit over the water, just a bit. "We gotta get back to Lily," he reminded desperately searching for a reason to hurry this along before he did something stupid like allowed himself to be ravished by his insanely hot, nearly naked man.

"Well let me wash the custard out of my hair first that way you won't have any extra work to do after...Because you know custard...More of a mess." Sebastian stopped talking then before he stopped making sense. He was distracted by the thought of Kurt's hands on him. He quickly washed the custard out of his own hair and rinsed it out turning so his back was to Kurt. "I'm all yours," he commented, not even realizing how much he meant that and on how many levels.

Kurt worked the body wash into his hands first before smearing it onto Sebastian's back. He then started to ghost his fingers over Sebastian's flesh, soft at first and then firmer and firmer as he explored. Sebastian was so tight and tense and stressed, at least his back was and Kurt couldn't help finding his shoulders and beginning to knead away the knots in Sebastian's back. "I'm so sorry," Kurt said a bit breathlessly as his fingers continue to work. "I never realized you were this tense."

It was Sebastian's turn to moan when Kurt's hands begin to work out the knots in his shoulders and back. "Work has been...hectic," he said simply. "We should move this to the bedroom," Sebastian half panted out not realizing what he'd said until he said it. "Otherwise I may become a melting mess right here in the shower."

"Bas," Kurt said seriously as he dropped his hands to his sides, "don't you know I'm trying to seduce you." His voice was only half teasing, but he caught his bottom lip between his teeth and started nibbling as he heard Sebastian turn to face him. "Is...is it working?" Kurt asked hesitantly.

Kurt was trying to seduce him - was he? Well that was information he wasn't expecting to get any time soon. Kurt's answer to that question was Sebastian pinning him to the shower wall and kissing him soundly. He pressed against Kurt so that Kurt could feel the totality of the effect the various touching and moaning had on Sebastian "What do you think?" he asked his voice definitely toned for sexy.

Kurt couldn't help it. The shower was slippery and he wasn't expecting Sebastian to pin him to the wall of it. So, if his leg came up to hook around the back of Sebastian's and anchor him to the wall, was that really his fault? He was living every day to the fullest, after all. Kurt moaned into the kiss feeling the effects of his moans on Sebastian. His hands were splayed against Sebastian's chest fingers dancing across taut muscles. "Don't...don't stop," Kurt stammered his heart was racing, his mind was racing. "Please Bastian...Kiss me again," he begged wantonly.

Oh fuck...So hot...So very hot...Damn it...Fuck...All thoughts of behaving flew straight out of his head. Kurt's leg hooking around his...Kurt's moans...Kurt's hands teasing against his skin…The way that Kurt stammers don't stop...Asking to be kissed again...Sebastian complied kissing Kurt with every drop of passion he had in his soul.

Time was literally standing still. Kurt was aware of everything. His heartbeat in his ears, the feel of the water pelting on them, Sebastian's soft burning skin under his fingertips, Sebastian's lips on his own. He was dizzy. The floor was spinning under his feet. He shut his eyes even though he didn't need to and for a moment he pretended that when he opened them he would see Sebastian standing before him.

The way Sebastian was kissing him was much too intimate for words, for thoughts even, and it was giving him ideas. His body was reacting. He opened his mouth to Sebastian letting that devilish tongue plunder and explore. When Bas suddenly tore his mouth away, Kurt was left heaving and breathless. "Êtes-vous essoufflé M. Smyth?" Kurt whispered as he held on tight to Sebastian enjoying the feel of the man's body against his pulling close and letting himself be held. He was falling so hard for Sebastian. It was quite miraculous actually.

"Seul un tout petit peu, M. Hummel," he responded. It was completely natural to respond in French. He'd grown up speaking it for the most part. He missed France, and not just because of Michel. He was French at heart after all. His mother was a native French woman so he'd spoken French a lot growing up. Even though Genevieve Smythe spoke English, she had always enjoyed conversing in French with her little boy.

"Number 39," Kurt said smugly, but he would be damned if he told Sebastian exactly what it said. It wasn't important anyway semantics. "I just stole your breath," Kurt whispered a bit in awe.

"Vous pouvez avoir volé plus que cela," Sebastian muttered, but it was probably harder to understand because of how rushed the words were. He hadn't even been intending for anything to get crossed off Kurt's List in the shower, but it seemed that it happened regardless of intention.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

KL#39: Steal the heart of a gorgeous man, or I'll settle for his breath.


	32. Chapter 32 All My Sisters

**Chapter 32 **– All My Sisters

The next morning, Sebastian awoke refreshed and ready for work. He kissed Kurt's forehead before leaving and smiled as Kurt buried himself deeper under the blankets. Lily was snuggled up next to Kurt's head wheezing contentedly. Kurt slept in until 9:30 a.m. Sebastian had found an application before they went to bed last night that Kurt could call on his phone to tell him the time. No more alarm every single second. The memory caused Kurt to smile.

He had the service call Rachel, as much as he regretted the act immediately after waking up, he did promise. She squealed and gushed in his ear for a full minute before allowing him to speak. He agreed to spend the day with her if she had the time for him. Rachel asked if she could call him back in ten minutes and Kurt agreed. Ten minutes later Rachel was informing Kurt that she'd cleared her schedule and asked her understudy to fill in for her in tonight's performance. After all, it wasn't every day your brother came into town. That, of course, made Kurt misty eyed.

Rachel also told him that, although Santana was studying, they were having lunch together, on pain of death. Kurt gave Rachel his address and deftly avoided all questions about who he was staying with. He knew that he would have to answer them, but he deflected by telling Rachel he wanted to do it in person. She accepted the answer for the time being. Kurt told Rachel that it would take him a bit of time to get ready and if she even thought about showing up to the apartment before 10:30 a.m., she would be sorry. Rachel begrudgingly agreed.

When he hung up the phone with Rachel, he called Tina who he knew as on maternity leave and probably crawling out of her skin from boredom. He explained their planned schedule for the day. He asked if it would be okay to invite himself over for the afternoon, and to bring Rachel as well. Santana had a test tomorrow early in the morning and she was still stressing about reviewing everything properly. Tina brightened at the knowledge that she would later see her friends, and Kurt did say the magic word that he would bring pizza from her favorite pizzeria. He teased her that he'd bring enough to feed a small army.

When that was finished, Kurt dressed himself and checked that Lily had enough food and water. He was down in the lobby with more than enough time to spare. Kurt couldn't help feel proud of himself that this morning had gone so much better yesterday. Yesterday, Kurt thought about the surgery and his options and considered what he wanted to tell his sisters. On the one hand, he wanted to keep quiet about everything until he spoke to Finn and Burt, but that would leave the girls feeling betrayed. Weighing the choices of whether to talk about Sebastian or the surgery, Kurt ultimately chose the surgery.

He knew that when it was really important Rachel could be trusted to keep a secret. If he explained to her she just had to keep it until he could tell his family, he was sure she wouldn't let him down. The morning was filled with nothing but fun. They ate at their favorite bistro, strolled New York, and even hopped over to NYADA. Kurt managed to keep Rachel's mind from wondering to Sebastian by insisting that he couldn't talk about anything without Santana. Rachel was slightly jealous, per usual. The two women were in constant competition on everything. However, only they had the right to ridicule, tease, and mock each other. Should anyone else try…Well…No one else had tried.

Kurt was very proud of his sister, however. Rachel had grown up and matured so much over the years. She'd also learned to let go and let flow in her personal life. It had made her a better performer and human being. She wasn't out for just fame anymore, and she'd learned to relax a little, especially around her family. Kurt and Rachel managed to have a ridiculously fun morning.

Lunch rolled around and it was when they sat down with Santana that Kurt first allowed himself to talk about his visit to Dr. Oliver's office, mentioning that David had taken him. Santana was thrilled by that tidbit having maintained a soft spot for her Beard. She revealed that she'd and David had met for coffee occasionally. Once the words were spoken Rachel had to jump in and call Santana a traitor. Of course, the reference was to Blaine. The relationship and keeping it secret from Kurt had clearly driven a rift between more than a few New Directions. Once the words were out Rachel was more than a little panicked. She never could keep a secret very long, but there was charm in that quality too.

Kurt then told them that he knew everything about David and Blaine. That he fully supported the relationship and he expected them to support it as well. Both women were shocked. Kurt explained that it was time to put this behind them, to begin healing, and to reach for happiness. He spoke about Michel then, and about the List. He knew that his sisters would have trouble understanding, but he needed to keep some things to himself, for now. He wasn't ready to share everything yet. However, he did tell them he met a man, a man that had pulled him out of the darkness. The girls were momentarily shocked but then genuinely happy for Kurt. Despite their burning desire to know, they respected their brother's privacy and promised to give him time and space.

By introducing Michel's List as a topic, Kurt was able to turn the conversation back to the surgery. He needed their opinion on what to do. The lunch was a full blown discussion on the matter ending in the conclusion that Kurt had also derived on his own – there really was no option. He had to have the surgery or live the rest of his life, however short it may be a ticking time bomb in the darkness. Rather poetic, but Kurt not too appealing. As lunch ended, Kurt asked Santana to find some time for him after her exam on Thursday. Santana would have done so anyway, but after the conversation they just shared the request was that much more poignant.

They parted ways from Santana and Kurt informed Rachel that they were going to visit with Tina. Rachel was ecstatic, but first they made a pit stop to the promised pizzeria picking up three large pizzas and bread sticks. The train ride to Tina's house took a bit of time as the house was located in the suburbs of Queens a bit away from the insanity of Manhattan, but still not too far away. On the train ride, Kurt and Rachel agreed that it would not be a good idea to tell Tina about the surgery. They didn't want to stress her out because Tina was prone excitable and prone to anxiety. This sort of news would certainly not sit well.

Kurt also insisted that they not talk about Blaine at the moment. This was not the time or the place. He informed Rachel that he and Tina had begun to mend the bridge between them. For now, talking about Blaine could wait. Rachel agreed as well. When the line in the sand was drawn and sides were chosen, Rachel and Tina had ended up on opposite sides of the line. The accident had driven a rift between them and today Kurt was determined to close that rift.

When they reached the house, Kurt asked Rachel to wait just a moment and dialed the service asking them to send the following text to Sebastian. 'Out with my sisters – Santana, Rachel and Tina. I'm having the time of my life. Try not to work too late.' Rachel was looking at him funny when he hung up the phone before she proceeded to squeal excitedly. Kurt rolled his eyes and felt around for Tina's doorbell ringing it.

That started an afternoon of adventure. Kurt's fingers had never felt such emotion until they danced across Tina's stomach and felt it move under them. The three friends then proceeded to karaoke with the Wii to the babies. After which they played with an Ouija board in which Tina and Rachel tried to convince Kurt that they weren't pushing the planchette. It all ended with the three friends laughing hysterically until tears streamed down their eyes. They sat then and talked, just talked, for hours about happy things. Rachel's new show, the arrival of the babies, New York in the winter, the ball drop, by the end of it all Tina and Rachel were cuddling and laughing. Kurt couldn't help, but cry tears of joy. Everything may indeed be okay.

The pizza survived Mike's arrival miraculously and the four friends ate dinner together. After which Rachel was called back to Broadway after her understudy had some issues. Tina fell asleep on the couch happy and Mike offered to escort Kurt wherever he wanted to go. Kurt immediately sent a text to Sebastian asking if they could meet in Time Square at 5:45 p.m. to cross off another number from the list. He received an affirmative in response.

Kurt and Mike packed up a little early and headed for the subway. Mike woke Tina briefly to inform her of Kurt's departure and that he would return soon. Kurt kissed Tina goodbye promising to stop by tomorrow. Kurt liked to be the one waiting, he explained to Mike as Mike led him to the subway. He figured he could at least do that for his friends when possible, not keep them waiting. During the subway ride, Kurt filled Mike in on Michel's List and the surgery asking for his opinion on the subject. Mike carefully weighed the options before agreeing with Santana and Rachel. Really, there was no option for Kurt but to have the surgery.

Mike was exceedingly grateful to Kurt for not mentioning the surgery to Tina today. He told Kurt that he would like to be there when Kurt did decide to tell Tina about the surgery. He needed to be there to catch Tina and be her support. He then mentioned that they could do so tomorrow, he had a performance in the evening, but during the day he was free. It sounded auspicious and Kurt agreed.

When they reached Time Square, Kurt asked Mike to take him to the Walgreens so that he could purchase a very important item. Mike was intrigued and when he heard what Kurt wanted it made him chuckle. Kurt explained the item on the list he was trying to cross off and Mike was even more amused. When they were done, Kurt and Mike sat on the bleachers waiting for Sebastian to arrive. It was then, as naturally as breathing, that Kurt told Mike, in as few details as possible, about Sebastian. Maybe it was because Mike was a dude. Maybe it was because Mike was just Mike, but Kurt trusted that he could say as little as he wanted and Mike would be satisfied. He wouldn't press Kurt for more than Kurt was ready to give, but most importantly Mike wouldn't judge the relationship because Mike Chang was incapable of judging.

"Say something," Kurt begged his friend. He needed to hear a voice of reason, needed to hear someone else's thoughts on the matter.

"What is there to say?" Mike asked. "Do you like him? Does he make you happy?"

"I do," Kurt said honestly, "and he does. He's so different Mike, so different from the boy that put the New Directions through hell our senior year. I just wish all of you could know him like I do."

Mike smiled as he listened to Kurt talk. "Kurt, if you like him, you at least have one ND who is willing to forgive him instantly," Mike said honestly. Kurt knew that he was talking about himself. He wanted to say something, but the swell of emotion was too great. So, he took a moment to breathe and listen to the City he loved. The rush of downtown New York, especially Time Square was incredible when one could see it, but for Kurt it was all that much more exciting and glamorous. He'd forgotten how the city was alive with a pulsing energy and rhythm. He'd missed it. He loved it.

"Kurt? You okay?" Mike asked beside him worried because Kurt hadn't said anything.

"I'm fine," he said that small secret smile crossing his lips.

"Thank you Michael Chang...for this...for everything," Kurt said honestly his words filled with emotion. If Mike had accepted Kurt's feelings for Sebastian, maybe there was hope that the other New Directions could do the same. The thought warmed Kurt's heart and gave him courage.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

KL#26: Laugh Until I Cry.


	33. Chapter 33 Hershey's Kisses

**Chapter 33 **- Hershey's Kisses

Sebastian had his briefcase with him and he looked stressed. It was another rough day at the office, but they were working hard and had accomplished quite a significant amount of untangling that afternoon. He explained to Richard that a friend was visiting. Richard insisted that he take the rest of the day off. Sebastian was grateful for his mentor's understanding. He looked a little worn for the day, his tie was loose, his coif disheveled, but he still looked rakishly handsome.

As he approached the bleachers in the center of Time Square, just where the ball drop occurred on New Year's Eve, Sebastian spotted Kurt sitting with an Asian man. There was a soft smile playing on Kurt's lips and he looked very much at peace. Something stabbed through Sebastian's gut, a very unfamiliar feeling, jealousy? He approached the two men wearily.

Mike and Kurt teased each other for another few minutes until Kurt felt a presence standing over them. Mike looked up to see a tall well dressed man wearing sunglasses standing over them. Mike never really came into contact with Sebastian Smythe before directly, so his image of the boy that had wreaked havoc on the New Directions was fuzzy. However, the way this man was looking at Mike just because he was sitting with Kurt told Mike that there were some deep feelings between the two men that were beginning to emerge. He stood then and helped Kurt to his feet. He shifted the poster board they bought in Walgreens and held out his hand to Sebastian saying nothing and waiting to see if it would be accepted.

Sebastian took the hand that was offered to him and shook it. He couldn't keep the slight drawl out of his voice, "Sebastian Smythe...and you are?"

The moment the words flew out of Sebastian's mouth Mike smiled internally, but he wouldn't dare do it in front of Sebastian. There was definitely something developing here. Sebastian seemed ruffled by his presence. "Mike Chang, I'm an ND," Mike said deciding to put Sebastian out of his misery. "Kurt is my children's godfather," he threw another bone in Sebastian's direction and watched the man visibly relax. "I just wanted to make sure he found you alright," Mike told Sebastian before handing him the poster board.

Sebastian had an adorable moment of shuffling his briefcase and the poster board. Mike took the opportunity to hug Kurt. "Tomorrow," he whispered in Kurt's ear. "You, me and Tina," Kurt nodded in acknowledgment, and Mike turned back to Sebastian. "It was good to officially meet you Sebastian Smythe," Mike said and then added quite seriously, "I hope we'll be seeing more of you in the future." With that he waved goodbye to Kurt and Sebastian and was off.

When Mike left, Sebastian turned his attention to Kurt and was rewarded by the sight of a bouncing, excited man that quite resembled a little kid. "So Kurt," Sebastian teased as he took a step toward Kurt slowly, deliberately. "Now that you've got me here, you want to tell me what you've been plotting?"

A shiver ran down Kurt's spine at the hint of suggestion in Sebastian's tone of voice. His mind immediately traveled to the night before, the Crème Brûlée, the intimate shower afterwards that was followed by falling asleep deliciously wrapped in Sebastian's arms. These thoughts caused Kurt to become even more happy and excited. It was kind of infectious and Sebastian couldn't hide the smile that crept onto his face.

"Hug?" Kurt asked and Sebastian was more than a little surprised.

Sebastian saw how excited Kurt was and it brought a smile to his face. In fact, his entire being lit up. "Sure," he said as he embraced Kurt. His eyes closed for just a moment as he relished the closeness and allowed the contact with Kurt to melt away some of the day's stress.

The way that Kurt was behaving eased some of Sebastian's apprehension from the previous day. He decided that Kurt's behavior must be due to that fact that he was just overwhelmed from being in New York. Although Sebastian wanted Kurt to share all of his feelings with him, he couldn't force Kurt to do so. He would have to be patient until Kurt felt comfortable with letting him in. Until then, he wasn't going to waste this moment.

"Ready for our adventure?" Kurt asked gleefully once the hug broke. He could no longer contain his excitement. Maybe it had to do with the fact that crossing this off of Michel's List had been somewhat of a stroke of genius.

"Yes, now will you tell me what we're doing?" Sebastian asked chuckling lightly. "How does it feel to be standing in Times Square again, by the way?"

"It feels so exciting. The only thing that would make it more exciting would be...Could I give you a kiss Sebastian?" Kurt asked his voice a bit mischievous.

Sebastian's mouth turned dry as Kurt asked if he could kiss him though the mischievous tone that Kurt used did not escape Sebastian's notice. However, just the idea of kissing Kurt again after their shared time in the shower affected Sebastian. How could it not? There was something going on here. Sebastian could feel it and he would be damned if he didn't suss it out. He stepped into Kurt's personal space and said two little words, "any time."

"Good," Kurt said reaching into his bag and closing his fist around the object in question. He held out his hand fist closed. "Hold out your palm. Brush my fist," Sebastian obliged and Kurt opened his hand dropping the Hershey's kiss into Sebastian's open palm and then grinning like a Chesire cat. "Your kiss, good sir," he said.

Sebastian stared at the Hershey's Kiss for a moment. After the long day at work, it took him a little bit to get his brain working, but as the hamster finally started running on the wheel the answer came to him. "Number 27, hand out Hershey's Kisses to random strangers," Sebastian chuckled. "So, how do you want to go about this then?" he inquired.

"That's what the poster board is for," Kurt told him. He took out a marker and handed it to Sebastian. "I thought we could make a sign and see what sort of characters we can attract in Time Square," Kurt told him as he held out the marker to Sebastian. "Would you do the honors? I fear that being blind I may write something inappropriate," Kurt teased waiting for Sebastian to accept the challenge.

Sebastian snorted in response. "Would you hold this for me good sir?" he said as he put Kurt's free hand on his briefcase and took the marker from Kurt's hand. Sebastian walked behind Kurt then and whispered in his ear a bit suggestively. "Bend over," Kurt blushed and asked why. "You're my table," Sebastian said logically. "I need a surface to write the sign." Kurt heard the playful tone in Sebastian's voice and he rather liked it. He put his hands on his knees still holding onto Sebastian's briefcase and felt the poster board against his back. "What should it say?" Sebastian asked.

Kurt thought about it for a moment. What should it say? "How about _Free Kisses_?" he suggested thinking it was simple, straightforward, and to the point.

"Free Kisses," Sebastian tried it out. "Yeah...I like it. It will definitely draw some characters," he made the sign quickly with bold letters and they were off.

Kurt was a bit hesitant at first. Some very strange characters came forward to collect free kisses, but as more and more people started to gather for a chat and a Hershey's Kiss. A small girl even asked Kurt if she could get a real kiss. Sebastian explained to Kurt that the girl was also blind. Kurt was moved and gave her a hug and a kiss and a whole handful of chocolate, much to her mother's chagrin. Kurt began to relax and have a blast after that. Sebastian was really getting into it too. Kurt could hear the smile on his voice as he talked to a woman about the problems of overcrowding in New York. The chocolate was going pretty quickly and soon the crowd began to slowly dwindle with it.

He leaned against a wall about 10 feet away from the scene in front of him his stunning blue eyes trained on the alabaster man handing out chocolate. He'd trained himself to notice every single detail and so he did. The man was dressed in dark blue converse boots, skinny dark jeans, and a sky blue shirt that matched his eyes. Kurt Hummel's eyes were something else, quite stunning actually and the man was very familiar with them. However, those eyes were now hidden beneath designer sunglasses - expensive designer sunglasses, Gucci perhaps. Kurt's outfit was topped off by a stunning grey jacket, a Kurt Hummel original. The jacket looked like it belonged in the civil war, blue, sharp, crisp lines. The man's heart leapt in his chest. God, it had been so long since he'd seen his friend. This moment would be so very normal if not for the cane that rested in Kurt's hand. At the sight of it, Luke Snyder's heart constricted.

He had to distract his thoughts so he looked to Kurt's left and analyzed the tall, lithe, gorgeous man that stood beside him. He did so, of course, with complete professional detachment, of course. He was just observing beauty, and Luke Snyder was a master at observing beautiful things. Luke didn't have any problem staring in general, but hiding behind his Aviator glasses made it a little bit less conspicuous, added mystery. Luke appreciated that. The man's wheat colored hair was short, spiked. He'd loosened his tie and it hung in a blood red line around his neck. The top two buttons of the white shirt sinfully opened. The suit fit him like a second skin - Armani.

The man definitely came from money. Hell he smelled of it and Luke should be well acquainted with the smell. Those eyes were sharp, deft, exacting - doctor? No! Lawyer! Luke decided, but that was the wrong word again. Perhaps the right word was challenge. So, with that last thought in mind, Luke pushed off of the wall with grace and ease and sauntered toward the gathered crowd with slow deliberate ease. His eyes trained on the Adonis in the Armani suit.

Sebastian felt eyes upon him - a common enough occurrence so behind the shades, he sought out the source of what he felt to be a weighty gaze. Someone wasn't just glancing, they were _looking_ - interesting. He leaned towards Kurt... "Seems we have a very interested member of the audience heading this way," he quipped. He was now only casually looking in Luke's direction but still taking in everything.

"I have to say, the man is lithe...Blonde hair. Probably your height, give or take maybe half an inch - hard to tell from this distance. Expensive jeans - designer though from this angle can't tell which one. Fashion is your forte not mine. Black t-shirt with a gray dragon stenciled on the front of it. The dark grey leather jacket really works for him. I couldn't pull that off in gray, but if it were black I would buy it in a heartbeat. Aviators - high end. Probably cost at least $500. Definitely intently heading our way," Sebastian detailed as much as he could, filling in some blanks as the man came a little closer. All talk ceased when the man got within earshot.

Luke pulled his Aviator glasses down for a moment, and fixed Sebastian with a piercing look before stepping into Kurt's personal space. He needed to grab Kurt's attention. Since the accident, their song filtered through his mind. It was the song that brought on those deep seeded emotions and spurred discussions not just about fashion, but about life. However, those words had taken on a new meaning because every time he listened to Jamie Woon's In the Night Air he thought about how Kurt was trapped in the darkness, but in the darkness maybe there was peace. So, he spoke the words to Kurt low, but loud enough for the man beside them to hear.

"I've acquired a kind of madness. Daylight fills my heart with sadness, and only silent skies can sooth me. Feel the night air flowing through me. I don't need those car crash colors. I control the skies above us. Close my eyes to make the night fall. I've acquired a taste for silence. Darkness fills my heart with calmness, and each thought like a thief is driven to steal the night air from the heavens."

Kurt's breath caught at first in confusion, but as that voice spoke the words his facial expressions took on a myriad of emotions. He dropped the cane to the ground and closed the distance between them. Hands hesitant at first to feel the location of the owner of that voice, but once Kurt honed in on it he ran his hands up Luke's chest until they wrapped around the man's neck and pulled Luke against him. Kurt let the tears fall for a minute as Reid's conversation came back to him. He felt Luke's hands rubbing his back and he was lost for a moment just lost in the embrace and how good it felt to have a kindred spirit close.

Color Sebastian confused. He really couldn't do anything but watch this odd interaction happening. When the man started speaking, Sebastian had straightened up, preparing just in case. Sure, he and Kurt weren't really anything, but he had an emotional investment all the same. He liked Kurt and with the various weirdoes in this city you couldn't be too careful. Then, Kurt's face showed so many different emotions, and he was stepping closer to the man and embracing him. Okay. Awkward. He didn't want to break the moment, but the jealousy that was bubbling up wanted him to. How best to do this without coming across like a complete and total ass? "I get the feeling that I'm missing a lot of something right now," Sebastian chuckled as good naturedly as he could manage.

Luke waited for Kurt to let go first. When Sebastian's voice cut in, Kurt seemed jolted out of the darkness and into the light. He took a tiny step back, but kept his hands on Luke's forearms. "Bas," he said a bit breathlessly, "this is Luke Snyder, my partner in crime in the fashion world and quite frankly..."

"...a kindred spirit," Luke smirked cutting in and using Kurt's words. Kurt chuckled then like Luke had spoken an inside joke. Luke untangled his right arm and held his hand out to Sebastian. "Pleasure," he said a small smile tugging at his lips as he studied Sebastian. His left arm snaked around Kurt and pulled the man closer. He watched Adonis's expressions carefully. This man was into Kurt. The rigid stance, the set of his mouth like Luke was competition. Good, time for some fun. After all, what were friends for if not to test potential future mates? Luke smiled inwardly as he remembered Kurt's rigorous test that Reid had to pass. Best of all, Reid didn't even know he was being tested.

He arched a brow as Luke finished Kurt's sentence. Oh...Memory lane hello. Kindred spirits indeed. He took the offered hand and gave it a firm shake - a lawyer's handshake if he was honest. "Interesting to make your acquaintance, Luke. Sebastian Smythe," he responded simply. He schooled any potential responses to Luke's proximity with Kurt away behind that courtroom neutral mask. He outwardly seemed completely unruffled and unphased. Kurt had a life here in New York once upon a time, he had friends Sebastian didn't know about and until this man gave him a reason to honestly dislike him, he was just going to stay out of it.

"So," Luke said turning his gaze back onto Kurt his tone very, very suggestive as he asked the next question, "what does one have to do for a kiss?"

Though Sebastian said nothing, he couldn't help the momentary eyebrow arch at Luke's suggestive tone. He was thankful for the sunglasses he had on his face. He tried to keep the tension out of his body. He had a distinct feeling he was being played with and he didn't like it.

* * *

Items Crossed Off Of Lists:

ML#27: Get a bag of Hershey's kisses and start randomly 'kissing' people. (ie handing out the kisses, mind out of the gutter Bastian)


	34. Chapter 34 Luke and Isabelle

**Chapter 34 **– Luke and Isabelle

Kurt detected the implications in Luke's voice and they brought a pretty blush to his cheeks. A gay man would have to be blind, no pun intended, to not find Luke Snyder attractive. "Nothing," Kurt managed to choke out and noticed Luke's hand had found its way under his jacket and was splayed across his lower back. Luke had always been such a flirt, but honestly he was the kindest, sweetest, most amazing guy. There were times when Kurt had wished Luke was available, and more than once Luke had rescued him monetarily, emotionally, or otherwise. Kurt shook his head out of the musing. "I mean...You can still read. Can't you?" he asked a bit flustered.

Luke deliberately removed his glasses and hooked them into the front of his shirt as he let his gorgeous blue gaze fall on the sign. He dropped his hand from the small of Kurt's back and Kurt took a tiny step backward. He smirked then and stated with amusement coloring his voice, "you two are seriously selling yourself short."

Okay, so Luke Snyder was definitely attractive. Sebastian had eyes. Granted he was all into Kurt but had this been a completely alternate time and place he probably would have hit on Luke. However, this was now and now things were different. He put his own sunglasses on top of his head and gave Luke's comment sincere consideration. "He might have a point Kurt. I wonder what we could have gotten people to do for chocolate. Hmm...On second thought better to just give them away. Not all of our interested parties have been quite as intriguing as your friend Luke," Sebastian drawled still weary of Luke and his proximity to Kurt physical, emotional and otherwise.

"Why Mr. Smythe, you flatter me," Luke chuckled at the comment. However, Sebastian's comment did cause Luke to pause a moment and reflect. This reflection prompted him to fix his gaze on Kurt and say, "you know what you can have if you only ask." Even though Kurt could not see him, Luke had to believe that he could feel the weight of both his words and his gaze. "Ask me Kurt," Luke begged his eyes fixed on his friend.

Once again, Sebastian was relegated to becoming a member of the small audience of one. The crowd had dispersed seeing as how Sebastian was less focused on holding up the sign and more focused on Kurt and Luke. He felt like an outsider. He took it all in wondering just what was between Luke and Kurt. He wouldn't ask as it wasn't his place, but he did wonder.

"I can't," Kurt suddenly felt overwhelming sadness and it registered on his face.

"I would pull the stars down for you Kurt Hummel if I believed it would make any sort of difference," Luke said with conviction as he took Kurt's hand in his and put it on his shoulder guiding it to trace the jacket that he wore slowly. Kurt felt tears begin to slide down his cheeks, and he did something he never did in public. He removed his sunglasses and wiped at his eyes tucking the glasses into his shirt. "Come back to me," Luke begged and he didn't just mean the world of fashion he meant in general. Since the accident, Kurt hadn't been himself. He'd cut everyone off including Luke and that had hurt. "Please," Luke was not above begging.

Sebastian was impressed and slightly alarmed - internally - by Luke's declarations. He watched with fascination as Kurt removed his glasses, his hands trailing over Luke's shoulder, but were they tracing the jacket or the man beneath? He didn't know and he hated not knowing things.

"My jacket," Kurt let the words fall strangled from his lips. He let his hands dance then. Let them dance over Luke's frame and appreciate his work a sad smile tugging on his lips.

"Don't let this be the last Kurt Hummel original," Luke said in an impassioned voice.

Sebastian was left blinking in shock then. "Wow. You made that gorgeous leather jacket, Kurt?" Sebastian inquired. "Okay now I'm envious."

Kurt smiled and nodded in response to Sebastian's comment reaching an arm out to Sebastian. The emotion was just too overwhelming and he needed Sebastian's strength. Sebastian caught Kurt reaching out to him and immediately stepped closer so that Kurt could get the contact he was seeking. Kurt stepped into Sebastian's body wrapping his arms around Sebastian's waist and snuggling Sebastian's right side. He smiled despite himself when Kurt snuggled against him. His arm went easily around Kurt's shoulders as if it belonged there - and maybe it did. The contact gave Kurt strength and gave Sebastian some measure of reassurance.

Luke smiled. There was such a look of approval on his face. "I'm a sucker for soul mates," Luke admitted vaguely enough for a smart man to realize what he was saying. "Kurt...If you won't take my billions than at least take my fiancé's hands for a few hours," he said throwing Sebastian the golden egg at the same time as discretely urging Kurt to have the surgery. "Imagine what sort of mischief you could get up to with this gorgeous man beside you," Luke teased. "It may all be worth it to see that shade of emerald again."

Sebastian was left blinking because of Luke Snyder once again - billions? Holy fuck! Then more confusing words without context. Fucking hell! "Oh Kurt and I have something of a history of various mischief - don't we?" Sebastian teased. He couldn't help the blush when Luke said those words about seeing emerald again.

Kurt felt apprehension and peace in the same moment upon hearing Luke's words, apprehension because he didn't want Sebastian to find out about the surgery, but peace because Luke was right. Wasn't it all worth it just to see Sebastian's eyes again? Kurt had actually thought about that himself and often times arrived at the same answer - yes.

Sebastian hated that there was so much being said that he simply didn't have the history to know the context. That irked him. He was a lawyer - facts and knowledge were his best friends, so the greater part of this interaction with one Luke Snyder was frustrating on so many levels. It had been informative too, but it raised more questions than it answered. Sebastian was glad to know Luke was engaged though. That took a bit of worry away. Then Luke's words are pulling him out of his musings.

"He did much more than that," Luke said taking cues from Kurt that it was time to let Sebastian breathe a bit. "He designed an entire clothing line for Vogue, brilliant clothing line actually. It is just waiting to be unveiled, waiting for Kurt to put the finishing touches on it."

"Wow, Kurt. I'm impressed. Maybe someday I'll be lucky enough to see this secret line," Sebastian said softly. He didn't want to upset Kurt, but he had to show his interest all the same.

"It isn't secret, Bas," Kurt said his voice filled with emotion. Today, in this moment, he wanted Sebastian to be a part of this world and to know this part of him. Maybe then Sebastian could better understand what Kurt had lost, not that he didn't understand enough already, but this was such a big part of Kurt.

A brilliant idea flew into Luke's devious brain. "Why wait for someday?" Luke said the excitement apparent in his voice. "What do you say Kurt? Should we show him the collection right now?" Luke asked and both he and Sebastian watched the panic cross Kurt's features.

"Maybe it isn't a good idea, Luke," Sebastian said taking his cues from Kurt as well, but Kurt could hear the disappointment in Sebastian's voice. He knew what Sebastian must be thinking that Kurt didn't want to show him the line specifically, but that just wasn't the case. The truth was that Kurt wasn't really keen on showing anyone the line because he still believed that it wasn't any good. How many times had he put finishing touches on it – a hundred, a thousand times?

"No," Kurt said firmly and he felt Sebastian tense in his arms. "I mean…No Bas," he said a bit more gently and then added. "I think Luke's suggestion is brilliant. If you have time and desire, that is?"

"More than anything," Sebastian whispered in Kurt's ear. The blush that appeared on Kurt's cheeks again did not escape Luke Snyder's notice, but then nothing really ever did. Luke retrieved Kurt's cane from where it had fallen on the ground and put it in Kurt's hand grinning like a kid in a candy store. He shot Sebastian a look and winked giving a thumbs up. Sebastian fought a snicker, but he had a sneaking suspicion that this was Luke Snyder's plan all along, all a part of getting Kurt Hummel out of his shell. This was a really big step for Kurt, sight or no sight, and Sebastian was glad Kurt had taken it. He didn't need the glory of getting Kurt there on his own, so in this moment Sebastian found himself slightly indebted to Luke Snyder. Strangely, he didn't mind.

Kurt replaced his sun glasses, but it was 6:45 p.m. in October, in New York, the need for sunglasses had long passed. Sebastian still had a firm hold on his briefcase. Before they left Time Square, Luke helped hand out the rest of the Hershey's Kisses. They left the sign on the bleachers along with the marker. If anything else, the back of it was still blank and could be reused as a canvas for a homeless person, but maybe a free kiss was just what someone truly needed. They took a taxi to Vogue the three of them cramming into the back seat. As the distance between him and his collection decreased so did Kurt's calm. By the time they reached the doors of Isabelle's private closet at Vogue, where Kurt's collection was being stored, Kurt had a vice grip on Sebastian's forearm.

"Relax baby," Sebastian mouthed barely above a whisper. "If you don't want to do this, we don't have to Kurt."

They paused in front of the doors both Sebastian and Luke holding their breath. "No Bas…I…I want you to be the first besides Isabelle and Luke to see it. It's just that…There is so much of me behind those doors. I just…I feel so exposed having other people looking...having you look especially. It's like standing in the middle of Time Square naked," Kurt said. Okay so maybe it was a poor analogy, but it was the only one he could think of. "Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" he asked hoping that Sebastian was reading between the lines.

Before Sebastian could answer Kurt; however, a voice, like a whip, cracked through the air. "What in the hell do you think you're doing?" Sebastian and Luke spun quickly in the direction the voice came from while Kurt turned a little more slowly. Upon seeing Kurt the short, immaculately dressed woman with shoes worth enough to feed a small country for a month, was rendered completely speechless. The next sound that escaped her lips was a half sob, half laugh.

"Issie?" Kurt asked as he heard the click, click, click of heels walking towards them. The next thing Kurt knew there was a small warm body pressed against his. Kurt's arm snaked around the body in quesiton pulling it tightly against him. The faint smell of sweet flowers that was completely Isabelle invaded his nostrils and he returned the hug. She pulled away and he could hear sniffing.

"Damn you, Luke Snyder. You could have said something," were the next words out of Isabelle's mouth as Kurt heard her small ineffectual fists pounding against Luke's arm.

"Hey…hey, watch the jacket," he teased. "That could be my last piece." The words caused a heavy silence to descend. Kurt rolled his eyes. "I was kidding," he said dramatically. "Isabelle, I'd like you to meet Sebastian Smythe," Kurt said as he waved his hand in the direction that he assumed Sebastian was. Luke stood between them now as he'd stepped between them offering an arm to each man as he'd led them off of the elevator. Luke was always one for a showy entrance.

Isabelle took a moment to regard Sebastian and came to the same conclusions Luke did – lawyer, but the small darting glances in Kurt's direction told her that this man could be more, could be everything. She smiled and held out her hand then. "Pleasure," she said much in the same way as Luke had in Time's Square with the same raised eyebrow. Sebastian's eyebrows flicked up in surprise at the similar greeting and his head turned slightly in Luke's direction as he took Isabelle's hand and shook it.

"Trust me, it's all mine," Sebastian smiled genuinely at Isabelle. Kurt could no longer stop the snicker from escaping his lips and this was an entirely different side of Kurt Hummel that Sebastian hadn't seen before. The interaction between Kurt and his friends was intriguing.

"Was it something I said?" Isabelle asked confused.

Kurt nodded his head trying to suppress the laughter now. He'd completely forgotten that he'd told Luke and Issie all of his Diva moments in high school including the one at the Lima Bean when he first met Sebastian Smythe. That was really why they'd started using the word 'pleasure' as a form of greeting. He smiled a bit wickedly then and said, "this is the Meerkat."

Sebastian was more than surprised to hear his old nickname mentioned. He wanted to say something, but Luke and Isabelle were giving him funny looks and then saying words that both shocked and thrilled Sebastian. "Of course," they said in unison and then Luke continued, "Kurt must have told that Diva moment like 20 times."

"Must be Kismet," Isabelle said smiling at Sebastian and suddenly warming to him, "he talks about you all the time." Kurt knew that Isabelle was shrewd, and in this moment he couldn't decide whether he wanted to hug her or smack her. Strange dichotomy!

"Does he now?" Sebastian said surprised to hear the words, but managing to effectively school his expression.

After moments of silence and grins shared between Isabelle and Luke, Luke felt the necessity of changing the subject. He proceeded to tell Issie that they were there to see the collection. Isabelle looked at her watch then and informed them of a gala she had in about an hour. She asked Kurt how long he was in town and if he had some time to get together. He honestly answered that the rest of his week was already so crammed. "Let's talk now," Isabelle said on impulse hooking her arm with Kurt's. Kurt hesitated, but Luke then suggested that maybe it was a good thing if he showed Sebastian the collection. So, Kurt allowed himself to be led to Isabelle's office while Luke showed Sebastian the collection.

Once inside the office, Kurt spilled his guts to Isabelle about the surgery. He knew that Issie had no contact with his father or Finn so there was no danger of her telling them. Luke already knew, of course, because of Reid. Kurt surprised even himself by then proceeding to tell Issie about the complexities of the situation because of his potential feelings for Sebastian. While Issie was a friend, she was also a mentor and she'd always given him such excellent advice when it came to the other men in his life. Issie consoled him that he should think about telling Sebastian. That's when Kurt told her about Michel and the List and why he felt he couldn't tell Sebastian. He didn't want to put Bas through that again. Isabelle then agreed to keep the surgery and Kurt's decisions about it to herself, for the time being. She then encouraged Kurt to take his time in making a decision, but also how lovely it would be to have him back to work. She didn't even want to consider that there wouldn't be a positive outcome. The conversation, all in all, was very positive and left Kurt feeling energized.

Meanwhile Luke showed Sebastian the collection. He was well acquainted with every single piece, as he helped with the thought process behind most of them. The collection was comprehensive, playful, but serious and versatile, in that a single outfit could be turned from day ware to a night out on the town quite readily. Sebastian found himself admitting that he would wear a lot of the pieces designed for men. Luke shared his feelings. He could see the passion and joy that went into making the collection, and how much of himself Kurt had put into it.

He was admiring a suit when he heard Luke comment behind him, "I think he does his best work, like most artist, when he is tortured. He designed it mostly to get over someone." Luke was hesitant to say this, but it felt like it was important for Sebastian to know the feelings that were coursing through Kurt at the time. "I think what's been so awful for him in this situation is not having any of his usual outlets. I can feel how much you care for him," Luke stated not really expecting a reply. "I know you want to show him that he's still alive, but you have to understand one thing if he's made to live in shadow for the rest of his life a piece of Kurt, such an important and large piece, will die, and nothing you or I or anyone else does or says will be able to change that or stop it."

Later, when they were back at the apartment snuggling on the couch, Luke's words still played over and over in Sebastian's head. As much as he hated to admit it, Sebastian could find truth in the words and that was what worried him. What was more, Sebastian was jealous of the Kurt that Isabelle and Luke had managed to draw out. Don't be jealous, don't be jealous. Fuck it. Just don't show that you're jealous. He knew it wasn't his place to pry, but he desperately wished to know more. "Your friend Luke is truly something else," Sebastian said, and it was easy to detect in his tone that he was fishing for information.

"Hmm," Kurt was the only acknowledgment Kurt gave. He felt the tension in Sebastian's body; however, because he was tangled up against Sebastian on the couch. It was time for Kurt to take that tension away. So, he opened up about his relationship with Luke completely talking about it in outline format, but occasionally giving details.

The more Kurt talked the more rigid Sebastian became. It didn't make sense until it did, but it wasn't possible was it? Sebastian Smythe was jealous! Kurt was almost positive of the fact, and once he realized it his heart gave a little leap in response. Finishing the story of his relationship with Luke in an even voice was more difficult once he made that realization. Finally, when he did finish Kurt allowed himself to comment, "don't be jealous of Luke, Bastian. He isn't you." Though the words were simplistic, they were also complete.

Ego sufficiently repaired and boosted. "Wow I must be losing my touch if you could tell that," Sebastian commented. "I didn't mean to be, but this really hot guy comes up to you and starts getting all...friendly, and I just…Fuck. I'm obnoxious. Sorry," Sebastian said babbling, and wasn't that just adorable as well. So, Kurt Hummel rescued Sebastian Smythe again by snuggling into him and demanding a kiss, which Sebastian delivered with such passion and promise that it left little doubt in Kurt's mind of how much Bas really cared, and that knowledge was both trilling and terrifying.


	35. Chapter 35 Ted's Ice Cream Extravaganza

**Athena's Note: **Is no one reading ML anymore? The last chapter got like 5 Reviews. If you're out there holler! My life is crazy but I'm still trying to stick to a chapter a week. Show the love people. Seriously.

**Chapter 35 **- Ted's Ice Cream Extravaganza

Kurt didn't mind telling Sebastian that the next day he was going to spend with Tina Cohen-Chang, one of his very best friends. He explained that she was pregnant and therefore overly emotional. Leaving overly emotional pregnant women to their own devices was never a good idea. He woke up with Sebastian that morning. They showered together again. Kurt donned skinny jeans, a blue button down shirt, his grey jacket, and his converse shoes. David's sunglasses were sitting on his nose. His cane was in his hand.

Sebastian packed a change of clothes. At the end of the work day, Sebastian had a special surprise prepared for Kurt. Sebastian escorted Kurt out of the building after they made sure that Lily had food and water. Mike was waiting in the lobby and he and Sebastian exchanged handshakes.

On the way to the house, Mike explained that he'd asked for the morning off giving the excuse that Tina was having terrible cramps and it might be premature labor. When Kurt called him out on it, Mike shrugged and said, "man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Besides, this is important, so who all knows about this?" Mike asked curiously.

"The doctor, my friend Luke, Isabelle, Rachel, Santana and you so far. I haven't had a chance to talk to my dad yet. I've given him the basic overview but it's a conversation that needs to happen when I go back to Lima. As much as I want to tell Tina, I don't want to upset her," Kurt sighed unsure of what the right course of action was.

"She won't be happy if she finds out some other way, Kurt. We can tell her. I'll be there to make sure she stays calm and doesn't get overly stressed, but you need to tell her. How would you feel if the situation was reversed? You're her best friend Kurt. You're the godfather of our babies. You're important, not just to Tina but to me as well," Mike said with conviction in his voice that Kurt could clearly hear.

Kurt knew then that Mike was right. Still he was uncertain. "You're right," Kurt admitted openly, "I just…I don't want to hurt her or the babies, Mike."

"You let me worry about taking care of Tina. You take care of yourself, Kurt. You need to tell her. She'd kill both of us if it happened any other way." Mike pointed out.

Kurt chuckled, but the sound was strained - filled with the emotion that was twisting his insides in knots. "You're right. You're a really good friend Michael Chang."

"Of course I am," Mike said in with over exaggerated pretentiousness. "In truth, I try my best Kurt. That's all we can do. That's all any of us can do." The rest of the drive was spent in silence. That was okay with both men, however. They'd said everything that needed to be said.

When they finally reached the Chang household, the resulting conversation went about as well as could be expected. There were tears, big, fat, painful, heart wrenching tears. Tina cuddle Kurt as close as her very pregnant abdomen would allow. It was so unfair. Hadn't life thrown enough at Kurt? Why did things like this have to keep happening to her best friend? She was so worried for him. Mike kept close and lent her strength.

"You'll get through this Kurt. You'll beat this just like you have everything else. We have faith in you. Don't we Mike?" Tina asked, sniffling and trying to get herself back under control.

"Of course, you're one of the strongest people I've ever met, Kurt," Mike said in a positive tone.

"I don't feel very strong," Kurt admitted. His head was resting on Tina's shoulder and he was allowing her to fuss over him. He knew she needed it. Kurt hated to admit it, but so did he.

"That's understandable. You've just had a pretty big shock, but there isn't a doubt in my mind that this will work out positively. Remember what Rocky said," Mike quoted proving in that moment how much of a man he was despite his ability to execute perfect pirouettes.

"What's that?" Kurt asked his voice sounding a little morose, a little beaten.

"It isn't how hard you hit. It's how hard you can get hit and still keep coming," Mike said wisely. "And, you, Kurt Hummel, will always keep coming because you are a fighter," Mike stated definitively.

Mike left shortly after and Kurt and Tina had a Harry Potter marathon on the couch complete with a tub of popcorn between them. Somewhere around 4:00 p.m. Kurt's phone buzzed and when he picked it up the answering service gave him a message from Sebastian. "How about crossing off another item off of your list?" Kurt was always up for an adventure. Knowing that Tina was listening, he gave the answering service Sebastian's phone number.

He still wasn't ready to tell everyone who he was staying with so he simply told them he was staying with a friend. Some of the New Directions were nosy and inquisitive others just let it go. For those whose curiosity couldn't be assuaged he simply told them he was staying with Isabelle in one of Vogue's private flats. That finally satisfied them.

When Sebastian picked up the phone, Kurt made quiet general inquiries. He was quite excited to hear what Sebastian was plotting. When Bas asked where he was and Kurt gave Tina's address, Bas said he'd send a car for Kurt. After hanging up, Kurt explained the situation to Tina. She of course wanted details, but Kurt was very impressed that she was appeased enough not to ask further with the information he gave.

He felt guilty leaving, but Tina told him that she would take a little nap and make noodles and the Mike would be home. Tina insisted that Kurt had to go out and live his life, so when the car pulled up. Tina kissed Kurt goodbye. Kurt promised to stay in touch as it was unlikely he would see Tina again for the rest of the week. The driver helped Kurt into the car.

When they pulled up to their end location, Sebastian was at the door of the car almost instantaneously pulling it open. Kurt could feel Sebastian's enthusiasm even though he couldn't see Bas. "I'm so excited you suggested we do this even if it is October," Kurt admitted bouncing from foot to foot like a little kid.

"You're adorable right now. Do you know that?" Sebastian asked finding Kurt's enthusiasm infectious as he paid the driver. When he looked back at Kurt, he saw the confused look that crossed over Kurt's features. "What is it, baby?" Sebastian whispered in Kurt's ear, but to do that he had to pull close.

Kurt's hands fluttered out and ran over Sebastian's torso encountering what appeared to be a hoodie, slightly lower, but not inappropriate, and his fingers grazed jeans. "I was thinking how you were going to do this in an Armani suit, but now I see that you've been devious," Kurt teased. "You've been plotting this all along. Haven't you? Admit it!" he said pointing a finger in the direction he believed Sebastian to be, but Sebastian had moved a fraction of an inch closer and Kurt's finger now poked into his chest.

"Maybe I did have some forethought into it," Sebastian admitted bending down to whisper in Kurt's ear. He felt Kurt shiver in his arms and he liked it, liked making Kurt happy and excited, liked it too much.

Today, in this moment, Reid's diagnosis was forgotten. Everything but Sebastian and this adventure faded away. It felt great to be here in this moment with Sebastian, to be alive. Kurt was drinking it all in. "You ready to do this?" Kurt asked still close to Sebastian, still feeling like they were breathing the same air.

"Lead the way, metaphorically, of course," Sebastian teased. He hooked Kurt's hand under his elbow then and walked them several paces to the front door. Opening the door he held it for Kurt to step through and then followed suit. The place was packed and Sebastian was surprised that Kurt would be bold enough to agree to come here. It just proved how far Kurt had come in just a few short weeks.

Once inside, Sebastian's eyes scanned the plethora of options and he could feel himself getting a little overwhelmed. He usually just bought a pint of mint chip from the store and called it a day when he wanted ice cream. He'd never been to Ted's before so it was safe to say that the experience was initially quite intimidating and startling. "That...That is a lot of flavors," Sebastian stammered in awe. "I think we're going to have to amend number two on your list."

Kurt let out a laugh that he'd been holding then. He had a feeling that Sebastian had never set foot into Ted's. It was actually Gavin that had introduced Kurt to this place. He loved ice cream. It was his favorite dessert and Kurt had really learned the meaning of variety of ice cream while he was with Gavin. Just thinking about it made him smile. He'd forgotten, forgotten that there was good in all people and in all relationships. With Gavin, it was easy to forget the good because of the bitter breakup, but now that Kurt was remembering he was glad he'd brought Sebastian here. "I agree," Kurt said. "This one was always going to be difficult. Especially since they make their own flavors in house and about 30% of their flavors are seasonal."

Well at least Kurt was amused. It was just – really…He hadn't imagined there would be quite THIS many flavors. "I just...I never even thought that any ice cream place would have quite this many. Admittedly, I don't really go and just get ice cream. I'll just usually pick up a pint of mint chocolate chip or strawberry from the grocery store and leave it at that on the rare occasion that I find myself craving it. So, I notice that they have like little sample tasting options aside from getting scoops. So, how many are we each going to attempt?" Sebastian inquired.

Kurt knew what he always got. He didn't even need to see the board to know what the specials were in October. It had become somewhat a tradition with Gavin. They'd fought a lot and Ted's had been their Breakfast at Tiffany's. He took one more step forward tapping his cane. Heard the door open as a customer came and went and then a loud squeal from the direction of the counter his cane had just hit.

"Oh Gosh...Oh Gosh...Oh Gosh," the small pixie of a girl was squealing and flapping her arms and hopping up and down. "Kurtsie," she put down the spatula she was holding and walked around the counter to launch herself at Kurt. Even with his eyesight Kurt would have lost his balance, but as it was he reacted on instinct and closed his arms around the girl pulling her close to his body.

"It's good to see you Tweets," Kurt said using Tracey's nickname as he returned the hug.

She loosened her hold after a very long minute and stepped back. Sebastian could see what Kurt couldn't the look of horror in her eyes and the tears as trembling fingertips touched the short girl's lips. "It's true then?" she asked her voice shaking. "I...I didn't believe it," she admitted the sadness in her voice. "Oh Gosh Kurt...I'm...I'm so sorry...And of course that sounds like a cliché and you hear it all the time, but..." she looked past Kurt and her eyes landed on Sebastian and her mouth fell open. "Oh my," she said breathlessly and then practically purred while drooling, "who's this Kurt?"

For the moment, Sebastian was little more than just a spectator as this scene played out before him. Obviously Kurt had once upon a time spent enough time here that even after an absence he was still so clearly remembered. He winced slightly at her apologies to Kurt. He knew that Kurt hated pity, but hopefully he was somewhat inured to it now. He wanted to shake his head at Tweets, but it was already too late anyway.

He couldn't help but smirk at Tracey's reaction to him. Yes, he did look good even dressed down, but at the same time. "Thanks for the compliment. I'm on his team though," he said with a friendly smile. Because really the purred 'Oh My' was a hell of a compliment. Still it wouldn't due to give her any false sense of hope.

"Well of course you are silly," Tracey smiled holding out her hand to Sebastian. "I'm Tracey Valmont," she introduced herself.

"Tracey this is Sebastian Smythe," Kurt said and felt Sebastian reach past him to shake Tracey's hand.

"It is a pleasure to meet you, Tracey," Sebastian said with a smile, giving her hand a firm shake.

"Will you be having the usual then?" Tracey asked a hint of a smile in her voice as she dropped Sebastian's hand blushing.

"If Sebastian is brave enough, we could attempt it," Kurt chuckled liking the banter. Kurt hadn't even noticed that Tracey had mentioned his eyesight at all being around her always made him smile.

He arched a brow at the usual. "Well I would like to know what I am being brave for before making a decision. Especially since I only ever casually indulge in ice cream," Sebastian admitted.

"Oh no Kurtsie. Don't do it," Tracey begged dramatically as she walked around to the other side of the counter again and picked up the spatula. She then turned to Sebastian undressing him with her eyes, hey she was only human after all and it was twice as much fun when gay boys were around, "he usually gets the Banana Split." She motioned to the board behind her and let Sebastian read the particulars about the dessert.

He just kind of smirked at her reaction to him. He might not be straight, but he did enjoy when other people found him attractive. His eyes rose to the board to see this Extravaganza Banana Split. The options for it were... daunting. You could do five whole scoops or ten half scoops of any of the flavors they had. Then, there were the topping options. Of course two whole bananas, then you could go traditional with strawberry, chocolate and walnuts or any of the toppings they had available. His mind was busy calculating the fathomless ice cream and topping combinations and also realizing that he was going to have to do more time in the gym once Kurt returned to Lima just to offset the sheer amount of calories in this thing if they did get it.

He cleared his throat. "Wow that's... a lot of choices and ice cream in one dessert. I think, sadly, that's a little too hardcore for me. I hope you're not too disappointed in me Kurt."

"He's not," Tracey answered for Kurt. "Especially since it took him like three months to work up to it and he'd only finish about 35% if I remember correctly," she winked at Sebastian. "Are you trying for the impossible title Kurt?" she asked curiously. "Is that what all of this is about?"

Kurt nodded. "You got me Tweets. It is part of a list," he said not wanting to go into it too much. "What do you suggest?"

"Why don't I help you out by doing the mini scoops? You can have ten of those and I think there's only enough ice cream in each for about a spoon full. That's ten spoon fulls," she said slowly to Sebastian. "Looking at your body fat percentage and lean muscle mass I'd give it 2 hours this week," she deadpanned and this caused Kurt's face to react before he threw his head back and laughed.

"Don't tease Tracey. Not everyone has your brother's genes after all," Kurt said smiling his voice a little sad, a little nostalgic.

"You don't have to tell me," Tracey said and if Kurt could see her he'd see that nothing much had changed. She was still barely 5 feet tall, with honey colored skin and curly black hair tied back with a scarf. She was a mixed child. Her body, like her face, was cute and round. "It is huggably soft," Tracey always teased. It was also such a stark contrast from her brother.

"If we each order 10 different flavors, that'd be 20 different flavors crossed off," Sebastian mused. "20 flavors in one sitting is pretty impressive. Isn't it?" Sebastian inquired.

"Ah, you caught that look? I thought I'd schooled it better. It's not that I'm so regimented in a diet that I don't ever indulge. Believe me, I do have indulgences. It's just that ice cream isn't a particular weakness of mine. Crepes and fine French food and wine on the other hand - total vice... And most French cuisine is admittedly high in fat, but I manage. I do pride myself on maintaining the physique that you've been appreciating," Sebastian chuckled, shrugging.

"So, 2 sample platters, and I'll bring you two cups of my joe, Kurt. You guy can sit anywhere you like." There were several tables open and Sebastian lead Kurt to one of them.

After they'd sat down, Kurt found himself smiling inexplicably. "Wow," he said a bit sarcastically. "I imagined you looked good, but if Tracey's undressed you twice already I must have grossly underestimated your sex appeal, Mr. Smythe. My apologies for that," Kurt teased him quietly.

"Oh it must be killing you to not know for sure," Sebastian teased right back.

"I know more than you think Mr. Smythe," Kurt quipped back and Sebastian was glad that Kurt couldn't see the blush that rose in his cheeks at the thought of Kurt's hands on him.


	36. Chapter 36 Rum Raisin

**Chapter 26** – Rum Raisin

"Kurt, always a way with words," Tracey teased as she brought the first tray and set it in the middle of them. "I'm still working on your special blends Kurtsie," she informed him, "but seeing as how Sebastian mentioned France as being near and dear to his heart. I compiled our best French flavors," she informed the two of them. "So, on this tray we have French Vanilla, Vanilla and Pink Pepper, Caramel, Lavender, Red Rose, Jasmine, Poppy, Amaretto, Grand-Marnier and Dark Chocolate. Are there any questions before I go get your coffee?" she asked sweetly.

"I think I kind of love you now, Tracey." Sebastian commented when she mentioned she'd brought out French flavors.

"That's what all the boys say," she said dramatically placing the back of her hand on her forehead and pretending to swoon. Sebastian let out a chuckle and then explained the act to Kurt who smiled as well being able to picture Tracey doing it perfectly.

"No, I totally do," Sebastian chuckled again once she actually listed the flavors. "You're reminding me of my summers with my grandparents in Nice. As odd as the floral flavors sound, they're actually quite good. Well at least in my opinion. Though my favorite will always be the Amaretto, I think."

"So, Kurt, ready to come on a small food trip down memory lane with me?" Sebastian asked once Tracey went to get the coffee.

"I'm always ready to go anywhere with you," Kurt said on impulse without thinking about his words before they escaped his lips and once they had they were followed by a blush. Too late to take them back now. "I...I mean that Bas," he said in a whisper and was shocked to find it was true. He always felt braver with Sebastian that's why he was becoming more certain that he had to fight to keep Sebastian's heart safe and protected from pain. After all, he'd promised Michel he would take care of Sebastian's heart. "How do we do this? I was thinking if you want a spoonful and then you can give me one since it is your tray after all."

He couldn't help the smile that came to his lips at those words. He was glad that Kurt meant them as well. God, he was falling more and more for this man each day. He hadn't even tried to keep it from happening either. He had just let it happen. He might get hurt, but he knew that Kurt Hummel was worth that risk. "I'm glad," was all Sebastian could manage to say in response to those initial words.

"Would it be too intimate if I fed you the tastes?" Sebastian inquired, his voice just a little rough at the thought of it because feeding someone else, especially someone you were attracted to, could be very intimate.

Kurt blushed at the sound of Sebastian's voice not so much the words that came from his lips. I mean if he was reading the Three Little Pigs in that voice Kurt would blush as well. Kurt felt like that was the sound of Sebastian's bedroom voice. He cleared his throat before speaking. "I think for functionality sake it is necessary," he said very diplomatically, but the blush on his cheeks suggested everything he wasn't able to say.

He smirked at that. Good, because he really wanted to and yes, it was a slight seduction of the senses perhaps. One that was only slightly lost on Kurt, but that was okay because they were in public. If he were recreating this kind of a moment in a more private setting, all bets would then be off. He regaled Kurt with stories of being a little boy and his grandparents taking him to this ice cream shop in Nice. His love for his grandparents came through loud and clear especially when he mentioned the times when it was just he and his grandfather going because grandmere was busy. He had never minded leading his grandfather though not even when he was small.

"Which is your favorite flavor?" Sebastian asked curiously.

"I found the Red Rose very interesting. It's not one I tried thus far," Kurt admitted, "but you haven't had my favorite yet," Kurt smiled enigmatically and as if on cue Tracey appeared at the table with two cups of coffee.

"How is everything going?" she asked setting Sebastian's cup in front of him, and then adding to Kurt, "I brought yours with a top on it. Not that I don't have faith in you and your abilities completely, but remember that one time when..." she didn't finish the sentence and Kurt was already chuckling. "I'll let you drink this a bit and I'll think about what I want to give you today Mr. Hummel," she teased before Kurt could remind her she added, "don't worry the seasonal flavors will be there, especially if you're actually serious about going for this Ted's thing." She walked away then to give the boys some privacy.

"What happened that one time when?" Sebastian asked arching a brow. It was good to see Kurt laughing, but of course now he wanted the full story.

"It isn't a very long story," Kurt chuckled. "In fact, it's quite short. I poured coffee over her brother's head and stormed out," Kurt said simply taking a sip of the coffee.

Sebastian wanted to prod further, but instead he took a sip of the coffee as well. "Wow, this is really good," he mused. "I wouldn't expect an ice cream place to have such good coffee."

"Tracey's going to open her own coffee shop one day. It's a goal," Kurt said. He hated saying it was a dream because sometimes dreams didn't come true and this one would for sure. "That's why the coffee is so amazing. She practices new combinations all the time and mixes different beans to give the flavors a kick. You could drink her coffee black without sugar that's how good she is at this. Actually, here," he said holding out his plastic cup to Sebastian. "Mine is black."

He takes the offered cup and takes a sip. "You're right. I wouldn't even need to add the Courvoisier," he chuckled - another Lima Bean throwback.

"Thank you," Tracey said standing over them. "I'll take it as a compliment and assume the Courvoisier is an inside reference." She was holding the second tray in her hand and she informed Kurt of this so he could move his hand and the cup from the table as she slid the tray between them.

"Kurt," she said and her voice was suddenly tight with apprehensive worry. "I...Maybe I made a mistake," she said and Kurt detected the apprehension. "But, I thought...This place...It doesn't just belong to him it belongs to all of us. You...You belonged to me too Kurt," she said, "and I promised myself I wouldn't get emotional, but just because...because...You had no right to leave me too."

Kurt was silent. Shocked for a bit and then he had to consider his words carefully. "God Tracey...I don't know what I was thinking then. I was just...It was so painful, and I had to step back from it. I was rubbed raw. Can you understand that? I...I shouldn't have left you Tracey, but the way he left me..." Kurt shook his head remembering and then barely above a whisper. "He was right."

"No!" Tracey nearly shouted it then lowered her voice to a whisper. "He was an ass and he didn't mean it. He didn't know how to be what you needed him to be and he couldn't handle not being able to change. He's regretted it every moment after that. I promise you he has."

"That's nice of you to say," Kurt said hesitantly worrying his hands together. Suddenly, he was transported to that boy that Gavin had seen and judged. He hated the feeling. "How...How is he?" Kurt whispered quietly not lifting his head as he felt tears beneath the glasses he wore, and he began to repeat all sorts of mantras in his mind.

"Good," Tracey said her voice tight. "Really good actually. He has a show coming up. There are so many pictures of that day in Central Park. I've never seen you look that beautiful Kurt," Tracey whispered tears in her eyes. "If you could just see them, you'd know how he really saw you."

Sebastian merely sat back and took all of this in filing it away in his lawyer brain. Clearly, Tracey was the sister of one of Kurt's ex-boyfriends. That was interesting to know. It was hard to not be just a little bit jealous again. That was happening quite a bit to Sebastian lately, he mused. He and Kurt might not have defined what they were, but the bond between them was growing. Then there was the kissing...They had chemistry and Sebastian enjoyed spending time with Kurt. He didn't want Kurt to go back to Lima at the end of this week, though he knew Kurt had to. It was all a lot to take in.

"Forgive me but I feel quite a bit lost in this conversation," Sebastian admitted. He wanted to ask so many questions, but he didn't feel it was his place to do so. He only hoped someone would give him a bit more information.

Tracey chuckled through the tears and wiped at her eyes. "The boy Kurt tipped his coffee on was my ass of a brother," Tracey told Sebastian. 'He and Kurt were together for about a year. Gavin was studying photography and he recently finished. He has an exhibition opening in a few weeks."

"Ah. I see," was all Sebastian could say to that, so he had been correct in surmising that Tracey's brother was one of Kurt's ex-boyfriends. Good to know. He didn't like the situation, but he schooled how he truly felt away behind that courtroom perfect mask.

Silence. Tracey hesitated before speaking the next few words. "He's turned a corner Kurt. He's really changed. He needs to make amends. He does. There are so many people he feels he needs to make amends to, and you're at the very end of a very long list. I know you're angry with him Kurt. I know you're hurt. I was hurt too, but he won't take the next step until he can do so without looking back."

Kurt hesitated before reaching into his shoulder bag and taking out the list. He holds it up and out and Tracey takes it from him unfolding the sheet of paper and reading over it. "Number 31," she says a bit breathlessly tears now streaming down her eyes.

"I guess I have amends to make too," Kurt said. "...Number 31."

"Kurt, I...I'm sure Sebastian wants you back, but...There's someone...Someone that's really good for Gavin, really amazing actually. Gavin wants to get married, but he's afraid that it will all turn out like it has in the past. If he waits too long and makes too many excuses…I know...I know it's too much to ask…But, I'm asking anyway."

"I'm here for the rest of the week," Kurt said quickly cutting Tracey off. "I think it's time for Gavin and I to come face to face." Tracey squealed from joy then and hugged Kurt before excusing herself and leaving Kurt to the onslaught of questions that Sebastian had.

"I'll be happy to facilitate that if it helps, Kurt." Sebastian said honestly. Better to be able to control the situation and size up the ex, so to speak, and also to be there for Kurt if he needed him. If Kurt wouldn't allow it, which he likely wouldn't, then Sebastian could always go to this exhibition. There were things to ponder. "So, back to number 2 on your list," Sebastian said attempting to change the subject. "What flavors do we have?" He inquired.

"Bas," Kurt said a bit teasingly. "Would you like to accompany me to the show?" he asked a bit exaggeratedly calling Sebastian's bluff when Bas only 'humhed' in response Kurt added, "besides, I need someone I can trust to tell me about these damn pictures that he has plastered of me all over the place."

"I would of course be all too happy to accompany you and to describe the pictures to you," Sebastian said in a mock grumbling tone but his face wore a large grin.

"Hand," Kurt said holding out his hand and asking for Sebastian's. When Sebastian obliged, Kurt pressed Sebastian's knuckles to his lips. "I understand the jealousy," he says simply, and he did after all sometimes he felt like who could compete with Michel. "Let's eat this before it melts. Ready for an adventure? I have no idea what she brought."

He took Kurt's hand when asked and maybe he mentally melted just a little when Kurt kissed his hand. There were little moments that happened with Kurt which were unlike any Sebastian had had before. He was usually the one cast in the role that did those sorts of things, so to have someone do even the smallest thing, like kiss his hand, as Kurt had, meant something more to Sebastian because he didn't get treated like that. Not even by Michel.

That wasn't to say that Michel hadn't done sweet things, that there hadn't been romantic gestures between them, but it was a different dynamic. "Yes, I'm ready," he chuckled lightly and divided the first taste in half, giving it to Kurt first before tasting it himself. Slowly, they worked through the ten flavors Tracey had brought for Kurt. The flavors were interesting - Pumpkin Spice, Apple Pie, Carrot Cake, Butterscotch, Rum Raisin, Hazelnut, Pistachio, Maple Walnut, Tiramisu, and Olive Oil Rosemary.

"Actually I helped create the olive oil and rosemary," Kurt smiled remembering that night when they'd all sat around with a bottle of red wine, Gavin's guitar and Tracey mixing flavors. Her best friend Sam making her famous blueberry pancakes in the small kitchen in back. He told Sebastian the memory and the details because it was a happy one and he owed himself and Gavin that much, to remember the happy memories. David's words came to him. He really didn't know how long he had to deny himself thoughts and emotions would therefore be criminal.

"So, what's your favorite flavor?" Sebastian inquired. Even though the question was irrelevant it seemed one of those deeper questions one knew about someone. Like the way that people made their eggs or what their favorite flavor of ice cream was.

"Rum raisin," Kurt admitted blushing. Kurt's face was so adorable, but the choice was so controversial. Sebastian didn't have the heart to tell him, however. His mind then entertained thoughts about how desperately he wanted to kiss Kurt.

Tracey appeared above them suddenly putting two fresh cups of coffee in front of them in to-go cups. "For the road," she said, "on the house and I brought this." She handed the list of all the flavors Ted's made to Sebastian. She'd checked off the ones they'd sampled today, listed their names and the date. "We keep one on record here. You have a year to complete the list," Tracey said and then handed Sebastian a flyer for Gavin's show. "That has all the information you'll need about the show."

Tracey then gave Kurt a big hug whispering in his ear words of encouragement over Sebastian. As they were leaving, Sebastian shot another look through the window and caught Tracey undressing him again. He smirked to himself and winked at Tracey. He was rewarded by the blush that invaded her cheeks. Oh yeah, Sebastian Smythe Sex God was back!


	37. Chapter 37 Take These Broken Wings

**Chapter 37** - Take These Broken Wings

After such a wonderful time at Ted's, Kurt was expecting to go home and snuggle up on the couch with Sebastian. What he wasn't expecting was to get a call from David asking him if he could come over that night and have that conversation with Blaine. Kurt didn't want to lie to Sebastian again, so he simply omitted the truth. He told Sebastian that he needed to go visit an old friend, which wasn't entirely untrue. He could tell that Sebastian grudgingly accepted what he was told. Kurt tried to take Sebastian's mind off of his absence by suggesting that Sebastian go meet Richard and Nick for their weekly Thursday drink ritual at the bar where most of the prominent lawyers of Manhattan spent their evenings.

Sebastian and Kurt had dinner before they went their separate ways and an adorably pointless argument about what the best musical of all time was. Sebastian argued for Rocky Horror while Kurt was set on Moulin Rouge. When they finished dinner, Kurt had the cab drop Sebastian off at the bar before proceeding to David's apartment where David was waiting for him at the door. To say that Kurt was nervous was certainly an understatement. He wasn't nervous he was vibrating with anticipation and anxiety.

Making it to the apartment took relatively little effort. David was quite good at leading Kurt, and Kurt was getting quite good with the cane. Kurt and David waited for Blaine's arrival. "Once we've gotten him used to the idea, I'll leave the two of you to talk," David said softly.

"Where will you go?" Kurt asked curiously nursing the water in his hand.

"Santana's asked me to have a drink with her tonight," David responded and then admitted that he may have divulged their plan to Santana. "Also, Rachel's invited herself," David sounded annoyed, but also grateful that he'd managed to somehow penetrate the inner circle of the New Directions. The group now considered David one of their own.

Kurt nodded upon hearing it and asked if David could show him to the restroom. He didn't want to admit it, but Tracey's coffee, David's tea, and all this water in anticipation of Blaine's arrival made him need to use the restroom. David obliged Kurt's request. He asked if he should wait for Kurt. When Kurt shook his head no, David walked back into the kitchen to wait for Blaine. It didn't take long before he heard the key in the door click and turn. Kurt was still in the restroom. They couldn't have planned it better if they tried.

To Kurt, it was no secret that Blaine was not always the happy person he made himself out to be. Though he'd gone through therapy after getting attacked at the Sadie Hawkins dance, the depression was something that would never be completely gone from his life. The therapy had helped. He'd adjusted and he'd donned that happy armor to shield himself from those darker emotions. However, as a result of the attack, some part of Blaine would forever be cautious, forever need reassurance.

Those emotions were aggravated rather than abated by the father that Blaine grew up with, a father that tried to change who he was. Kurt couldn't imagine what that felt like, but David knew exactly what it felt like for he had a mother that wanted to do the same. In times of great turmoil, as with anyone, these emotions for Blaine became exacerbated. That's why that first time around he had cheated on Kurt. He was afraid that Kurt would forget him. He held on too tightly to Kurt because of his compulsive need for reassurance, and when he didn't get it from Kurt he panicked. In order to forgive Blaine, Kurt had spent a lot of time analyzing his first love until he understood Blaine and his actions. It was only with that understanding that Kurt was able to let go of his anger.

Blaine was doing relatively well before the accident. Sure sometimes he didn't make the best choices, but what 25 year old did? He was discovering himself and what he wanted out of life. His only regret was that he and Kurt just couldn't seem to find a balanced, healthy relationship. Then the accident shattered everything. He escaped with relatively minor abrasions and cuts, only one of which needed stitches. That fact alone haunted him. He walked away from the accident that had blinded Kurt, left him broken and fighting for his life. Worst of all was the fact that the accident was Blaine's fault. Blaine began to feel the itch of depression creeping in, so he started running away again. He might not have gone anywhere, but he buried himself in his work and tried to cope the only way he could - denial. It didn't work. He tried to contact Kurt after time had passed, but he was pushed away and understandably so. It didn't make it any easier to deal with.

Then, by some miracle, Blaine found David and the most unexpected thing happened - he fell in love. It scared him because the last person he loved in the way that he was starting to feel for David had been hurt so badly. He didn't want to hurt David like he'd hurt Kurt. He sometimes tried to run away from David, but David never let him. So, Blaine buried himself in the show and tried to lose himself in David.

It wasn't perfect solution. David didn't know it, but after their talk Blaine started seeing a therapist again. He might not be able to admit it to anyone else yet, but he could admit to himself that he needed help. He didn't want to go back to that dark place. He didn't want to be so consumed by the pain and the fear and the guilt that he couldn't function. He owed it to himself, he owed it to David and he owed it to Kurt to deal with his shit. Slowly but surely the therapy began to help. Maybe it was talking about his feeling with an objective bystander that gave him a new perspective on what had transpired. He probably should have gone to therapy after the accident, but he just wasn't able to bring himself to do so at the time.

He was definitely getting better and felt like he was getting back to that good place again. The show was going well, David had invited him over tonight, it hurt that Kurt wasn't speaking to him at the moment, but Blaine felt like maybe he deserved it a little bit. He'd been responsible for the world being pulled out from under Kurt's feet, so he could take the punishment. Still, there were times when he missed Kurt so much it nearly stole his breath away. Regardless of how things had ended up between them, Kurt would always be a part of Blaine's soul and missing his soul mate was always going to suck.

Tonight, these dark thoughts weren't the focus of Blaine's mind, however. He was thinking about hanging out with David, watching a movie and maybe doing...whatever. He still couldn't quite allow himself to claim David for his boyfriend. He was still too afraid of hurting David, but he was working on it, getting closer, feeling better and more secure about things. He just hoped David could tell that he was really trying. He couldn't help, but worry about that sometimes.

He was clad in comfortable jeans, a t-shirt from the production he was working on right now, a navy blue fleece, and his favorite loafers, of course without socks. His hair was only gelled just enough to keep his curls out of afro mode. He let himself into David's apartment. He was smiling, a genuine smile that was small but real and he was definitely feeling better. He had no idea what he was about to walk into.

David saw Blaine walk in and his heart began to hammer in his chest. Blaine looked so gorgeous, as gorgeous as the first time David had ever set eyes on him on the stairs of McKinley in his Dalton blazer. Looking back on that day, David was surprised how vividly he still remembered it, remembered Blaine telling him he didn't have to be alone anymore, didn't have to be scared. He wondered if somewhere in the crevices of his soul David had believed him even then.

He'd watched Blaine carefully over the last few weeks since they'd had that important conversation after Blaine tried to sneak out of his bed. He saw that Blaine was working hard at trying to overcome the crippling emotions that wreaked havoc through him. As a future psychologist, David knew how difficult it was to deal with depression. Hell, from his own experiences, he understood better than most people. That is why he was so proud of the progress Blaine was making.

"Hi Lamb," David whispered as he closed the distance between them and stood toe to toe with Blaine waiting as always for Blaine to make the move first.

He smiled when he saw David. "Hey," he said softly. He watched David close the distance between them. As soon as he was close enough, Blaine wrapped his arms around David and leaned up to kiss him. "Missed you," he admitted simply. It was true though, he had. He might not come right out and say things, but the fact that he loved David was there in the signs. Blaine Devon Anderson would always be part puppy, even if David called him Lamb.

David wanted so desperately to tell Blaine that he loved him that everything would be okay, but he didn't want to spook Blaine or frighten him. Sometimes being with someone like Blaine was very difficult and sometimes it was as easy as breathing. Instead of saying anything, David wrapped his arms around Blaine's waist and practically picked the smaller man up into his arms as he pulled him close to his body. David often felt like a bear, burly and clumsy, and not at all sexy. He wondered if it was even possible for someone like Blaine to love him. David had a lot of his own insecurities after all, but being with Blaine made it difficult to give them a voice, put them in the foreground or worse still devote any focus on them at all.

Blaine loved it when David picked him up like that. He didn't know why. If anything, it should spook him. Shouldn't it? But, it didn't. He felt so warm, so safe and so loved when David held him tight. It made his insides go all fluttery. He did love David. Sure, David might not be conventionally sexy, but there was something so unequivocally masculine about him and that was very sexy to Blaine.

The sound of the toilet flushing and the door opening broke Blaine's musings. Then the tap, tap, tap of Kurt's cane could be heard on the hardwood floors as he found his way through the apartment. David was still holding onto Blaine so tightly that he could feel Blaine stiffen like a board in his arms. David regretted letting him go and when he did the look on Blaine's face - anger, hurt and betrayal. It was enough to make David sick. He wanted to say something, but words had left him and a palpable silence descended until Kurt broke it. "David?" Kurt's voice, filled with confusion, rang through like a bell.

Blaine was confused when he heard the toilet flush, but it was the tap, tap, tap that clicked the puzzle piece into place. He didn't mean to look so wounded and betrayed, but why hadn't David told him that Kurt was going to be here? Blaine had a small moment of panic. How was he supposed to face Kurt now? That voice - hearing Kurt's voice again nearly leveled him. His breath caught at the sight of Kurt. He was still breathtakingly handsome, but it was more than that. It was the presence of the cane. The way Kurt's eyes didn't focus on anything, the proof that Kurt was blind. Kurt was blind and it was all Blaine's fault. It laid his emotions bare. Blaine choked back a sob. No, he had to deal with this. He had to stand and face the music and deal with this, however it turned out. He owed it to David. He owed it to himself. But, most of all, he owed it to Kurt.

Blaine swallowed the lump in his throat and took a breath releasing it slowly. "Hello, Kurt." he called out, his voice somewhat raw, but he looked to David and nodded. He was here, he could do this. He was going to do this.

Kurt swayed and lost his balance almost. Suddenly, the room felt like it had no floor and it was spinning. "Hello Blaine," Kurt said his voice equally raw. The world melted away and there was nothing but the beat of his own heart in his ears and the knowledge that Blaine stood but a few feet away from him.

Blaine didn't know what he was supposed to do. He looked towards David, who looked only slightly less lost than Blaine felt which was strange because recently David had become his anchor, keeping him here instead of retreating into himself. Blaine took another deep breath and let it go. Then, he crossed the distance and took Kurt's hand in his own just like he had on the staircase at Dalton. "I'm sorry Kurt," he said sincerely. He let those words hang between them.

This was the part where Kurt was suppose to tell Blaine that it was okay, that he forgave him, and in his heart he did, but he just couldn't get the words passed his lips. He shook his head and felt tears trickling down his cheeks. He heard the stool move and could picture David's concerned expression. He heard David take a few steps towards them, but Kurt shook his head again. David's voice rang through the room. "I'll leave you two to talk. I have a prior engagement," he said in a hesitant voice. Maybe leaving these two men alone wasn't such a great idea.

Blaine's heart clenched when Kurt shook his head. He'd been expecting that, but it didn't make it hurt any less. Kurt was crying. He'd hurt him again. He just couldn't get anything right. Could he? Then, David said he was leaving and panic flashed in Blaine's heart for a moment. How was he supposed to be here with Kurt - alone? 'No. No Blaine, focus. This is Kurt. No matter how angry he is, no matter how much he hates you, you can do this. You need to. You need to stand there and listen to whatever he has to say so that he can move on and get past what happened,' Blaine chided himself. He missed the little voice in the back of his head echoing that he could move on too.

He saw those tears and he was reacting before he consciously registered anything. His other hand came up and his thumb wiped away the tears. No words, he didn't have any at the moment.

Kurt leaned into the touch like it was food and he was a starving man, starving for that touch. He heard the front door open and then close and all of a sudden they were alone, like they'd been so many times before in their lives, but this was different, they were different.

Outside of the apartment, David shut the door and then leaned his forehead upon it bringing his palm to the door as if somehow touching the wood would transfer the contact to Blaine. It was one of the hardest things David had done in a while leaving Blaine with the man that was arguably Blaine's one. It wasn't that he didn't trust the two, but there was such a chemistry between them that the air in the room was palpable. How could David compete with that? As the thoughts flooded his mind, David turned from the door and walked into the brisk night air letting the thoughts sit with him like one might sit with old friends.


	38. Chapter 38 And Learn to Fly

**Chapter 38** – And Learn to Fly Again

Kurt listened to his own heartbeat for a moment taking deep breaths, unable to find the right words. Finally, he settled on, "I wish...I wish that I could hate you."

Blaine didn't realize that he'd been holding his breath until it escaped when Kurt leaned in to the touch. It made his heart do funny things. He wasn't in love with Kurt anymore in the romantic sense, but Kurt Hummel had a part of his soul and always would. Kurt had been his first everything and that would never change. The familiarity in the moment healed something inside of Blaine that he hadn't realized was broken. Blaine winced at Kurt's words. "I deserve that. I don't know that I'll ever be able to forgive myself for that night," Blaine confessed quietly.

"You've been hurting me for so long," Kurt's voice escaped in a sob, "and worst of all is I let you, I let you because a part of me still loved you, and now I know...I know after months of trying to kill it there is nothing I can do. A very big part of me will always love you," Kurt admitted.

"I wish I never hurt you Kurt. I wish that I could make up for all the pain I've caused you," Blaine said honestly, still not letting his voice get too loud. He felt too fragile. The moment was fragile and he didn't want anything to shatter. "You're still part of me too, Kurt. We've been so many firsts for each other. You are always going to have part of my heart, part of my soul, Kurt. I only wish I hadn't damaged things so much," Blaine was choked up now too as he got the words out. At Kurt sobbing, Blaine instinctively drew him closer. He couldn't stop himself. He hated to see Kurt crying and hurt, especially when he was the source of it.

"How could you say that to me?" Kurt sobbed into Blaine's shoulder, "you of all people. How could you tell me that we meant nothing to each other? You're my best friend Blaine. I can't...I can't live without you," Kurt finally gave all of the thoughts that had ruminated inside of his mind for months a voice. That was it. Wasn't it? They'd been so many things to each other for so long, but first and foremost they were friends.

In that moment, Blaine was thrown back to the argument they had in the car that night. He winced as if he was being stabbed. The memory was certainly painful enough. Blaine wrapped his arms around Kurt, holding the man as he sobbed against his shoulder, one hand absently rubbing light circles into Kurt's back to soothe him. "I was hurt and angry and stupid and a whole host of other things at the time. I'm not proud of how I acted," Blaine sighed.

"I miss you," Kurt whispered to the still air and it was true he missed Blaine's presence in his life with an aching pain that he was always vaguely aware of, but now he'd given it voice.

"I miss you too, Kurt, so much. You're a part of me. We weren't nothing. We were everything once. That fact may have changed, but I'm starting to believe that change isn't such a bad thing. It opens doorways to new possibilities, the possibility that we could be something new and exciting to each other. I miss you and I'm sorry I broke us. I'll do anything Kurt, anything to make it up to you. I'll do anything to rebuild our friendship once again into something stronger than it has ever been before," Blaine promised.

Kurt's breath caught when Blaine spoke those words with such conviction. He wasn't really sure if it was possible to rebuild. Where would they even start? These thoughts flowed through his mind freely and he gave them voice. "How do we rebuild Blaine?" Kurt asked. "Where do we even start?"

"The setting is all wrong. I'm bereft my blazer and a spiral staircase, but..." Blaine's words trail off as he turns towards Kurt. He does his best to think back, trying to remember that moment, to remember the tone of the words he'd spoke, to remember all of it. "My name is Blaine," he said in that same open, friendly manner he had all those years ago.

Kurt smiled recognizing what they were playing at he held out his hand, "Kurt." He was suddenly transported back into the moment when he first met Blaine and seeing that moment vividly in his mind painted a picture of how Blaine looked when they first met right in front of his eyes. All the feelings of purity and light that comprised that meeting come rushing back. "Oh...There you are," Kurt smiled. "I've been waiting for you forever," he admitted.

Blaine smiled when Kurt echoed back the words that he himself had spoken when he'd finally caught up with the program. "You think I'm funny, when I tell the punch line wrong. I know you get me, so I let my walls come down. Before you met me, I was alright, but things were kinda heavy. You brought me to life..." Blaine sang a few specific lyrics from that very first song and then leaned in and whispered in Kurt's ear, "you will always be my Teenage Dream."

"And you will always be my Blackbird," Kurt whispered back. "I heard you by the way, a few nights ago. David brought me to Callbacks to listen to you," Kurt admitted.

Blaine blushed at that. "I had no idea you were there. I just had to get things out. You know? There are times when my mind still goes back to Dalton, to watching you perform Blackbird. So much has changed since then, but how deeply your performance touched me will never change," Blaine said softly. He then blushed and roughly cleared his throat.

"Okay, enough of this. We're going to turn into weepy messes if we keep this up and I think we've both had more than enough of that. So...On to rebuilding…I suggest we reconnect with an old pastime - movie night! What do you think?" Blaine inquired.

Kurt smiled instantaneously, but then quickly masked his glee by inquiring in faux seriousness, "I don't know. I'm not as easy as I use to be Blaine Anderson. Getting me to agree to a movie night is going to require...red wine and popcorn. Has David got that lying around? If not, you're going to have to improvise and find something comparable," Kurt teased.

He got worried for the heartbeat of time that it took Kurt to name his terms. Then he laughed. "I drink wine, but David drinks beer. We might have a bottle though. If not, it'll have to be some of my special blend coffee and popcorn. Will that work?" Blaine asked.

"It's too late for coffee. If you haven't got wine I guess I'll take some beer," Kurt made a face at the thought but shrugged, desperate times...

Blaine gasped, "too late for coffee! Who are you and what have you done with Kurt Hummel? I never thought I would ever hear you turn down coffee," Blaine giggled. Blaine left Kurt standing in the living room and rummaged around the kitchen locating a bottle of red wine. "You're in luck. You won't have to choke down beer. I found red wine - unopened even. I think I brought it over when we were going to have Italian one night and it never got opened," Blaine mused. He set things up to make popcorn using the air popper David had and then looked at Kurt who was standing where he'd been standing before.

Blaine had left him standing where they'd been a moment ago and rushed off to the kitchen. In the process of the hugging, Kurt had dropped his cane and he wasn't really yet completely certain of his surroundings. However, he found Blaine's energy endearing as always and so forgave his oversights and waited patiently.

"Oh damn it. I'm sorry Kurt. I'm an idiot," Blaine muttered as he rushed back to Kurt's side and led him to the couch. "Sorry," He said again. "I'll be right back with wine and popcorn."

"It's alright," Kurt chuckled. "I'm getting quite use to it." There was a bit of heavy silence as Blaine popped popcorn and poured wine. Kurt took his phone out of his pocket and dialed the service giving them Sebastian's phone number and sending a text that he was going to stay for a movie. Just about that time Blaine came back with everything.

Sebastian was out with the boys and it would have been a normal night out, but for one thing - he missed Kurt. He got the text and chuckled. He knew he wasn't the only one who wanted to spend time with Kurt. Didn't make it any easier to deal with, but he couldn't blame Kurt for wanting to spend more time with whoever he was with. He'd been out of everyone's lives for half a year. He sent a text back through the message service. "Have fun. Let me know when you're on your way back."

Kurt got the text and put the phone in his ear as Blaine rummaged around. He smiled hearing Sebastian's message read out to him. Blaine turned just in time to catch the smile and watched interested in the process. He inquired as to how using the phone worked and Kurt explained. It broke a bit more ice around the being blind thing.

Blaine set up the popcorn and wine within easy reach. Kurt was actually grateful that David didn't have wine glasses, but that Blaine just handed him a regular glass. He sipped on the wine carefully. "This is really good," he announced. Blaine made a noncommittal grunt and then announced that he'd chosen the perfect movie. When Kurt insisted on knowing what it was, Blaine said it was a surprise and Kurt would just have to wait and listen. Blaine settled on the couch next to Kurt and started the movie. Within heartbeats, Kurt was removing his sunglasses and wiping his eyes sniffling a bit. Blaine was worried, but Kurt quickly put him at ease with two little words spoken in a sing song voice, "Moulin Rouge."

Kurt wanted to mention that he'd argued about this very movie with someone this afternoon, but this night was about them. As he listened to the movie, Kurt allowed his mind to wonder to Sebastian. After months of not talking, after everything that had transpired between them, Blaine had read him like an open book. Kurt wondered if that came simply through spending time together or if it was a deeper connection. He couldn't help, but wonder if he and Sebastian shared such a connection. Kurt was far away in his thoughts when Blaine brought him back to reality. "You okay?" Blaine asked a look of concern painted on his features. Kurt nodded and decided to file the thoughts away for the time being. This night was about him and Blaine, after all. Sebastian could wait for just a few hours.

It took no time at all for the two boys to be belting out the songs in the movie and laughing at how silly they were being. Then Come What May started. It was the song that defined the height of their relationship. They sang it, of course, in perfect harmony. Their voices had always blended so nicely together. The song was a fond memory now. It did, however, underline a truth that Blaine had been attempting to deny. The realization dawned on him in full force and with a great degree of wonder the words tumbled from his lips, "I'm in love with David."

"Hmph," Kurt gave a noncommittal grunt and continued to watch the movie. He heard Blaine huff beside him in frustration. "What?" he asked confused.

"I don't think you heard me. I just said I'm in love with David Karofsky. I just thought you'd be more surprised. You...You knew. Didn't you? How is it you always know everything?" Blaine pouted.

"Of course I knew," Kurt confirmed. "Besides, you've always been both transparent and obtuse in the most adorable ways," Kurt smiled fondly. "And, I know everything because I'm magical," he added amused. Blaine tried to remain upset or at least mildly disgruntled, but that last line just killed him. He burst out laughing - the kind of true laughing he hadn't done for ages. By the time he composed himself, Blaine was breathless. "Besides," Kurt said calmly. "David's been talking about you for months. He can't shut up about you. Actually, I know he feels the same way," Kurt dropped the bombshell in Blaine's lap.

"You…You really think so?" Blaine asked breathlessly.

"I do. If you don't tell him Blaine Devon Anderson, than you're an idiot and I will hurt you," Kurt said firmly. He could easily picture the look on Blaine's face a mix of shock and petulance. "Checkmate," Kurt announced happily.

"I hate you," Blaine mumbled crossing his arms over his chest in faux protest.

Kurt reached out and felt for Blaine with his free hand, the one not holding the wine glass. When he found him, he felt around Blaine's torso and found Blaine's body language so amusing that he burst out laughing himself. After catching his breath, Kurt announced, "you love me. You said so yourself, and you can't take it back. There are no take backs." Blaine was about to retort, but Kurt added, "now, hush up and watch the movie."

They finish Moulin Rouge laughing and teasing each other and being ridiculous while singing the songs. Kurt cried when Setine died like he always did, and Blaine squeezed his hand in comfort. "What time is it?" Kurt asked when Blaine took the empty glass from him and offered more wine. Kurt declined. "9:30 pm," Blaine told him. "Do you need to go?" Kurt considered it, but then shook his head no. He was comfortable, and he hadn't had such good clean fun with Blaine for a long time.

"I can stay," he announced. "Besides, I think another movie is in order. Maybe an action or a horror," Kurt suggested trying to be diplomatic. "What about the Avengers?" He knew it was one of Blaine's favorites and he had an inkling that the movie was right up David's ally as well, no pun intended. Blaine quickly agreed loading the movie and settling back on the couch. He leaned his head on Kurt's shoulder, almost out of habit.

Kurt stretched his arm over the back of the couch and then around Blaine, almost out of habit, pulling the shorter boy into him. He inhaled and got a whiff of fresh, spring mountain detergent, Old Spice deodorant, and mint toothpaste. He smiled despite himself. He hadn't stopped smiling. There was something so comforting about the familiar. He listened to the movie, but soon began to doze off. Blaine didn't last much longer. He was warm, he was happy and he smelled that familiar vanilla something that had always been Kurt's scent. It reminded him of simpler times and soon they were both fast asleep on the couch, leaning against one another.

* * *

Items Crossed from Lists:

KL#48: Find a way back to Blaine


	39. Chapter 39 Heart to Heart

**Athena's Note: **I better see reviews or else... ;)...Oooh, that was very Santana of me. Wasn't it?

**Chapter 39 **– Heart to Heart

That was exactly how David found them when he walked into the apartment. He stood there looking for a full minute. There was something so incredibly innocent about the situation, and the longer David looked the more at ease he felt. All his fears that he'd been ranting to Santana about seemed to dissipate. He knew he had to accept, if not then and there soon, the fact that no matter what happened and where life took them in the end keeping Klaine apart for long was just impossible.

He walked then into the bedroom and changed the sheets and himself and grabbed an extra pillow and blanket. David ventured back into the living room and set the items on the recliner before very slowly extricating Kurt from Blaine and carrying him to the bed. David was amazed for a moment at how Kurt could possibly sleep comfortably in those painted on jeans. David then retrieved Blaine setting him on the other side of the bed next to Kurt. He pulled the blanket up over the sleeping boys and was about to leave when Blaine's hand caught his wrist. David looked down at the man he loved. Wow, but it was something else being the first thing Blaine Anderson saw when he woke up. It made David feel like there was no one else on the planet but him.

Kurt was the one for grand romantic gestures, but Blaine could do moments. Still, this had been needing said for so long now and he didn't want to fall asleep without letting David know. Sure, maybe in the time when Blaine wasn't being neurotic or show swamped he might show it, but he had yet to say the words. "I love you," he said softly, looking into David's eyes. "I...I'm in love with you David. I have been for a while now, and I didn't want to fall asleep one more night without telling you. I'm sorry it took me so long to say it."

David bent down then next to the bed his eyes wide like he was seeing the 8th wonder of the world. "You...I'm sorry...I must have misheard," David mouthed as he tugged on Blaine's arm pulling him out of bed and back into the living room. He had no power to speak he could just look at Blaine with his heart hammering in his chest.

He was sleepy and would have protested, but David deserved so much more than Blaine had given him. "You didn't mishear me. I love you. I am in love with you David Karofsky, and not just because you put up with my crazy. You are just so amazing. You're strong and funny and smart and sexy and just...You're my everything, David," Blaine said almost shyly, but he kept his eyes locked with David's so that the other man would know that he was sincere.

David couldn't help himself then. He pulled Blaine into a tight hug lifting him off of the ground and into his arms. "I love you too Lamb," he whispered in Blaine's ear. "I love you so much," and finally David felt like he could breathe again. He let out a slow breath he was holding. "I want…Would it be too much to hope that you'd agree to be mine?" David asked hesitantly.

He giggled when David picked him up. He just kind of wrapped himself around David as much as he could. He felt like his heart could burst when David said he loved him too. "Not too much to hope. I'm yours David. I have been for a while now. I just finally got my head out of my ass to say as much," Blaine confessed, nuzzling David's neck.

"I want so much to hold you all night and..." David blushed not able to finish the sentence. "Leave it to you to pick the most inopportune moments to let me in," he teased stealing a kiss from Blaine. "Go in there and sleep. We both have a long day tomorrow and I'll have to drop him off before heading into work," he jerked his head toward his bedroom. "We'll talk," David promised. "Just not now," he looked at his watch. "It's 12:18 a.m."

"I'll take him," Blaine offered stealing another kiss from David and resting his forehead on David's. He was standing on his toes and David was bending down. "Thank you David," Blaine said quietly. "For this," he motioned between them, "and for Kurt, but most especially for loving me. Parting is such sweet sorrow that I shall say goodbye till it be morrow," Blaine whispered theatrically before kissing David one last time. "I love you," he said with that big grin. Then, he went to bed.

David tried to sleep. He did, but damn it if the cell phone on the coffee table wasn't driving him insane. He knew it was rude to answer other people's phones. He also knew that this was Kurt's phone. He often sent texts for Blaine on his phone while Blaine was cooking or showering or driving. Blaine did the same for him. David actually loved this. It made him feel like they had absolutely no secrets between each other. He was pulled out of his thoughts by the phone ringing for the sixth time in a row. David pushed himself into a sitting position on the couch and made a grab for it.

There was a moment of hesitation on David's part. After all, this was the man that Kurt was so excited about. David knew how important this man was to Kurt. He knew because Blaine had just said that he loved him and David had felt like he could fly. Blaine loved him...David grinned and then the phone rang again. He looked down at the screen, nothing just a number. The same number that had called about 10 times so far...12:42 a.m. David picked up the phone and held it to his ear. "Hello?" he asked his voice slightly muffled from trying to be quiet and rough from already having begun to sleep.

"Kurt? Kurt is everything okay? I'm sorry that I've called so much but you didn't have the service call me and let me know when you were coming back and I just...I got worried. Okay?" Sebastian's obviously distraught voice could be heard on the other end of the phone line. Sebastian hadn't heard David answer. He'd only registered the line being picked up.

"He's alright," David whispered not wanting to wake his two boys up. "He'll be back tomorrow."

He didn't recognize the muffled voice, but he did know it wasn't Kurt's. "Oh. Well...Right. Um…Shit. I suck at this. Clearly you aren't Kurt...and I don't know who you are, but thank you for picking up and letting me know he's okay." Sebastian felt awkward as fuck, but he didn't know what to say. He was just rambling now really. He'd been so fucking worried when he hadn't been able to get a hold of Kurt.

"Got it bad for him, don't you?" David half smirked into the phone, but by now the voice was starting to sound very familiar. If he could just keep it talking for a moment longer, he could discern its owner. Somewhere in the back of his mind, in a very fuzzy place that was still out of reach, David held the missing puzzle piece. 'Talk,' David thought, 'I've almost got you.'

Sebastian heard the challenge in that tone and at one in the morning, worried sick, stressed and muddled up inside he couldn't stop himself from rising to the challenge. "And, so what if I do? What's it to you?" he half snapped. Oh…There was that snark and fire. Who did this person think they were? He was really not in the mood to be toyed with right now.

It clicked for David then not because of the words spoken, but because of the manner in which they were spoken. He let out a snicker that could be heard on the other side of the phone. No fucking way! This was better than the soap operas his grandmother use to watch. "Well seeing as how he's in my bed..." David let the words trail off and he knew it was a little harsh, but he was just testing the man now for Kurt's sake and for his own. He needed to ascertain if the boy had indeed grown up.

He really didn't like the sound of that, but he forced himself to calm down. He was a lawyer goddamn it. He could tell when he was being baited. It seemed that this person had the upper foot in that he knew who Sebastian was while Bas still had no fucking clue who he was talking to.

"Considering that Kurt doesn't just fall into people's beds, I'm going to choose to believe you mean that in a far more innocent way than you are making it seem. Look, I'm tired. I've been worrying about him for hours and I'm stressed. I'm not at my best. So, whoever you are, thank you for taking care of him and for letting me know he's alright," Sebastian hesitated before adding. "You're baiting me, but I won't rise to it. Kurt is his own person, capable of making his own choices, whatever those may be. However, I hope you know that I trust him not to hurt me on purpose. I'll let you get back to sleep and I'll try to do the same."

"Wait," David called a little louder than a whisper. He heard compassion and empathy and was surprised. He had to believe that Sebastian had earned Kurt's feelings because if he didn't then there was no one in the world for Kurt quite like Blaine and that was something David couldn't handle at the moment. He took a deep breath. "It's been a hard week for you. I imagine," he said empathetically.

"Some might say it's been a hard life, but this week…The hardest thing about it was juggling everything just so I could be here, so I could have the time to spend with him. But, I'm managing that. His friends have far more claim to him than I do and I know that. No, it doesn't make it easier, but I understand it. He was a world away from all of them for a long time. I'm just grateful that he wants to spend any of his time with me. Granted, he did do me a favor, brought me Lily. She was looking for him earlier..." Sebastian's words trailed off. He hadn't meant to say quite so much.

David listened carefully. He was good at that and then added his two cents. "You're selling yourself short," he told Sebastian honestly. "Kurt cares about you and knowing what I know now that to me is a miracle in and of itself. You don't have to feel lucky. Luck has nothing to do with it. Tonight, over this phone line, I witnessed, what I would have deemed before, an impossible change for you. What you did for me, all those years ago, I will never forget it," David said firmly. "In the very least, you have as much claim as any of us to Kurt Hummel. If you are nothing else, then you're a close friend. However, I can imagine that it isn't necessarily a role you're comfortable in, the friends zone. You have to know, however, that no matter where he is and what he's doing a part of you goes with him. You've changed him forever. You've brought him back into the light, and for that I can't thank you enough," David said sounding genuinely grateful. David chuckled then because he sounded like a therapist and because he was sure Sebastian still has no idea who he's talking to.

He took all the words in and he wanted to counter them or something. He was tired, stressed, and now he was just confused. Who the hell was he talking to? He couldn't place the voice, so it was not one of the people he might have been more familiar with. It was irking him to no end. However, apparently, Sebastian had once done something for this person that had made a large impact. He raked his mind searching for the answer, but fatigue made it impossible. "Okay. I give. Who is this?" Sebastian finally broke and asked, the curiosity nearly killing him.

"I believe in the Socratic method. Don't you counselor?" David teased. "A question for a question then...Actually, now that I think about it, you are probably the best man to help me with this...So, how do you get a guy to like you, Liberace?"

Okay this guy definitely knew him, and was fucking playing with him. Just as he was about to get pissed off the voice gave him the missing puzzle piece. He laughed then, a genuine laugh that was only a touch off - thanks to the stress he'd been feeling. "Cubby. Fucking Cubby. You asshole, leading me on like that," Sebastian accused, still chuckling.

"All's fair in love and war, Meerkat. Seriously though, because it seems like a good night for revelations, I know I thanked you in a letter for what you did for me that after…" David said letting his words trail off, "but I never said it in person," he felt like Sebastian was about to argue so he added firmly, "and I should have. What you did for me, it meant so much back then when the people I'd known my whole life turned their backs on me. You showed me I wasn't alone. With your actions, you showed me. Thank you for that."

Sebastian's throat suddenly felt dry and tight. He was surprised how after all this time the words meant so much to him, how someone acknowledging his potential to change and grow still meant so much. "Are you still with me, Meerkat?" David teased.

"Yes," Sebastian gasped out and he could hear David chuckling on the other end of the line. "Why aren't we friends Cubby?" Sebastian asked impulsively.

"Because you can never be friends with someone who waxes their eyebrows though I did take your advice and lose some weight. Not a hundred pounds, but I think 75 is still good," David said unable to resist teasing Sebastian. He could hear the other man wince and felt bad about it. Before Sebastian could apologize David admitted, "low blow. Sorry," than equally impulsively, "coffee? After Kurt leaves…Have you been to Teds?"

Sebastian couldn't stop the snicker then. "Today actually," he admitted easily and heard David stifling back a laugh.

"I'm on the couch by the way," David added. "Kurt is in my bed and I'm on the couch." He wanted to put Sebastian's mind at ease. He could hear Sebastian exhale.

David thought about Blaine snuggled in bed with Kurt. He was surprised how easy it was to forget what it felt like to be uncertain. Blaine loved him. With those three little words, he'd changed David's precarious position and removed David's discomfort. Suddenly, David had all the confidence in the world for Kurt and Blaine sharing a bed.

However, Kurt wasn't there yet. As much as he wished that Sebastian and Kurt could end their strife, it wasn't for him to define the timeline. That's why, for the time being, David was obligated to guard both of their emotions from being hurt, so he omitted Blaine from the picture. Sebastian had endured enough for one night.

Instead, David opted for, "seriously though...Chill out before you get a heart attack. I know easier said than done. He fell asleep on the couch watching a movie." 'Not entirely untrue,' David attempted to justify the information, but in the back of his mind he knew how it felt to be in Sebastian's position. A lie by omission was still a lie. 'It will be alright in the end,' David consoled himself and put those thoughts out into the Universe. Kurt and Sebastian would work everything out. He had to believe in happy endings since he'd just received one himself. "Everything's alright, but I really should be getting sleep myself."

"Well now that I know Kurt's safe and that I don't have anything to worry about I'll actually be able to chill out. Seriously, Lily's looking at me like I've gone crazy. But yeah...Sleep sounds great. Take care of him, Cubby. I promised Burt that I'd look after him while he was here and I really don't want to give papa Hummel a reason to come to New York and kick my ass," Sebastian chuckled.

"Papa Hummel is scary," David muttered under his breath. Remembering his limited interactions with Burt Hummel was not among the fondest of his memories. David shook himself out of his musings to add, "let's meet for coffee after Kurt returns to Lima. We can catch up at a more reasonable hour.

"I'd like that. Goodnight David," Sebastian said a yawn falling from his lips.

"Goodnight Sebastian," David said before he clicked off the conversation and almost instantly afterwards fell asleep.


	40. Chapter 40 Just Another Klaine Morning

**Chapter 40** - Just Another Klaine Morning

David woke up at 6:00 a.m. and moved around the apartment very quietly getting ready for work. Before he entered the room to kiss Blaine goodbye, he picked up Kurt's phone and sent a text to Sebastian. "Good talking to you last night. See you in a few days. Kurt's still asleep. He'll catch you after work. Have a good day. - Cubby." David was clad in his navy blue suit, white shirt, and a colorful tie, the first gift that Blaine bought him. He snuck into the room and smiled. Blaine was spooning Kurt. He leaned in and wiped the hair off of Blaine's forehead pressing a silent kiss to it.

Blaine opened his eyes and focused them on David. His arms tightening around Kurt as he smiled brightly up at the man he loved. David raised his wrist pointed to his watch and made to step back. Blaine reached out and caught his wrist and dragged David down quietly to steal a passionate, silent kiss. David backed away from the kiss breathless, and mouthed, "wow." He walked to the door of the bedroom, gave Blaine a wave and slipped through it. He couldn't wait for the day to be over and it hadn't even started yet. He couldn't wait to be back at Blaine's side.

Blaine slept for another 2.5 hours before waking slowly, extricating himself from Kurt, careful not to wake him. Blaine dressed quickly and journeyed down to the cafe at the corner picking up a medium drip and a skinny caramel latte that had become Kurt's coffee order ever since Kurt started dating his third boyfriend, someone Blaine completely agreed with regardless of his title in Kurt's life. He returned to the apartment finding Kurt still fast asleep. He finished half of his bagel, half of the paper, and all of the coffee by the time Kurt started to stir. The caffeine was really starting to kick in and Blaine was more than a little hyper.

Kurt stirred and stretched. He'd slept so well last night and he was still half asleep which is why he didn't have time to panic yet. However, as he began to come out of the dream world Kurt felt really disoriented and for a moment forgot where he was. He nearly called out Sebastian's name, nearly, before parts of last night came flooding back to him. He held his breath. Where was he? Was he still in David's apartment? He was certainly in a bed, the bed smelled like David. Kurt felt the heat of someone laying on the bed next to him, and he heard their breathing. Hmmm...Interesting predicament, but what to say?

Okay, so maybe he'd laid back down and just watched Kurt. Watching Kurt sleep, it felt almost like nothing changed - that there was nothing wrong. It was like being back in that time in their lives when they were together. He was just enjoying the moment, enjoying the knowledge that Kurt was back in his life and that they were friends again. Then, Kurt began to wake. He watched the confusion dawn and then watched as panic marred Kurt's angelic features.

"Morning sleepy head," Blaine chuckled softly. "I was starting to wonder if I was going to actually have to try to wake you up and my methods are so much more limited now," Blaine teased. As a response, Kurt stuck out his tongue and Blaine dropped to the pillows in a fit of giggles. "God...Do you know how long it's been since someone stuck their tongue out at me?" Blaine quipped and then proceeded to bribery. "I have a skinny caramel latte and a cinnamon crunch bagel with your name on it if you'll actually decide to get out of bed," Blaine offered.

Kurt's breath caught and a blush crept up on his cheeks. He stretched, rather like a cat long and lean. "These pants are killing me," he admitted referring to the skinny jeans he'd was wearing. "Why didn't you take em off?" he asked and then realized how it sounded and blushed profusely, but then the logical part of his mind kicked back into gear. "And, how the hell did we end up in bed together. Oh My God," he said theatrically. "Does David know you seduced me you...you minx," Kurt put his hand to his heart in that very flamboyant gay fashion.

Blaine was enjoying this side of Kurt. He'd missed this side of Kurt so much. "I missed you," Blaine admitted his voice sounding breathless.

Kurt stopped the theatrics suddenly serious. "I missed you too," he admitted. "I would say, lets never fight again, but I'm not sure that's possible," Kurt stated honestly. "We could give it our darndest shot though and promise that if it happens we'll find a way to talk it out. If we can get through this..." Kurt said touching his temple.

"...we can get through anything," Blaine finished for him and Kurt didn't need to see Blaine's face to know that he was smiling.

"Blaine," Kurt hesitated for a moment. "That night..."

"Don't," Blaine shook his head biting his bottom lip as his eyes began to fill with tears. "I don't want to think about that night, talk about it."

"I do," Kurt said firmly as he searched the bed for Blaine's hand. Blaine got the hint and took it. "I need you to know that it wasn't your fault. I lost my temper too. I said things I didn't mean too," Kurt reminded him gently.

"Not like me," Blaine shook his head refusing to relinquish the guilt. "I was cold and cruel, Kurt. You didn't deserve that."

"Maybe not," Kurt agreed with Blaine, "but you have to know that you didn't deserve the things I said either. You're so much a part of me Blaine," Kurt admitted. "When I'm old and grey and dying, I know I will remember that moment on the staircase at Dalton. The moment that you became a part of my life."

Blaine rubbed his eyes with the back of his hand and sniffed loudly. He then dragged a deep breath into his lungs before pulling Kurt into his embrace. He didn't know how long they sat like that right in the middle of David's bed. "I love you, Kurt," Blaine admitted.

"Ditto," Kurt whispered in Blaine's ear.

When they pulled apart Blaine returned to the question at hand. "You asked how we got here," her reminded Kurt, "David carried us both into bed, so I'd say he was fine with everything. Oh by the way, I told him that I'm in love with him," Blaine whispered shyly which brought a chorus of squeals and a request for details from Kurt. Blaine regaled him and Kurt was grinning from ear to ear. "It wasn't anything nearly as cheesy and romantic as what I delivered to you," Blaine said thinking about it now a little worried.

"It's better," Kurt assuaged his concerns. "It wasn't overdone or laced with drama. It was real. You spoke from the heart. It shows how much you've changed. How much you've grown up, Peter Pan," Kurt teased and then added, "and that isn't a bad thing."

Kurt's stomach growled then and he asked Blaine for food. He managed to get up, get his clothes straightened out and actually had Blaine help him in the bathroom which turned out to be interesting. Kurt was not going to spend the rest of the day with wild bedhead, unwashed teeth, even if he had to wash em with his finger, and smelling like last night, so he settled for David's Old Spice deodorant. Blaine actually smelled him and announced, "umm two in one," at which Kurt had to laugh.

Sitting on the stools at the island in the kitchen, Kurt ate his breakfast very quietly considering the situation in his mind before making a decision. "I have to tell you something. It's something very important," he announced. "I've considered not telling you," Kurt admitted. "Not because I don't trust you," he clarified, "but because this, whatever it is, is so fragile. However, I've had time to think about it, and I know I can't leave New York on Sunday without telling you."

He finished the rest of his bagel and was working on his medium drip when Kurt let that odd statement hang heavily in the air. Blaine swallowed and looked to Kurt, concerned. He knew Kurt couldn't see the look, but it was probably pretty easy for Kurt to figure out Blaine's reaction - they had only been together for how long? The force with which Blaine squeezed his hand was also a big clue. He took a calming breath and focused on Kurt. "Okay, I'm braced for impact. Tell me," Blaine said softly.

So, Kurt told him about David taking him to see Reid on Monday, which now seemed like a lifetime ago. He then proceeded to tell Blaine about the diagnosis that Reid gave him, about the clot and the need for surgery. He then moved on to say how risky the surgery was and how Reid had told him to give it some real thought. He then waited for Blaine's reaction. He anticipated that Blaine might feel some guilt over the news and he wanted to assuage that guilt. This certainly wasn't Blaine's fault.

He reached out and took Kurt's hand. He held it tightly and yes, he was dying inside to hear the diagnosis, to know that his stupidity had caused this, to know that it was his fault Kurt had a ticking time bomb in his head. There were no words, only lots of guilty, painful emotions. He tried to focus though. Risky as it was, Reid could remove the clot and that would restore Kurt's sight. He had to put fear aside and be hopeful Blaine now. He knew in this moment Kurt needed strength and hope.

"Whatever you need me to do Kurt. I'm here for you. It's the least I can do for you, but you'll get through this. I know you will. You've been through so much already. You're totally going to kick this thing's ass because that's what you do. You're Kurt Hummel and you are made of awesome," Blaine said as he squeezed Kurt's hand.

Kurt pulled Blaine into a hug then and clung to him. "I'm scared," he whispered into Blaine's ear. "I...I don't know what to do." It was the first time he admitted that as well. "I haven't told dad yet. I wanted to do it in person, but Blaine...What if I don't wake up? What if I just...die?" Kurt said letting the last word hang like a heavy stone on his lips.

"You're not going to die Kurt. You've still got too much to do. You have so much yet to offer this world, so I can't believe this is going to be the thing that ends you. You're going to get through it. It's scary, so very scary, but you will wake up and we'll be there waiting for you when you do. You just ... Just fight okay? No matter what. No matter how hopeless it seems or how tired you get, just keep fighting. As long as you want to live through this, you will, so no negative thoughts okay? Something this big needs all the positive energy it can get," Blaine said sounding quite wise as he clung tightly to Kurt.

Blaine's words were a comfort. "I want there to be truth between us Blaine," Kurt admitted. "If this is going to work this time around, it can't be like every other time we've tried this. That's why I'm being honest with you." Kurt then proceeded to get more honest by telling Blaine about Michel and his list. He did mention that Michel was the fiance of a friend, but for some reason he couldn't bring himself to say it was Sebastian. He thought about how hypocritical that made his truth statement.

Kurt told Blaine the item which he'd most recently crossed off of the list. He then asked for Blaine's help. "When do you have to go back to the production?" he asked curiously keeping in mind that he would first need to get an okay and possibly Tracey's help and second Blaine as his guide to Central Park.

"Well we're not supposed to be doing a lot today. I'll call and check in and see what's going on. If Morgan had another meltdown, I won't even have to go in at all. We thought Rachel Berry was a drama Queen. Morgan makes Babs look like Mother Teresa," Blaine scoffed.

Kurt brightened at the prospect. "Could you let me make a phone call?" he asked and when Blaine agreed he had the service call Tracey. It was 9:45 a.m. and he felt bad about calling so early on a Friday. Especially since it might be Tracey's day off. She was working, but agreed to call Gavin and get back to him ASAP. About 10 minutes later, Tracey called back and asked if 11:00 a.m. would be convenient for Kurt. "Hold on just for a moment," he told Tracey covering the receiver with his hand and asking Blaine quietly. "Do you think we can make it to Central Park next to the zoo entrance in an hour?"

Blaine called into work and asked his director for the morning off explaining the situation. Orlando was quite a cool guy and very laid back, so he told Blaine to come on in after lunch. Blaine put the receiver down and let Kurt know that things were a go. "I'm ready for this adventure," Blaine announced putting down the phone and grinning from ear to ear. Nothing like a Klaine morning to get the blood pumping.


	41. Chapter 41 Gavin Valmont

**Chapter 41** - Gavin Valmont

They made short order of collecting Kurt's things around the apartment and finding their way to the metro. They didn't really get a chance to chat as they were in a bit of a rush and Blaine had to focus on leading. However, they made it to the appointed place 5 minutes early. "Wow," Kurt said catching his breath, "what a rush." It had been. Now, where was Gavin?

He was early and had hidden behind one of the posts at the zoo watching. His heart clenched when he beheld Kurt, blind but still beautiful. He wanted to go to him, but when he saw who was leading him he hesitated. "Goddamn Hobbits," Gavin muttered under his breath. The fingers of his left hand began to twitch like they always did when a stressful situation arose and he needed a nicotine hit to calm himself down. Kurt wore those skinny jeans that made his ass impossible to ignore and that shirt that matched the color of his eyes. Gavin could almost smell the scent of vanilla.

Gavin himself was stunningly handsome. People often mistook him for Orlando Bloom, Pirates of the Caribbean not Lord of the Rings. He was just slightly taller than Kurt with shoulder length jet black hair that fell in loose curls when it wasn't tied back with a black silk ribbon. He had the same honey color skin as his sister Tracey, the same dark opal eyes. His smile was devastating, heart stopping. Today, he wore comfortable jeans that hugged his hips and a loose bohemian style white shirt with clips on the sleeves that kept them rolled down, black buttons up the front, and a black stencil of a pirate. Over that he wore his black leather jacket. It was nearly the end of October. New York was getting very chilly.

Gavin watched for a little while longer before stepping out from his hiding place and approaching the two men. Atonement had never had a more appropriate definition. He saw Blaine's eyes train on him and follow him like a sniper would follow his target. He saw Blaine's anger boil to the surface. Though he himself was calm, he was ready for any eventuality. He was here for one reason and one reason only to speak to Kurt. He was going to do that Hobbit or no Hobbit.

Blaine narrowed his eyes at Gavin. Sure the man was a little taller than he was, but Blaine was so not intimidated. He was pretty sure that if Gavin started anything he could probably knock the asshole out. Blaine had that much pent up hate for the man. Besides, he had, after all, started the Dalton fight club and continued boxing to relieve pressure in years to follow. God Blaine didn't even have words enough to describe what he thought about Gavin. Okay, so maybe Blaine was guilty of having unintentionally abused Kurt emotionally, but he'd only done so mildly and largely because of ignorance, but Gavin...Gavin had shattered something inside Kurt, had destroyed Kurt's self-confidence. Needless to say, Blaine hated Gavin, but he could be civil - for Kurt.

What made it worse was that Blaine was never able to confront Gavin about the way he'd treated Kurt. Initially, it was because he wanted to be a supportive ex-boyfriend, and encourage Kurt to get back on the horse. Later, when he saw the way Gavin treated Kurt, he tried to say something but Kurt would excommunicate him from the island. Blaine became afraid to push too hard because he didn't want to be cut out of Kurt's life completely. Finally, after Gavin and Kurt broke up, Blaine just wanted Kurt to put that part of his life that involved Gavin behind him. So, he was certainly not going to just let this asshole waltz back into Kurt's life now and hurt him again, not now when he had Kurt back in his life. He leaned in to whisper to Kurt, "you should have warned me that we were coming to see the Bastard," Blaine censured.

Kurt stiffened next to Blaine, but he understood Blaine's dislike of Gavin. While he was dating Gavin, Kurt became someone ugly that he didn't even recognize. Gavin was his drug. The more Kurt had of him the more he wanted. Gavin was needier and clingier than Blaine. He began to isolate Kurt from the rest of the world. When Gavin was finished with Kurt and not a second later, he discarded him like a filthy rag. Kurt was left broken and so painfully hurt that he felt like he might never get his heart all glued back together.

However, life was short, so short. This wasn't just about crossing items off of a list. It was about second chances and rebuilding bridges. Sebastian had taught him that. Kurt's mind was pulled out of the river by another familiar body invading his personal space as Gavin pulled Kurt into his embrace. God, Gavin even smelled sexy. Kurt closed his eyes behind David's sunglasses and inhaled deeply holding on tight. "It's good to feel you," Kurt teased in Gavin's ear.

"It's good to be felt up," Gavin teased right back. It was Gavin's magnetism and his sex appeal that had hooked Kurt. He was definitely the most stunning specimen of a man that Kurt would ever be with. However, it was his single minded focused pursuit of Kurt that eventually won him over. Kurt had never in his life felt so sexy than in the honeymoon period with Gavin. Gavin had this gift of really making someone feel seen and special, but as many sensitive and sensual qualities that Gavin had he had two times as many destructive and oppressive qualities. Once Kurt had enough distance from the relationship, he was able to dissect and analyze both himself and Gavin within the relationship. It was this analysis that ultimately gave Kurt clairvoyance, but now it was time to give them both closure.

Blaine stood there, hands balled into tight fists at his sides, his posture rigid and ready. He hated Gavin. Blaine tried to not hate anyone, but after the mess that Gavin had made of Kurt's heart Blaine could safely say that he hated Gavin, which was sad because Blaine really liked Tracey. Gavin's sister was the complete opposite of her brother. The only point they really disagreed about was Gavin. They didn't get together often, but come on Ted's - totally Blaine's kind of place. It brought out his inner child and he was kind of all about indulging his inner kid. Furniture jumping anyone?

He resisted the urge to pull Gavin away from Kurt. Obviously, Kurt wanted to confront Gavin, to...Well the reason eluded Blaine's mind. Clearly, it had to be the clot in Kurt's brain. It wasn't making him think straight. Yeah! Blaine liked that explanation, but by the same token he knew better than anyone that one should never interfere with the mentally ill. As much as he hated the situation, Blaine wasn't going to do anything to jeopardize having Kurt back in his life. For Kurt's sake, he would be the old dapper Blaine, for now. "Gavin," Blaine said simply, attempting to keep his tone neutral though he did not entirely succeed.

It was hard though, especially when Gavin seemed to be purposely attempting to push his buttons. Blaine would give anything to wipe the smirk off of Gavin's face, anything, but he couldn't. Kurt abhorred violence and Blaine knew that very well, so he would have to suck it up and deal with his dislike of Gavin. The most he would be able to do is indulge in a few comments here or there, but even those would have to be selected carefully and used sparingly. As much as it sucked, he had to be the bigger person. Thank God Kurt couldn't see his posture and the death glare he was giving Gavin. He had to have some kind of outlet for the negativity Gavin brought up inside him.

"Hobbit," Gavin growled in response not at all missing the venom in Blaine's voice. "So, Goose decided to be the wingman today. Oh yeah, I forgot, that's everyday for you."

"If he's Goose, am I Maverick?" Kurt asked feeling the palpable tension and trying to relieve some of it. Maybe this hadn't been such a great idea.

"Always baby," Gavin whispered it at Kurt keeping his arm firmly around Kurt's waist as he spoke to Blaine.

Blaine rolled his eyes. "Unconscionable bitch as always, I see. Look, I don't like you and you don't like me, but Kurt wanted to meet with you so here we are. I'll set my issues with you aside for his sake...You had better do the same."

"A truce?" Gavin asked raising an eyebrow slightly amused. "I could get into that for you Hobbit."

"A truce. For Kurt. As if I could give a rat's ass about you beyond that, and you're so creative and original calling me a Hobbit. Someone should tell Santana you're stealing her lines," Blaine retorted.

"Enough," Kurt yelled frustrated, and was surprised by the force of his own voice. He stepped away from Gavin and reached a hand out to Blaine. When Blaine took it, Kurt used it as an anchor to step into his space. He let his fingers wrap in the front of Blaine's shirt and pull him forward. He lowered his voice then. "He can't hurt me anymore," he assured Blaine, "and I'll never forget who was there for me when he did, but right now I need closure. I know you might not understand it, but knowing what you know I hope you'll accept it. At one point in my life, I loved you both with everything that I was. Nothing can ever change the status you two hold for me. Please...I'm alright. I'm just asking for a chance to say…" Kurt let the sentence trail off because he knew Blaine was thinking the same thing he was, '…to say goodbye.' With such a request, how could Blaine deny Kurt anything?

"Alright," Blaine finally said as he peeked at the watch on his wrist. "I have to be into work in about 45 minutes anyway. I don't want to leave you, Kurt. I don't trust him as far as Tracey can throw him," Blaine punctuated, "but considering the circumstances you are Maverick and I am Goose. If you need anything, call me," Blaine stood on his tiptoes to kiss Kurt's cheek. The phrase didn't just include Gavin, but in general just in case he didn't see Kurt again before Kurt left New York. Blaine turned to Gavin then his glare approaching absolute zero. "Hurt him again and they won't find you," he said pointing meaningfully at Gavin. Gavin was about to respond, but Blaine squeezed Kurt's wrist one more time whispered goodbye and walked away.

Kurt took a deep breath and let his heart rate equilibrate before speaking. "You do have a propensity to leave drama in your wake. Don't you, Gavin Valmont?" his voice was a plethora of emotion so that Gavin couldn't necessarily zero in on a single one.

"I'm afraid to touch you," Gavin admitted breathless, vibrating with emotion. He walked the few steps to stand in front of Kurt. "I'm afraid you aren't real. There are so many times I've had this conversation over and over again with you in my mind. It always ends with you killing me in some gruesome manner," Gavin admitted with a tight laugh. "It never ends with your forgiveness. I suppose that is because I know that I have no right to ask for it. I've hurt you so many times. Please let me at least show you to a bench," Gavin asked permission hesitantly.

"We have to put the past behind us, Gavin. I will trust you to lead me to a bench. Don't get too handsy though or I'll set Tweets after you," Kurt said with a teasing chuckle. It was a serious threat though. If Tracey thought her brother had hurt Kurt again, she would probably have his head.

"Scouts honor," Gavin said barely above a whisper as he lead Kurt to the bench slowly and sat him down safely albeit a bit awkwardly.

"I'm having trouble picturing you as a boy scout." Kurt chuckled. Yes, it was awkward. Blaine wasn't much better at leading, but there was an ease and comfort with Blaine that wasn't present with Gavin. No one led him quite as effortlessly as Sebastian did however.

"Eagle scout," Gavin corrected daring to let out a strangled chuckle. "I have to say I was surprised when Tracey called an hour ago. I thought you wanted to kill me. I thought you'd never say anything to me again," Gavin admitted hesitantly. This Gavin, reluctant and contrite was a Gavin that was completely foreign to anyone that had known him before so to Kurt as well.

Kurt caught the contrition in Gavin's voice. He considered how to answer. "There was a time when those words were very true. I wanted to hurt you for hurting me, for taking me away from myself, but time has passed, wounds have healed and I got a reality check. Life is short, Gavin. It's short and it is so precious. In a heartbeat my entire life changed. It took an unexpected savior to pull me out of the darkness I cast myself into."

"Tweets told me that you've been getting yourself back on track, that you've found someone who makes you better and doesn't feed your destructive side. Everyone deserves a second chance. That's why I'm here. It's time we let go of the past and tried to at least be friends. I don't want to wallow in negativity anymore. I want to be surrounded by positive energy. Things weren't always bad between us, Gavin. I know…I have always known that there was such potential inside you. I really hope that you're getting to realize it...finally. Despite what happened between us, you do deserve to be happy," Kurt said carefully, but sincerely.

Every word that Kurt spoke, every one dug into Gavin's very soul and pulled from his heart tears of pain, happiness, and relief. What a strange combination of feelings. He let the tears fall freely from his eyes. "What I did to you," Gavin said slowly his voice cracking and breaking, "it's not forgivable. I don't deserve to be forgiven." They were sitting facing each other on the bench. He was shocked to watch Kurt try to locate his hand. Like in some dream, Gavin reached out slowly and let their fingertips brush.

"Yes you do," Kurt said firmly. "Everyone does." Kurt then laced his fingers with Gavin's.

"Why did you pick this place?" Gavin asked his voice strained, his breathing labored, and the tears flowing now.

"Our spot," Kurt said waving his free hand around. "Or, I thought it was," he said hesitantly thinking of the day they'd spent in Central Park, that perfect amazing day where Gavin had snapped, what felt like, thousands of pictures of Kurt.

"Yeah," Gavin said quietly thinking of that same day. It was those memories that gave Gavin the courage to find his voice. "I was wrong Kurt so wrong about a lot of things, but most of all about you. You're strikingly beautiful. Probably the most beautiful man I ever encountered. I don't know what my compulsion was, but I had to bend you, test you. It became an obsession, but I pushed too hard, too far...I can never forgive myself for it," Gavin said his voice filled with sorrow.

"I'm not broken now, Gavin. I got through it. Tweets told me you got help for what you were going through and if you hurting me was what got you to get your head out of your ass and start getting help then I'll take that one for the team." Kurt said his voice choked with emotion. "It's a good thing that it isn't up to you to forgive you then, isn't it?"

"I know...God I remember every word I said to you," Gavin said clearly pained. He then proceeded to inform Kurt of the history of his sobriety. "Well first I got the living shit kicked out of me. The day after that I checked into rehab. That was about three months after we split. I was in and out for a while. It was a battle, but then it finally stuck and I got through the entire program. I can't believe it's been a year and a half since that day," he mused. "I've been sober for a year and a half. I also haven't had a cigarette in months," he admitted ghosting his hand over Kurt's so he could feel it vibrating. "No patch, no pill, just will," he repeated the retarded mantra that his shrink told him. "Though some moments are harder than others..." he implied that this moment was especially hard.

"I'm at least partially to blame, Gavin. I never should have let it go that far or get that bad. I was never that weak. I was bullied the greater part of my life. Life seems to like kicking me into the dirt and watching me struggle to get back up, but I have always gotten back on my feet. I just got lost for a while," Kurt admitted.

"It isn't fair, Kurt, that the Universe deems it necessary for someone like you to attract people like me and the truck loads of shit that has happened to you. Sorry...Wish I was more eloquent, but that's the truth. Most times the truth is raw and poignant and it hurts. Lately, I've been thinking of you especially maybe it's because of my show, but I suspect it also had to do with the Universe moving in mysterious ways, or some shit like that," he choked back a laugh. "When I heard about the accident, I didn't want to believe it. Sitting here, looking at you and knowing you can't see me. I'd give you my own eyes if I could," Gavin said honestly and he hoped Kurt would understand what an artist saying that and meaning it meant.

He just listened for a bit, took it all in. He had known that if Gavin ever wanted to get clean and sober that it was going to be a battle. The tortured artist wasn't going to have it easy getting off of his addictions. It just sucked that the beautiful, wonderful person Gavin could be had been eclipsed by the dark, malicious bastard the substances made him. Gavin was a very cruel drunk at times. "Just promise me one thing, Gavin. You'll never let yourself turn into that monster again. I don't care if you have to call even me up in the middle of the night to stop it from happening. Please, do so. You owe it to all of us to make sure that you stay nice Gavin. Leave the beastly side caged." Kurt pleaded.

"I promise you Kurt," Gavin said his voice filled with all the emotions that coursed through him. Kurt was offering to be there for him if he needed it. "I want to be the person that you see me as. I'm going to do it or die trying," Gavin stated impassioned as the sounding very much like the angsty tortured artist that he was. Kurt smiled. 'Some things never change,' Kurt thought, and the thought was comforting.

* * *

Items Completed off Of Lists:

KL#21: Gavin…Uff that's a hard one.


	42. Chapter 42 Peeling Back Layers

**Chapter 42 **– Peeling Back Layers

Kurt ended up spending the next 4.5 hours with Gavin. He asked about Gavin's show and that started Gavin talking. Somewhere at the beginning of Gavin's rant, Kurt's stomach protested that it was hungry and Gavin obliged it with their favorite little bistro. Afterward, Gavin had to return to the gallery to continue prepping for the opening which was just a few weeks away. He studied Kurt's reactions carefully. "I could take you home. It might bore you," Gavin said honestly. There was a swift look of panic that crossed Kurt's face. "What is it?" Gavin asked concerned. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"No, it isn't that," Kurt hesitated biting his bottom lip. "It's just that I haven't been alone since I got to New York and I..." he couldn't admit to Gavin that he was afraid. He never could.

"You're scared," Gavin said softly his voice surprisingly free of judgment. "Come with me," he said impulsively. "I'll sit you down on a chair and let you listen to the commotion."

Kurt hesitated for just a moment before agreeing to it. He hadn't really planned the rest of the day out and Sebastian wouldn't be home until 5:00 p.m., at least. The energy of the gallery reminded him of the energy on Vogue's design floor. Every so often Gavin would stop to give Kurt tidbits of information about the pieces, the exhibition, attempting to become a regular with the gallery. He'd then walk off to hang a picture or sign off on a layout. Kurt just sat in the chair enjoying the fact that he wasn't alone and that the world seemed to move around him. He was like a statue. He felt like a part of the exhibit, literally.

Kurt was pulled from his musings by a woman's voice that came just from his left side. "Oh Gosh, it's you," she said excitedly and Kurt didn't know if she was talking to him so he turned his head trying to pinpoint the direction of the voice.

"I'm sorry...I'm...blind," the word fell so quietly from Kurt's lips that it was barely audible, but it was in that moment that he'd actually felt, for the first time, the meaning of that word. The woman blushed and began to apologize profusely. She tried to excuse herself, but Kurt stopped her. "What did you mean it's me?" he asked politely.

"The picture, of course, the Porcelain Angel, is you," she said and as if realizing she may have said something she wasn't suppose to she walked away quickly.

He heard retreating footfalls and sighed, frustrated. He wanted to ask questions but the woman hadn't given him a chance. Why did this have to be so difficult? Now, he wanted to see what pictures Gavin had used. He wanted to know why Gavin had chosen pictures of him. He wanted to know all these things and he would have to ask. He hated being so dependent upon other people for even the simplest of information. He had to get his sight back - this was not an acceptable way for Kurt Hummel to live.

"Hi," Gavin said as he came up behind Kurt moments later placing a bottle of water into his hand and squeezing his shoulders. He noticed how tense Kurt was and then looked around to see the confusion playing out on Kurt's face. "Everything okay?" Gavin asked. "Why do you look so confused?"

Kurt accepted the bottle of water gratefully. He couldn't help but be tense, however. "Apparently a woman in the gallery recognized me from your work. She called me the Porcelain Angel. Being that I'm infuriatingly blind, I don't know what she's talking about. Clearly, you've used pictures of me, but I don't know the context. I'm glad to be here and to not be alone, but I'm not happy that I can't see anything. All of this is lost on me and it hurts Gav," Kurt sighed heavily.

"Oh," Gavin said slowly and then a little more punctuated as the realization struck him, "oh! You remember how I said the exhibition was called Epic Loves. It's literal. I used pictures from all of my past relationships," he explained. Then hesitated because he hadn't asked Kurt's permission and decided on shots anyway because of how happy and photogenic Kurt ended up in them. It was like you could see his soul in the pictures. "I tried to ask your permission, but..." he let his words trail off. "Would you like to know what shots I used?"

He nodded. He did remember what Gavin intended to call the exhibition. He was shocked that Gavin would use pictures of him despite the fact that they had been together for nine months. Kurt never thought that he qualified as one of Gavin's Epic Loves. "What pictures did you use and just how many are there? I get that it's Epic Loves but...Why me, Gavin? I'm nothing special. I certainly didn't believe I was one of your epic loves," Kurt said softly.

"You're so wrong Kurt. You're one of the four sides of the Pyramid. Without you everything would crumble," Gavin stated certainly. "I used the Central Park pictures. I called that part of the exhibition One Fine Day. You remember watching me develop them in my dark room. I used exactly those, the ones that touched your fingers. I used black and white pictures side by side with color infused ones. There's a mixture of action shots, stills, and close ups."

Yeah well, Gavin had done a lot of damage. He'd made Kurt feel like nothing, so why would he think that Gavin would think him anything special? His mind went back though to that day in Central Park. He did remember most of it. He remembered lingering in the dark room and watching Gavin work. "It was always amazing to watch you work, to see your passion, to watch your vision come to life," Kurt commented.

"The one of your eye is particularly startling. Remember that one? I used the ones where faces are hidden, where your back is to me or your arm is up over your face, the one where you sneezed and then squeaked. That's kind of a big centerpiece of that portion. You have your arm up shielding your face in that picture. The one where you're bending down to pet the Dachshund, then the one where your face is hidden by the hot dog are side by side. I used the one where you pressed your lips to my camera and kissed it. That one's one of my favorites," Gavin admitted. "I can almost taste your vanilla Chapstick." Gavin's voice was low and seductive. The artist was coming to life.

He listened to Gavin and saw the images take shape in the memories of his mind. It wasn't the same as seeing the pictures as they had been captured by Gavin's lens, but he remembered the moments. He remembered the cute little dog. He remembered yelling at Gavin for trying to take a picture of him while he was sneezing. He remembered being goofy and kissing the camera. He blushed when Gavin mentioned the vanilla Chapstick. Oh, there was that seductive tone. It still sent shivers up and down Kurt's spine. "Gavin..." Kurt said almost breathlessly.

Gavin's hands squeezed Kurt's shoulders. "There's a room," he said in a hushed whisper, "the last in the exhibit. There are seven floor-to-ceiling photographs. One of them is called the Porcelain Angel. Do you remember the first time we made love?" he said his voice so low that only Kurt could hear it.

He took hundreds of pictures before and after the experience. He felt Kurt tense knowing he was thinking the same thing. "Relax," he ordered his voice silk.

Of course he tensed. The thoughts of any pictures from that time that were incredibly intimate being on display was not something he wanted to think about. Gavin had broken him down, made him feel like he wasn't good enough. He had always had issues with how he perceived himself and Gavin just brought all of them raging back to life. That silken tone still does unfair things to him even now. It wasn't fair. Gavin shouldn't have this kind of power over him.

"No one has given me a more perfect moment than the one you gave me standing in front of that white oval mirror. The jeans you designed open and hanging loosely on your hips, one hand holding up the pants the other rubbing the back of your neck. Your reflection, save your face, which is shrouded in shadow, is visible in the mirror. I overexposed you and underexposed the background to achieve essentially you in a pool of light surrounded by darkness. You are the Porcelain Angel. I've never been with anyone more passionate, more alive, and more sensual than you. Not ever before, and not ever since," Gavin said his voice firm held the weight of conviction behind it.

Kurt was drawn into the storytelling though. He saw that moment come to life in his memory. He remembered he had just designed those jeans and he wasn't sure about the final fit yet. He stood in front of that mirror turning this way and that for probably the better part of an hour. He was fussy and particular with his designs which was why the line was still considered unfinished. He was moved by Gavin's words. "Why didn't you tell me any of this before?" he inquired, sniffling slightly. "Why couldn't you let me feel like you thought that?"

"I was scared. I was an idiot. I was a plethora of things. Kurt, you know when people say it isn't you it's me. It really was me, Kurt," Gavin said and he wanted to hold onto Kurt wanted to hug him in that moment he was that overwhelmed. "I needed to bend you," he confessed. "I never meant to break you." He waited for a heartbeat before asking, "is it alright, Kurt? The picture is at the epicenter of the entire exhibition without it the exhibition doesn't make sense to me. That moment was so pure, so unruined. I look at that picture and I can feel you clinging to me. I can feel your legs vibrating. I can feel you crying out my name. If I can only choose a handful of memories on my deathbed, that would be one of them," Gavin said barely above a whisper in Kurt's ear.

He listened. He'd come out to talk to Gavin because he needed to. He needed to be able to put that time behind him. He needed to be able to move on. He still didn't fully believe Gavin's words but they did help. "It's alright Gavin. Keep it up. It's fine." Kurt said softly. He wasn't upset or offended. In fact, he was blushing a little. He didn't really think that Gavin saw him that way. He remembered the breaking. He remembered all the hurt and the pain, but that night, that had been a good night. He shivered at Gavin's breath against his ear. God this man made him feel so much.

"You won't be sorry. I'm going to make you so proud of me," Gavin promised. He intended on making good on that promise.

Later, when Kurt was dozing on the couch in the apartment with Lily sleeping on his chest, he thought of the words that Gavin had said. It helped that Gavin continued to repeat how beautiful and amazing he was and by the end of the day Kurt was maybe having an inkling that there was some truth to the words. As he dozed he dreamt of Sebastian's hands on him touching him. His fingers began to trail over his body. "Bas," Kurt moaned as he let his imagination run a bit rampant.

He was tired. It was a long ass day. They were still up to their eyeballs in paperwork for that nightmarish deposition. His suit coat was draped over his arm, his tie was hanging loose around his neck, the top four buttons were undone. His hair was disheveled from him running his hand through it absently as the stress and pressure built up. He looked somewhat the worse for wear.

He opened the door then closed it quietly behind himself. He turned and froze in his tracks as he noticed Kurt lying on the couch. He tore his eyes away long enough to set his briefcase aside and threw his suit coat over the back of a chair. Then, Kurt moaned his name and all coherent thought flew out of Sebastian's mind as his mouth went dry and his pants became tight with that one simple word spoken in that impossibly sensual tone by one Kurt Hummel.

At Sebastian's arrival, Lily left her spot on Kurt's chest and padded over to Sebastian winding her way around Sebastian's feet. Kurt felt Lily jump off of his chest and his eyes flew open on reflex. It always alarmed him the fact that his brain knew that his eyes were open, his body knew, but his eyes weren't registering stimuli. "Lily?" Kurt said his voice a bit strained as he sat up a little awkwardly. He straightened his clothing as he listened to Lily purring. "Bas?" he said hesitantly knowing that purring couldn't be for nothing. "You alright? What's wrong?" Kurt asked alarmed when Sebastian didn't answer him.

He cleared his throat roughly. He picked Lily up and was petting her. "Yeah, I'm here. God...Um...Sorry," Sebastian said in a slightly flustered tone. "You must have been having a heck of a dream. You...You moaned my name in your sleep and your hands were starting to wander over your own form, it was kind of...um hot…Sorry," Sebastian apologized sounding clearly flustered.

Before today, Kurt would have blushed and hidden from such words, but having Gavin's voice in his mind gave him courage. Also, Sebastian was impossibly sexy rambling and stuttering. Kurt smiled instead as he slowly set his feet on the floor. He held his hand out to Sebastian and when Bas took it and guided it to his elbow Kurt's smile widened. "What now?" Sebastian inquired softly.

"I just wanted to come with you while you change and hear about your day," Kurt said simply and honestly. "If you want to tell me about it or just talk, I'm here to listen."

Sebastian's heart did a funny little flip at hearing those words. Kurt wanted to know about him, about his day. He hadn't had that in a really long time and the moment felt so impossibly domestic. Once they were in the room. Sebastian sat Kurt down on the bed and busied himself with retrieving clothing as he ranted about the case. He set the sweats and t-shirt next to Kurt on the bed and continued to pace the floor in front of Kurt mumbling more to himself than to Kurt. Kurt just sat there smiling an impossible happiness washing through him at the simplicity of the moment.

When he heard Sebastian wrestling with his tie to get it off of his head, Kurt cut finally spoke up in a hushed tone. "Close the light. Would you?" he requested. "Then, come to me," Kurt said unable to believe how controlled and authoritative his voice sounded.


	43. Chapter 43 Pushing Buttons

**Chapter 43 **– Pushing Buttons

Sebastian was startled by the request, but there was something in the tone of Kurt's voice that made it impossible for Sebastian to refuse, so he did as Kurt requested shutting off the light and coming to stand between Kurt's legs. It was then that Sebastian realized why Kurt made the request. He wanted to level the playing field.

Kurt took a deep breath his nerves coiling and uncoiling with sheer anticipation at just being in his bedroom with Sebastian. He could hear Sebastian's movements and his fingers flicked out to feel the material of Sebastian's trousers. He stood then, slowly and languidly, like a cat stretching, his chest brushing against Sebastian's. He reached up and ran his hands along Sebastian's chest until he found the tie. Though it was loose around Sebastian's neck, he could feel that Bas had pulled it into a tight knot. A knot that would be impossible to untangle for a normal person, but Kurt Hummel wasn't normal when it came to fashion. He worked the knot free and undid the tie pulling it from Sebastian's neck and tossing it onto the bed behind him.

With incredibly steady hands he slowly began to undo the buttons of Sebastian's shirt one by one. Painfully tedious business, but surprisingly Kurt loved it. Once he had all the buttons undone, he pulled the shirt from the trousers. Then, Kurt slipped his hands inside of the shirt and eased it from Sebastian's shoulders. Collecting it in his hands and feeling the material before putting it to his nose briefly and inhaling, letting Sebastian's scent wash over him before he bent down, felt the bed behind him, and set the shirt carefully on the bed.

Kurt returned his fingers to Sebastian's chest and found more fabric, another layer, a t-shirt. "Way too many layers," Kurt mumbled to himself. He was lost in how amazing it felt to undress Sebastian that he didn't even stop to consider the effect he was having on the person being undressed. As a designer, Kurt had always loved peeling back layers and then re-applying new ones to create a totally different look. When he had the opportunity to do it on a really nice body, he appreciated it all the more, and Sebastian's body was perfect. Not really because Kurt hadn't seen better bodies because he had, but more because Sebastian's body was what housed Sebastian's soul. Kurt was left a bit short of breath in the wake of that realization.

Kurt removed the t-shirt and it was then that he heard Sebastian's sharp intake of breath and felt Bas's body vibrate under his touch. "Bas?" he said suddenly worried, "am I hurting you? Did I do something wrong?" he asked surprised that he hadn't even considered Sebastian's emotions or thoughts on the situation up until that moment. Now, he was worried he'd overstepped and what would Sebastian say, what would Sebastian think?

It was torture, sweet, sweet torture. From the moment he'd turned the light off and those commanding words had fallen from Kurt's lips, he'd been caught in the Devil's snare. God, he wanted Kurt so damned badly. The way that Kurt was undressing him, the comment of too many layers, it was almost too much to bear. He actually whimpered a little. "God Kurt…Please," Bas begged. "Put me out of my misery." He was so turned on and he really was tempted to take Kurt's hand and bring it to the proof of that arousal, but he didn't want to scare Kurt off.

Kurt smiled as he let his hands travel over Sebastian's torso and up to wind around Sebastian's neck before he leaned back and let himself fall onto the bed. Sebastian fell on top of him and Kurt swallowed the moan in his throat at the feel of Sebastian's weight and head against his body. He bent one leg at the knee his ankle rubbing against Sebastian's hip. He could hear Sebastian's breathing shallow and quick.

"Kiss me," Kurt said confidently. He didn't need to see Sebastian's face to know that Bas was shocked, but Kurt felt so powerful in that moment, so attractive. Sebastian obliged him. First, he pressed his lips to Kurt's in a chaste kiss, but then Kurt opened his mouth to him. Sebastian hesitated for a moment, and Kurt knew that he was trying to respect boundaries. So, Kurt helped him again by flicking his tongue across Sebastian's lip. Bas moaned deep in his throat before closing his lips over Kurt's and taking Kurt's invitation to explore. His tongue danced with Kurt's and explored every tiny crevice of Kurt's mouth almost as if he was staking claim on a territory. The thought made Kurt's heart leap wildly in his chest.

"Take this off," he said when Sebastian tore his lips away to catch his breath. He tugged on the sweatshirt and t-shirt underneath. "Please Bas. I need to feel your skin against me," Kurt begged. He felt Sebastian hesitate again, but moments later he obliged Kurt by pulling the shirt over Kurt's head.

Oh God help him! He was drowning in the taste of Kurt, the feel of Kurt's skin under his fingertips against his own, the blush on Kurt's cheeks, the noises that escaped those succulent, pouty lips. Sebastian wanted more. Every bridge that Kurt let him cross, every wall Kurt let him scale, Sebastian fell harder for the man under him. That was why he hesitated at every step. He was trying to talk down his own heart, to stop it from falling even though he knew the endeavor was fruitless. His hands now roamed over Kurt's perfect cream skin memorizing every single tiny fraction of it. He just let his fingers dance gently as he looked at Kurt's silhouette bathed in the light of the moon filtering in through the bedroom window.

Sebastian's lips needed to taste then and he did licking, nibbling, and sucking on that soft skin of Kurt's neck until Kurt was writhing and wiggling under him. The friction was absolutely wicked and Sebastian found himself pushing boundaries as his lips moved to Kurt's nipples to pay them attention. The way that Kurt arched against him and gasped his name only fueled Sebastian's fire. He swirled his tongue around one nipple teasing it into a hard peak before moving to the second. By the time he was done, Kurt was biting his wrist and wiggling against the building pressure.

Sebastian kissed lower down to Kurt's bellybutton where he dipped his tongue inside and playfully nipped beside it. Kurt's legs jerked a bit and Sebastian wound his arms around Kurt's thighs letting Kurt's legs drape over his shoulders for support. He nibbled on Kurt's hipbone playfully and was satisfied by the moan that Kurt elicited. He pushed the boundary further by licking along the waistband of the his flannel pajamas that Kurt had borrowed. Sebastian knew that he'd pushed too far when Kurt stiffened like a board under him his hands reaching for where Sebastian's tongue had been seconds before protectively. Sebastian held his breath waiting.

"I'm scared," Kurt admitted. Sebastian felt his heart clench. Was Kurt scared of him? Kurt paused for a moment before speaking again. "I'm not scared of you," he said quickly trying to reassure Sebastian. "I'm scared of myself," he admitted. "Even with my eyesight, I'm just an inexperienced baby penguin…and you…you're Casanova," Kurt admitted the idea daunting. "You're sexy and confident and I'm not any of those things," he felt a little sad at the thought. He also felt Sebastian let go of his legs and for a moment Sebastian's weight lifted off of him and tears began to prick at the corners of Kurt's eyes. This was it. Sebastian agreed with him, and because of his big mouth he'd just become that much less attractive. A silence descends, a silence in which Kurt could feel his heart threatening to crack in two.

It amazed him how such an incredible man as Kurt could be so insecure. There was something endearing about the hesitation. Hell, Sebastian had gone through it himself just moments earlier, but he feared that with Kurt this was something deeper. That it had to do with his impediment. Sebastian wondered if Kurt felt like less of a man or that he might not ever be able to do the things he use to do, like make love. Sebastian decided he needed to know, but first he had to reassure Kurt, so he exercised some patience and selected his words wisely.

"You are so not a baby penguin. The way you told me to turn off the lights and come to you? Do you have any idea how hot you sounded? And then...And then the way you just of your own volition started to undress me? That was sooooo hot," Sebastian said as he covered Kurt's shaking body with his own again. Almost instantly the shaking stopped, but Sebastian could see the tears in Kurt's eyes. "Baby," he said gently as he kissed the tears away. "What is it? Tell me! Why are you crying?" Sebastian pleaded between kisses.

"I…I was afraid you might not want me," Kurt admitted. "Maybe you were right," he said a little forlornly. "Maybe I am a girl. It takes me so long to…get in the mood," Kurt over exaggerated the expression and he rolled his eyes and huffed in frustration. The quick change was refreshing and it made Sebastian smile and peck Kurt's lips.

"So not a woman," Sebastian said as he kissed each of Kurt's cheeks slowly, his nose, and then his lips.

Kurt giggled in response and then huffed. "Case and point," he said frustrated. "I just…I'm not really someone that launches into intimacy. I like to ease into it," Kurt tried to explain. "It was hard enough when I could see, but now…not being able to see you, to read your body language," Kurt expelled a held breath. "It's hard," he admitted.

"Okay," Sebastian said after some thought. "So you take the reins and steer," he said resolutely. "I'm okay with that," and from the tone of his voice Kurt knew he was telling the truth.

So, Kurt let his hands explore all over Sebastian's torso, but the angle of feeling from below wasn't making things a bit awkward. "Can we switch?" Kurt asked hesitantly and when Sebastian captured his lips in response. Kurt told Bas to lie down and he straddled Sebastian. Running his hands first over Sebastian to map out his sinful body and bring it to life in his mind's eye. He then followed the trail with his lips kissing hesitantly and exploring. The moans and gasps that his mouth pulled from Sebastian slowly restored Kurt's confidence. Kurt climbed off of Sebastian then and lay beside him letting his hand dance across Sebastian's torso until it reached Sebastian's belt buckle.

He stilled for only a minute before undoing the belt with one hand, rather expertly, from feel alone. "Had a lot of practice with this?" Sebastian teased.

"I've undressed a lot of people," Kurt admitted and then realizing what he said he blushed scarlet and added, "for Vogue, of course."

"Of course," Sebastian laughed. Then, Sebastian could say nothing else because Kurt's fingers had undone the button and the zipper and now Kurt's fingers were ghosting over the waistband of his black silk boxers. Sebastian's groan caught in his throat as Kurt's hand slipped inside. Before Kurt could feel anything, Sebastian caught his wrist. Kurt gasped at the sudden movement and drew his hand away rather quickly like he'd been burned.

"No," Sebastian's voice came firm. "Don't you dare think that this has anything to do with you being blind," he said firmly, but Kurt was already shaking his head, trying to retreat. "Shit," Sebastian cursed as he flipped Kurt over and pinned him to the bed on his back covering his body again. "Listen," he said as he shook Kurt slightly, but Kurt was shaking his head no as tears streamed down his cheeks.

"You will listen," Sebastian said, "because I have the upper hand. I didn't tell you to stop because you're damaged Kurt," Sebastian said his voice firm, "which you are not, just for records sake. I told you to stop because if you didn't I wouldn't have been able to stop myself. I'm insanely turned on by you," Sebastian said as he took Kurt's hand and placed it over the bulge in his pants. He watched Kurt's facial expression change as realization dawned and it was the sexiest thing Sebastian had ever seen.

"You're not damaged," Sebastian said his voice pained because the thought of Kurt believing such a thing was painful. "You're gorgeous and beautiful and perfect," he said kissing the tears away again. "I want you, Kurt. I really, really want you, but I don't want to take you like this. I won't take you like this. Our timing sucks," Sebastian said as he let out a small laugh. "I don't think you realize how many times you've pushed my buttons this week, but you mean more to me than just a hurried tumble the night before you get on a plane to go several hundred miles away. When we finally do have sex, I don't want it to be the meaningless fucking that filled the majority of my teen years. Trust me I'm not the Casanova you think I am. Anyone can mindlessly fuck to orgasm. It's not that hard and it's certainly not special. The only person I've ever made love to was Michel. He taught me how to make love because all I knew before that was fucking," Sebastian explained.

"When you and I take that step, I don't want to just fuck you Kurt, though it's tempting, especially at the moment. But honestly, you deserve better than just some rushed fuck. When we take that step, you'll be staying with me and we'll make love. Sometimes in the past week you've legitimately not know what reactions you were pulling," Sebastian said his voice rough, "but tonight you knew exactly where you were taking this. It's okay that you changed your mind," Sebastian assured Kurt quickly, "and maybe I can even believe how it would be hard to see someone's reaction with your…condition," Sebastian said sensitively.

"Especially, if that someone was trying to behave and school their reactions, so as not to scare you away," Sebastian admitted. "But, now that you know Kurt, that you know what you do to me and how desperate I am for you, please don't push buttons just to torture me," Sebastian pleaded. "I have excellent self-control and I'll do anything to maintain it with you and go at your pace, but if you care for me at all please don't test me anymore. It's very painful for me," Sebastian admitted.

Kurt listened carefully to Sebastian's words overwhelmed by them. After long moments of silence, he finally settled on the words that he truly felt in his heart. "I don't deserve you Sebastian Smythe. You're the best thing to happen to me in a really long time. I just…I need you to know how much you matter, how much you matter to me," Kurt said hesitantly, "and how sorry I am," he added.

"Sorry for what? I don't want you to be sorry," Sebastian said shaking his head and fearing he hadn't communicated his thoughts clearly.

Kurt shook his head and allowed the smirk to spread over his lips. "No…I'm sorry because no amount of dry cleaning will save your dress pants," he let out a small chuckle.

Sebastian looked down at the damage that was surprised to see Kurt was right. He laughed too and captured Kurt's lips quickly whispering against them, "small price to pay."


	44. Chapter 44 Henri

**Chapter 44 **– Henri

Kurt woke up Saturday morning with Sebastian's arms around his waist, snuggled under a blanket his bare back against the warm skin of Sebastian's chest. He sighed contentedly and burrowed deeper under the blanket. Sebastian's arm closed around him and he pulled Kurt closer kissing the back of Kurt's neck and making goose-bumps appear. "Morning beautiful," Sebastian whispered in Kurt's ear before nipping the lobe playfully.

"Hi," Kurt whispered a bit shyly as a pretty pink blush rose to his cheeks. Sebastian's lips continued to trail down his back and Kurt shivered at the contact.

"Baby," Sebastian practically purred in Kurt's ear and the shivers intensified. "I was wondering if you'd do me a favor," he asked and his voice sounded hesitant which only made Kurt perk up with interest.

"Hmm?" he asked making a non-committal sound.

"I was wondering if you'd like to cross off another item from your list this morning," Sebastian said his voice a bit playful, a bit coy and now Kurt was really blushing.

"That depends, Bas," Kurt said playing along. "I want you to remember; however, that I matter," he said mimicking Sebastian's emotional voice from last night, "and that anyone can fuck to orgasm, but making love that's difficult. According to you, you want to make love to me," Kurt reasoned.

Sebastian rolled his eyes. "Touché," he said in perfect French. "I wanted to know if you'd agree to meet my grandfather, on Skype that is," he clarified.

"What now?" Kurt squeaked a bit worried. It was unexpected and this was the man that was, along with Michel, an inspiration to him.

"Yeah, I've been telling him about you and he's really been pestering me to meet you," Sebastian admitted, "but if you don't want to…" he added quickly sensing Kurt's hesitation and thinking somehow he overstepped.

"No Bas," Kurt tried to reassure Sebastian. "I'd love to meet your grandfather. I'm just worried that he…He won't approve of me," Kurt admitted realizing how important it was to him to have Sebastian's grandfather's approval. He was, after all, the only other blind person that Kurt knew, and an inspiration.

"He already loves you," Sebastian whispered in Kurt's ear and his voice sounded so genuine that Kurt believed the words that Sebastian spoke.

"Alright," he agreed, so after they ate, showered, and dressed Sebastian called his grandparents on Skype. He did tease Kurt before hand, however. Kurt was being fussy over his hair and clothes and Sebastian couldn't understand why when both he and Sebastian's grandfather were blind. "Your grandma isn't though," Kurt pointed out and Sebastian could not argue with that logic.

His grandmother started Skype on the French side. Sebastian began the conversation in French. "_Good evening, Grandmother_," Sebastian said instantaneously and watched his grandmother's face light up with a smile.

"_Bastian, it's so good to see you. How are you dear?_" his grandmother asked him.

"_I'm good grandmother. Grandmother, grandfather, please allow me to present to you, my Kurt_," Sebastian explained. Kurt listened carefully and his stomach did a funny little flip – 'his Kurt'?

"Hello Kurt, it is nice to meet you. Bastian has talked about you quite a bit," Sebastian's grandmother admitted her tone warm and heavily accented.

"_What does Kurt look like, Bastian?_" Sebastian's grandfather inquired.

Sebastian indulged his grandfather and described Kurt in eloquent, passionate detail. He was blushing by the end of it and grateful Kurt could not see the color in his cheeks. Sebastian's grandparents were whispering to each other and Sebastian had a feeling they were talking about him. He pouted. Hey, it was only fair. Wasn't it?

"_Do not pout, Bastian, it does not become you. Now, introduce us that we might begin to talk_," his grandfather chided.

"Kurt, this is my grandfather - Henri. Grandfather, this is Kurt Hummel. I'll leave you two to talk," he said as he stood to leave, but Kurt caught his shirt a look of panic on his face.

"What do you mean leave?" he said confused. "You don't have to go," he said a little worried.

"It is okay baby," Sebastian whispered against Kurt's ear. "I'm just in the other room. If you need me, call me. I just think that there are some things that you would feel more comfortable saying to my grandfather without me present. Grandmother will leave you to talk as well," Sebastian explained. He didn't add that Henri wanted to measure and weigh Kurt that would only make his baby more nervous. 'His baby…Where the hell had that come from?' Sebastian thought as he waved to his grandmother and watched her leave the room as well. He turned then and gave Kurt his privacy. 'Yeah! Everything would be alright,' he thought. Sebastian trusted both men in the room implicitly.

Kurt held his breath and waited for Henri to speak first, out of deference. "It is nice to meet you, Kurt. Are you more comfortable speaking in English or French?" Henri inquired. His English was very good, but heavily accented.

_"It is nice to meet you," _Kurt said hesitantly not sure how this conversation would go. "_I can speak in both English and French," _he said simply and waited for Henri to say something.

Henri was delighted to hear Kurt respond in French. _"Ah very good. I can converse in English, but French is much easier for me. Sebastian has not gone into details, but he has mentioned that you have not always been blind. I was delighted when he requested things to start learning Braille again. If you have questions, I will do my best to answer them. I know that there were many times in the beginning when I wished there was someone to talk to who understood,"_Henri explained.

Kurt let out a breath he'd been holding. "_I feel the same way,"_ he admitted. "_My family has been nothing but supportive and Bas..._" Kurt was about to say something but realized he was talking to Sebastian's grandfather and cut himself short. He opted for, _"I feel lucky. However, it is quite different when you feel it on your own skin. Is it not?_"

"_Yes, very different. You need not censor yourself with me, Kurt. Sebastian is my grandson, yes, and I do love him dearly, but I can keep secrets very well. Whatever you say, will be kept in confidence if you ask it of me. Do not hold back your words. What you feel, what you think, it is all important. I am not here to judge you. I am here to listen and to offer advice if you need it. You mean a lot to my grandson, as is obvious by the fact that he wished for us to speak, but I also admit that I am curious to know more about you. This is not the first time I have heard the name Kurt Hummel spoken," _Henri chuckled.

Kurt felt his cheeks flame. _"I am sure that in the past it was spoken with snark and sass and sarcasm,_" Kurt said carefully.

Henry chuckled and spoke, _"it was at first, but even then I could tell he enjoyed sparring with you verbally. He never sounded so alive, so vibrant as he did when he spoke of the prissy young man that was the thorn in his side back then." _

Kurt heard Henri's words and blushed. Sebastian had spoken of him even then. _"I feel like the connection with your grandson...It is so unexpected. It feels like a gift, but I..._" Kurt admitted, but still he censored himself. He was afraid now that Sebastian might walk in. That he might be listening to the conversation.

Henri was quiet while he took in the words. "_Every single day is a gift, Kurt. This connection you feel with Sebastian could be the greatest gift if you allow it to be. Just so you know, he will keep himself busy until you call out to him. He knows this talk should be private. He won't like it but he will do it because he cares about you,"_ Henri informed Kurt. Sebastian was doing work on his laptop, he had put in his headphones to block things out enough that he couldn't eavesdrop, but not so much that he wouldn't be able to hear Kurt if the other man needed him.

_"I know he wants to help me,_" Kurt said thinking of the surgery, _"but I don't think he can. I don't think anyone can."_

"_Ultimately, blind or not, every choice you must make is yours and yours alone, but everyone who cares about you, everyone who worries for you and supports you can help you. They can lend you strength when you feel weak, but you have to let them do this. Those we care about feel helpless when there is nothing they can do but stand by and watch us fall apart. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is to let people in, but we are better for it when we do."_

_"I have let people in before,"_ Kurt said cautiously. _"I need..._" What did he need? _"If I could just know that he would be happy. If I had some sort of guarantee than I feel like I could find the strength,_" Kurt half mused. _"Sebastian is lucky_," Kurt said finally, _"lucky that it was death and such a passionate one that tore this amazing man out of his life. Michel, he touches people's lives even now when he is gone. I...When I'm gone whose life will I have changed for the better? No!_" Kurt said firmly. _"This is right. I have to protect him Monsieur Henri_," Kurt said his voice passionate, _"I have to keep his heart safe. I made an oath...a promise that I can't break. Can you understand that?_" Kurt asked desperately trying to explain, but making little sense.

Henri pondered those words carefully. He understood the feeling, but he knew that there was far more to life. "_You touch the life of everyone you call family or friend, Kurt. Everyone who meets you, who comes to care for you, is better for having you in their life. I may not know you well, but already I can tell the great change you have brought in Sebastian. He is alive again, vibrant in a way I have not heard from him since he was in high school."_

_"Your grandson, he's unlike any man that I have ever known. From the moment I first met him, he challenged me and thrilled me. He inspired me to reach for the best, to not accept that this is it, but that's a part of this condition. Isn't it? Acceptance! I hate it," _Kurt said his voice breaking from anger and grief. _"I can't...I can't live like this in the darkness and the shadows. I won't!_" It was only after he said it that he realized how true it was and who he said it to, but part of him had meant literally because of the surgery, part of him had meant metaphorically. Still he felt like he should apologize, so he did.

"_Acceptance is different for everyone. If your condition can be fixed then you do not have to accept it beyond the amount you need to in order to function until it is fixed. If it is permanent then yes, eventually you need to adapt to it, but even after all the years that have passed, I still do not accept being blind, Kurt. I hate it. I hate that I have never seen the faces of my children or grandchildren, but this is my life and I must make of it what I can. What other choice do I have? As the old adage says, get busy living or get busy dying. Do not apologize for what you feel. I have been blind longer than I was sighted and there are still days when I get very angry because of the unfairness of it all. We are allowed to feel what we feel, Kurt. If venting this now helps you then please feel free. I am sure I have echoed every feeling you are experiencing at some point."_

Kurt was shocked. From the way Sebastian spoke of his grandfather and his condition Kurt was not expecting Henri to admit such strong feelings. _"I need to ask you a question_," Kurt said carefully. _"Please...All I ask is that you answer it as honestly as possible. If someone told you that there was a chance that you could see again, see the faces of your children, if only for a moment, but the surgery to return your sight came at a great risk - death. Or, you could live out a full life blind. If...If someone had told you this when you first...Right after," _Kurt said not sure how to phrase everything and feeling overwhelmed. _"Would you trade it? Trade this life of darkness for just one moment to step into the light again, to see your children?"_

He thought long and hard on the question. "_That is a hard question to answer. For just one moment? I am not sure. If it was a risk where I could die if it failed but could live a full life and see afterwards - that would be worth it. I may hate this life I have been consigned to, but I love my family very much. I may not have seen it, but I have been there for it all. I was there for the birth of my children. I held my grandchildren in my arms. That is too precious a gift. One moment would not be enough. It would be too cruel. I would want it all or nothing,"_ Henri answered honestly.

Kurt laughed then. It was somewhere between a laugh and a sob because Henri had just handed him the Golden Egg, the answer to the ultimate question. _"If life was a game of poker, what if winning the hand gave you your sight, but losing it robbed you of your life?_" Kurt mused. _"Is this not a high price indeed?"_

* * *

Items Completed on Lists:

KL#7: Meet Sebastian Smythe's grandfather who is an inspiration.


	45. Chapter 45 The Fall of Duval

**Athena's Note: **Hey guys. Michel's List is doing so well here on Fanfiction. We'd really like to see it move up the Glee ranking of Reviews, Favorites, and Follows, so if you're just joining us please follow the story. If you've been reading make sure we're in your Favorites and Follows folders. Thank you so much for the amazing support. Also, if you'd like to get more of Sebastian and Kurt please check out our other story In Your Dreams. It's got a bit of a different feel, but the boys still have that undeniable chemistry. Finally, this chapter was written mostly by me.

**Chapter 45** – The Fall of Duval

Stress didn't even begin to describe Nick Duval's life. Aside from this massive case that he and Sebastian were working on, his personal life with Jeff wasn't working. He and Jeff had such busy hectic schedules that they weren't able to see much of each other and when they did see each other they weren't communicating clearly or at all. Because of the choices that Nick had made in his life to date concerning Jeff, he knew and expected to be kept at arm's length. Jeff was protecting his heart. However, Nick would never get use to the feeling of Jeff having to protect his heart from Nick. While Nick fully expected to be tested and jump through fire, he didn't expect for it to last two years. Lately, Nick was starting to believe that Jeff would test him for the rest of his life. It wasn't something that Nick was sure he could handle.

Nick felt like he was at the end of the line and he had no idea what to do, walking in through his front door was a challenge. He had to do mental exercises just to do so. He couldn't even remember the last time he'd kissed Jeff properly with any bit of passion, meaning or feeling. What made it worse was the feeling that Jeff didn't trust him. They were starting to argue about small stuff and blow it out of proportion. He was beginning to see evidence for how his presence alone was making Jeff sad and depressed. He hated that. Nothing about their relationship was fun, innocent or happy anymore. It was almost like Jeff clung to the memory of his relationship with Kurt. Nick was always being weighed and measured. He felt like he was always falling short - literally and metaphorically. He hated to think it, but he might have to live by the creed if you love something let it go.

Then there was Sebastian. There was nothing in the world the man could do or feel and hide it from Nick. That's how well they knew each other by now. They'd been there for each other at Dalton, a secret friendship, but it was surviving Harvard Law together that had made them brothers. When Michel managed to worm his way into Sebastian's heart and bring out the man that Nick knew into the sun for the whole world to see, Nick could do nothing but fall at Michel's feet. The man was infectious, and not liking him was impossible. The day Michel died the New York Warblers lost a good friend and an honorary member, but Sebastian lost the man that he loved. For months, Nick feared that he would never get his brother back, and then there was the List.

Sebastian mulled over it for months finally deciding just before he left for Lima that he would try to complete the List. It seemed like the only right thing to do, for Michel and for himself. When Sebastian came back from Lima, he was a changed man with a new lease on life, but it wasn't until later that Nick discovered the man responsible for his brother's reemerging into the land of the living was none other than Kurt Hummel. When Kurt was at Dalton, Nick didn't really have a problem with him. Sure he found him stuck up and prissy and entirely too groomed, but to each his own. Not even Jeff's fascination with the boy bothered him.

After all, he had the Pentagon and he had Jeff. The Pentagon was a group of Warblers that had bonded over numerous common interests and had become a family. Before they'd indoctrinated Thad and Trent into their mix it was Richard, David, Wes, Blaine and Nick, thus the name the Pentagon. How one became part of the Pentagon was not really known, but once that person was in it was literally like they were part of a gang. Nick would be the first to admit that the Pentagon was incredibly selective and bias. They had their reasons for accepting or rejecting someone and those reasons weren't always necessarily logical. They were, for all intensive purposes, a secret society.

For instance, the Pentagon had elected not to indoctrinate Jeff because he was of such a fragile constitution during his time at Dalton. The decision caused Jeff a lot of undo sadness and stress. As a result, the Pentagon meetings were the first thing that Nick actively concealed and refused to talk about with Jeff. They both knew that Nick was in and Jeff was out. They both knew that Nick still attended meeting, but they didn't talk about it. This made Jeff sad and vulnerable and left space open in his heart for a new friend. Enter one Kurt Hummel.

Kurt arrived the year after Richard graduated from Dalton. Kurt's friendship with Jeff irked Nick slightly, but he didn't feel that he had a right to say anything as he was attending Pentagon meetings without Jeff. At that time, Nick was confident, however, that no matter what came between them that in the end it would be him and Jeff forever. Just thinking about it now, his lips tugged into a sad smile. So, while Nick felt comfortable about Jeff, he didn't anticipate losing one of his brothers. When Blaine transferred to McKinley, it was like a knife through his heart and that was the first strike against Kurt Hummel. Nick and Blaine had managed to draw closer during their last few years of college, a fact that, incidentally, irked Sebastian, their relationship was never really the same. Though Nick knew that it was irrational, he still blamed Kurt for the fact that his relationship with Blaine was never the same again. Trent's indoctrination into the Pentagon resulted in their common view on this issue.

The second strike against Kurt came while Nick was at Harvard. Nick kept close tabs on Jeff's life while they weren't speaking. The knowledge that Jeff was dating Kurt was like a knife through his heart. At Dalton, Jeff idolized Kurt for reasons that Nick still couldn't figure out. Despite how cool Kurt turned out to be afterwards. The boy that attended Dalton was, most definitely, not cool if anything he was disturbingly feminine. Nick was the last person in the world to judge on sexuality seeing as how he identified himself as Pansexual, but boys like Kurt who were into fashion and hanging out with girls most definitely didn't attract Nick, in the least. The fact that Jeff was attracted to Kurt, and they'd always seemed to connect on a deeper, more spiritual level bothered Nick. The fact that Kurt had just walked away from Jeff when Nick had walked back toward him disturbed Nick further. It made him feel like he owed Kurt Hummel…well everything. He loathed that feeling.

The final strike came, however, when Sebastian came back to New York from Lima and couldn't shut up about one Kurt Hummel. It was then that Nick decided that Kurt was a warlock that had cast a spell on his brother. Hell on all the men around him, and something had to be done to stop him. The only problem was that Nick couldn't decide on what to do and how to do it now that Kurt had clearly bewitched Sebastian. Any comment that Nick made against Kurt, would most definitely make him the enemy in Sebastian's eyes. He also understood that while Kurt had hundreds upon hundreds of friends to talk to Sebastian really only had him, so he couldn't be angry at Bas for talking.

Since he couldn't be angry at Sebastian for talking that left his anger only one outlet – Kurt. What was it that Cubby called the phenomenon? Oh yes – transference! While Nick knew that it was petty and childish, he couldn't stop himself from becoming angrier and angrier the more Sebastian mentioned Kurt. As a lawyer, Nick understood that part of his stress was coming from this massive case that he and Sebastian were working on. Another very prominent source of frustration was the current state of his relationship with Jeff. However, all of these negative thoughts and feelings boiled to the surface when he heard the name Kurt Hummel. He knew it was irrational, but he really had begun to funnel all of his negative thoughts and feelings onto Kurt and he couldn't stop himself.

It was with these feelings swimming around inside of him that Nick Duval began the week before his Halloween party. The feelings only grew and multiplied with each passing day that Sebastian left work early to spend time with Kurt and transferred his workload onto Nick. Richard's seemingly infinite tolerance of the situation only exacerbated Nick's feelings. Though Nick was in general glad of Richard's acceptance of Sebastian in this case he was just annoyed. After all, Richard Woolsey was their boss, a former Warbler like them, and a Pentagon brother. The Pentagon had indoctrinated Sebastian into the mix after they heard what he'd done for Nick during their Harvard years together.

Richard's understanding, at any other time, would have been wonderful, except now when Nick literally didn't make it home until past midnight every night that week. Richard's actions toward Sebastian felt like a betrayal towards Nick. It was then that he knew that he was burying some serious feelings and it was only a matter of time that they erupted to the surface. Nick dreaded the moment when they did. He didn't even know how they were going to get through this party today and Jeff wanted to throw it because it had once been their thing together.

His feelings of negativity toward Kurt grew when Sebastian suggested he not tell Jeff that Kurt was in town all week before the party because Kurt's week was already full with commitments. Certainly, the idea that Jeff was last on Kurt's list would give Jeff grief. While Sebastian had a point, the lie made Kurt look amazing because here he was coming into town just for their party when in fact he'd been in town all week and just hadn't had the time to see Jeff. In the meantime, Nick had to suffer with listening to Sebastian mention Kurt every three seconds while they were at work.

When he told Jeff that Kurt may come into town for the party, the look of glee in Jeff's eyes was a knife to his heart. That look hadn't appeared on his lover's face for months and now the mere mention of the possibility of Kurt Hummel coming brought it out of him. The next suggestion out of Jeff's mouth was probably what had broken Nick and from that moment on, for the rest of the week, he simply just bled from the gaping wound in his heart. Jeff suggested to Nick that he convince David to take Blaine to his office Halloween party and make Blaine believe that David couldn't do without him because Kurt and Blaine were fighting and they couldn't risk having them in the same space. The idea that he had to put Kurt Hummel before his brother nearly killed Nick. He didn't realize how much the simple innocent suggestion from Jeff would eat away at him until everything came to a head last night.

Nick woke up early that Saturday morning, the morning of their Halloween party. Unable to fall back asleep, he lay there staring at the ceiling, the lyrics of Lifehouse's All In playing over and over again in his mind. "_All night staring at the ceiling, counting for minutes, I've been feeling this way, so far away and so alone, but you know it's alright I came to my senses, let go, of my defenses. There's no way, I'm giving up this time. Yeah, you know I'm right here. I'm not losing you this time._" Nick couldn't stop the conversation of the night before from playing out over and over again in his mind. Why had he been so angry? Well...He knew why. But, why had he said all those things? Well...He knew that too. The grief and guilt over the words he'd spoken began to eat away at him.

"Well I'll see you tomorrow then Nick," Sebastian said packing up an hour early again like he'd done all this week and left Nick to take care of the case details on his own. They were so close to the trial date. Nick could really use Sebastian's help, but Bas had been more than occupied this last week. It had taken every ounce of willpower for Nick to not say anything, to bite his tongue. It was Sebastian's life, after all, and Nick had no right to tell him how to live it.

What made it worse was that he saw that Sebastian was headed toward heartache, but he knew by telling his brother this he would become the messenger. Sebastian would do what he wanted, like he did all the time. Nick didn't know if he could survive seeing Sebastian heartbroken, dead on the inside, dead on the outside again, walking around like a ghost. He'd watched it happen too many times since they'd met and each time was more horrific than before. Honestly, he didn't know if Sebastian had it in him to do it again. Nick certainly didn't.

But, whatever he said to Sebastian would fall on deaf ears. Sebastian was strong and willful. Once he'd made up his mind it was made up and no matter what Nick said he couldn't change that. Somehow, however, whatever was happening with him and Jeff gave him more cause to speak. Nick knew everything that had transpired between Kurt and Jeff while he was away at Harvard. More importantly he knew that he'd kept Kurt's identity as Jeff's previous boyfriend from Sebastian while they were at Harvard. Hell, he'd kept everything regarding Jeff and their separation largely to himself until they'd almost finished college and the damn inside of Nick had broken. What Sebastian had done for him afterwards, Nick would never be able to repay. After Kurt stepped away from Jeff, Nick felt like it was time to move on. Some secrets were better left unspoken. What was the point of drudging up the whole story after it was all said and done? The more time passed the less sense it made to bring anything up that was until Sebastian returned from Lima with Kurt's name on his lips.

Knowing everything that Nick knew finally drove him to break his silence, well at least partially. He couldn't let Kurt Hummel take one more man that he knew away from him. To have Sebastian bewitched by Kurt was the last straw. He had to speak even if Sebastian was angry with him, hated him, afterwards. It was a risk that had to be taken. Nick could bare it no longer. He had to speak. "What are you doing?" Nick said his voice clearly housing the anger he'd been feeling for weeks and displaying it as aggravation.

"Going home," Sebastian said looking at Nick a bit confused like clearly it was obvious what was happening.

"The hell you are," Nick said standing furiously and slamming the stack of papers he held in his hand on the desk. "All week, all week I've been covering for you so that you could go play footsie with Princess," Nick spat out angrily. "Two and a half months Sebastian...Two and a half fucking months, so I'm going to ask you again. What the hell are you doing? Have you lost your mind? What happened to you, man? What happened to my logical, rational, snarky, sarcastic brother? All of a sudden you're holding hands and skipping through fields of daisies. Jesus man, you never did that with...At least with Michel you were still yourself, but this...this is ridiculous you've become a fucking nanny, and a prissy one at that."

Nick remembered Sebastian's expression. It was clear how much Nick's words had wounded him. He hadn't meant to say them so harshly. Looking back now, he supposed it had to do with keeping them bottled up for so long. "That's not fair and you know it, Nick," Sebastian retorted and Nick remembered Sebastian's shoulders squaring in preparation for the fight that he was now clearly anticipating.

"Okay so maybe I'm a little distracted but... he's here. He's in New York - a place he didn't think he'd ever be again after the accident took away his sight. I care about him Nick and I can't stop it from happening - don't you think I tried? I know how dangerous he could be to my heart but... just seeing him smile, seeing him coming back to himself... It makes me feel like I can do anything. He's just here this week and then he's going back to Lima. Why is it so wrong that I'm happy? Why is it so wrong that I want his first week back to New York to be a good one? If this was anyone else you'd be happy for me, but it's because it's Kurt - isn't it?" Sebastian challenged him.

Of course, it was because it was Kurt, but Nick couldn't admit that without admitting everything to Sebastian and he would rather pull steel needles from his cheeks. "It's wrong because he'll rip your heart out of your chest. I've seen him do so before, and I'll be damned if I see it happen with you. Goddamn it Bas. Men like Kurt don't love men like us," Nick said running a hand through his hair in frustration and there was the point. This was only half about Kurt and Sebastian because the other half of Nick's mind was on Jeff, and Jeff's secret language with Kurt. How Kurt and Jeff were cut from the same cloth and how no matter what Nick did he would never be good enough, never measure up.

"I appreciate that you want to protect me but I promised myself after Michel died that I wouldn't hide away, that I wouldn't close my heart off. I promised him that I would keep living. If I'm living in fear of being hurt, then I'm not really living, and men like Kurt can so love men like us," Nick remembered Sebastian insisting.

"Bas," Nick said biting his bottom lip as he looked at his brother helplessly when he saw there would be no talking to Sebastian. He groaned angrily. "Fine then...Don't listen to me, but you're not leaving early tonight, not tonight. I've been working my ass off all week just so your selfish hide can go be with Kurt. I'm done. I need to get home to Jeff, so you figure it out," he said angrily as he stalked out of the room leaving Sebastian staring after him in shock.


	46. Chapter 46 Into the Storm

**Authors Note: **Michel's List has been on hiatus for a month. To find out why and see how you can help click on my profile and then the link Save Michel's List to be directed to my tumblr blog. Please...We can't keep this story going without you! We appreciate the fans of Michel's List and realize we, as well as this story, would be nothing without you. Please help us finish this amazing journey with you.

**Chapter 46** – Into the Storm

Sebastian had been forced to call Kurt and let him know that he was stuck at work for another hour as something had come up and he was left alone to fix it. He'd hated that and he fully planned on taking revenge on Nick for it at some point. Any other time and Sebastian would have been all too happy to comply but this week? Time was too short for something to be taking more time away from him. Fucking Duval had to tie his hands. Maybe he deserved it but why couldn't Nick understand?

Nick sigh softly as he stared up at the ceiling his heart hammering in his chest. He was such a stupid idiot. Sebastian was just trying to help him, to be there for him, to find happiness after Michel, and because Nick couldn't deal with everything that was happening to him and Jeff he'd taken it out on Bas. He supposed it also had to do with the fact that Sebastian hadn't stopped talking about Kurt. Nick understood that he needed someone to vent all of his excitement to but the more Sebastian talked the more Nick hated Kurt, hated him not just because Sebastian didn't want to talk about anything else, but because Jeff, in their time of distress, had started comparing Nick to Kurt. Nick knew he didn't measure up.

He lay there in bed staring at the ceiling with the knot in his chest building. When he heard Jeff stir beside him, he couldn't handle the emotions right then, so he closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He knew it was the cowardly thing to do, but he just couldn't handle those chocolate brown eyes staring at him with such hope and sadness like the eyes of a small, trusting puppy. Nick really felt like a jackass then. It was his job to make Jeff happy, to brighten his world if even just a little, but nowadays all he was doing was making Jeff's life miserable.

Jeff woke in stages and when he was finally completely awake he rolled over to look at Nick. He loved the man so much it hurt sometimes. He didn't know what he would do without Nick in his life but for some reason he couldn't get Nick to believe that he loved him as much as he did. Something was broken between them. He wasn't sure how exactly or why but he could see the effects of it. He just wished he could find what it was so he could fix it. He curled up against Nick, laying his head on his beloved's chest over his heart and cuddling as close as he could.

Nick tried hard to even out his breathing, but Jeff's fingertips dancing across his chest were making it impossible. Part of the problem was his insane desire for his fiancée. He wanted him. He wanted him so desperately, but because of his previous mistakes Jeff had set up all these checkpoints and hoops to test Nick's loyalty and devotion. One giant, insurmountable roadblock was no sex until they were married. This would be okay for Nick if he didn't want Jeff so Goddamn much. Touching Jeff without being able to share that with him killed Nick. So, he did the only thing he could that was in his power to do, he stopped touching Jeff. Now, trying to avoid a confrontation, he fought hard to appear asleep.

It wasn't that Jeff didn't trust Nick and didn't love him. He did love him - very much. But he had always wanted to wait until he was married before giving that part of himself away. Maybe it was foolish to dream of that, but it was a dream he'd had and was still clinging to. He worried about Nick. The fact that Nick didn't touch him anymore hurt. He wondered what he'd done wrong. They never talked about things anymore. It was a life of avoidance and it was starting to eat away at Jeff. He sighed and cuddled closer, pressing himself against Nick. He just wanted to be in as much contact with him as possible. "I love you so much Nicky... so much," he whispered softly as he cuddled closer.

Jeff's long fingers danced under Nick's shirt to touch his skin. Nick fought every single impulse in him to cover Jeff's hand to guide it to places where he wanted it to go. Every flutter of Jeff's fingertips killed something inside of Nick until he couldn't bare it any longer. He grabbed Jeff's hand and pressed it against his heart. "Don't," he choked out his voice sounding pained but his eyes pinning Jeff with an intractable gaze. "Don't touch me."

He squeaked when he was told don't, and the pained sound of Nick's voice killed him. He swallowed hard and pulled away from Nick looking wounded. "I... I'm sorry," he said softly. "I just...I miss you so much Nicky...You don't hug me much anymore. You don't want to kiss me. Do...do you not love me anymore?" he asked sounding so heartbroken at even the vague possibility that the answer to that question was 'no, Nick didn't love him anymore.'

"Don't ask stupid questions Jeff. They're annoying as fuck," Nick sighed, anger bubbling up inside of him. He closed his eyes again and pressed his fingers to his temple. He couldn't stand the look that Jeff sent him. It was killing him, literally.

"Then why do you keep pushing me away? We live together, we sleep in the same bed, but I feel further away from you now than I've felt almost ever," Jeff whimpered. "Where are you Three? Your body is here but are you? It doesn't feel like you are. It feels like I'm losing you and I don't know why and I don't know how to fix it. Seeing you hurting and sad kills me but you won't let me do anything to help - you won't even tell me what's wrong so how else am I supposed to feel?" he demanded, his voice sounding on the verge of tears.

"Don't cry," Nick said angrily as he flew off the bed staring down at Jeff, looming over him like some menacing anger ball. "Do you intend to make good on your caresses Six?" Nick asked running a hand through his hair in a frustrated nervous fashion. When Jeff didn't answer only averted his gaze, Nick threw his hands in the air and let them fall back to his sides in defeat. "Exactly, just what I freaking thought. Don't touch me then," Nick yelled angrily.

"Why is it so wrong that I want to wait until we are married until we have sex? You've know I've wanted that ever since I could understand what all that meant. I've been saving myself for my husband and you know that or at least you did. But, we can do other things. We used to do other things. Is that not good enough for you anymore? Do you want sex that badly?" he asked that wounded tone only getting worse.

"Your husband," Nick whispered as he pinned Jeff with such a pained desperate look. 'Aren't I your husband, Jeffy?' Nick thought to himself. However, Jeff wouldn't marry him so they were at an impasse. Maybe Nick had committed an unforgivable crime, maybe he didn't need to be forgiven. "I'm sorry Jeff," Nick said defeated, and he wasn't sure what he was apologizing for. Jeff knew it was serious; however, because Nick never called him Jeff when he was happy. "I need some air," he announced as he made short order of getting dressed and escaping out the front door doing his very best to drown out Jeff's silent sobs.

When Nick got up and left, Jeff collapsed onto their bed crying. When the door closed, the quiet tears became full out, heart wrenching sobs. How had his life come to this? How was it that the person he loved most in the entire world was pulling away from him again?

Nick knew exactly where he needed to go, but initially he couldn't bring himself to do so. He knew that everything with Jeff was broken. He'd walked out on the love of his life again, but those problems between them seemed insurmountable. At least his problems with Sebastian could be fixed with a conversation, he didn't even think about Kurt being there really. He knew that he had to make at least this one thing right. He had to fix what was in his control. He didn't even know what would happen. They were supposed to be throwing this giant Halloween party tonight, but Nick was nowhere in the mood for celebrating. Actually, what he was in the mood for was running, escaping, just taking a car and getting the hell out of Dodge.

After the conversation with Henri wrapped up, Sebastian went to take a quick shower. Kurt suggested they go for a bit of a walk and maybe try to find an appropriate Halloween gift for Niff for the party tonight. Kurt was sitting on the couch petting Lily when the doorbell rang. He panicked. What should he do? Should he answer it? Could he even find the door? He stood tentatively. "Who is it?"

Nick heard Kurt's voice and he wanted to turn, wanted to run, but he was here to see Sebastian to set everything straight. He couldn't quell the anger that boiled up inside of him at having to converse with Kurt. He knew it was irrational that he was putting all of his anger and frustration onto Kurt. He needed someone to blame for not being good enough for Jeff, for his brother not having time for him anymore, for having to not invite Blaine and David to the party because Kurt was coming, for Jeff always getting his way because of penance that Nick would have to be paying for the rest of his life for the choices he'd made. What did David call it? Projecting! But, damn it, Nick couldn't help it. All this flitted through his mind in a second, but he forced himself to answer. "Kurt, it's Nick. Open the door...Please," he added.

He was surprised when he heard Nick's voice. He wondered what had brought Nick to Sebastian's. Clearly Nick knew that he was there though Jeff had yet to be told about it. It was supposed to be a surprise. There was something in the tone of Nick's voice that sounded off to Kurt. He hadn't been in Nick's presence since before the accident and he didn't know Nick as well as he knew Jeff, but he still felt like something was off.

The tap - tap - tap sound could be heard as Kurt approached the door, his cane guiding him around any obstacles. He heard a soft mewing and stooped down to pick Lily up so she wouldn't try for the door when he opened it. He felt around until he found the locks and undid them, opening the door and standing to the side. "Hello, Nick," he said softly.

Nick stepped inside the apartment, his eyes falling on Kurt. Despite all the anger he felt, something inside of him turned at the sight of Kurt blind. Nick knew that Kurt didn't deserve this fate. He wanted to tell Kurt how sorry he was, but he couldn't bring himself to say it. What a strange dichotomy. "Is Bas around?" Nick asked unsure of what to say.

"He's in the shower," Kurt said simply. There wasn't much else to say beyond that. Lily squeak mewed at the new person in her space as the door shut. She squirmed in Kurt's arms. "I think Lily wants to know who the new person in her space is." Kurt chuckled as he set the wriggling little ball of fur down. She immediately bounded over to Nick, sniffing all around his feet before rubbing against his legs and mewing up at him.

Well damn! There was absolutely no way that tough guy Nick Duval could keep from melting at the sight of the kitten. "Hi Lily," Nick said reaching down to scratch behind her ear and she meowed passionately. He paid Lily a bit more attention and then rose back to his feet. "I didn't mean to intrude," he began. "And, just so you know, he hasn't been going around telling everyone about you. He just needed an outlet," Nick said the phrase sounding a bit more defensive than he intended.

Lily loved the attention, but when the attention stopped she started wending herself around his legs again in a bid for more attention. When that didn't work she went back to Kurt and did the same until he picked her up again. She began purring contentedly when he cuddled her and pet her. "He's free to tell whoever he wishes that I'm here. I never told him he couldn't. I've been making contact with people I pushed away after the accident and trying to use this trip here for more than just bringing Lily to her daddy. I've made amends with almost everyone I intended to," Kurt explained.

"How lovely for you," Nick said sarcastically and he couldn't bite back the comment. God he hated this. What did Kurt have that he didn't? "You don't deserve him Kurt," Nick said frustrated at the situation. "If you intend on hurting him, please do it now when he isn't in too deep. I don't know what this is for you, but he's been through too much to have his heart crushed again. Losing Michel...It nearly broke him," Nick said, "so unless you're serious about this, serious about staying with him for a good long time, please just walk away now."

He is startled by Nick's words and a little confused, but then some of the words spark him off. "And who are you to tell me who I do or do not deserve?" he bit back. He wanted to tell Nick that he didn't deserve Jeff, but he would stay out of it so long as Jeff was happy because he knew that Nick and Jeff were soul-mates. Right now, however, Nick's words were angering him far too much to try to be nice.

"You have no right to tell either me or Sebastian what to do in this situation. Right now, we are just learning more about each other. I don't see how that is a bad thing. He has been kinder to me than he had any right to be. He pulled me out of the darkness I threw myself into after the accident. I'm not just going to walk away from him Nick. That's what you do," Kurt hissed.

The rage inside of Nick was ignited by those words. What the hell did Kurt Hummel know about his life? If they were really going to do this, trade stories on whose life was more difficult, Nick was certain that he could win the battle. "Don't you dare talk about things that you have no idea about," Nick hissed back, "and as far as who I am, I'm the one that appreciated him for who he was and saw the man in him from the beginning even before Michel when all you saw was some snarky ass combative kid."

Kurt knew enough. He'd been there and picked up the shattered pieces of Jeff. Jeff had been more than kind enough to return the favor. They had helped each other heal and find themselves again. Their friendship was stronger now than ever before because of it, or at least it had been before the accident. "Then, by all means, enlighten me Nicholas," Kurt sneered.

"I don't owe you anything, Kurt," Nick said angrily. "Where the hell do you get off calling me Nicholas? There are only two people in this world that can call me that and still stay standing. You aren't one of them. If you weren't blind..." Nick said maliciously. "As for Sebastian being my friend...He's my brother Kurt. You think because you've been in his life for two months you know him better than I do. You'll hurt him, and the worst part is he'll let you. How can you live with yourself? What in God's name makes you so fucking special?"


	47. Chapter 47 Confrontation

**Authors Note: **Michel's List has been on hiatus for because CeredwenFlame is in real trouble. To find how you can help click on my profile and then the link Save Michel's List to be directed to my tumblr blog. Please...We can't keep this story going without you! We appreciate the fans of Michel's List and realize we, as well as this story, would be nothing without you. Please help us finish this amazing journey with you.

**Chapter 47** - Confrontation

"I'm not special, not any more special than anyone else. But he saw me and pulled me out of the darkness that I'd allowed myself to fall into. He's helped me make amends with people, inspired me to live again. I owe him and Michel so much. I don't intend to repay that debt with the pain you seem to think I'm going to cause him. All I want is to get to know Sebastian. Even if we end up as nothing more than friends, I feel so lucky, so grateful to be allowed to be in his life, in whatever capacity that may be," Kurt explained.

"You're right about one thing though. I never really saw Sebastian in high school. I was too wrapped up in my own problems. If I stopped to look, I would have realized what an amazing person was hidden behind all of that pain, but something tells me this isn't only about Sebastian. Is it? So, why don't you tell me why you're really pissed at me right now? I don't doubt that your worry over your brother is part of it, but something tells me it's not everything. Get it off your chest. Don't let my being blind stop you."

"Trust me, I won't let anything stop me from telling you what I feel about you," Nick promised.

"Tell me then," Kurt challenged. "I'm, as they say, all ears." The challenge had been issued, Kurt paused and listened to the silence descend on them. Nick's silence was galling Kurt to no end. He was really trying to reach out a helping hand, but how could he put this all behind them if Nick wasn't willing to.

Nick fought with the feelings raging inside of him. He wasn't ready to let this go. He wasn't nearly ready to let it go, and Kurt offering him an olive branch only seemed to fuel his rage more. He had so much to say, so much to get off of his chest and if he didn't do it now Nick knew he would never have the courage to. More importantly, however, Nick's self-control was hanging by a thread. He knew better than anyone from his studies in law that once something was said, once it was out there, it could not be taken back. What would the repercussions of his words bring if Nick couldn't hold them back? Would this be the downfall of Nicholas Duval?

"Fine then, play your little game. Bristle and brood all you want. Don't try to resolve anything. I expect any moment now, I'll be hearing the door slam signaling you've run away. That is your way, after all. Isn't it?" Kurt braced then for impact because he knew that particular parting shot was going to either cause Nick to storm out or it was going to make him snap at Kurt. Either way, Kurt tried to be ready for the reaction.

"You know nothing about me," Nick said angrily as closed the little bit of distance between himself and Kurt Hummel. "If you want to say something to me, than say it. As you can see, I have no issue with proximity whatsoever. If you want to bring Jeff into this, than have the balls to bring him in. Oh I forgot, you may be missing those." Ouch. Low blow, but Nick couldn't stop himself.

The moment Nick came close, it was over. This was happening and getting hashed out whether Nick liked it or not. Kurt leaned his cane against the counter and took the front of Nick's shirt in his hands. "You listen and you listen good. Whatever problem you have with Jeff and me, is your problem, but you want to know something? I'm the one that held him when he shattered because you left him without so much as a goodbye. I'm the one who held him and loved him and let him put himself back together. And you? You couldn't even be bothered to let him know that you were still alive. I don't even want to know your reasons because in the end they don't matter. All that matters is that you broke Jeff's heart. You were gone for years, Nick. YEARS!"

"What I have with Jeff, I'm guessing is something you're jealous of. Something you envy me for. Well get used to it because the bond Jeff and I forged isn't something that is ever going to go away. Even if he and I don't see each other for years, it will still be there. You will never have the kind of connection I have with Jeff and you don't even have the right to be mad about it because you were the one that left," Kurt nearly growled his voice barely above a whisper. Venom dripped from almost every word. He didn't raise his voice. Kurt was, however, hyper aware of the fact that Sebastian was in the shower, and this was, after all, one of the most important people in Sebastian's life, but these were things that were a long time in coming.

"But you want to know something else? The biggest kicker of them all, you showed back up on his doorstep like nothing happened, like no time had gone by. You came back into his life and you know what I did? I walked away. I loved him that much. I will always love him. Jeff will always have a special place in my heart, but I knew the truth even before you showed back up. You are his heart! You're the other piece of his heart that he needs to be whole and happy. So, I bowed out. You came back and I faded into the background to let you, even though after the way you left him you didn't deserve it," Kurt hissed and shoved Nick away from him. "So, are you still going to be pissed at me for something that was ultimately your fault? By all means, get it out of your system. I won't let you poison Jeff with it."

Nick stumbled back from being shoved by Kurt and actually fell on his butt looking up at Kurt, but God he was thankful that Kurt couldn't see the look on his face. He'd never been more thankful for anything in his life. There it was out there for the entire Universe to hear, the words that Nick Duval said to himself every morning in the mirror. It felt like Kurt had torn out his heart then proceeded to salt and burn it like he was some fucking demon. Nick was good at burying it all away though pushing for calm and peace, even as he felt Jeff slipping away from him or his own brother increasing the distance between them. Everything Kurt had said was right.

He wished to God that back then he'd been smart enough, that it had been enough to sit there and wallow in squalor, to be satisfied with working at the 7-11 in Westerville. Yes, they did still have one of those, and it was in the worst part of town imaginable, hell maybe even the worst part of Ohio imaginable, just down the street from his apartment.

Jeff had always felt a connection with Kurt Hummel. Nick couldn't begrudge him that. He couldn't begrudge him anything for that matter, but knowing that no matter what he did he'd never really compare to the untouchable. He knew there was someone, there was Kurt, but by the same token he didn't want to know because sometimes he really did feel that Jeff was with him simply out of comfort and convenience and Nick had turned into nothing more than a room at the local Hampton Inn.

"You're right Kurt," Nick said pushing himself to his feet. "Of course you are because you know everything there is to know about everyone." Nick did feel more than a little defeated by Kurt's words. He'd fought so hard, tried so hard, but in the end everything he loved would always be lost, destroyed or conquered by Kurt Hummel, perhaps even Nick Duval himself.

"I don't know everything, but whatever animosity you hold towards me you have to let go of. So, we need to hash this out and put that water under the bridge and leave it there. Jeff is probably one of my best friends, Nick. I regret how I pushed him and everyone else away after the accident, but I'd had the entire world ripped out from under me again and I didn't handle it, at all. You have your reasons for doing what you did, but they're your reasons. I don't know them and I don't know if Jeff knows them, but your actions hurt people, regardless of intention, Nick."

"I don't want things to be like this between us. I want us to be able to be friends. I know you love Jeff, and I know that Jeff loves you. All I really was in that interim was someone to be there for him and help him put himself back together in the uncertainty. I was under no illusions though. I knew that should you show back up, Jeff would return to you. He's always been yours, Nick. Always," Kurt emphasized the always hoping that Nick, who seemed to be insistent upon being obtuse at the moment, would get it.

"Backpedaling now Kurt," Nick said his voice hard. "If you have the capacity to utter such venom, than have the courage to stand by it," Nick said dusting himself off. "I did leave him," Nick admitted, "and I would make the same choice again if I had to, in just the same way. Jeff and you have a connection," Nick mimicked Kurt's high pitched voice his own words cutting. "Take your connection and shove it up your ass. You haven't the slightest clue about who people are Kurt. All you're concerned with is what is at the surface, but if anything seems just a little bit ugly, a little bit twisted you judge it immediately. God help my brother for what he's done. It won't end well for him, but I will warn you Kurt. The best people in the world are broken and tainted and have to claw from nothing. I thought you of all people would understand that," Nick said.

"I know I hurt Jeff. I know that. I know that no matter how hard I fight I will never be as good, or as perfect, or as wordlessly inspiring as you, but I have to succeed in this. I have to," Nick said passionately. "If I don't, then my entire life will have been for nothing. I don't say that dramatically or in an exaggerated manner Kurt. I say that with meaning and purpose. So, I know that you are perfect, but I'll keep my broken, little, misfit toys, if it's all the same to you. They belong on an island with me."

"You love the person that Sebastian has become," Nick said his voice filled with emotion. "You never bothered to ask why he was who he was. You just reaped the benefits of Michel's effort. You cast Sebastian aside just like you cast Blaine aside. Though his infractions were great you never bothered to ask why he was the way he was, and just now you cast me out too like a piece of trash. I don't care why you left Jeff," Nick mimicked Kurt again. "So yes, I do think that you're better than me, better than Blaine and Sebastian because you obviously think so. You sit on some Porcelain throne and judge us from on high," Nick said motioning towards Kurt even though Kurt couldn't see it.

"I loved him before he became head of the Warblers, the boy on the stairs, Kurt Hummel's boyfriend. I loved him before Michel "fixed" him," Nick said, "and no matter what you are to Jeff and what kind of Universal emotional bond is between you, his soul...that's mine." Nick said fiercely as he slammed his fit against his heart. "I'm not the one that throws things away Kurt. Did you even ask yourself why Jeff took me back? Did you ask yourself why I left in the first place? No! Because all you're concerned with is the destination, but without regard for the journey you're missing the bigger picture."

"Then by all means, Nicholas, enlighten me," Kurt said in a tone that was hard to read. He knew Nick had points, but there was so much more to both of their stories. Things that Kurt had only been able to realize since Sebastian had dragged him out of the deep dark hole he'd thrown himself into after the accident. Why did everything have to be so complicated?

Nick took a breath and a step towards Kurt then. "He took me back because he knew every little piece of me, even the pieces that I hid away from the rest of the world and he loved every single one. He knew that I had no choice," Nick said and as he spoke the words for the first time he realized he believed them. "Because he knew that, he understood that if I had to choose again I would choose the same."

"You think that everyone at Dalton was exactly the same because we wore uniforms, the great equalizer. Some of us were charity cases Kurt, tax write offs for the rich, a way to look good in the public eye. A way to keep his depressed, withdrawn, dyslexic son from killing himself," Nick scowled remembering Dr. Sterling's words about his own son. "But, I wasn't supposed to fall in love with him, so he paid me off. What would it take to stay away from my son? A Harvard Education - I blurted out. I never in my wildest dreams imagined that he would take me up on it. It was something that a boy who raised himself and had parents who were drunks and drug addicts couldn't refuse."

This was all news to Kurt and he was taken aback by it. Lily at this time had come back out from hiding underneath Sebastian's bed and sensing the emotional situation, moved back towards Nick and squeak mewed up at him. His turmoil was greater than her daddy's at the moment and Lily was a sensitive kitten. She rubbed against Nick and tried to do what she could to make some of the sad go away.

"He saw me, Kurt!" Nick said taking a step forward again. He bent down and pickled Lily up in his arms cradling her against his chest silently begging her forgiveness. Her purring told her that maybe there was hope. "He really saw me. The darkest, meanest, nastiest parts of me because they mirrored his own. While Jeff always believed the best in me, Sebastian knew better. He knew my ying as well as my yang. He made it possible for me to pay back that bastard every single cent of his money with interest. He never asked me for anything. I won't forget that – ever! But, it wasn't the man saved by an _arch_ who pulled me out of hell, no it was the boy that lurked in the shadows with me."

"It isn't just about Sebastian. I think you know that. I've watched you bewitch so many men in my life like some sort of siren and then leave them addicted to you, broken, and reaching to repair themselves. I don't want that for Sebastian," Nick said impassioned. "You have no idea what you're doing Kurt. You're way too self absorbed to have a concept of it. How has the world wronged Kurt Hummel? I know your life has been shitty. I get that, but what I don't understand is how you can drive one man to suicide, the other to mental depression, and the third to pine for you with such an obsessive need. Sebastian...Do you love him Kurt?" Nick asked point blank.

He bristles at Nick's words and he knows exactly who Nick was talking about. "David's attempted suicide had nothing to do with me. He was a closeted gay in a town filled with homophobia. I never outed him though I had every opportunity to do so. When word got out and he was subjected to the same abuse he had subjected me to at McKinley, he did not handle it well. David and I have talked about that time at length and in depth. He doesn't blame me for what happened so you have no right to," Kurt snapped.

"Blaine has battled with depression for most of his life. Though the accident may have set it off again, that is another thing that is not directly my fault. Things happen, Nick... to everyone. We are each of us beautifully broken in some way. That's what drew all of us together. What's important is that we are healing. Blaine and I have spoken and we have made our peace with each other. All we can do is move on from there."

"I highly doubt Jeff is pining for me - considering that you are his soul-mate. If he is worried for me at all it's because I haven't spoken to him since the accident happened. We both know that Jeff cares very deeply for all the people he lets in his life. Be they family or friend or his soul-mate. I regret that I've hurt him. That I was so blinded by my own pain that I hurt not just one of my friends but all of them. I had hoped to get to speak with Jeff before I had to return to Lima. I've missed all of my friends and Sebastian helped me open my eyes and get back on track. I lost myself and everyone else for a while and I intend to do what I can do fix that. Though with you it seems that may be impossible. Do you really hate me that much, Nick?"

"I don't hate you Kurt," Nick said as he stood face to face with Kurt. He reached out and took Kurt's hand in his and stretched it out so that Kurt's fingers brushed against Lily's fur. "I fear you," Nick admitted in a whisper.

All was right in Lily's world now that someone was paying her attention. "Could have fooled me," Kurt admitted. "Why do you fear me?" he inquired. He was startled when Nick took his hand, but then he felt Lily's familiar, soft fur and he couldn't help the little smile that came to his lips.

"Because no matter what I do or how hard I fight, the words you said to me initially were true. I did leave him. I did break his heart, and now I'm losing him, even if it is to the memory of you Kurt. I'm losing him to the memory of you. Could you imagine what a small human being I am if just the thoughts of you are enough to question what we have?" Nick said a deep sadness in his voice.


	48. Intermission 2

**Authors Note: **Michel's List has been on hiatus for because CeredwenFlame is in real trouble. To find how you can help click on my profile and then the link Save Michel's List to be directed to my tumblr blog. Please...We can't keep this story going without you! We appreciate the fans of Michel's List and realize we, as well as this story, would be nothing without you. Please help us finish this amazing journey with you.

**We're in Real Trouble Now, Mouse**

Kurt looked at Sebastian. "I think we need to better explain..."

"Explain which thing, precisely?" Sebastian inquired.

"Where our writers have been," Kurt commented, rolling his eyes.

"Ah…That particular thing, well…how would you like to elaborate?" Sebastian asked.

"For starters it wasn't a hiatus that they wanted to take. It is because of CeredwenFlame financial situation. I think our readers need to know that."

"Well I think if you want to give them the full story, Mouse, we should direct them to Athena's profile page on FanFiction that has a link to her Tumblr page which better explains the situation. We could discuss it at length here, but I'm not sure that we should and also I don't want us to detract too much from the story either," Sebastian pointed out.

Kurt considered this. "Darn it. You have a point. Okay. So...Dear readers if you would like to know the full reason why our story was on hiatus and more importantly how you can help us finish our story we urge you to go to Athena's FanFiction Profile and click the link – Save Michel's List to be directed to her Tumblr page. I assure you that Sebastian and I will do our best to make sure that she has the information up there to better explain this to you."

"You sound like an infomercial salesman," Sebastian scoffed.

"You know you aren't really contributing anything to this effort, Meerkat," Kurt pointed out.

"I wasn't aware I was supposed to. Besides, I kept you on target. Didn't I?" Sebastian retorted.

"Okay, so you helped a _little,_" Kurt said rolling his eyes.

"What about if you tell them that CeredwenFlame is having issues finding affordable internet and without internet there will be no more chapters and this is the last chapter they have in the archive," Sebastian said truly trying to be helpful.

"Now, who sounds like an infomercial," Kurt retorted stepping into Sebastian's open arms and pressing tightly against him resting his head on Sebastian's chest right over Bas's heart. "I'm so worried Bas," he admitted.

"I know. Maybe we can share some good news, however. Remember that the government loans can be consolidated to a pay as you earn program which is why we've dropped our original amount to about 1/8 of what we were previously asking for," Sebastian reminded Kurt.

"That's right. That's at least something," Kurt mumbled not really feeling like it was enough.

"11 People found it in their hearts to help. They don't realize how much their faith and support mean to us," Sebastian pointed out.

"Also, some of the stories that people shared…It's really been heartwarming and inspiring. Remember the review from the girlfriend who has a blind boyfriend?" Kurt reminded Sebastian.

"That did make me tear up," Sebastian acknowledged. "It was moving. All of it is moving. We have to stay positive. Some of our readers believe in us."

"It isn't that I'm not positive. I'm just being realistic. What are we going to do if CeredwenFlame doesn't have internet and can't write anymore," Kurt mumbled sadly. "They weren't on hiatus for a month by choice."

"I know Mouse," Sebastian whispered as he pressed his lips to Kurt's forehead. "All we can do is continue to ask our amazing, loyal readers for help and support."

"Can we tell them that we've now opened up Facebook accounts? They should find and friend Ceredwen Flame on Facebook. Then they can help us spread the word about us and Michel's List by posting, tweeting and blogging about it to other Kurtbastian followers and fans," Kurt reminded Sebastian. "We need to get a mass amount of people onboard helping."

"That's right," Bas nodded. "They can also find Athena1440 under Ceredwen Flame's Facebook friends. She's listed under Anya Black. Very soon the writers will start to post updates about Michel's List and In Your Dreams on their Facebook pages, as well as updates on Ceredwen Flame's situation. If readers would like to be a part of those updates please find the writers and follow or friend them on Facebook."

"What happens now Meerkat?" Kurt asked Sebastian uncertainly.

"Now, we wait and hope. All we can do is keep the faith that our story, Michel's story, is powerful enough to continue to be told," Sebastian said holding Kurt and his breath at the same time.


	49. Good Night and Good Luck

**Athena's Note:**

Michel's List is on hiatus.

We just wanted to formally thank all of you guys for the success this story has achieved over the past 9 months. We couldn't have done it without you. We would give anything to be able to continue to write and finish this story, but unfortunately CeredwenFlame is in real financial trouble. She has to think about eating and paying her bills on time and trying to find a better paying job without her genius there is no Sebastian and, at least for the time being, no Michel's List.

The link to Help Save Michel's List is still on my profile pages. I will keep it up and keep hoping that people will help us come back and finish this story.

Thank you so much for being such amazing fans. We've loved every single minute of it. You've meant so much to us. Thank you for sharing in this journey with us.

- Athena1440 and CeredwenFlame


End file.
